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  • FIRST POST
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    • 5,098Posts
    • 21,505Thanks
    Waves and Smiles
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3
    • #1
    • 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3 17th Mar 16 at 5:23 PM
    This thread is a continuation of The Mental Health thread “Here we can all be heard for a little while Part 2”. The previous thread can be found here-

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5320917&page=501

    I started the original thread when I was lonely and suffering with mental health issues and was lucky to find a wonderful group of amazing new friends who now mean the world to me. My name was Worried and Scared back then but with the help of everyone here I became Waves and Smiles. This thread is no longer just about me, it is about all of us and for anyone who needs mental health support, their carers and anyone who is interested in learning more. Sometimes we speak seriously, sometimes we offer gentle advice and a lot of the time we laugh together. Sometimes I write mini-novels about my experiences of living with complex mental illness. What is important is everyone here is there for each other. New posters are welcome to join in, or just lurk (we call them humming birds because they hover!) if they would prefer. This is a place without judgement or pressure, and a safe place for everyone. We try to keep abbreviations to a minimum but if there are some that you do not understand please ask.

    Sir Pugliet is our Good Mental Health pug! You may notice that he is mentioned from time to time, he is a little cuddly pug toy that was sent to me by a friend on the thread. He is something of a celebrity now!


    Hugs and warm handshakes, or finger squishes, whichever you prefer.

    Also, please take a look at the following links which offer great advice written by the lovely people at MSE!

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/family/2016/03/martin-lewis-launches-new-money--mental-health-policy-institute

    http://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2016/05/16/the-money-and-mental-health-policy-institute-whatll-it-really-do

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide
    Last edited by Waves and Smiles; 17-05-2016 at 10:29 AM.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
Page 439
    • Penitent
    • By Penitent 18th Apr 17, 11:42 AM
    • 655 Posts
    • 1,758 Thanks
    Penitent
    You can add another one to the junk food addiction gang. I'm pretty bad at the moment as there's too much going on. I've never understood how I managed to give up tea (which I love), but can't give up chocolate (which I don't really enjoy, I just crave it). Hopefully when things settle I can have another go at weaning myself off it.

    I finally got a decent night's sleep, but I'm still ridiculously spacey. I just don't feel like I'm here. I hate this feeling.

    I'm having a phone call morning and I'm losing the plot. I had to call the internet folk first about my dodgy loading speed and had to pretend to be my mum as it's in her name. Called the ESA folk after and accidentally said my mum's name instead of my own.

    I'm now waiting for a call back from the mental health folk about a letter/report I requested 6 or 7 months back for the ESA folk (on the plus side, it's taking so long to assess me, the delay in getting the letter isn't the end of the world). Unfortunately, the med secs never seem to call me back, so I could be waiting all day and not get a call. The letter's costing me £150, so I really want to make a fuss about the delay, but I don't want to risk annoying the psychiatrist.

    I really want to get back into my cocoon. It's too damn bright today.
    • Lambyr
    • By Lambyr 18th Apr 17, 12:07 PM
    • 504 Posts
    • 1,456 Thanks
    Lambyr
    PENGUIN for Code

    For what it's worth, when my dad passed it still came as a shock. He'd been diagnosed terminal months before he went but it still didn't seem real until it finally happened. I just wanted to lock myself in my room for a year and mourn but I couldn't... it hit mum hard, she didn't wanna talk to anyone so that left me having to deal with all the phone calls and visits and having to be strong even though I wasn't.

    It's a tough thing to deal with... I wish you all the best. And don't worry about always donning the big girl pants. You have to make time for yourself.


    END PENGUIN
    She would always like to say,
    Why change the past when you can own this day?
    • Lambyr
    • By Lambyr 18th Apr 17, 12:26 PM
    • 504 Posts
    • 1,456 Thanks
    Lambyr
    This is very nosy of me, but I'd love to hear how the wedding plans are going lambyr (if you fancied sharing anything!) I do love a good wedding
    Originally posted by tea lover
    Ooooh, yeah, do share!!

    There are so many questions - Is it going to be traditional, will there be loads of guests or just you two, have you booked anywhere yet and so, so many other things!!

    As much as I love the way IzHe and I are getting married there's not really been all that much in the way of wedding plans. A few emails to the hotel in Cuba and we were all sorted
    Originally posted by Izadora
    We're planning it for mid-October next year. My birthday is early October and hers is late October, so she suggested we pop it in the middle. Personally, I think this is some vain attempt to get me to remember the actual date her birthday falls on as I'm pretty rubbish with dates. But there's a sort of practical purpose in that rather than get each other big gifts for our birthdays, we can get small gifts and then have a larger, shared gift for our anniversary.

    Only going to be a small thing; registry office, few friends... obviously, none of my family bar my mum. I shall be finding a nice white evening dress to use as a wedding dress. E is probably going to turn up with fifteen dresses and keep popping out to change outfits between sentences during vows.

    We've decided to keep the actual wedding relatively cheap so we can spend more on a honeymoon. We're considering San Diego as one of our mutual friends from school lives in San Diego (I went over for a couple of weeks years ago) and she wouldn't be able to make our wedding but we could go see her and catch up. Also, it's ranked one of the most LGBT-friendly cities in the US, so shouldn't have too much having nights out while there. Their gay district has restaurants, so that'd be cool.

    And weather-wise San Diego is quite good in October. Hardly rains and average low temp is still 16 degrees centigrade.
    She would always like to say,
    Why change the past when you can own this day?
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 18th Apr 17, 12:57 PM
    • 1,221 Posts
    • 3,425 Thanks
    Izadora
    We're planning it for mid-October next year. My birthday is early October and hers is late October, so she suggested we pop it in the middle. Personally, I think this is some vain attempt to get me to remember the actual date her birthday falls on as I'm pretty rubbish with dates.
    Originally posted by Lambyr
    It also means you'll hopefully remember the date of your anniversary

    IzHe and I picked our date for similar reasons, he's hopeless at remembering dates and first of all suggested getting married on his birthday but I didn't like the idea of having a day which should be all about him as our anniversary so we went for the day before instead. Him agreeing to that wasn't in any way swayed by me pointing out that our hotel offers breakfast in bed the day after your wedding
    • Lambyr
    • By Lambyr 18th Apr 17, 1:04 PM
    • 504 Posts
    • 1,456 Thanks
    Lambyr
    It also means you'll hopefully remember the date of your anniversary

    IzHe and I picked our date for similar reasons, he's hopeless at remembering dates and first of all suggested getting married on his birthday but I didn't like the idea of having a day which should be all about him as our anniversary so we went for the day before instead. Him agreeing to that wasn't in any way swayed by me pointing out that our hotel offers breakfast in bed the day after your wedding
    Originally posted by Izadora
    I think it will be a case of she will remember it, and she'll remind me!

    Must remember to add breakfast in bed as a necessity when we come to picking a hotel.
    She would always like to say,
    Why change the past when you can own this day?
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 18th Apr 17, 1:46 PM
    • 7,994 Posts
    • 35,615 Thanks
    tea lover
    They both sound so lovely
    • Penitent
    • By Penitent 18th Apr 17, 3:08 PM
    • 655 Posts
    • 1,758 Thanks
    Penitent
    Still no return phone call, so I gave in and called again about an hour ago. Still not answering her phone. Left another message to call me back.

    It makes me crazy because I always prioritised returning patient calls because I didn't want folk sitting around worrying. Sometimes that was just a call to say they I'd received their message and it would take me x amount of time to sort it, but at least they knew they weren't being ignored. I would have thought that that would be even more of a concern when you're dealing with mentally ill folk, but they never return calls. It's not like I'm harrassing them by calling every 2 months for an update, but they're making me feel like I am.
    • heartbreak_star
    • By heartbreak_star 19th Apr 17, 8:18 AM
    • 7,379 Posts
    • 16,175 Thanks
    heartbreak_star
    I missed my morning gym session today and I feel so guilty

    HBS x
    I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 19th Apr 17, 10:57 AM
    • 7,994 Posts
    • 35,615 Thanks
    tea lover
    (((hbs))) you're allowed a day off! Try not to beat yourself up x.

    Thinking of you code xx.

    Have just finalised holiday allowance etc.... I leave work two weeks today..... scary stuff!
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 19th Apr 17, 11:23 AM
    • 2,818 Posts
    • 6,151 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    Have just finalised holiday allowance etc.... I leave work two weeks today..... scary stuff!
    Originally posted by tea lover
    Change is scary, but it's also a new opportunity and has to be better than where you are now.

    And on a completely unrelated subject, have you been watching the snooker? I saw a fair bit at the weekend apart from Sunday as I was at Silverstone all day in the bitingly cold wind to watch a six hour motor race. I still ache all over
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 19th Apr 17, 11:37 AM
    • 7,994 Posts
    • 35,615 Thanks
    tea lover
    It really was cold at the weekend wasn't it?! Bit of a change from the week before. Some friends of mine were working at Silverstone and I was pretty glad I wasn't with them this time! Am really enjoying the snooker (just sorry I'm not going this time).... just been having a sneaky look at this morning's results
    Last edited by tea lover; 19-04-2017 at 11:40 AM.
    • Penitent
    • By Penitent 19th Apr 17, 3:11 PM
    • 655 Posts
    • 1,758 Thanks
    Penitent
    She still hasn't called me back. I can't call again or I'm going to start panicking about being annoying. Looks like I'll have to check again in another two months.

    On the plus side, I did get another decent (by my standards) night's sleep. A couple more and I might feel like a human being again instead of an alien looking out through my person suit.
    • faerielight
    • By faerielight 19th Apr 17, 4:24 PM
    • 1,573 Posts
    • 2,935 Thanks
    faerielight
    messed.. penguin about drinking

    I think the 1st step is acknowledging you have a problem with drinking, and you're there so that's good, 2nd is wanting to change it, and you're there too. As others have said, swapping something is a good idea, maybe low alcohol drink or alcohol free. My friend who I mentioned swapped it for lemongrass and ginger cordial as it has a kick, he found that really helped. I too used to have a big binge drinking problem from the age of 14. I had no "off" button, and gave myself alcohol poisoning all the time. I also mixed prescription meds with it, but because it loosens inhibitions, if I look back, all the suicide attempts I ever made, bar one, was while I was drunk. That's what stopped me drinking in the end, knowing that I couldn't tackle my risky self harm behaviour without tackling the drinking. I haven't drunk for about 8 years now, I still get the urge. When I got the call that my mum had died I automatically went to the off licence to get booze and tobacco, (I did get baccie though) but on the way, I managed to rationalise that when my dad died, I was off my head on drink and drugs and it didn't help at all so I realised that adding alcohol back into the mix now would not help the situation and only make it worse. Plus, I never moved through the grief when he died and I want to move through it this time and it not get stuck.

    I think those are the kinds of awareness that come after a period of abstaining, knowing that if the reason you were drinking was to try and block things out, or self medicate, the reality is that being sober and going through tough times is a hell of a lot easier than with alcohol!

    You'll get there, you don't have to tell anyone professional about it if you choose not to, you could always go to AA, which is not affiliated with the NHS or even do online meetings.. there are other options available.. It is really good that you are talking openly with us about it, it's a good sign that you're ready to face this.
    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE
    • codemonkey
    • By codemonkey 20th Apr 17, 10:06 PM
    • 6,513 Posts
    • 23,329 Thanks
    codemonkey
    Death penguin
    Spoiler (highlight below to view):
    My dad died yesterday. It took almost a week for him to go following the first call and being told they couldn't help him. The whole process was hard, we barely slept, ate from the hospital canteen, everyone got grumpy and that was without the interference from a family member who tried to go against his wishes and involve religion. It brought up a lot of issues from my past as he didn't really acknowledge my presence but constantly looked for my sort of sister, and he even winked at her (you guys will remember that I've talked about his very obvious preference for her and the effect on my self-esteem).

    When he died, I was stuck in traffic. I missed him by about 15 minutes. I feel numb and distraught all at the same time. It kills me to know that I'll never see him again and I'll never get another hug from him or even talk to him again.

    I am heartbroken.

    Eu não sou uma tartaruga. Eu sou um codigopombo.
    • jobbingmusician
    • By jobbingmusician 20th Apr 17, 10:19 PM
    • 18,327 Posts
    • 18,499 Thanks
    jobbingmusician
    Code, enormous hugs. The rest is penguined.

    You have memories of him and some happy times, and whether or not you believe in any sort of perseverance of the soul, or spirit, you may be able to console yourself with the thought that now he understands that you didn't feel as loved as your sort of sister. His essence has now passed, but it's still around in your memories and love - treasure the good bits.

    Sometimes it helps to do the empty chair technique and speak to your dad (the departed person) and tell them what you are feeling. When I have lost people I have also found the funeral very helpful. (And I'm not religious, it just seemed to release something in me.) I do hope time will work its magic and the family won't be too objectionable. xxxxx
    I'm the Board Guide on the Matched Betting; Referrers and Jobseeking & Training boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge posts there. Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

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    • elsien
    • By elsien 20th Apr 17, 10:22 PM
    • 14,387 Posts
    • 35,530 Thanks
    elsien
    So so sorry Code, it must be really hard for you. Take care of yourself as best you can.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • Lambyr
    • By Lambyr 20th Apr 17, 10:40 PM
    • 504 Posts
    • 1,456 Thanks
    Lambyr
    Sorry code, my thoughts are with you.
    She would always like to say,
    Why change the past when you can own this day?
    • faerielight
    • By faerielight 20th Apr 17, 11:42 PM
    • 1,573 Posts
    • 2,935 Thanks
    faerielight
    Oh code.. I am deeply sorry for your loss, you must be in such shock, my heart goes out to you.

    Penguin about health

    I've not had good news today, the endocrine nurse rang me today and said the test results are back and it is Addison's disease.She said i had not responded at all to the steroids, and that I may need to go inpatient. I'm so angry that it took 6 years of fighting the NHS to be believed that I have been seriously ill since the sepsis and have been written off as my BPD by multiple medics. If it wasn't for the rheumatologist, I dread to think what would have happened.. they clearly haven't learnt their lessons after the original negligence that almost killed me, and again, things have to get life threatening to be believed. I feel utterly overwhelmed that I have another serious illness to add to the mix.. when you have so many illnesses, it's hard to know what is what . I have to get a medic bracelet, and injectable kit and be on steroids for life. I think I'm under so much stress and emotion with the mother/Anna combo, the steroids are being eaten up by the stress,I so wish I could get a handle on the stress and anxiety, but now I have one more major thing to worry about. I am dreading the mri results as I now have 3 autoimmune diseases sothe chances of inflammatory arthritis. I feel so overwhelmed with everything I think I remember that Waves,you have Addisons.. am I right?
    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE
    • xXMessedUpXx
    • By xXMessedUpXx 20th Apr 17, 11:47 PM
    • 16,878 Posts
    • 44,304 Thanks
    xXMessedUpXx
    I'm so sorry code sending hugs and warm handshakes *hugs tightly*
    "Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up"
    To see the rainbow you need both the sun and the rain to make its colours appear
    weight lost: 0lbs
    • heartbreak_star
    • By heartbreak_star 21st Apr 17, 6:28 AM
    • 7,379 Posts
    • 16,175 Thanks
    heartbreak_star
    All the love I can give, Code. I am so desperately sorry.

    HBS x
    I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.
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