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  • FIRST POST
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    • 5,104Posts
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    Waves and Smiles
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3
    • #1
    • 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3 17th Mar 16 at 5:23 PM
    This thread is a continuation of The Mental Health thread “Here we can all be heard for a little while Part 2”. The previous thread can be found here-

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5320917&page=501

    I started the original thread when I was lonely and suffering with mental health issues and was lucky to find a wonderful group of amazing new friends who now mean the world to me. My name was Worried and Scared back then but with the help of everyone here I became Waves and Smiles. This thread is no longer just about me, it is about all of us and for anyone who needs mental health support, their carers and anyone who is interested in learning more. Sometimes we speak seriously, sometimes we offer gentle advice and a lot of the time we laugh together. Sometimes I write mini-novels about my experiences of living with complex mental illness. What is important is everyone here is there for each other. New posters are welcome to join in, or just lurk (we call them humming birds because they hover!) if they would prefer. This is a place without judgement or pressure, and a safe place for everyone. We try to keep abbreviations to a minimum but if there are some that you do not understand please ask.

    Sir Pugliet is our Good Mental Health pug! You may notice that he is mentioned from time to time, he is a little cuddly pug toy that was sent to me by a friend on the thread. He is something of a celebrity now!


    Hugs and warm handshakes, or finger squishes, whichever you prefer.

    Also, please take a look at the following links which offer great advice written by the lovely people at MSE!

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/family/2016/03/martin-lewis-launches-new-money--mental-health-policy-institute

    http://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2016/05/16/the-money-and-mental-health-policy-institute-whatll-it-really-do

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide
    Last edited by Waves and Smiles; 17-05-2016 at 10:29 AM.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
Page 423
    • xXMessedUpXx
    • By xXMessedUpXx 31st Mar 17, 11:53 PM
    • 17,024 Posts
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    xXMessedUpXx
    welcome back WaS, sorry you're not having a good time right now (pink pee???) sending lots of hugs and squishes (and lots of chocolate into the fort)

    I managed to break my laptop screen the day before last. Accidentally lent on it thankfully for £85 its been replaced and fixed! Could have done without having to fork out for itbut its cheaper than a new laprop i guess!

    Any wrestling fans about? Its Wrestlemania on sunday. Have missed smackdown the past 2 weeks cos me and swain are idiots and forgot to record it :P

    also need opinions on something

    Swain, typucally dresses in joggers and a t shirt, sometimes a polo shirt. This doesn;t bother me in the slightest (though im ashamed to admit on the forst meeting i did silently judge the book by the cover and think he looked a bit chavvy obviously now as i said i dont care a t all he' just my Swain no matter how he dresses). BUT my mums invited him to my brothers 21st meal and its at some posh (AHEM overpricced) pub. This is the first time he'll have met my family and unfortunetly i kn ow what my family are like. Bro and sisters likely wouldnt care but i'm worried that my parents will. Its such a stupid thing to worry about but i don;t want them to judge him on what he wears and i don;t want him to feel unwelcome or the odd one out. How the hell do i broach this? I was considering texting back my mum saying yes he;d come but is there a dress code? But at the same time i love the guy to bits and he;s a permenent part of my life and they should accept him as he is? He has smart joggers he wears for work with a polo shirt? I've never seen him in jeans/trousers in the 2 years we've been together and i don;t want to ask him to dress a certain way just to please my potentially judgmental parents. Help?
    "Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up"
    To see the rainbow you need both the sun and the rain to make its colours appear
    weight lost: 1lbs
    • elsien
    • By elsien 1st Apr 17, 12:03 AM
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    elsien
    I guess it's less about pleasing your parents and more about would he feel uncomfortable/out of place/underdressed wearing joggers and a tshirt in a posh restaurant?
    Has he not got something else tucked away in wardrobe somewhere for slightly more formal occasions - job interviews or whatever?
    Could you just chuck it casually into the conversation about being a slightly more formal occasion dresswise and see what the response is?

    ETA - ref your sickness absences, have a look at this link which suggests that employers should made reasonable adjustments for disability related absence, which I think you may be able to argue your MH absences fall into. This could potentially mean adjustments such as more absences before the warnings are triggered, although whether that's reasonable or not will depend on individual businesses,

    http://www2.cipd.co.uk/pm/peoplemanagement/b/weblog/archive/2013/08/16/sickness-management-must-be-adjusted-for-disabled-employees.aspx#

    Have you thought about posting on the employement part of here with the question? There's at least one trade union rep who may have more up-to-date information.
    Last edited by elsien; 01-04-2017 at 12:11 AM.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • xXMessedUpXx
    • By xXMessedUpXx 1st Apr 17, 12:11 AM
    • 17,024 Posts
    • 44,759 Thanks
    xXMessedUpXx
    I guess it's less about pleasing your parents and more about would he feel uncomfortable/out of place/underdressed wearing joggers and a tshirt in a posh restaurant?
    Has he not got something else tucked away in wardrobe somewhere for slightly more formal occasions - job interviews or whatever?
    Could you just chuck it casually into the conversation about being a slightly more formal occasion dresswise and see what the response is?

    ETA - ref your sickness absences, have a look at this link which suggests that employers should made reasonable adjustments for disability related absence, which I think you may be able to argue your MH absences fall into. This could potentially mean more absences before the warnings are triggered.

    http://www2.cipd.co.uk/pm/peoplemanagement/b/weblog/archive/2013/08/16/sickness-management-must-be-adjusted-for-disabled-employees.aspx#

    Have you thought about posting on the employement part of here with the question? There's at least one trade union rep who may have more up-to-date information.
    Originally posted by elsien
    well i did tell him it was a posh pub but that didn't elicit a response on what he was wearing. It wouldn't bother him at all tbh (to be dressed down and not dressed up). I'm seeing him tomorrow so i will try and bring it up, maybe tell him i'm getting dressed up and ask him what he's gonna wear?

    Maybe i'm worrying over nothing and overthinking this? I might be making an issue out of something thats not an issue? I say its a posh pub, but don;t recall them having a dress code last time we went. I'm going to ask my mum if theres a dress code and try and ask Swain about what he;s wearing tomorrow. Two birds with one stone. I know its stupid, but just don;t want my parents to judge him on appearence when he's an amazing guy beyond the clothes he wears.

    edit: thanks for that link. I know they possibly make a small allowance for my bipolar but the 4 times i;ve been off have bee a direct result of my bipolar and my medication. (my medication has bee quadrupled in dosage since feb). they might need to look into how often someone with bipolar could be off, something to ask about at least thankyou
    Last edited by xXMessedUpXx; 01-04-2017 at 12:14 AM.
    "Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up"
    To see the rainbow you need both the sun and the rain to make its colours appear
    weight lost: 1lbs
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 1st Apr 17, 12:39 AM
    • 11,529 Posts
    • 48,274 Thanks
    whitewing
    I do think you need to have a discussion about the dress code, MU, because how are you going to enjoy yourself otherwise? If he knows what is expected, but then chooses not to adhere, then that is up to him (in the nicest way - some people will get away with it anyway).
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • xXMessedUpXx
    • By xXMessedUpXx 1st Apr 17, 12:44 AM
    • 17,024 Posts
    • 44,759 Thanks
    xXMessedUpXx
    I do think you need to have a discussion about the dress code, MU, because how are you going to enjoy yourself otherwise? If he knows what is expected, but then chooses not to adhere, then that is up to him (in the nicest way - some people will get away with it anyway).
    Originally posted by whitewing
    well i've already thrown in that he can wear one his expensive jumpers so i'm trying to steer him in the more smartly dressed direction.

    i'm just going to straight out ask him what he;s going to wear and mention that its more of a smart casual kind of thing. i'm sure he'll understand
    "Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up"
    To see the rainbow you need both the sun and the rain to make its colours appear
    weight lost: 1lbs
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 3rd Apr 17, 9:56 AM
    • 7,994 Posts
    • 35,716 Thanks
    tea lover
    You lot are all very quiet! Hope everyone's ok and has been enjoying the sunshine
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 3rd Apr 17, 11:22 AM
    • 1,452 Posts
    • 4,162 Thanks
    Izadora
    Having spent the majority of Saturday lying on the settee watching Buffy I took advantage of the weather yesterday and went for about a 6 mile walk, mostly along the seafront, and I now ache rather a lot. It was a lot more fun than going to a gym though.
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 3rd Apr 17, 11:40 AM
    • 3,538 Posts
    • 7,762 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    I was enjoying the sunshine , this weekend I was working on emptying the shed I want to demolish. Nearly there now, have managed to secrete the majority of its contents in other sheds
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • heartbreak_star
    • By heartbreak_star 3rd Apr 17, 2:01 PM
    • 7,611 Posts
    • 16,788 Thanks
    heartbreak_star
    I was away at a cheer competition - it was horrifically crowded but we managed to do well anyway

    HBS x
    I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.

    #JC4PM
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 3rd Apr 17, 9:19 PM
    • 8,638 Posts
    • 15,516 Thanks
    calleyw
    I was enjoying the sunshine , this weekend I was working on emptying the shed I want to demolish. Nearly there now, have managed to secrete the majority of its contents in other sheds
    Originally posted by onomatopoeia99

    Sheds!!! I take that to be plural not singular LOL!!!

    May I ask where you got your sheds from? I am in the market for a new one and I live about 40 miles away from Bristol. So was wondering if you used a local firm or bought on-line?

    A quick wave to everyone. The saga of cleaning and emptying AM's house is over. Check out was 9.30am this morning. So will wait to see when AM's deposit comes back. After 9 years and got the same cooker and washing machine and carpet!!! We did rug doctor the carpet down stairs so it was better.

    Any landlord after 9 years would decorate and put new carpets down you would think. Mind you the rent has gone up £200 a month. But with the rubbish next door in the back garden not sure anyone would want to rent it.

    AM is back to work tomorrow yay!!! as much as I love him 4 days on the trot I have had him at home. At towards the end of the month he is away for a week in london on a course!!!

    Need to tidy up a bit as someone coming to measure up for windows on wednesday evening.

    And started to do stuff in the garden. The gravel that I never finished last year. had to re-start as I have no idea why it has so much soil type stuff in it. So sieving and washing it as weeds where growing in

    Hope every gets some rest. All take care and hugs and squishes and handshakes all round.

    Night

    Yours

    Calley X
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 4th Apr 17, 8:28 AM
    • 3,538 Posts
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    onomatopoeia99
    The new sheds came from Wayfair, who are an online shop that sell pretty much everything as far as I can tell. I like the sheds (made by Empire sheds), but Wayfair are a bit rubbish about notifying when things will be delivered. They didn't turn up when they were supposed to (I had taken a day off work) then arrived the following morning, which was a Saturday, at 8am. My doorbell woke me up when the delivery driver rang it!

    The plan is two smaller sheds to replace one big shed that is very nice, but in completely the wrong place and the bottom part is embedded in a concrete base so it cannot be moved.
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 4th Apr 17, 8:38 AM
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    onomatopoeia99
    An last night was D&D night and we started our adventure. Somehow almost the first thing my gnome wizard did was to end up sat on the bar (at 3'5" high he has trouble getting served), down a huge flagon of ale in one go (to a round of applause from the other patrons) then start a bar room brawl
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • elsien
    • By elsien 4th Apr 17, 8:59 AM
    • 15,298 Posts
    • 38,404 Thanks
    elsien
    The ER family saga is ongoing. Funeral later this week. I may hibernate for a while.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • jobbingmusician
    • By jobbingmusician 4th Apr 17, 9:47 AM
    • 18,784 Posts
    • 19,087 Thanks
    jobbingmusician
    Hugs, elsien ((((())))) xxxxx
    I'm the Board Guide on the Matched Betting; Referrers and Jobseeking & Training boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge posts there. Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

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    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 4th Apr 17, 9:52 AM
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    tea lover
    Plenty of comfy space in the fort elsien x.

    MU - have been thinking about your post about clothes and thought I'd add my opinion. Just wanted to be absolutely clear that it is just one possible view - I'm certain that other people will see things differently and I'm not for a second saying I'm right... just a different viewpoint to throw into the ring

    Obviously I fully agree that people shouldn't be judged on what they wear, what they look like... on anything superficial. We are all far more than the sum of our clothes and appearance. However, I do think it's important to dress appropriately for certain situations as I think it shows respect. So for example it wouldn't be appropriate (imo) to attend a wedding in pyjamas, or an interview in shorts. As the meal is taking place in a smart pub, and it's the first time swain will have met your family I think it's important to make a good first impression - and (whether we agree with it or not), appearance is a large part of that.

    Personally I don't think something like tracksuit bottoms would be suitable, and if it was me organising the meal I'd think it was quite disrespectful for someone to turn up dressed like that. But as I say, I fully appreciate that is just my opinion and lots of other people may not give a fig about such things

    Really hope that's come across ok! x
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 4th Apr 17, 10:04 AM
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    tea lover
    Eek - have just seen your other post about fit notes MU. I'm so sorry, I totally missed that one at the time!

    A fit note is only advisory, so the employer can (with reasons) chose to do something different to what is recommended. However, if your GP is able to provide a fit note with mention of a 6hr limit it could certainly help. The occ health team will also be able to discuss / recommend changes to working hours / shift patterns without a fit note - so if you're not able to get one it won't mean that nothing can be done to help.

    I know it can seem scary and judgemental but I can honestly say that my experience of occ health has been that they really are there to help the employee find ways of staying in work. Managers can often be quite fixed in their way of thinking, and sometimes quite simple adjustments just aren't thought of. Occ health can be a great link between employees and managers - and help both sides to see things a bit differently and think of possible solutions. They are definitely not there to manage you out of a job or punish you in anyway x.
    Last edited by tea lover; 04-04-2017 at 10:07 AM.
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 4th Apr 17, 11:47 AM
    • 8,638 Posts
    • 15,516 Thanks
    calleyw
    Tea, Agree with your points on clothes.

    People are more than the sum of their clothes. Smart but casual should be fine for the pub meal.

    I have seen funerals and christenings where people turn up in jeans. And not even tidy black jeans. To me looks like them have not bothered or put any effort in.

    Ono Thanks for that info. I really need some where that can put the shed up as well. As me and AM are DIY illiterate LOL!!! Mind you he did manage to put together a desk on sunday. Was a bit of pain but its together now.

    Well AM cut the grass for me yesterday. We wont go in to detail but I did some of this before

    AC has manged to scratch his nose. we don't know on what but he must have done it running around the garden.

    Weather looks very iffy!!!

    Everyone take care

    Yours

    Calley X
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 4th Apr 17, 1:15 PM
    • 3,538 Posts
    • 7,762 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    Hugs elsien.

    Calley, I had to get a friend to help me as it's definitely a two person job due to the size of the panels and it needs screwdriver, hammer and a drill (though the wood was so soft that the drill was mostly optional). Don't know who does supply and install, you then get into the question of if there's a suitable base to build it on, and so on.

    MU, I agree with tea, while I'm pretty unconcerned with clothes, but would definitely make an effort for meeting a girlfriend's parents (been a long time since I've done that though ). As in get out the long-abandoned iron and do "smart casual", avoiding jeans. That's about as smart as I get though, to go smarter I'd need to buy a suit that I can actually fit in to
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 4th Apr 17, 1:42 PM
    • 8,638 Posts
    • 15,516 Thanks
    calleyw
    Calley, I had to get a friend to help me as it's definitely a two person job due to the size of the panels and it needs screwdriver, hammer and a drill (though the wood was so soft that the drill was mostly optional). Don't know who does supply and install, you then get into the question of if there's a suitable base to build it on, and so on.
    Originally posted by onomatopoeia99
    Thats the thing I was going to put it on gravel and I doubt they would like that LOL!!!

    Will look at the website you suggested and see what they have.

    Yours

    Calley X
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
    • elsien
    • By elsien 4th Apr 17, 8:50 PM
    • 15,298 Posts
    • 38,404 Thanks
    elsien
    I have just attempted a Pilates session. I may need hoisting out of bed in the morning because I'm fairly sure I won't be shifting under my own steam. Whoever said it was low impact clearly ignored that I appear to have no core muscles at all.
    On the positive side, it did take my mind off the mudslinging going on st the moment and I do feel better for it, tonight at least.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
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