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  • FIRST POST
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
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    Waves and Smiles
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3
    • #1
    • 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3 17th Mar 16 at 5:23 PM
    This thread is a continuation of The Mental Health thread “Here we can all be heard for a little while Part 2”. The previous thread can be found here-

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5320917&page=501

    I started the original thread when I was lonely and suffering with mental health issues and was lucky to find a wonderful group of amazing new friends who now mean the world to me. My name was Worried and Scared back then but with the help of everyone here I became Waves and Smiles. This thread is no longer just about me, it is about all of us and for anyone who needs mental health support, their carers and anyone who is interested in learning more. Sometimes we speak seriously, sometimes we offer gentle advice and a lot of the time we laugh together. Sometimes I write mini-novels about my experiences of living with complex mental illness. What is important is everyone here is there for each other. New posters are welcome to join in, or just lurk (we call them humming birds because they hover!) if they would prefer. This is a place without judgement or pressure, and a safe place for everyone. We try to keep abbreviations to a minimum but if there are some that you do not understand please ask.

    Sir Pugliet is our Good Mental Health pug! You may notice that he is mentioned from time to time, he is a little cuddly pug toy that was sent to me by a friend on the thread. He is something of a celebrity now!


    Hugs and warm handshakes, or finger squishes, whichever you prefer.

    Also, please take a look at the following links which offer great advice written by the lovely people at MSE!

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/family/2016/03/martin-lewis-launches-new-money--mental-health-policy-institute

    http://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2016/05/16/the-money-and-mental-health-policy-institute-whatll-it-really-do

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide
    Last edited by Waves and Smiles; 17-05-2016 at 10:29 AM.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
Page 292
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 13th Oct 16, 4:17 PM
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    pollyanna 26
    Hi all hummingbird popping by to have quick word with Faerie .
    WW has made some very constructive points in her reply to you . I understand how bad you must be feeling , my daughters life is ruled by that fear of abandonment which is a large factor in borderline thinking .
    I hope you can take on board wws words and be gentle on yourself .
    I don't wish to upset you but has the question of supported living ever been suggested to you ? some people can't cope with the idea but as you have complex physical and mental conditions to deal with daily it isn't ideal that you are living in a property which is pretty unsuitable for both your health and mental wellbeing . Life sounds so hard for you and I wonder if better housing with on call support would lighten the load somewhat .
    WAS Lovely to see you made it out into the world .
    Very time poor here but pop by when I can .
    Take care all and very gentle hugs to those that wish .
    polly
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 13th Oct 16, 6:32 PM
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    Pyxis
    I'm home! WaSp and I are exhausted so going to bed but we had a wonderful time! I got to cuddle a skunk and a royal python among other animals! More tomorrow, hopefully with photos!
    Originally posted by Waves and Smiles
    Don't call your teacher friend a skunk!
    Or his wife a python!



    Seriously, I didn't know you were going to be seeing animals!



    I haven't cuddled a skunk. Do you stink now?

    I have cuddled a python, though! And have the pic to prove it!







    Still struggling a bit but doing my best to power through, whilst hoping for a lottery win.

    I have been making my tentacles with the worst sewing machine in the world, so they'll probably fall apart after a few hours. I have only made 6 because the character only has 6 and I can't be bothered making 8. Just need to attach them to my running belt. I hate sewing.
    .
    Originally posted by codemonkey
    We want pics! We want pics!


    (Am still annoyed that the character only has six tentacles. Either she lost two in a bar-room brawl, or she's a mutant, Disney-style!
    It's like when cartoonists only give spiders six legs. THEN THEY AIN't SPIDIES, dumbo! They is insects!)



    However many legs, WE WANT PICS!
    Last edited by Pyxis; 13-10-2016 at 6:38 PM.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, P.P..
    ¥ ¥ ¥
    X ~O
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 13th Oct 16, 6:37 PM
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    Pyxis
    Two carers coming together will be good to keep things safe for everyone for now.

    Urgent care review being recorded will be good because it will be on record. Perhaps at some point in the future you could use a transcript of it to help you understand how you react in a stressful situation and how you could make it easier for yourself and others. I had never realised that my stuff was bpd because I had no idea that other people didn't experience such quickly shifting emotions. It could also help you understand your friend better as I assume that situation will be mentioned. Try not too take the recording personally. It will potentially be difficult for them to trust you because they won't necessarily be able to read you correctly. That's not something to be down about. It is what it is.

    Don't worry about your friend. Stay friends if you want but don't yourself up because you can't make her understand. All she needs to know for now is you weren't impressed.

    The terror of losing care is surely just part of the bpd. I keep thinking that I will lose my job for various reasons (although I have done nothing wrong). Part of me almost wants to make things worse so that what I fear happens now and I don't have to dread it any more. I then think, time to go to sleep - you can't do anything about it now. Saves being reckless and impulsive.

    You will be okay, faerie, there just needs to be a new way of doing things. If you need care, I can't see how they will suddenly withdraw it without sorting something else. All will work out in the end - it always does. Most of the rubbish in my life is in my head - the way I grew making certain reactions more likely and it is taking time to unlearn and amend them. Give yourself a break and cuddle your cats.
    Originally posted by whitewing
    Brilliant, Whitewing.
    That was a fantastic response to a very difficult situation.
    Do take it on board, Faerie.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, P.P..
    ¥ ¥ ¥
    X ~O
    • codemonkey
    • By codemonkey 13th Oct 16, 6:47 PM
    • 6,248 Posts
    • 22,213 Thanks
    codemonkey
    Don't call your teacher friend a skunk!
    Or his wife a python!



    Seriously, I didn't know you were going to be seeing animals!



    I haven't cuddled a skunk. Do you stink now?

    I have cuddled a python, though! And have the pic to prove it!



    We want pics! We want pics!


    (Am still annoyed that the character only has six tentacles. Either she lost two in a bar-room brawl, or she's a mutant, Disney-style!
    It's like when cartoonists only give spiders six legs. THEN THEY AIN't SPIDIES, dumbo! They is insects!)



    However many legs, WE WANT PICS,
    Originally posted by Pyxis
    Well, she does have arms so maybe those are the other 2?

    I have also cuddled a python. I love snakes.

    Anyone who needs cheering up and likes puppies. Here is a link to a video of some adorable EBT puppies doing puppy stuff. shouldn't be triggery at all but some other articles might be, so be careful if you go exploring.
    Eu não sou uma tartaruga. Eu sou um codigopombo.
    • elsien
    • By elsien 13th Oct 16, 7:46 PM
    • 13,654 Posts
    • 33,112 Thanks
    elsien
    Car broke down at work. Missed Gitdog's gold award, decided to console myself with a rare takeaway. Picked the only Chinese takeaway in town that doesn't do sweet and sour pork. Not amused.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • faerielight
    • By faerielight 13th Oct 16, 7:50 PM
    • 1,480 Posts
    • 2,722 Thanks
    faerielight
    hi guys, I have much better news today! I got a reply from the apology email I sent the manager, it said this: "(Penguined just in case)



    I" do hope you are feeling better, Just to Clarify you will not be loosing your care package with us as an agency however if an incident arises again I will have to speak to social services to put your calls as 2 carers instead of one

    You personally have not done ayt thing wrong and I am full aware of your illnesses and this can cause you to be tearful and anxious this is not how I wish for you to feel I'm hoping now with the call times later this will reassure you that you do not need to miss any appointment a not feel you have to rush around."

    I am so relieved! the stupid thing is, this rift now with my friend has triggered the voice in my head of my mother, telling me my friend is right and it is all my fault.. even reading the email, logical mind says it wasn't my fault, but emotional mind says it is... I have got a lot of work to do on my dynamics and core issues!I'm not sure whether to forward the email onto my friend and hope it mends the rift, but I think she will still blame me and be angry with me. I Can't see her burying the hatchet anytime soon, and that is so painful and so hard to tolerate.
    The only problems with me that she flagged up are that my cats have fleas and are biting the carers and I have to pay for a light on my doorstep.

    That said, I went to the centre today and I stayed from 12 to 6pm, I pushed myself way past my physical capacity and I know I will pay for it having to do enforced bed rest, but I really challenged my social and agoraphobia today, I stayed on 1 table, people came and went and I had some really good chats,and challenged myself to stay put and colour even when I was the only one at the table., I think I did get chatted up though by a guy, he asked for my number, and I didn't feel able to say no, then he hugged me and said that I smelt devine. I really don't want to make friend with anyone outside of the centre, appart from a close friend who goes there who I was friends with for 2 years before I went there. I want to contain my relationships with members inside the centre, so I feel awkward about the guy. But I am proud of myself that I'm joining in and challenging my safety net radius! Yay, go me
    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 13th Oct 16, 8:05 PM
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    • 47,312 Thanks
    whitewing
    Bless you, faerie. I am proud of you. I would have sat on the email reply for days being too scared to look at it.

    I wouldn't bother forwarding the email to your friend. Leave it all for a few days. You may not get the response you are looking for.

    Very well done on the table conversations. You are doing beautifully.
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • faerielight
    • By faerielight 13th Oct 16, 8:49 PM
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    • 2,722 Thanks
    faerielight
    Oh Whitewing, thank you so much for your encouragement and Pyxis too..I was bricking it about getting a reply and I left my mobile at home today so I couldn't check!!'m so relieved about my care, the manager seems to have calmed down by the tone of the email, I'm so desperately worried about my friendship with her.. She once sut me off for 2 years , I couldn't bear it if she did t again, with BPD, it's so hard to tolerate rejection and people we love being angry.But thanks for the lovely words is there anything that has helped you over the years with those core BPD issues and dynamics that are entrenched? The centre told me today that they are going to run an interpersonal skills group, which I def want to do. They said it covers things such as feeling responsible , taking blame and saying sorry when you haven't done anything wrong, it should be really helpful. I want to do the STEPS course too, and schema group but they don't deem me stable enough at the mo to to them.
    Last edited by faerielight; 13-10-2016 at 8:53 PM.
    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 13th Oct 16, 10:46 PM
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    whitewing
    From a quick brainstorm:

    taking anti-d's regularly, and being aware when I need to get them increased

    being less available to people who make me feel stressed, mostly family members. Accepting they are not going to behave how I want them to (this takes time and a lot of practise)

    being kind to myself - again, practise treating yourself like you would your best friend. I beat myself up too much but would give good advice to a friend in the same situation!

    for me, having time to myself at the end of the day to think things through (DH and littlewing are there but I need time to chill and think things through or I get irritable)

    getting enough sleep is a huge help for me

    I am now taking a daily dose of vitamin D (well, a multivitamin). I do feel that is making a difference

    I am still really surprised that people like me when I haven't seen them for a few days. Understanding that other people don't have that decline in feelings helps.

    Not responding to the person straight away if a situation upsets me. Allowing myself time to plan a response and stating that I need to think about how I will do something.

    Saying no/not overcommitting to things

    noticing little joyful things (I used to notice them but dismiss them too quickly)

    making the effort to recover a situation eg sending an explanatory email (not always an apology). I may escalate a situation so quickly that it ends abruptly but there is usually a follow up that I think of and can make an effort to do. Then I will often - but not always - get some kind of nice comment back that makes me feel appreciated for my efforts.

    mostly it is about practise
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 14th Oct 16, 12:49 AM
    • 5,019 Posts
    • 21,028 Thanks
    Waves and Smiles
    Faerie, I am so proud of you right now and I mean that in a totally non-patronising way. You have done great!

    Hahaha Pyxis! I didn't know I was going to see animals either, it was surprise! I don't smell of skunk luckily but he still had his scent glands so could have sprayed if he wanted to!

    Ouchie, I ache but hopefully should be able to talk about my time away tomorrow!

    This happened-



    and this-



    also this-



    I was over the moon!

    (Let me know if anyone needs me to hide Monty the python. He was only a baby and very sweet and harmless)
    Last edited by Waves and Smiles; 14-10-2016 at 2:52 AM.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 14th Oct 16, 9:00 AM
    • 7,574 Posts
    • 33,806 Thanks
    tea lover
    Awwww...... skunk!! Looks like you had an amazing time WaS!
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 14th Oct 16, 9:56 AM
    • 1,025 Posts
    • 2,732 Thanks
    Izadora
    Faerie, well done for pushing yourself and I hope you don't suffer too much for it. The interpersonal skills group sounds great.

    WW, although it was in response to Faerie, thank you. A lot of those are things which I should probably try to do more and seeing it written down that succinctly is a massive help.

    WaS, that skunk is so cute!! It's hard to believe that something so sweet looking has the potential to smell so bad. I was in Minnesota years ago and a skunk had scented near our cabin, it was not pleasant!!

    Yay for that fact that it's pretty much the weekend. Not so much yay for the fact that I'm working tomorrow and, due to no available laptops, have to come into the office rather than being able to log on from home so don't even get a bit of a lie in
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 14th Oct 16, 3:07 PM
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    whitewing
    Phew! It's busy at work at the moment. Can't get a minute free to actually do anything!
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 14th Oct 16, 4:26 PM
    • 5,019 Posts
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    Waves and Smiles
    I can finally sit up in a chair, yesterday involved staying horizontal and trying not to move anything. My picnic with my teacher friend was a ruse! He had contacted an animal park that was only 2 minutes away and they had reassured him they never get any visitors other than school groups in the mornings at this time of year so he booked an animal handling experience for me just as they opened as a surprise! The whole time we were there it was just the four of us visiting and the only other person we saw was the animal handler which was perfect for me.

    Skunk lesson time!

    The skunk was just adorable! We had no idea which animals they would bring out because it depends on how happy the animals are on the day (as it should be) and my teacher friend and his wife were slightly surprised to see a skunk! They considered moving away but apparently he can spray up to 20ft so there would have been no escape. The handler told us it is possible to remove their scent glands but the park has a policy not to do that because it can make them start biting because it is the only defence they have left. They only have the ability to spray 4-5 times before needing to replenish their scent which can take hours so they are reluctant to do so, it is only when they think their life might be in danger that they will do it. They will also stomp their feet and hiss like a cat as a warning before they spray so there is plenty of time to back away.

    She told me to treat him just as I would a cat, hold him securely and stroke him but let him move around and he wouldn't spray. The park are clear with you that they have no liability for ruined clothes if he did spray! The handler said they are timid animals but are actually friendly and do like to be cuddled against a warm body, this one had only sprayed 5 times in 3 years and that was when children grabbed him roughly and he became scared so only adults are allowed to hold him now. Skunks are so heavy, they have very little fat and a lot of muscle so they weigh far more than you would think. I cuddled him for 20 minutes while she answered questions and eventually he laid his little head on my chest and fell asleep. He was truly adorable and the handler said she wished she could let me take him home because he was so content.

    As well as the animals in the photo's who were all so sweet, I met an owl that I could stroke and a goat the size of a donkey who was very playful! Then we took a slow walk around the park and looked at all of the other animals and had a picnic on one of the benches. It was so sweet of my teacher friend to book this, he really is too good to me. It was lovely to see him, we meet once every year and it is always wonderful, otherwise we email each other every day. I have known him for 34 years now and we really are family to each other.

    I am a very tired but happy WaS and I want a pet skunk.

    Have another photo of my little friend-

    Last edited by Waves and Smiles; 14-10-2016 at 7:02 PM.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 14th Oct 16, 11:23 PM
    • 11,280 Posts
    • 47,312 Thanks
    whitewing
    Actually faerie, I think your bpd is getting better.

    You are changing and people may be finding those changes a bit difficult to deal with, so they default into their programming, which is to blame you for everything that is wrong in their lives. Rational you knows that this is not healthy for you. You are less inclined to give into this unfairness but you have't yet found a way to replace your old feelings about these situations. Maybe you feel numb or anxious or empty. But you will be making space either for new versions of your friendships or for new healthier friendships.

    You will be fine. Sleep on it.
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • jobbingmusician
    • By jobbingmusician 14th Oct 16, 11:30 PM
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    • 18,067 Thanks
    jobbingmusician
    This is such a lovely thread sometimes! Faerie, I think WW is very wise and you ARE actually getting better, bit by bit. (OOO, I must go back and read your penguin - whatever I did I couldn't see it on my phone). WaS - your teacher friend is a real treasure. What a lovely outing for you all! You obviously have a way with skunks!!!! xxxxx

    OK, Faerie, I have read your penguin and remembered what I wanted to say to you. Which is that when I ran a befriending service we had a similar thing happen - someone's friend presented a risk to our workers, although the actual client was fine. We came to an arrangement that the client shouldn't have friends round when the befriender visited - would that work for you? You could suggest it to the agency and they would see that you were thinking it through..... xxx
    Last edited by jobbingmusician; 14-10-2016 at 11:33 PM.
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    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 15th Oct 16, 6:13 AM
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    Pyxis
    Dear WaS,

    Thank you for the skunk info.

    I have entered it all into "My Little Book of Skunks".









    (Isn't the word 'skunk' lovely?
    Skunk skunk skunk.

    It's skunkilicious! )
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, P.P..
    ¥ ¥ ¥
    X ~O
    • codemonkey
    • By codemonkey 15th Oct 16, 1:50 PM
    • 6,248 Posts
    • 22,213 Thanks
    codemonkey
    Happy Saturday my poor unfortunate souls (that's an Ursula reference).

    Tonight is the party. My costume is ready and my confidence has plummeted into the toilet. I think I had more fun putting it together than actually wearing it.
    Eu não sou uma tartaruga. Eu sou um codigopombo.
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 15th Oct 16, 2:05 PM
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    • 2,732 Thanks
    Izadora
    I'm sure the costume looks fab. Will it help at all to hide behind the fact that you're dressed as someone else, therefore you don't need to be confident as it's not you they're looking at?

    If you can then put a photo of it up (I fully understand if you don't want to but it sounds amazing and I love fancy dress costumes) and I'm sure everyone will agree that it's great.

    I hope you manage to have fun tonight.
    • elsien
    • By elsien 15th Oct 16, 6:35 PM
    • 13,654 Posts
    • 33,112 Thanks
    elsien
    Code, I'm sure you look great, the costume was a fab idea. Hope you enjoy yourself.


    Today Gitdog and I have been avoiding housework and making the most of the last bits of autumn by checking out the last of the blackberries.

    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
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