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  • FIRST POST
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    • 5,105Posts
    • 21,576Thanks
    Waves and Smiles
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3
    • #1
    • 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3 17th Mar 16 at 5:23 PM
    This thread is a continuation of The Mental Health thread “Here we can all be heard for a little while Part 2”. The previous thread can be found here-

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5320917&page=501

    I started the original thread when I was lonely and suffering with mental health issues and was lucky to find a wonderful group of amazing new friends who now mean the world to me. My name was Worried and Scared back then but with the help of everyone here I became Waves and Smiles. This thread is no longer just about me, it is about all of us and for anyone who needs mental health support, their carers and anyone who is interested in learning more. Sometimes we speak seriously, sometimes we offer gentle advice and a lot of the time we laugh together. Sometimes I write mini-novels about my experiences of living with complex mental illness. What is important is everyone here is there for each other. New posters are welcome to join in, or just lurk (we call them humming birds because they hover!) if they would prefer. This is a place without judgement or pressure, and a safe place for everyone. We try to keep abbreviations to a minimum but if there are some that you do not understand please ask.

    Sir Pugliet is our Good Mental Health pug! You may notice that he is mentioned from time to time, he is a little cuddly pug toy that was sent to me by a friend on the thread. He is something of a celebrity now!


    Hugs and warm handshakes, or finger squishes, whichever you prefer.

    Also, please take a look at the following links which offer great advice written by the lovely people at MSE!

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/family/2016/03/martin-lewis-launches-new-money--mental-health-policy-institute

    http://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2016/05/16/the-money-and-mental-health-policy-institute-whatll-it-really-do

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide
    Last edited by Waves and Smiles; 17-05-2016 at 10:29 AM.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
Page 470
    • xXMessedUpXx
    • By xXMessedUpXx 29th Sep 17, 12:12 AM
    • 17,056 Posts
    • 44,852 Thanks
    xXMessedUpXx
    When i was in school they did a trip to france in year 7, my parents let me go but it cost about the same and because they sent me they also out og fairness had yo stump up the cost for my 3 siblings to go when it was their turn! There were actuallly many more trips abroad with school, but i knew we couldn't afford them so it never bothered me that i couldnt go. Id say if the funds stretch let her have the experience but not if its going to put you in financial difficulties. Having had that one trip to france i was never bothered about going on the other trips.
    "Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up"
    To see the rainbow you need both the sun and the rain to make its colours appear
    weight lost: 1lbs
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 29th Sep 17, 11:56 AM
    • 11,532 Posts
    • 48,289 Thanks
    whitewing
    I had a health check up today. I am pleased to report that I am still alive, although it doesn't always feel like it.

    A few things to work on still like weight. Being referred.

    Very low risk of heart attack or stroke in the next 10 years so that was a bright spot in the morning.
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 1st Oct 17, 2:53 PM
    • 11,532 Posts
    • 48,289 Thanks
    whitewing
    Good afternoon. A paperworky afternoon. Liitlewing is having an art and craft afternoon, it would seem. We're tired today.

    Hope you are all snug and warm and having a pleasant time.
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • elsien
    • By elsien 1st Oct 17, 3:00 PM
    • 15,442 Posts
    • 38,781 Thanks
    elsien
    I'm wondering why my weekends keep getting shorter while my to do list gets longer. It's not like I've got much of a social life taking up all my time. And Gitdog is annoying me because he's got clingy so I'm tripping over him every time I turn round.
    I really need to work part time.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • 74jax
    • By 74jax 1st Oct 17, 10:34 PM
    • 4,536 Posts
    • 6,116 Thanks
    74jax
    Hugs to everyone. I'm new to this thread but going to have a read through properly.
    I'm in a strange place, don't know if I need hugs, a drink or a shake!
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 1st Oct 17, 10:52 PM
    • 3,634 Posts
    • 8,000 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    Welcome 74jax.

    Elsien, I suffer from shrinking weekend syndrome as well, although I did achieve a reasonable amount over this one. Mostly taking hedge cuttings to the composting centre, think I managed to get rid of about 3/4 of the massive pile around the back of my house that's been there since I cut next door's hedge right back to the boundary (and some more) so I could build a fence on my side. Because I was fed up with the hedge taking over my garden!
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 2nd Oct 17, 12:07 AM
    • 11,532 Posts
    • 48,289 Thanks
    whitewing
    Hi Aj, hope you like our thread.

    Ono, what scifi books or authors do you like reading? I want to get some for a scifi fan for xmas, but don't really like it myself as a genre although I have enjoyed some films when I have been outvoted. Any DVD recommendations too would be gratefully received. I don't think the person will have too much already.
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 2nd Oct 17, 8:12 AM
    • 3,634 Posts
    • 8,000 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    On DVD:

    Firefly (TV series, only one season) and Serenity (film) which acted as a continuation.
    Battlestar Galactica (TV series) - the remake from a few years ago, not the 1970s version
    Babylon 5 (TV series)

    With the last two you could get the first season and if they liked it they could buy the rest for themselves. Babylon 5 is an epic story, more like a novel played out over multiple seasons of a TV series.

    Book:
    Excession by Iain M. Banks. Best sci fi novel I've read in the last 20 years.
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 2nd Oct 17, 9:13 AM
    • 1,465 Posts
    • 4,205 Thanks
    Izadora
    Firefly (TV series, only one season) and Serenity (film) which acted as a continuation.
    Originally posted by onomatopoeia99
    There are too many series I love to pick an absolute favourite but that's definitely a contender if I had to.

    Welcome 74jax, you can have all three. I'd probably recommend the shake before the drink though, it could make you feel rather ucky otherwise

    Elsien, weekends definitely seem to go far too quickly. Even though we weren't out this weekend I still seem to have failed to do anything on my ridiculously long to-do list. I think we're going to end up not even being able to get out into the garden if we don't tackle it soon!!
    • last mile
    • By last mile 2nd Oct 17, 10:42 AM
    • 11 Posts
    • 31 Thanks
    last mile
    HI All,
    Its been a long weekend and I'm still extremely tired.
    His breakdowns aren't instantaneous in that they happen as soon as he arrives home.
    They could be hours after or even on a Sunday out of the blue.
    His anger control is waning and so he gets angry about the smallest of this.
    like yesterday when the drawer of his tool box (on which the lock has been broke for quite a while) opened and slipped when he moved it, running right down his shin.
    Now i know this would have been sore but he started throwing the box about, shouting and kicking it.
    He is just getting angrier and angrier, at this point I must say he has never hit me and I hope he never will but his moods are getting worse and I start to fear sometimes that he wont be able to stop it.

    But enough about me, I'm still here exactly where i started and i will continue to go on.

    whitewing, i only ever went on 1 school trip (to London for 4 days) it was great fun and i did enjoy it, but do i remember it now, No! i remember the holidays with my families more. (I'm 29 btw)

    On the scifi books i like the dark towers books by stephen king but i would ask what age your aiming at before recommending them.
    So glad your checkup went ok!

    shrinking weekend syndrome LOL love it..... I spend most of mine wishing time would go faster.
    • Gingernutty
    • By Gingernutty 2nd Oct 17, 9:23 PM
    • 3,467 Posts
    • 10,440 Thanks
    Gingernutty
    And he's emotionally abusive too.

    Please leave. Hoping your husband doesn't hit you is no way to live through married life.
    Don't know what I'm doing, but doing it anyway...
    • jobbingmusician
    • By jobbingmusician 2nd Oct 17, 9:44 PM
    • 18,833 Posts
    • 19,146 Thanks
    jobbingmusician
    It's the last sentence which bothers me. Wishing your weekends would go faster - presumably so he will go back to work? If so, yes, maybe it is time to leave (or at least do some solid preparatory work so that you have somewhere to go, and a suitcase packed, for any time you decide to walk).
    I'm the Board Guide on the Matched Betting; Referrers and Jobseeking & Training boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge posts there. Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

    The good folk of the matched betting board are now (I hope!) supporting Macmillan, in memory of Fifigrace. Visit
    https://www.gofundme.com/running-the-leeds-10k-for-macmillan
    • Alias_Omega
    • By Alias_Omega 2nd Oct 17, 10:27 PM
    • 7,196 Posts
    • 3,905 Thanks
    Alias_Omega
    Hi all,

    Whoa..! What an emotional yo-yo rollercoaster of a week, i should really start to keep a diary or start to score my days ~ maybe some advice on how do this secure/secret or how people are actually currently doing it.

    The best bit is when i tell myself "oh you've not thought about that today", then i spend the rest of the day thinking about it...

    I can chat about "Mental Health" issues on here, and with the OH, however in work and with my boss is a no-go area currently. I really do think this has started in work (2 years ago), has now spread and affected my home-life.
    Last edited by Alias_Omega; 02-10-2017 at 10:31 PM.
    • jobbingmusician
    • By jobbingmusician 2nd Oct 17, 11:18 PM
    • 18,833 Posts
    • 19,146 Thanks
    jobbingmusician
    Hugs, AO. And do chat as much as you want on here! x
    I'm the Board Guide on the Matched Betting; Referrers and Jobseeking & Training boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge posts there. Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

    The good folk of the matched betting board are now (I hope!) supporting Macmillan, in memory of Fifigrace. Visit
    https://www.gofundme.com/running-the-leeds-10k-for-macmillan
    • last mile
    • By last mile 3rd Oct 17, 11:03 AM
    • 11 Posts
    • 31 Thanks
    last mile
    I really don't think he ever would hit me, he just gets angry really easily.
    The truth of the matter is if we did separate he would be the one that would need to leave.
    He couldn't afford to stay as he works for my brother and that would most likely end so no money coming in would mean unable to sustain this life.
    I do wish it away in that i would rather he was busy than sitting still having time to think.
    But the simplest of tasks results in a rage as seen with the tool box.
    I wouldn't have anywhere to go as my parents house is full and growing ( my brother, his GF and soon to be 2 children live there).
    My friends all live too far away and so it would be a holiday for a few if needed.
    As long as i have my handbag and my dog i'm sorted.

    Alias_Omega maybe ill steal your idea and start a diary this will let me look back about the week(s)/ month(s) and determine what my life is truly made up of.
    I have developed the ability to say "oh i haven't thought about it..... i just wont - look at that lovely tree" distraction works for me and hence why i look forward to my work.
    • Lambyr
    • By Lambyr 3rd Oct 17, 11:28 AM
    • 366 Posts
    • 1,653 Thanks
    Lambyr
    Hi all,

    Whoa..! What an emotional yo-yo rollercoaster of a week, i should really start to keep a diary or start to score my days ~ maybe some advice on how do this secure/secret or how people are actually currently doing it.

    The best bit is when i tell myself "oh you've not thought about that today", then i spend the rest of the day thinking about it...

    I can chat about "Mental Health" issues on here, and with the OH, however in work and with my boss is a no-go area currently. I really do think this has started in work (2 years ago), has now spread and affected my home-life.
    Originally posted by Alias_Omega
    You could use Evernote, possibly? If it's jotting a few things, then the free version should suffice. The mobile app is passcode or fingerprint protected.

    Half my life is in Evernote, now. Ideas for blog posts, reminders, web pages I've grabbed for later, general notes, etc.

    Whether the mobile app is any help does kinda depend on how frustrating you find it to type on a phone or tablet mind.
    She would always like to say,
    Why change the past when you can own this day?
    • Lambyr
    • By Lambyr 3rd Oct 17, 11:33 AM
    • 366 Posts
    • 1,653 Thanks
    Lambyr
    On DVD:

    Battlestar Galactica (TV series) - the remake from a few years ago, not the 1970s version
    Originally posted by onomatopoeia99
    I'll happily second this. Series starts a bit slow, really gets going midway through Season 1. Is brilliant up until and throughout Season 3. Season 4 is a bit hit and miss and the conclusion is a bit naff, but the penultimate episode is one of the strongest of the whole series, in my opinion, of course.

    Novel wise, I'd recommend The Stars are Legion by Kameron Hurley. Don't read much at the moment, but I thought that one was very good.
    Last edited by Lambyr; 03-10-2017 at 11:35 AM.
    She would always like to say,
    Why change the past when you can own this day?
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 5th Oct 17, 11:01 AM
    • 11,532 Posts
    • 48,289 Thanks
    whitewing
    Thank you all for the sci-fi suggestions. I will get a list together at the weekend.

    Got lots to do today so I hope I don't get too many interruptions. MIL has given me some health-boosting oils and some bit and pieces to add to Christmas stuff.

    DH told me off yesterday for spending on littlewing's presents. Then he was informed that most came from the charity shops (new though) and were very good value. He is not one to actually say 'sorry' though!

    Next week I have my £5 Asda flu jab. I will give Asda some free publicity for that as I think a £5 flu jab is excellent value. That's a bargain £5 flu jab for anyone who can't get it done for free. We had it done there last year and the lady was so good.
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 5th Oct 17, 12:37 PM
    • 31,173 Posts
    • 114,911 Thanks
    Pyxis
    It's the last sentence which bothers me. Wishing your weekends would go faster - presumably so he will go back to work? If so, yes, maybe it is time to leave (or at least do some solid preparatory work so that you have somewhere to go, and a suitcase packed, for any time you decide to walk).
    Originally posted by jobbingmusician
    I agree.

    Dreading someone coming through the door is no basis for a relationship.

    I do appreciate your concerns re. his job, income and lack of home for him if you end it.

    Being just a little proactive might help a lot, though, e.g. as JM says, pack a suitcase for 'end of tether' times.
    Get other affairs in order...... paperwork, etc.,
    Have a 'just in case' plan.

    Also, could you test the water with your brother, re the OH's job, in confidence?

    And finally, is there any way at all you could talk to OH about his anger issues? There has to be something behind it.

    Maybe he feels he wants out too, and can't tell you?
    Or maybe he feels he wants out, but realises that he may then lose his job and his home and can't see a way out?

    So you might both be tiptoeing around each other when you both actually want the same thing!

    Dunno. Just some thoughts.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom
    Founder Member: WIMPS ANONYMOUS
    • jobbingmusician
    • By jobbingmusician 5th Oct 17, 12:59 PM
    • 18,833 Posts
    • 19,146 Thanks
    jobbingmusician
    And very excellent thoughts they are too. Maybe a strapline for these threads might be 'the wise women threads' (sorry ono - there is male wisdom as well ) because of all the support we give each other?

    (And a big hug goes out to that wisest of all, WaS, if she is reading xxx)
    I'm the Board Guide on the Matched Betting; Referrers and Jobseeking & Training boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge posts there. Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

    The good folk of the matched betting board are now (I hope!) supporting Macmillan, in memory of Fifigrace. Visit
    https://www.gofundme.com/running-the-leeds-10k-for-macmillan
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