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  • FIRST POST
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    • 5,018Posts
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    Waves and Smiles
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3
    • #1
    • 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3 17th Mar 16 at 5:23 PM
    This thread is a continuation of The Mental Health thread “Here we can all be heard for a little while Part 2”. The previous thread can be found here-

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5320917&page=501

    I started the original thread when I was lonely and suffering with mental health issues and was lucky to find a wonderful group of amazing new friends who now mean the world to me. My name was Worried and Scared back then but with the help of everyone here I became Waves and Smiles. This thread is no longer just about me, it is about all of us and for anyone who needs mental health support, their carers and anyone who is interested in learning more. Sometimes we speak seriously, sometimes we offer gentle advice and a lot of the time we laugh together. Sometimes I write mini-novels about my experiences of living with complex mental illness. What is important is everyone here is there for each other. New posters are welcome to join in, or just lurk (we call them humming birds because they hover!) if they would prefer. This is a place without judgement or pressure, and a safe place for everyone. We try to keep abbreviations to a minimum but if there are some that you do not understand please ask.

    Sir Pugliet is our Good Mental Health pug! You may notice that he is mentioned from time to time, he is a little cuddly pug toy that was sent to me by a friend on the thread. He is something of a celebrity now!


    Hugs and warm handshakes, or finger squishes, whichever you prefer.

    Also, please take a look at the following links which offer great advice written by the lovely people at MSE!

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/family/2016/03/martin-lewis-launches-new-money--mental-health-policy-institute

    http://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2016/05/16/the-money-and-mental-health-policy-institute-whatll-it-really-do

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide
    Last edited by Waves and Smiles; 17-05-2016 at 10:29 AM.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
Page 294
    • faerielight
    • By faerielight 17th Oct 16, 1:54 AM
    • 1,480 Posts
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    faerielight
    WW and Elein thanks so much for helping me get some perspective
    Eilson I think that's exactly what happened,she overshared and felt vulnerable.
    WW as she was a profession it was up to her to keep her boundaries.. I;m thinking back to
    when I worked doing massage , I had to keep the boundaries, and when I used go to 5 different rehabs a week, I was working with really vulneranle people who constantly pushing against my boundearies

    It seems like the care agency s wrapping her upin cotton wool as the vulnerable one,but I got triggered to, and what were they thinking sending a vulnerable person qwith more or les the same core issues as me!! I do feel terrible about the qwhole week,and I'm dreading the inwvitable from care agency as they have no carers to do my care at 8pm, it's dinner at 3 which I cant do, so they wqillhave to give me the chopp.
    I
    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 17th Oct 16, 8:37 AM
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    whitewing
    faerie,

    The agency will be 'wrapping her up in cotton wool' because they have a legal duty of care to their employees.

    They may not have known how vulnerable she is. (I have been actively told not to disclose my mh to employers. I kind of disagree with that but it also makes practical sense at the moment, although I hope that attitudes change).

    Be careful that you don't sound like you are trying to shift the blame onto her. I know that you aren't but it will sound like that to others and they will close ranks to protect themselves and also because your upset and anxiety will become 'catching' for the people hearing it.

    Don't dread the week. That isn't helpful to yourself. Take it minute by minute and make sure that the good minutes get the same acknowledgement as the bad ones.
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 17th Oct 16, 8:47 AM
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    tea lover
    (((code))) (((faerie))) (((katiie)))... and anyone else that would appreciate a hug / hearty handshake / friendly nod or similar.

    Your day out sounds amazing WaS, how lovely of your friend to organise such a lovely treat for you. I hope that you're feeling better today xx.
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 17th Oct 16, 9:59 AM
    • 1,023 Posts
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    Izadora
    Morning all and massive hugs to those who want/need them.

    Code, could you please PM me a picture of your costume. It sounds fabulous and I'm glad you had an okay time.

    I'm tireder than a very tired thing this morning. Working killed any chance of a lie in on Saturday and then I got a silent call at 7:45 yesterday. I was starting to panic, especially seeing as IzHe had been to a friend's party on Saturday and was staying there the night, when I got a text from the same number apologising for the fact that their son had got hold of their phone and managed to random dial me. It calmed me down a little bit but I still had a nagging worry that there was something wrong so there was no chance I was getting back to sleep. It meant I had time to bake lovely things and go to the cinema before going for lunch/dinner with IzHe and friends though.

    If anyone needs me look for the steaming hot mug of coffee, I won't be far away from it!!
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 17th Oct 16, 10:47 AM
    • 7,574 Posts
    • 33,806 Thanks
    tea lover
    I'll be near Iz with the coffee...zzzz.....

    Am annoyed at my sister again (this is definitely a recurring theme this year!) Yet again she's let me book leave from work then decided that she's not available for the things we had planned. She's done this a number of times this year now and it's getting VERY annoying.

    We were supposed to be going out on either tues or thurs next week. I already had plans for Monday, and liked the idea of a break from work so booked the week off. Now apparently she can't make any of those days (she's not working). I know I can do other things with the time (like sleep!), but it's really hacked me off. At the moment I'm thinking I may as well keep Monday as leave and just go to work the rest of the time, otherwise I'm just wasting those days.
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 17th Oct 16, 11:06 AM
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    onomatopoeia99
    While I have in the past booked time of work for the specific purpose of turning off the alarm and sleeping in it does sound like canceling some of the leave would be sensible unless you have stuff you particularly want to do. I find it frustrating being off work for more than a day and not achieving anything with the time.

    Yesterday I spent digging in the garden to remove unwanted stuff, so am worn out today *yawns*.
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 17th Oct 16, 11:10 AM
    • 1,023 Posts
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    Izadora
    Tea, I'm not surprised you're annoyed by that. I might be badly mis-remembering this but does your sister also have a habit of making you feel bad for not seeing her enough?

    Unless there are things that you can do instead or you've got a mountain of leave left I'd say you're probably best off cancelling it otherwise there's every chance you'll end up really resenting having wasted it if there's something you want to do at a later date but haven't got the leave to be able to do it.

    Have you tried to tell her how unfair it is that she's treating your life and time as though they're unimportant and that she can't expect you to organise your time around her anymore if she's going to be that unreliable? I know it's a lot easier said than done but she should know how out of order she's being.
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 17th Oct 16, 11:42 AM
    • 21,364 Posts
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    Pyxis
    Code....
    Beeeee - ooooooo - tifullllllllllllll!

    The wonderfullest squid in the ocean!

    I hope there weren't any other squids there - even if there were, I bet you were the bestestest!


    Do tell us more about the do! Were there fun things going on?



    By the way, where did you get the wig? I need a deep red wig, a similar one, for a thing I'm doing quite soon.



    Am in bed with a chest infection.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, P.P..
    ¥ ¥ ¥
    X ~O
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 17th Oct 16, 2:16 PM
    • 11,275 Posts
    • 47,305 Thanks
    whitewing
    I planned to do paperwork today, but somehow find myself sitting with a glass of alcohol, wrapping up C-word presents and greatly enjoying myself while I suspend adulthood.

    I have stashed enough through the year that the stocking is sorted for littlewing and mostly sorted for DS (who is far too old for a stocking but insists he ought to have one to not destroy the magic for his sister).

    None of us have much money this year, but we are working from a wish list so everyone is getting something they need but a prettier version or better value version (looking out for special offers). Littlewing is so excited about xmas already. Her eyes sparkle.
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • faerielight
    • By faerielight 17th Oct 16, 9:00 PM
    • 1,480 Posts
    • 2,722 Thanks
    faerielight
    Thanks Tea for te hugs.. sending some cyber ones back.
    WW I call it the C word too.. not my fave time of the year! thanks for the reply, I guess with your work, I don't know what your line of work is , but I guess they given you a clear boundary. I think maybe I needed that with the agency, but I think because I'm the 'service user' they can't really but I would have appreciated some guidance.
    I feel a bit better, I had a double does of support today.. I've been asking my keyworker for ages if I can have it weekly til I stablilse, but she always said no, but today she has agreed to it and I feel relieved, and a tony bit more hopeful that I will have a chance to work on some of my BPD stuff. She has also agreed to contact the agency to explain what BPD is like and also to support me getting my care in the evening so that it doesn't creep back down.
    The carer was back this eve, it's such a rollercoaster, we both managed to keep to chit chat which was a lot less stressful, but I still don't feel like it's a workable situation really. I had no message from the manager, I was dreading one, so maybe the carer didnt tell her our conversation, I don't know.
    I hope I don't come accross to anyone that I'm blaming any of this on her.I just think that sending 2 people who are ill with siilar issues was not a good idea s we were bound to trigger each other as it was like looking into a mirror. I want to understand my side of things, as to why, I can set boundaries, but if the other loses theirs, then I loose myine and I become unable to stand my ground.

    Something did demoralise me, I called the disability charity that direct payments goes through, I asked if people ever get any direct payments for mental health, or can you advertise ofr someone who has a basic awareness of mental health and she really snapped at me, and she said to me how do I think I will ever be able to be an employer with mental illness and it did upset me, as that is ultimately what I think will give me back a sense of control and autonomy, rather than being at the mercy of the confinement of a care agency. I drove there today and I asked if I could make an appnt to go over the whole direct payments thing, but I said that I didn't want to see the lady I spoke to, as I don't want to rule it out before I know the full picture, but she seemed a bit funny with me, so I now regret that. I'm too impulsive for my own good.

    After that, I went to the trauma therapist and it was a really good session. I think it will be a good therapeutic relationship. I feel comfortable with her, she seems to be very skilled . I just wish I clicked with my key worker, but the rapport isn't there. I really hope by having it weekly for a bit, I start to feel differently, but t's been 4 months, and I still feel that the rapport is missing. Don't get me wrong, I am really lucky to have noth at the mo, but hey ho, I think erven if you don't have a rapport, there is still stuff to be learnt.
    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE
    • mellymoo74
    • By mellymoo74 17th Oct 16, 9:02 PM
    • 5,043 Posts
    • 11,149 Thanks
    mellymoo74
    Elsien
    Clear some pm''s please........
    X
    • jobbingmusician
    • By jobbingmusician 17th Oct 16, 10:07 PM
    • 18,024 Posts
    • 18,067 Thanks
    jobbingmusician


    Something did demoralise me, I called the disability charity that direct payments goes through, I asked if people ever get any direct payments for mental health, or can you advertise ofr someone who has a basic awareness of mental health and she really snapped at me, and she said to me how do I think I will ever be able to be an employer with mental illness and it did upset me, as that is ultimately what I think will give me back a sense of control and autonomy, rather than being at the mercy of the confinement of a care agency. I drove there today and I asked if I could make an appnt to go over the whole direct payments thing, but I said that I didn't want to see the lady I spoke to, as I don't want to rule it out before I know the full picture, but she seemed a bit funny with me, so I now regret that. I'm too impulsive for my own good.
    Originally posted by faerielight
    Don't regret asking for a different person. This is simply appalling, and anyone who works for a disability charity should know better. Of COURSE people with MHP are just as entitled to a direct payments, or a personal budget, as anyone else is!

    (Sounds like the local authority I work in. Hardly anyone has a personal budget for mental health, in my experience, although they do talk about PBs with fine words.... )

    Actually I think it's really difficult. It seems to me appalling that people who are ill, and so qualify for DP/PB, suddenly need loads of expertise to meet the really complicated legal requirements of being an employer. But the only alternative seems to be being in thrall to a (probably horribly underpaid) agency, as you are. But of course there is no reason why someone with MHP should be less entitled to DP than anyone with any other sort of illness.
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    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 18th Oct 16, 10:22 AM
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    Pyxis
    I feel a bit better, I had a double dose of support today.. I've been asking my keyworker for ages if I can have it weekly til I stablilse, but she always said no, but today she has agreed to it and I feel relieved, and a tony bit more hopeful that I will have a chance to work on some of my BPD stuff. She has also agreed to contact the agency to explain what BPD is like and also to support me getting my care in the evening so that it doesn't creep back down.

    After that, I went to the trauma therapist and it was a really good session. I think it will be a good therapeutic relationship. I feel comfortable with her, she seems to be very skilled .
    Originally posted by faerielight
    A couple of very positive things there, Faerie! That's good.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, P.P..
    ¥ ¥ ¥
    X ~O
    • elsien
    • By elsien 18th Oct 16, 7:56 PM
    • 13,653 Posts
    • 33,106 Thanks
    elsien
    Note to self.
    Shifting a washing machine by yourself when it weighs more than you is a bad idea when you already have a bad back from gardening.
    I'm thinking of Pilates to help with posture etc since I can't run any more. I'm posting on here so that you folks will nag till I get off my arris and do something about it.

    Not ignoring you melly, it's on the list.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 18th Oct 16, 9:23 PM
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    onomatopoeia99
    It's a pretty bad idea when you don't have a bad back as well! I struggle and I do at least weigh as much as my washing machine (unfortunately, as I used to weigh less )
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • geminilady
    • By geminilady 19th Oct 16, 12:36 AM
    • 1,656 Posts
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    geminilady
    WaS just posting to say I am thinking of you.Hope you are ok and just resting after your bad episode
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 19th Oct 16, 6:46 AM
    • 11,275 Posts
    • 47,305 Thanks
    whitewing
    elsien,

    Tai Chi is also supposed to be good and gentle for flexibility.

    I am still doing zumba. It is quick and intense but very, very good for exercise.

    How is everybody today? I have washing on, and have half unpacked the dishwasher. I went to bed early last night as DH wanted to watch sport all evening. I'm still tired. Yesterday was a good day but the kind that you felt you'd done a day's work already by the time you got into work.
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 19th Oct 16, 8:48 AM
    • 7,574 Posts
    • 33,806 Thanks
    tea lover
    Morning all

    Definitely know what you mean about those kind of days WW.... so exhausting! I am v sleepy again today..... pass the large coffee mugs
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 19th Oct 16, 11:34 AM
    • 2,293 Posts
    • 4,793 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    Today I'm tired . Getting out of bed was a struggle this morning, don't seem able to catch up on sleep at the moment despite going to bed at sensible times. Came in to a couple of very weird problems in my email, which I'm just about getting to the bottom of now, so haven't started any of the things I was supposed to today yet!

    Evening class after work so I'll get home just in time for bake off, which makes for a long day. ZZZzzzzz....
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 19th Oct 16, 11:50 AM
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    • 2,729 Thanks
    Izadora
    Elsien - yoga's very good for core strength, which is great for supporting your back, so it's definitely worth giving that or pilates a try. I really should take my own advice seeing as, despite having been going to a chiropractor for years and having friends who are yoga instructors, it's something I've still not got round to doing.

    I think my body clock has gone back to GMT a bit too early - the past 2 days I've woken up nearly an hour late!! I'm not sure how but I actually managed to make it to the station in time for the last train which doesn't make me late, only to find out that it had been cancelled!!
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