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  • FIRST POST
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    • 5,101Posts
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    Waves and Smiles
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3
    • #1
    • 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3 17th Mar 16 at 5:23 PM
    This thread is a continuation of The Mental Health thread “Here we can all be heard for a little while Part 2”. The previous thread can be found here-

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5320917&page=501

    I started the original thread when I was lonely and suffering with mental health issues and was lucky to find a wonderful group of amazing new friends who now mean the world to me. My name was Worried and Scared back then but with the help of everyone here I became Waves and Smiles. This thread is no longer just about me, it is about all of us and for anyone who needs mental health support, their carers and anyone who is interested in learning more. Sometimes we speak seriously, sometimes we offer gentle advice and a lot of the time we laugh together. Sometimes I write mini-novels about my experiences of living with complex mental illness. What is important is everyone here is there for each other. New posters are welcome to join in, or just lurk (we call them humming birds because they hover!) if they would prefer. This is a place without judgement or pressure, and a safe place for everyone. We try to keep abbreviations to a minimum but if there are some that you do not understand please ask.

    Sir Pugliet is our Good Mental Health pug! You may notice that he is mentioned from time to time, he is a little cuddly pug toy that was sent to me by a friend on the thread. He is something of a celebrity now!


    Hugs and warm handshakes, or finger squishes, whichever you prefer.

    Also, please take a look at the following links which offer great advice written by the lovely people at MSE!

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/family/2016/03/martin-lewis-launches-new-money--mental-health-policy-institute

    http://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2016/05/16/the-money-and-mental-health-policy-institute-whatll-it-really-do

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide
    Last edited by Waves and Smiles; 17-05-2016 at 10:29 AM.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
Page 424
    • heartbreak_star
    • By heartbreak_star 5th Apr 17, 8:23 AM
    • 7,576 Posts
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    heartbreak_star
    ED PENGUIN:

    I had a horrifically bad-head-time last night and took un-needed laxatives last night. I haven't done that in a long time. I'm suffering for it now though :'(

    END PENGUIN

    I am hiding in the fort in a fluffy blanket today.

    HBS x
    I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.

    #JC4PM
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 5th Apr 17, 11:07 AM
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    calleyw
    Oh HBS, pleas do not beat yourself up that will only make it worse. You did it, you know it was not a clever idea. So in the words of the famous frozen song let it go. As this will start a cycle, which you really don't want to start. Have a massive hug.

    I am having a I am big fat pig in lipstick day today. I don't know what to to with my hair. Chop it off, keep it. It looks ok first thing after it has been brushed but as the day goes on it looks like rat tails. My roots are showing and I needed to re-dye it. I have the dye but not sure incase I go orangey as I do dye my hair blonde and I have funeral to go on friday. No idea what I can fit in to to wear. Just feel a mess. Even when I take my time to put my make up. I look in the mirror and think I look like a clown because a 5 year old has put it on!!!!

    I am going through the whole what skill set do I have and what do I have to offer people thing at the moment.

    Got someone to measure up for windows this evening and really can't be arsed to tidy up.

    I know AM loves me very much he tells me all the time. But I still can't help think why???? He tells me all these lovely things about me and I am like what are you on about. I know its the one thing he would love to change about me is my lack of confidence.

    Right going to go out for a while and see if that helps my mood.

    Everyone take care.

    Yours

    Calley X
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
    • codemonkey
    • By codemonkey 5th Apr 17, 5:03 PM
    • 6,513 Posts
    • 23,330 Thanks
    codemonkey
    Hello everyone



    Hbs penguin
    Spoiler (highlight below to view):
    I've done this a million times, and each time I hate myself and then 'punish' myself by not eating. Do not do this! That locks you into the cycle. So, you messed up. Your punishment was the fall-out (literally) of the laxatives. Take a probiotic to ward off potential gut imbalances and forget about it. It's just a blip and it will be OK.


    Long Penguin about my dad, sickness and hospitals
    Spoiler (highlight below to view):
    My dad isn't any better. In fact, he's worse. He's going downhill. Everytime we think we're getting somewhere and there's a wee bit of progress, they find something else. He's on a drip. He hasn't had solid food for over a week, he's on morphine and he's shrunk down to an old man in a hospital bed. And to be honest, I don't know if he'll get out of it again. It's breaking my heart to see him like that and a very mean part of me is thinking that if he is going to die (and I hope he isn't, but it doesn't look good), it would be better if he just got on with it because this is just draining everyone and my poor mum needs a rest.

    From a purely selfish point of view (because I am a selfish creature), I'm exhausted. I've been going there everyday after work, which means finishing work after a full day, getting a bus, then a 15 minute walk, then another bus to the station, followed by a train. He hasn't actually been awake much, and the one time he was, he told me to leave, but I go anyway. So I haven't been home before 10pm for a week. I'm living off takeaways and lunch time sandwiches and I may be the only person in the universe to gain weight when I'm stressed. I'm tired, I'm ridiculously stressed and I had to make a doctor's appointment because I'm having random muscle spasms (and this is gross), I'm bleeding from my bum - to the point where I had to check if my period had come because there was blood everywhere, I have stomach cramps and I'm so bloated I look like I'm smuggling watermelons under my dress. I can't share this with anyone as they're all worried enough. And I'm just into week 2 at the new/old job so feeling very unsettled anyway. Plus they're making promotion noises and I can't even think about that now.

    I did manage to laugh earlier when I was booking an appointment with the doctor. So, my GP has introduced the horrible idea of receptionist triage, where you have to tell the receptionist what's wrong and they decide if you need an appointment. So she booked me into an early appointment in a couple of days then asked what I needed the appointment for. I told her it was for rectal bleeding and she told me I'd have to go in through the back door and I started giggling like a 12 year old

    Sorry for the ridiculous whine which ended up being more about me than my dad. I have nobody to say these things to, so it just came pouring out.
    Eu não sou uma tartaruga. Eu sou um codigopombo.
    • xXMessedUpXx
    • By xXMessedUpXx 5th Apr 17, 6:34 PM
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    xXMessedUpXx
    Eek - have just seen your other post about fit notes MU. I'm so sorry, I totally missed that one at the time!

    A fit note is only advisory, so the employer can (with reasons) chose to do something different to what is recommended. However, if your GP is able to provide a fit note with mention of a 6hr limit it could certainly help. The occ health team will also be able to discuss / recommend changes to working hours / shift patterns without a fit note - so if you're not able to get one it won't mean that nothing can be done to help.

    I know it can seem scary and judgemental but I can honestly say that my experience of occ health has been that they really are there to help the employee find ways of staying in work. Managers can often be quite fixed in their way of thinking, and sometimes quite simple adjustments just aren't thought of. Occ health can be a great link between employees and managers - and help both sides to see things a bit differently and think of possible solutions. They are definitely not there to manage you out of a job or punish you in anyway x.
    Originally posted by tea lover
    Thanks tea shall try to see they are there to help not scare me

    Went to my appointment, must say he was a brilliant doctor, very helpful. I discussed work and without me even saying anything he started writing a fot note to support me with work. So that takes a weight off my shoulders. He's put my increased meds on a repat script, and he's going to write to the CMHT to ask them to see me (he said he wasnt sure if they would as i'm stableish atm but he said he reckons it would be beneficial to me so he'll see what he can do). So all in all a productive appointment. Might be a few months before i hear back from CMHT but at least the wheels are in motion.
    "Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up"
    To see the rainbow you need both the sun and the rain to make its colours appear
    weight lost: 0lbs
    • xXMessedUpXx
    • By xXMessedUpXx 5th Apr 17, 6:39 PM
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    xXMessedUpXx
    Sorry things are hard with your Dad right now Code, trying to cope with that on top on not feeling well yourself is a lot to take on. You need to put yourself first for a sec and try and get yourself in a better place. Otherwise you'll hit burnout and that won;t be good for you or anyone else. Its hard looking after other people, sometimes we don;t have time or forget to look after ourselves too. *sending gentle squishes*
    "Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up"
    To see the rainbow you need both the sun and the rain to make its colours appear
    weight lost: 0lbs
    • xXMessedUpXx
    • By xXMessedUpXx 5th Apr 17, 6:43 PM
    • 16,970 Posts
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    xXMessedUpXx
    Penitent, sorry that its all a bit much atm. If it was family member who invited guests is there anyway they can ask instead of you how long they noplan to stay? They invited them so it should be them asking it instead of putting you in the position where you feel more awkward. I hate having guests (my room feels like my only safe space if that makes sense?)

    At least then you might get a timeline of how long these people will be here. Its understable that it is overwhemling atm.
    "Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up"
    To see the rainbow you need both the sun and the rain to make its colours appear
    weight lost: 0lbs
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 5th Apr 17, 8:04 PM
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    Waves and Smiles
    Big hugs code, hang in there. Sending lots of energy to you and your dad right now. It is ok to think of you, you are important!

    HBS, hugs to you too, It was a blip, we all have them. Stayed curled up in the warm today.

    Glad the doctors appointment went well, MU. A good doctor rezally does make all the difference. CMHT may see you for a little while. They kept me on the books for 2 years after I was stable just to make sure.

    Hello Pentitent! Welcome to our thread. Don't worry this is a safe place, nothing scary happens here and hasn't in literally years. I do understand how you feel, I managed to leave the house twice last year and haven't been out at all this year yet. I positively hate people coming into my flat, I am usually found hiding in the bathroom with the cabinet against the door.

    I think you should send that text message. I do better if I have definite arrival and leaving times. Do take breaks even if it's disappearing to the bathroom. I always figure a bathroom visit every 45 minutes is reasonable so will disappear then and just breathe for a while. Post on here as much as you want to, sometimes just having a place to scream can help. If all else fails feign a headache and escape to bed. I do that when I really panic and become a small, shaking lump under the duvet for a while. Do you have any hobbies that use your hands? I tend to make wool poms poms if people are around, I look present but really I zone out feeling the wool in my hands and the act of fiddling with something lowers my anxiety. Hang in there and remember it will come to an end.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
    • elsien
    • By elsien 5th Apr 17, 8:33 PM
    • 14,901 Posts
    • 37,201 Thanks
    elsien
    Code, I felt the same as you when I was visiting grandparent in her care home. And I wasn't going every day, or having to stay out as late. It's ok to need some balance and some time to yourself. It doesn't make you a selfish person, it just makes you normal.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 5th Apr 17, 8:40 PM
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    • 21,526 Thanks
    Waves and Smiles
    How are you doing, elsien? Hope things have calmed down a little. Is Gitdog being kind to you? Dare I ask?
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
    • elsien
    • By elsien 5th Apr 17, 9:36 PM
    • 14,901 Posts
    • 37,201 Thanks
    elsien
    Gitdog is Gitdog.......

    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 5th Apr 17, 9:49 PM
    • 5,101 Posts
    • 21,526 Thanks
    Waves and Smiles
    Hahahahaha! You mean he is as adorable as always! He is clearly an angel, give that poor boy a treat and a cuddle!
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
    • jobbingmusician
    • By jobbingmusician 5th Apr 17, 10:15 PM
    • 18,612 Posts
    • 18,870 Thanks
    jobbingmusician
    I didn't understand whether the name of the liquorice was referring to Gitdog, or whether he'd just gromfled* the lot.

    *Is this a word? It is in this household, where rather a lot of gromfling goes on.

    Welcome Penitent! As soon as I saw your post I thought of WaS and how she would HATE it if anyone came into her flat and she didn't know how long they were staying! (Actually I think anyone would, but I'd just hate the loss of privacy and self-determination, having to be sociable and entertain someone the whole time - eeeek! )
    I'm the Board Guide on the Matched Betting; Referrers and Jobseeking & Training boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge posts there. Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

    The good folk of the matched betting board are now (I hope!) supporting Macmillan, in memory of Fifigrace. Visit
    https://www.gofundme.com/running-the-leeds-10k-for-macmillan
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 5th Apr 17, 10:32 PM
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    Waves and Smiles
    Oh, I do JM. I relate completely to that. I have found ways of getting around it over the years like telling people I need to go out later so can they tell me how long they might be so that I can arrange my meeting? Or saying I have an important phone call to make so I need to know when I can do it? My worse nightmare is someone visiting me without saying when they will leave which sounds horrid but I don't mean it to, it is just that I can only control my anxiety for so long. Also, if I know when the visit ends I can usually steel myself to get through the timeframe and stay calmer, it's just total panic if if it feels indefinite.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
    • heartbreak_star
    • By heartbreak_star 6th Apr 17, 8:45 AM
    • 7,576 Posts
    • 16,701 Thanks
    heartbreak_star
    Thank you for the support yesterday everyone! I have hopefully un-blipped

    Code - feel free to PM regarding your dad if you need to. I was in your situation not too long ago so may be able to help in some small way.

    Love to all!

    HBS x
    I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.

    #JC4PM
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 6th Apr 17, 8:59 AM
    • 7,996 Posts
    • 35,696 Thanks
    tea lover
    (((code))) you can always say anything at all to us, and there will always be someone around with an extra blanket for the fort and some Jaffa cakes xx. It's not at all selfish to be tired and want a break from things.
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 6th Apr 17, 11:59 AM
    • 1,322 Posts
    • 3,805 Thanks
    Izadora
    It seems like there are lots of people in need of hugs so big hugs and squishes to all of those who need them.

    Hi Penitent, I hope you get some answers soon about how long your guests are staying. Even though I like having people around I still find it uncomfortable if I'm not sure how long a visit is going to be so I can't imagine how horrible it must be if you don't like them being there in the first place.
    Sorry, cross-posted. Can you have a word with the person who invited them about entertaining them herself? It's really not down to you and I'm sure they won't think you're being rude if you keep to yourself, especially seeing as you'd mentioned it before they arrived.

    I've currently got the grumps due to my stomach deciding that it hates me. Whenever I change my eating habits I seem to end up with an upset stomach for about a month, I've had it for about 2 weeks now and I'm tired, fed up and just want it to go away. I ended up taking Tuesday and yesterday off sick so now I can add feeling useless to my grumps. On the plus side, taking time off sick meant I got to finish watching the many, many episodes of Buffy I recorded at the weekend.
    Last edited by Izadora; 06-04-2017 at 12:02 PM.
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 6th Apr 17, 12:54 PM
    • 1,322 Posts
    • 3,805 Thanks
    Izadora
    Izadora - It's made worse by the fact that one of the house guests doesn't like me very much (hasn't for many years), so I always feel like I'm trying to make them like me even though I'll never be able to. I try not to think about it as it makes me upset, but you can't not think about it when they're in your house.
    Originally posted by Penitent
    I know that it's much easier said than done but I always try to remember that not everyone is going to like me and if someone does dislike me then, as long as we can be vaguely civil, that's their problem not mine.
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 6th Apr 17, 1:18 PM
    • 3,194 Posts
    • 7,101 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    Hugs to all that need them, it appears there are several at the moment.

    code, best wishes to your dad and don't forget to look after yourself. I know from experience it's easier advice to give than to take, but it bears repeating.

    What happened to my mum seems to have been down to a water infection combined with migraine like symptoms, according to the GP now the test results are back. It was a distressing experience for both my parents, the way my dad described what happened when it started (mum can't remember) is exactly like what my friend with BPD describes when she dissociates, suddenly having no idea where she is or why she's there and being totally confused.

    On the plus side, taking time off sick meant I got to finish watching the many, many episodes of Buffy I recorded at the weekend.
    Originally posted by Izadora
    I have them all on DVD and am doing a 20th anniversary re-watch of the whole lot from beginning to end. Syfy were running a "top 20 episodes as voted by viewers" event at the weekend, but I was working outside, so didn't see any of them
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 6th Apr 17, 2:15 PM
    • 8,631 Posts
    • 15,504 Thanks
    calleyw
    What happened to my mum seems to have been down to a water infection combined with migraine like symptoms, according to the GP now the test results are back. .....
    Originally posted by onomatopoeia99
    Ono, So glad that it was something like that. Hope you mum is well on the way to recover.

    Hugs and squishes and handshakes to all that need them. And that seem like a few at the moment.

    Well I will be having new windows in late june!!!! finance has been agreed over 10 years. yeah what ever LOL!!!!!We will pay that off a lot quicker than that. Not sure if was cheapest and it was first quote but we liked the product. And the living window is huge as well. The bloke almost forgot to take the £100 deposit as well LOL!!! I had to remind him.

    So once that is done then we can get on and finish decorating the rest of the house.

    Well dying my hair went badly I am now orangey colour with dark underneath I knew that would happen. I have have some other hair dyes that a blonde but darker blonde. So will try one of those either tonight or tomorrow morning.

    Think I may go out for a walk and take the doggy with me.

    Everyone take care

    Yours

    Calley X
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 6th Apr 17, 2:28 PM
    • 1,322 Posts
    • 3,805 Thanks
    Izadora
    I have them all on DVD and am doing a 20th anniversary re-watch of the whole lot from beginning to end. Syfy were running a "top 20 episodes as voted by viewers" event at the weekend, but I was working outside, so didn't see any of them
    Originally posted by onomatopoeia99
    I've got them all on DVD but one of my cousins has borrowed them so I'm re-watching them all on Syfy at the moment

    I'd set the top 20 to record but, annoyingly, Syfy hadn't take into account the fact that Graduation and Becoming are both 2 parts so the series link missed the top 2. They weren't exactly a surprise though and I've seen both of them so many times that I could pretty much recite the scripts (well, one of them doesn't have all that much dialogue...)

    Well dying my hair went badly I am now orangey colour with dark underneath I knew that would happen. I have have some other hair dyes that a blonde but darker blonde. So will try one of those either tonight or tomorrow morning.
    Originally posted by calleyw
    Yay for getting new windows and if it makes you feel any better my hair's quite orange at the moment too. I dyed it red a couple of weeks ago and it's at that stage of fading out where it's a bit of an odd colour but I can't be bothered to dye it back to brown to get rid of it faster.
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