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  • FIRST POST
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    • 5,101Posts
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    Waves and Smiles
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3
    • #1
    • 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3 17th Mar 16 at 5:23 PM
    This thread is a continuation of The Mental Health thread “Here we can all be heard for a little while Part 2”. The previous thread can be found here-

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5320917&page=501

    I started the original thread when I was lonely and suffering with mental health issues and was lucky to find a wonderful group of amazing new friends who now mean the world to me. My name was Worried and Scared back then but with the help of everyone here I became Waves and Smiles. This thread is no longer just about me, it is about all of us and for anyone who needs mental health support, their carers and anyone who is interested in learning more. Sometimes we speak seriously, sometimes we offer gentle advice and a lot of the time we laugh together. Sometimes I write mini-novels about my experiences of living with complex mental illness. What is important is everyone here is there for each other. New posters are welcome to join in, or just lurk (we call them humming birds because they hover!) if they would prefer. This is a place without judgement or pressure, and a safe place for everyone. We try to keep abbreviations to a minimum but if there are some that you do not understand please ask.

    Sir Pugliet is our Good Mental Health pug! You may notice that he is mentioned from time to time, he is a little cuddly pug toy that was sent to me by a friend on the thread. He is something of a celebrity now!


    Hugs and warm handshakes, or finger squishes, whichever you prefer.

    Also, please take a look at the following links which offer great advice written by the lovely people at MSE!

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/family/2016/03/martin-lewis-launches-new-money--mental-health-policy-institute

    http://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2016/05/16/the-money-and-mental-health-policy-institute-whatll-it-really-do

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide
    Last edited by Waves and Smiles; 17-05-2016 at 10:29 AM.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
Page 425
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 6th Apr 17, 12:54 PM
    • 1,273 Posts
    • 3,616 Thanks
    Izadora
    Izadora - It's made worse by the fact that one of the house guests doesn't like me very much (hasn't for many years), so I always feel like I'm trying to make them like me even though I'll never be able to. I try not to think about it as it makes me upset, but you can't not think about it when they're in your house.
    Originally posted by Penitent
    I know that it's much easier said than done but I always try to remember that not everyone is going to like me and if someone does dislike me then, as long as we can be vaguely civil, that's their problem not mine.
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 6th Apr 17, 1:18 PM
    • 3,020 Posts
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    onomatopoeia99
    Hugs to all that need them, it appears there are several at the moment.

    code, best wishes to your dad and don't forget to look after yourself. I know from experience it's easier advice to give than to take, but it bears repeating.

    What happened to my mum seems to have been down to a water infection combined with migraine like symptoms, according to the GP now the test results are back. It was a distressing experience for both my parents, the way my dad described what happened when it started (mum can't remember) is exactly like what my friend with BPD describes when she dissociates, suddenly having no idea where she is or why she's there and being totally confused.

    On the plus side, taking time off sick meant I got to finish watching the many, many episodes of Buffy I recorded at the weekend.
    Originally posted by Izadora
    I have them all on DVD and am doing a 20th anniversary re-watch of the whole lot from beginning to end. Syfy were running a "top 20 episodes as voted by viewers" event at the weekend, but I was working outside, so didn't see any of them
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 6th Apr 17, 2:15 PM
    • 8,605 Posts
    • 15,359 Thanks
    calleyw
    What happened to my mum seems to have been down to a water infection combined with migraine like symptoms, according to the GP now the test results are back. .....
    Originally posted by onomatopoeia99
    Ono, So glad that it was something like that. Hope you mum is well on the way to recover.

    Hugs and squishes and handshakes to all that need them. And that seem like a few at the moment.

    Well I will be having new windows in late june!!!! finance has been agreed over 10 years. yeah what ever LOL!!!!!We will pay that off a lot quicker than that. Not sure if was cheapest and it was first quote but we liked the product. And the living window is huge as well. The bloke almost forgot to take the £100 deposit as well LOL!!! I had to remind him.

    So once that is done then we can get on and finish decorating the rest of the house.

    Well dying my hair went badly I am now orangey colour with dark underneath I knew that would happen. I have have some other hair dyes that a blonde but darker blonde. So will try one of those either tonight or tomorrow morning.

    Think I may go out for a walk and take the doggy with me.

    Everyone take care

    Yours

    Calley X
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 6th Apr 17, 2:28 PM
    • 1,273 Posts
    • 3,616 Thanks
    Izadora
    I have them all on DVD and am doing a 20th anniversary re-watch of the whole lot from beginning to end. Syfy were running a "top 20 episodes as voted by viewers" event at the weekend, but I was working outside, so didn't see any of them
    Originally posted by onomatopoeia99
    I've got them all on DVD but one of my cousins has borrowed them so I'm re-watching them all on Syfy at the moment

    I'd set the top 20 to record but, annoyingly, Syfy hadn't take into account the fact that Graduation and Becoming are both 2 parts so the series link missed the top 2. They weren't exactly a surprise though and I've seen both of them so many times that I could pretty much recite the scripts (well, one of them doesn't have all that much dialogue...)

    Well dying my hair went badly I am now orangey colour with dark underneath I knew that would happen. I have have some other hair dyes that a blonde but darker blonde. So will try one of those either tonight or tomorrow morning.
    Originally posted by calleyw
    Yay for getting new windows and if it makes you feel any better my hair's quite orange at the moment too. I dyed it red a couple of weeks ago and it's at that stage of fading out where it's a bit of an odd colour but I can't be bothered to dye it back to brown to get rid of it faster.
    • Penitent
    • By Penitent 6th Apr 17, 2:54 PM
    • 1,109 Posts
    • 3,017 Thanks
    Penitent
    I really need to rewatch Buffy, but there's so much new (or, at least, new to me) stuff on Netflix, I'm not rewatching anything at the mo. Plus my DVDs are boxed away while the house is being decorated.
    • faerielight
    • By faerielight 6th Apr 17, 3:26 PM
    • 1,604 Posts
    • 2,978 Thanks
    faerielight
    hi guys, it's my mother's funeral tomorrow, I'm dreading it, but I will get through it, dreading the interactions with the family, and hoping I don't disassociate and go into my wounded child, I'm going to try and stay in my adult, I can fall appart once it's over
    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 6th Apr 17, 3:33 PM
    • 7,997 Posts
    • 35,686 Thanks
    tea lover
    We'll all be thinking of you faerie. There'll be an extra special comfy corner waiting for you in the fort xx.
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 6th Apr 17, 3:53 PM
    • 1,273 Posts
    • 3,616 Thanks
    Izadora
    Good luck for tomorrow Faerie.
    • Penitent
    • By Penitent 6th Apr 17, 4:06 PM
    • 1,109 Posts
    • 3,017 Thanks
    Penitent
    I know I don't know you, faerielight, but best wishes for tomorrow.
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 6th Apr 17, 4:43 PM
    • 11,496 Posts
    • 48,136 Thanks
    whitewing
    faerie,

    I hope it all goes smoothly at the funeral and that it brings you some kind of peace or acceptance or whatever you need to cope.
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • mellymoo74
    • By mellymoo74 7th Apr 17, 3:20 AM
    • 5,632 Posts
    • 12,882 Thanks
    mellymoo74
    Avoid the news people
    • faerielight
    • By faerielight 7th Apr 17, 5:17 AM
    • 1,604 Posts
    • 2,978 Thanks
    faerielight
    aww thanks so much everyone, it means a lot to me, it really does. it's 5am and still not slept, have to get up at 8, going to at least try and rest.. will let you know how it went.. I've got my 2 Besties coming, which will be good. My friend and surrogate mum died 2 days ago too, I was so close to her, it's so strange, and spiritual, as I met her for the 1st time at my dad's funeral, as she had lived abroad. she noticed that I was being shunned bt the family and was the only one who asked me how I was, and it started a 25 year friendship. it's strange that she came into my life when my dad died, and has left when my mother died. I always swore she was an angel! She's the only person I've ever met who was truly enlightened.. she was an incredible person, not once did she get annoyed or frustrated with me, with all my episodes.. she saw my light and she was the only person who knew my mum that validated the abuse and what a psychopath she was. She always said my mother was born with no soul. Anna transcended generations, I could talk to her like a friend my own age and she always had so much wisdom.I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for her, I miss her deeply. It's weird as I've lost the 2 polarities of mother at the same time, light and dark. It does feel spiritual to me, and I feel her around me. I could think of a thousand lovely things to say about her at her funeral, but not a single things abnout my mum which is so sad. my mind can't process my mum's and Anna'd death, it's such a lot to cope with all at once.
    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE
    • Solarjunkie
    • By Solarjunkie 7th Apr 17, 8:47 AM
    • 349 Posts
    • 1,290 Thanks
    Solarjunkie
    Faerie, your birth mother has gone.
    But not Anna, the person who loved, understood and nurtured you. She will always be with you.
    Today, just keep breathing, the day will pass.
    Deal with things as they are, not as they should be.
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 7th Apr 17, 11:15 AM
    • 11,496 Posts
    • 48,136 Thanks
    whitewing
    Whatever you feel, faerie, is your valid feeling. Others may not agree with you (people can be very blind to unpleasant things because it otherwise means they are partly responsible for your unhappiness, but also because sometimes 'abuse' is the frequency and repetition of the bad behaviour).

    How you feel is how you feel, and that is fine by all of us on here (speaking on behalf of the thread!)

    That said, we don't want you to CONTINUE to feel bad, so do talk things through with us as it helps.

    Hugs to everyone avoiding the news. I personally don't feel too bad about it in that it isn't triggering my anxiety, and I am allowing myself to 'sit on the fence' about it.

    Sun is out. Littlewing is at the seaside with grandparents. Wish I was there but I have Easter weekend off so I am looking forward to that.
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 7th Apr 17, 3:41 PM
    • 7,997 Posts
    • 35,686 Thanks
    tea lover
    Today I have handed my notice in. Seems like ages waiting for my contract and paperwork to arrive from new job, but in the end it worked out ok as I had a meeting with my boss planned today so I told him in person.

    Am now feeling surprisingly conflicted - was absolutely certain it was the right thing to do this morning, am now less certain. Still definitely veering towards leaving but not 100% sure anymore. My boss has made it clear that he doesn't want me to go, that I can change my mind at any point during my notice but that he understands why I want to leave and obviously respects my choice. He's asked me to have a think over the weekend if there's anything I would like that would change my mind.

    Which is nice in a way, as it's always good to feel appreciated..... but at the same time it has left me more conflicted than I thought I'd be.
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 7th Apr 17, 5:12 PM
    • 1,273 Posts
    • 3,616 Thanks
    Izadora
    He's asked me to have a think over the weekend if there's anything I would like that would change my mind.
    Originally posted by tea lover
    I'm guessing that "For you to change pretty much everything about your management style." wouldn't be an acceptable response

    I think it's only natural to worry and be slightly conflicted about moving on, just try to remember the number of times you've wanted to be able to cry and run away and the ridiculous number of hours of unpaid travelling.
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 7th Apr 17, 7:34 PM
    • 3,020 Posts
    • 6,682 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    Well done tea, worrying about any major change in your life is natural. Just remember why you were so desparate to leave in the first place, and the fact it wasn't just a single reason, but lots of them.
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 7th Apr 17, 9:20 PM
    • 5,101 Posts
    • 21,526 Thanks
    Waves and Smiles
    Well done, tea! Remember you have very good reasons for wanting to leave, change is always scary but this sounds positive!

    Big hugs Faerie, I hope you got through today the best you were able and feel a little more at peace with everything you have been through.

    What a pain, Lambyr! You need lots of treats! Or failing that play an FPS game!

    My UTI is gone! I still have some antibiotics to go but I seem all better. No psychosis either, crossing my fingers the worst is over.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 8th Apr 17, 5:36 PM
    • 5,101 Posts
    • 21,526 Thanks
    Waves and Smiles
    Sara is gorgeous, I want her hair! I have never tried it that game, I know it is very popular so maybe I should!
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
    • faerielight
    • By faerielight 8th Apr 17, 7:28 PM
    • 1,604 Posts
    • 2,978 Thanks
    faerielight
    I did it guys!!!!!Thank you all sooo much for all your support It's so hard to put yesterday into coherent words, but here's what happened..

    penguin


    The family treated me and my friends and Nina like dirt on their shoe,We sat to the left, they to the right. I was meditating and calling on my angels and guides, and the archangels, to be present, when the sunlight poured down on me from a window and blinded me in light and peace fell upon me. I felt Anna with me too, and felt so connected , it was symbolic and needed!
    The con man, michel had the audacity to turn up, noone spoke to him, I knew he would come thouugh. One of my cousins saidf he is contesting the will and has "evidencve" that my mum owed him money which is rubbish, but he is a vewry clever criminal,

    I got really distraught when I saw the coffin, but the service was not at all what I expected! There was no eulogy at all, none of the family read anything out, not sure if it was as they were so upset, but the heavy weight of all my mum's secrets and skeletons was so palpable, maybe they were scared they would unravel.
    The vicar talked in euphemisms, parables about of you hurt a child you hurt god, I knew he was talking to me, he said that she wasn't exactly a church goer, but she had asked to see him a few weeks before she died, and when he came she told him to go away, and when he came again, he offered her the holy oil and she refused! He couldn't find anything good to say about her except that she left to the world her chocolate cake recipe, which was on the back of the leaflet.

    The wake was awful, the family shunned us and refused to make room at their table. It reflected one of the parables the vicar had said about when you come for food, feed them, when you come for shelter, give refuge.

    Then the vicar approached me, and said he needed to talk to me, he said that the service words were for me, and me alone, which I knew. We sat and it was so strange, we looked into each others eyes and communicated without words. I asked of she had confessed anything or even mentioned me and he said no, but I saw that he had looked into her soul and he knew her darkness and that she had wounded me deeply. it was such a profound connection.

    Then I started telling him quietly about why the estrangement happened, about the letter she wrote, condoning the sexual abuse from her cousin, and how the family hate me as they think I'm the evil one. I then said that there was a bigger thing, that the family knew nothing of, and that I had never confronted her about. I said that I didn't think I could say it aIoud, but he said I could so I told him she had sexually abused me, and he wept. I said I felt guilty about the letter I wrote her with the last sentance being "all you have is what's written on your soul, and your soul is heavy and blackened with the weight of your sins" and he said that every word was the right word to say.And then he said, what she did to you.. some things are worse than murder.He said that if he thought that there was a trace of evil in me he would see it and tell me, but that there was none. My guilt lifted from talking to him and I feel so much lighter. He asked about my faith and I told him that my beliefs were that we are here to learn lessons for the evolution of our souls, to remember who we are and to love. He didn't question it or try and convert me, he seemed to accept my beliefs.
    .
    I clearly had antagonised the family by talking to him, although they couldn't hear what was spoken, they changed tables and sat next to us, so he gave me his number.
    The con man, michel had the audacity to turn up, noone spoke to him, I knew he would come thouugh. One of my cousins saidf he is contesting the will and has "evidencve" that my mum owed him money which is rubbish, but he is a very clever criminal, so I'm dreading having to fight him.

    When we went to leave,I went to hig my uncle and he pushed me away and held his arms out ridgedly psyching me out, and still trying to exert power and control, said that if I want to get the kewys to the house I have to go to the scattering of the ashes and that my aunt had things to say to me.. They are crazy of they think I'm going there for more hate.. they shunned me at my dad's funeral, they shunned me at my mum's.. it's over, it's time to walk away in peace and dignity. He is the executor of the will though, so it's a real problem for me.
    I asked my uncle if anyone was going in Nina's directions and he just turned away from us, didn't even say goodbye to her, check how she was getting home, she is 80, she's just lost her beloved sister Anna last week, and was 70 miles from home, and had come alone . it was so disgusting.It's one thing them treating me badly, but to treat her like that was just awful.
    So we took her home, the journey took 6 hours, but she was such a delight. I am devestated to lose Anna as we were so close, she only passed away last week, she was my rock and my positive mother figure,It's so strange that I've lost my 2 polarities of mother, in the same month, smy mum, darkness and Anna, light but Nina is wonderful, and I'm so glad that we had her there with us.

    I walked with integrity, in the light, I treated them all with loving kindness and the truth did come out, albeit in euphemisms, in the service, even down to the photo they chose of her, which emanated her darkness,and the vicar finding me and letting me know the service was about me and her sins, it was all in absolute and perfect synchronicity.
    I still have grieving to do, of what she never was and the amends she never made, it is so painful, but I KNOW I am strong enough to get through it and there will come a day when she doesn't haunt me in my head, and peace will come. . The battle scars are part of me, the PTSD/BPd trauma , but I will heal a lot, and I think I already have. What I want to do is give back the shame, guilt and projections of "bad" and heal the dynamics that have been such a part of me. . They don't belong to me, any more, but they never did, and I really feel like I know who I am for the 1st time in my life. I have never had a spiritual experience as strong as I did when I was in the chapel, and I've never communicated without words as deeply as I did with the vicar, it was all pretty amazing and transformative, a massive weight has been lifted and I am so proud of myself and I am so strong! I just wish that I didnt have to deal with the stress of the con man and my uncle, the estate situation is so messy.. I pray that there is enough left for me to buy a small 1 bed flat for me and my cats, I would love to be able to provide shelter for Ali, my bestie too, but I don't know what's left, my mother remortgaged half a million and I don't know what debts she had, they are keeping me in the dark, but I will contact the solicitor next week and try and take the reigns, not sure how it all works though with the executor and the logistics and I hope it doesn't cost money to counteract the con man contesting.

    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE
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