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    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    • 5,026Posts
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    Waves and Smiles
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3
    • #1
    • 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3 17th Mar 16 at 5:23 PM
    This thread is a continuation of The Mental Health thread “Here we can all be heard for a little while Part 2”. The previous thread can be found here-

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5320917&page=501

    I started the original thread when I was lonely and suffering with mental health issues and was lucky to find a wonderful group of amazing new friends who now mean the world to me. My name was Worried and Scared back then but with the help of everyone here I became Waves and Smiles. This thread is no longer just about me, it is about all of us and for anyone who needs mental health support, their carers and anyone who is interested in learning more. Sometimes we speak seriously, sometimes we offer gentle advice and a lot of the time we laugh together. Sometimes I write mini-novels about my experiences of living with complex mental illness. What is important is everyone here is there for each other. New posters are welcome to join in, or just lurk (we call them humming birds because they hover!) if they would prefer. This is a place without judgement or pressure, and a safe place for everyone. We try to keep abbreviations to a minimum but if there are some that you do not understand please ask.

    Sir Pugliet is our Good Mental Health pug! You may notice that he is mentioned from time to time, he is a little cuddly pug toy that was sent to me by a friend on the thread. He is something of a celebrity now!


    Hugs and warm handshakes, or finger squishes, whichever you prefer.

    Also, please take a look at the following links which offer great advice written by the lovely people at MSE!

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/family/2016/03/martin-lewis-launches-new-money--mental-health-policy-institute

    http://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2016/05/16/the-money-and-mental-health-policy-institute-whatll-it-really-do

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide
    Last edited by Waves and Smiles; 17-05-2016 at 10:29 AM.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
Page 291
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 12th Oct 16, 9:23 AM
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    • 33,864 Thanks
    tea lover
    My idea of misbehaving these days is not washing up or something wild like that..... my carousing days are well and truly gone.
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 12th Oct 16, 11:34 AM
    • 8,419 Posts
    • 14,630 Thanks
    calleyw
    My idea of misbehaving these days is not washing up or something wild like that..... my carousing days are well and truly gone.
    Originally posted by tea lover

    Tea sounds like me. I am doing washing up from sunday and the last couple of days as going away for a couple of nights to stay with a friend.

    I have put phoebe back on a water bottle and bought a hopper feeder for her food. So lodger does not have to do that but just check on her.

    well my lovelies hand shakes, hugs and squishes all round.

    faerielight how horrible for you. But of course you know it had to be reported. And I am sure the manager is not really mad at you. just mad with what had happened to her employee.

    I have found that since his stroke husband can not be so tactful as he once was. I had to have words with him in the past about it. Once After telling a male teenager he had not seen for a while he had put weight on. He was not over weight just filled out a bit like teenage boys do. I told him say it in your head but don't let it come out of your mouth.

    I skinned my knee a week and half ago. I was being silly. And the friend I was with laughed. I stood up on a bench messing around. Stepped down and just went straight on my knees and we both laughed. But it did not feel right. He wanted me to get my knee out in a middle of a shop um no. Found some loos and found I had skinned it and was bleeding. When I told him it was bleeding he was then concerned LOL!!! Still hurts when I kneel down and have a massive scab My knees are covered in scars anyway.

    Need to get on. As without a car I have to use public transport to get to my friend and need to be ready by 2.30 to go and catch bus. Not meeting them until just after 5pm. And have to hang around an hour due to the bus I wanted to catch does not go past the stop I want at that time

    I probably wont be around. As not taking my laptop as don't need it.

    Everyone take care and catch you all again soon. WaS hope you having a nice time with your teacher friend.

    Yours

    Calley
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 12th Oct 16, 12:25 PM
    • 1,034 Posts
    • 2,764 Thanks
    Izadora
    My idea of misbehaving these days is not washing up or something wild like that..... my carousing days are well and truly gone.
    Originally posted by tea lover
    I don't even manage that, about as reckless as I get with my washing up is leaving my morning mug in the sink until I get home from work


    Calley - have a good time staying with your friend and I hope your knee feels better soon.
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 12th Oct 16, 1:00 PM
    • 2,309 Posts
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    onomatopoeia99
    My idea of misbehaving these days is not washing up or something wild like that..... my carousing days are well and truly gone.
    Originally posted by tea lover
    Know the feeling, though I'm more in the category of "not loading the dishwasher until I need to run it" or "staying up reading the internet when I should be in bed."

    I suppose I should add "not finishing my homework" to the list this week, but I did lose a big chunk of the weekend to work so I have an excuse (better than "the dog ate it" anyway )
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • jobbingmusician
    • By jobbingmusician 12th Oct 16, 7:48 PM
    • 18,035 Posts
    • 18,083 Thanks
    jobbingmusician
    Oooh look, WaS! A game just for you!

    (And yes, I agree they are pan chocolat, not croissants)

    http://www.sporcle.com/games/sproutcm/sloth_not_croissant
    I'm the Board Guide on the Matched Betting; Referrers and Jobseeking & Training boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge posts there. Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

    The good folk of the matched betting board are now (I hope!) supporting the Trussell Trust. Visit our donations page at justgiving, and search for jobbingmusician!
    • elsien
    • By elsien 12th Oct 16, 8:18 PM
    • 13,670 Posts
    • 33,174 Thanks
    elsien
    How's things going this week, Code? Any better?
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 12th Oct 16, 10:40 PM
    • 5,026 Posts
    • 21,066 Thanks
    Waves and Smiles
    I'm home! WaSp and I are exhausted so going to bed but we had a wonderful time! I got to cuddle a skunk and a royal python among other animals! More tomorrow, hopefully with photos!
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
    • codemonkey
    • By codemonkey 12th Oct 16, 10:53 PM
    • 6,262 Posts
    • 22,263 Thanks
    codemonkey
    Still struggling a bit but doing my best to power through, whilst hoping for a lottery win.

    I have been making my tentacles with the worst sewing machine in the world, so they'll probably fall apart after a few hours. I have only made 6 because the character only has 6 and I can't be bothered making 8. Just need to attach them to my running belt. I hate sewing.

    WaS, that's brilliant about the day out and the animals.
    Eu não sou uma tartaruga. Eu sou um codigopombo.
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 12th Oct 16, 11:04 PM
    • 2,309 Posts
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    onomatopoeia99
    code, pleasepleaseplease can we have a picture of the costume when it's finished?
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • codemonkey
    • By codemonkey 12th Oct 16, 11:14 PM
    • 6,262 Posts
    • 22,263 Thanks
    codemonkey
    I'll see what I can do. If it ends up rubbish, maybe not.
    Eu não sou uma tartaruga. Eu sou um codigopombo.
    • faerielight
    • By faerielight 12th Oct 16, 11:22 PM
    • 1,480 Posts
    • 2,723 Thanks
    faerielight
    Ipeguin

    3

    2

    1

    t's not gone well today, the care agency has ordered an urgent care review, and there's only 1 way that is going to go, as I had a review 2 months ago and that was for a whole year. They told me that they were recording the conversation, it made me feel like I was being arrested, and they said that 2 carers had reported me, the only other one I can think of was the carer I liked the most, who was the one how bad vibed me on sun and told me that I'd been reprted for my friends behaviour.
    I asked the manager if this catastrophic chain of events was anything to do with me and my behaviour, they said I has never been reported by a carer unto sat. I acknowledged how hard it must be to provide care for someone as mentally ill as me, and asked if my anxiety, and crying somtimes when depressed is the reason they want me out, but she said no, as they are traied to deal with mental illness. Shat she did say was that rapport had broken down with me and my supervisor, as I have had lots of arguements this last 6 months to get them to change the time of my care to later so I can access the MH centre, she agreed that things had become "fraught" and that communication had broken down, but that that was not the reason that they want to get me out and said that it was how "abusive " my friend was.. I told her I fully supported her reason for reporting but begged them not to tar me with the same brush, but she said the damage had been done, and they didn't accept that I froze, they wanted to to have got my friend out, but I just froze.
    And because me and my home has been deemed unsafe, 2 carers will come to monitor me until I find out the outcome of the care review.
    I am wracking my brains for anything else i might have done. I had that issue with male carer who was cutting my call down every day and telling me the office had told him he could, so there were a few tearful convos with them as I didn't know who to believe, but finally found out that he had lied. but there's been no other issues with carers other than the timing of the care.

    I am terrifed about losing my care, I don't know whats going to happen but this is not going away any time soon.
    And with my friend,she refuses to believe that she is in the wrong, wqont write an appology and is saying this is all on me and my behavious, that they've wanted to get rid of me for months because of my mental health, but thewy can't on those grounds cvos that would be illegal, so they using this as a reason to get me out. She says this is my mess, that it is nothing to do with her, and that this is all my fault. she says she will never get over being accused of being abusive, and that our friendship withh never recover. I stuidly begged her for not hating me for this, not to shoot the messengewr, but she says she never get over being accused of this, and how much anger she has for me now.

    I can't think straight, I don't know if what she is saying is true, it must be true because I'm such a nightmare person.I think my friend mught be right.

    I can't make sense of this.I dont know what else to do to make it ok with the agency and my friend. i feel like the wrost oerson in the wrold
    Last edited by faerielight; 12-10-2016 at 11:34 PM.
    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 13th Oct 16, 12:10 AM
    • 11,299 Posts
    • 47,365 Thanks
    whitewing
    Two carers coming together will be good to keep things safe for everyone for now.

    Urgent care review being recorded will be good because it will be on record. Perhaps at some point in the future you could use a transcript of it to help you understand how you react in a stressful situation and how you could make it easier for yourself and others. I had never realised that my stuff was bpd because I had no idea that other people didn't experience such quickly shifting emotions. It could also help you understand your friend better as I assume that situation will be mentioned. Try not too take the recording personally. It will potentially be difficult for them to trust you because they won't necessarily be able to read you correctly. That's not something to be down about. It is what it is.

    Don't worry about your friend. Stay friends if you want but don't yourself up because you can't make her understand. All she needs to know for now is you weren't impressed.

    The terror of losing care is surely just part of the bpd. I keep thinking that I will lose my job for various reasons (although I have done nothing wrong). Part of me almost wants to make things worse so that what I fear happens now and I don't have to dread it any more. I then think, time to go to sleep - you can't do anything about it now. Saves being reckless and impulsive.

    You will be okay, faerie, there just needs to be a new way of doing things. If you need care, I can't see how they will suddenly withdraw it without sorting something else. All will work out in the end - it always does. Most of the rubbish in my life is in my head - the way I grew making certain reactions more likely and it is taking time to unlearn and amend them. Give yourself a break and cuddle your cats.
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • faerielight
    • By faerielight 13th Oct 16, 1:24 AM
    • 1,480 Posts
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    faerielight
    WW your post makes so much sense.. my communication with any person or event that is stressful makes me go into panic mode,I get hysterical and sry,and I'msure they find that challenging sat times. Regarding my friend it's the first time I've ever stood my ground and maintainted that I'mupset with her, and I didn't appologise today so that's progress! I'm off to bed now.. I desperately need to sleep.. thanks so much WW
    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 13th Oct 16, 9:11 AM
    • 11,299 Posts
    • 47,365 Thanks
    whitewing
    A lovely shiny new morning to you all!

    I am pottering around sorting out post, doing those one-off tasks that should take 5 minutes but usually drag out for days. Have made a scary phonecall already this morning. Go me!

    Can't praise Asda enough for the cheap flu jab yesterday. So I thought I'd spread the word as a mark of gratitude. The pharmacist was lovely.

    faerie, I don't know anything about case reviews so perhaps you could explain what happens in them. Who comes and what happens in detail. Then maybe we can help you prepare for it and unwind from it so that you feel better about how you handle it.

    WaS, glad you are back (but am even more pleased that you managed to get away). I am very much looking forward to hearing about it.
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 13th Oct 16, 10:34 AM
    • 2,309 Posts
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    onomatopoeia99
    It's a beautiful day here, I can see out the office window . Can it be the weekend already please?

    Had a really tough lesson last night, wrestling with the four different forms of the congiuntivo (subjunctive). My brain was well and truly frazzled by the end
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 13th Oct 16, 1:46 PM
    • 7,588 Posts
    • 33,864 Thanks
    tea lover
    That sounds like tough going ono!

    Another day, another workplace pg announcement. That one has definitely not helped my grumpiness, mostly as she's only been back from maternity leave for a couple of months which somehow seems more unfair! Obviously I do realise that makes no sense whatsoever .

    There really should be other reasons that allow you to take a year or so off work. I'm not for a second suggesting that maternity leave is a blissful rest.... far from it! But it is a change at least. That's what gets me down most about work.... it's so relentless. It's not so much that any day in particular is that bad, it's more the fact that it just goes on and on. I want a gap year from life.
    • codemonkey
    • By codemonkey 13th Oct 16, 2:26 PM
    • 6,262 Posts
    • 22,263 Thanks
    codemonkey
    I totally agree with you tea. I think there should be a childless equivalent of maternity leave for those who don't want or can't have children to go away and do something they want to for a couple of months. I know you can take career breaks in some places but they're unpaid. I am surrounded by pg announcements and babies being born and creepy scan photos atm and it's getting to me, largely because all I can see is a relentless 30 odd years of work stretching out ahead of me with nothing to break it up. And now i'm sad.

    So, last night Mr CP was on nightshift and he let DA dog come upstairs and he slept on the bed. I woke up this morning with him all snuggled into me being mega cute (the dog, not Mr CP). It's very hard to get up when you have a dog giving you sad eyes if you move, especially if it's to go to work.
    Eu não sou uma tartaruga. Eu sou um codigopombo.
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 13th Oct 16, 3:01 PM
    • 7,588 Posts
    • 33,864 Thanks
    tea lover
    We should get animal leave! I'm not ashamed to admit that P cat and I happily spoon together .
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 13th Oct 16, 3:07 PM
    • 2,309 Posts
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    onomatopoeia99
    There really should be other reasons that allow you to take a year or so off work. I'm not for a second suggesting that maternity leave is a blissful rest.... far from it! But it is a change at least. That's what gets me down most about work.... it's so relentless. It's not so much that any day in particular is that bad, it's more the fact that it just goes on and on. I want a gap year from life.
    Originally posted by tea lover
    I so agree with this.

    If I could have a paid year off, as well as a long holiday in Italy (or two) I tihnk I'd start an OU law degree, because I have a very long standing interest in the legal system that goes back to when I was 16. As it is at the moment, with the struggle I have each week to get my Italian homework done in time I'm wondering how I'll even manage to add a piano lesson a week plus practice as well (which I have done nothing about organising yet ).
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 13th Oct 16, 3:39 PM
    • 7,588 Posts
    • 33,864 Thanks
    tea lover
    If I had a paid year off I'd have a nap.... for about a month

    I would encourage you to get those music lessons started but as I haven't done any practice again all week I'm in no position to judge Am just waiting for the exam date (sometime between start of November and mid December).... I really hope it's a later date as I am so very much not ready!
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