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    • another casualty
    • By another casualty 28th Oct 15, 9:15 PM
    • 1,330Posts
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    another casualty
    Quit everything , and start again over 50?
    • #1
    • 28th Oct 15, 9:15 PM
    Quit everything , and start again over 50? 28th Oct 15 at 9:15 PM
    Hello everyone. Haven't been on here for a few years, but this is my second thread tonight
    My situation: Lovely 2 bedroom maissonette in Twickenham , complete with garden and parking space .
    Know virtually nobody here now . (people moving away etc)

    Working : permanently employed Salary £24,500 + ot

    Debts: inc. mortgage £105,000 approx

    Property worth : £400,000 approx.

    I have had 7-8 years of hell , and I know I'm not the only one
    Haven't had a holiday for years. Been in debt for years, before getting a DMP in 2012.
    My friends are moving away / married etc.
    The place of employment , was a place I didn't want to be in for many years . Joined as a temp in the recession 2007 , and made perm 2009. Things have improved in one way, but are bad in another. For example, my backstabbing colleague and my self get on now since 2012. My boss retired , and now the Personnel officer
    is now my boss.She is rude and incompetent.
    My health suffered last year, and I now have Myasthenia Gravis and am slowly getting back on the mend via steroids.Oh, and I put my brother up for 5 years. He paid £400 a month, but not all at once and I was always chasing him. He was a nightmare , but I have my space back now
    So, with all of the above , I do wonder if I should just quit and start again.BTW, my boss criticised my appointments, I snapped and am now on a final warning for 2 years. I didn't swear/threaten etc. I just shouted as colleague to boss.
    My friends say that I cannot afford to live in London and should buy a place somewhere else and put a sum of money away.
    They even say that I could sell my flat and go travelling for a couple of months. Am I too old for this now?

    I must admit I am getting fed up of London , but I have lived there all of the time , mainly the Borough and Twickenham.
    I wouldn't want to move to anywhere else in London . Twickenham is very pricey as you know.

    Please feel free with suggestions you may have, and thanks for looking




    This Forum tip was included in MoneySavingExpert.com's weekly email!
    Last edited by MSE Andrea; 31-08-2016 at 1:02 PM.
Page 100
    • another casualty
    • By another casualty 8th Oct 16, 11:16 AM
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    • 2,038 Thanks
    another casualty
    Ignore the neighbour issue AC. Who pays for fascias is down to property management company and lease particulars. There may be money in reserve fund or the management company may have shortfall and call on leaseholders depending on what lease says. Then it is matter for negotiation between you and buyers as to what percentage you each pay for your share. Usually there is retention from sale proceeds until management company sort out how much they want from leaseholders.

    The neighbour issue is something else's which is really just a spat. I hate my neighbour feeding seagulls but we are not going to have fight over it. Just inevitable spats when you live in close proximity to other people
    Originally posted by enthusiasticsaver
    Yeah , more or less explains it
    • another casualty
    • By another casualty 8th Oct 16, 11:58 AM
    • 1,330 Posts
    • 2,038 Thanks
    another casualty
    Just bumped into the 'neighbour ' in the street. I'm so big, she couldn't get out of the way . I was just smiling to myself
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 8th Oct 16, 1:28 PM
    • 8,706 Posts
    • 48,385 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    AC. Please stop working yourself up into a tizzy over your neighbour. What's the point. You are beginning to let her get under your skin and it is impairing your judgement.

    Really.......feeling pleased she couldn't get past you because you are bigger than her.??? That is not nice. It's petty bullying and it's unworthy of you.

    Back to the fascias........At this stage of the game it will be easier to just make a cash settlement rather than trying to get the works done in time to meet an October deadline.

    It could be spring before they can sort out trades. Just reach an agreement and then you can crack on.

    Still not heard anything about my revised offer on the bungalow so I'm taking that as a "no". I won't be making a higher offer. It's not necessary because it's definitely a buyers market here, there's plenty for sale and loads of reductions.

    I am now a car owner once again. I have taken ownership of my sons little fiesta and we picked up a nice VW Passat for him.

    My plan is to spend a couple of weeks house viewing. Now that I am mobile I can do a few drive bys first before committing to viewings.

    Plus now I am driving again I can get to a gym more easily, so checking out the gyms and working out which kne appeals the most is next on my agenda.

    Nice dry day so just going to have a bit of a garden tidy and repot a couple of saplings.

    Hope you are having a good weekend. Are you decluttering and packing.
    • another casualty
    • By another casualty 8th Oct 16, 2:19 PM
    • 1,330 Posts
    • 2,038 Thanks
    another casualty
    Thanks LL
    Good luck with the car and house hunting.
    Felt horrible again today. Was gonna have breakfast with my brother, but cancelled . Spoke on the phone though.

    Vodafone gave me heart attack today, and lots of hassle.
    Received new SIM card on Thursday. Said I'll wait till weekend before putting new one in .
    When I came home this morning from shopping, I realised that they changed my phone no.
    This meant that I was on the internet ' chat' which was useless.
    I found a no.to phone, which took ages.
    Will put new sim in later .Also, when giving my security details to them , they had the wrong address. I told them off. They're too busy trying to flog the iPhone 7
    Will tidy spare room later, and start doing things .
    • Karonher
    • By Karonher 8th Oct 16, 3:51 PM
    • 331 Posts
    • 1,760 Thanks
    Karonher
    Can I add a little to what LL has said? Could you just concentrate on what you can do and not worry so much about others? I understand it is a big move, but it doesn't have to be so difficult.

    For the sake of a few hundred pounds, I would be bending over backwards to get the move finalised.

    It seems your brother was a problem, neighbour is spiteful, colleagues are against you, management company are not helpful, buyers need pandering to, at the beginning, Chase Buchannan were a problem. Some of the stress could be caused by perceived slights which by and large don't seem to be the case. If you treated me the way you treated the neighbour this morning I think I would want to do something about it.

    Like you, everyone wants things to go their way. It would be great if you could concentrate on Christmas in Poole - or wherever you choose to go - rather than get wound up because people want to do things in a way that is not ideal for you.
    Getting ready for Christmas 2016

    Aiming to make £3,500 online in 2016.
    • another casualty
    • By another casualty 8th Oct 16, 5:46 PM
    • 1,330 Posts
    • 2,038 Thanks
    another casualty
    Thanks karonher . I didn't do anything against the neighbour btw.
    I had bags of shopping in my hands and basically I walked past her . She has a surprised and disgusted look on her face . I did absolutely nothing . Things sound much worse on forums at times than real life .
    I wish I never mentions that bit now as I was Saying something here in jest
    You , and everyone else are right , that I should forget about her .
    I am doing that now .
    I've not had any problems with chase Buchanan TBH .i don't think it fair to put all f my previous issues together and fire back at me . I tell you what goes on ,,and everything gets blown out of proportion. I now understand that I need to
    Just get on with it . The help here from all of you is great .
    If I want this to continue , I know now to just get on with things like I used to .


    I'm forgetting the past , and putting it all behind .
    The fascia is just down to negotiation , and about how much I should pay .
    Shouldn't be a great deal . Apart from the sticking points mentioned, can't be long now .
    Thanks
    Last edited by another casualty; 08-10-2016 at 5:59 PM.
    • Karonher
    • By Karonher 8th Oct 16, 6:32 PM
    • 331 Posts
    • 1,760 Thanks
    Karonher
    That's great that everything is getting put behind you. That's the thing with forums though, everyone only knows what they are told.

    Sorry if you thought that the previous post was too much, and I know it is none of my business how you view things, but it was just on observation on what you have said over the months.

    If you want it deleting I will do that.
    Getting ready for Christmas 2016

    Aiming to make £3,500 online in 2016.
    • another casualty
    • By another casualty 8th Oct 16, 6:45 PM
    • 1,330 Posts
    • 2,038 Thanks
    another casualty
    Thanks karonher
    No need to delete really . I think it shows what I'm going through .
    I try to be easy going . I am an open book . Too open at times
    I have worn you all out on many occasions without realising at times .
    I do think this steroid drug I'm on ( prednisolone ) can make me more
    Frustrated when there is understandable frustration.
    One or 2 folk thought I suffer from anxiety . As we both acknowledge ,
    On a forum it's difficult to see the actual person typing than in real life .

    You , like everyone on here are great , and I thank you for all of your help.
    Sorry for being o t t without realising . I just need to keep my head down and carry on .
    Thanks again
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 8th Oct 16, 7:02 PM
    • 8,706 Posts
    • 48,385 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Thanks karonher . I didn't do anything against the neighbour btw.
    I had bags of shopping in my hands and basically I walked past her . She has a surprised and disgusted look on her face . I did absolutely nothing . Things sound much worse on forums at times than real life .
    I wish I never mentions that bit now as I was Saying something here in jest
    You , and everyone else are right , that I should forget about her .
    I am doing that now .
    I've not had any problems with chase Buchanan TBH .i don't think it fair to put all f my previous issues together and fire back at me . I tell you what goes on ,,and everything gets blown out of proportion. I now understand that I need to
    Just get on with it . The help here from all of you is great .
    If I want this to continue , I know now to just get on with things like I used to .


    I'm forgetting the past , and putting it all behind .
    The fascia is just down to negotiation , and about how much I should pay .
    Shouldn't be a great deal . Apart from the sticking points mentioned, can't be long now .
    Thanks
    Originally posted by another casualty

    Please don't take our comments too much too heart. We know you are under stress, unwell, broke, hate your job, desperate to escape......
    Trust me I've been there and I'm guessing many of us who are trying to help can relate to some if not all of your woes. We get it.

    However, what we are saying is that we have noticed a pattern in the way you relate to other people and to the challenges you face. You panic, you overthink, you agonise and then you (verbally) lash out, criticising all and sundry.

    I suggest you try another tactic.

    Have you heard about RAKs - Random Acts of Kindness.

    Today with the lady........instead of smiling to yourself that you and your bags were blocking her path and feeling that this was somehow a "victory" would it not have been a kind and gentlemanly thing to do to step aside and let her pass, with a pleasant smile and a cheery "good morning".

    Wouldn't that have made you feel better about yourself.

    Try it.....instead of looking for the negatives, turn things round. Look for the good stuff.

    Your say your boss is vile........do you know anything about her. Maybe she too has problems. Maybe she's out of her depth. Maybe she too hates her job, maybe she is terrified of you. Cut her some slack, try making her a cup of coffee and being nice to her (even if it makes you choke).

    And yes I am afraid buyers do need pandering to, whether you like it or not, they do have the upper hand. However, I think they sound pretty genuine and arent just being awkward.

    Don't forget they are first time buyers. They probably got spooked when they saw the survey - most FTBs do. They have no experience of owning a property, probably little knowledge about building matters and even less money set aside for repairs. As FTBs they are probably stretched to their limit.

    Just meet them half way - you can afford it. Consider it a RAK.

    Remember the old saying "What goes around, comes around" - be nice to other people and they will be nice to you.

    We reap as we sow.

    RAKS are like depositing money in the bank, the interest they pay is Good Karma.
    • wendym
    • By wendym 8th Oct 16, 7:41 PM
    • 2,812 Posts
    • 3,476 Thanks
    wendym
    At the risk of boring many of you to drink, prednisolone does have a lot to answer for.


    I am not quite 'me', and although I dislike the expression, the kindest consultant I saw during my (unconnected) hospital stay with the embolism, congratulated me on soldiering on with 'pred head'.


    The insomnia is not like normal sleeplessness, and as I said many pages ago, AC is to be admired for getting in to work, never mind all the other stuff.


    Now, who mentioned a drink?
    • another casualty
    • By another casualty 8th Oct 16, 8:25 PM
    • 1,330 Posts
    • 2,038 Thanks
    another casualty
    Thanks very much Wendy . It seems you may have hit the nail ,on the head. I am ( only ) on 10 mg( 2 tablets). Thinking back to last year, it was
    14,tablets or so. Plus the other stuff.
    Yes LL I hate the boss. She kicked me while I was down . Telling lies to my face , when I retaliated to her bullying. Yes bullied by a personnel officer . Long story , not for Here
    Whatever next . The neighbour: if I said good morning to her , she would've snapped at me . In your last post, you are more or less telling me that I am miserable . Not so. In fact I'm the opposite .
    I've done many acts of kindness , even giving the counter staff at wait rose
    £60 I found on the floor in their shop.

    I appreciate that I seem miserable and am blaming all and sundry.
    I only blame people who really deserve it, as I have proof and reasons for doing so.
    Sorry if I have been rambling on and depressing some of you .
    Thanks for putting up with me , throughout.
    Now , can we move on ?
    Last edited by another casualty; 08-10-2016 at 8:32 PM.
    • wendym
    • By wendym 8th Oct 16, 10:50 PM
    • 2,812 Posts
    • 3,476 Thanks
    wendym
    So we are both 'down' to 10mg. I have been on a ridiculous number of different doses over the last six years. !!!!, isn't it?

    And sorry to lower the tone, but stuffingtons to being saintly to your boss.

    So much for applauding your grown-up decision to move on. Perhaps it is time to blame the alignment of my furniture. I'm currently considering writing a screenplay about the demonic possession of a stairlift.

    Didn't know the site turns a disguised rude word into !!!!
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 8th Oct 16, 11:35 PM
    • 8,706 Posts
    • 48,385 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Oh I'm no saint.......

    And I'm no pushover, nor am I a doormat.

    But I have learned how to deal with difficult and obnoxious people.

    It can be very trying working with people with whom we have no natural rapport. Sometimes we may actively dislike them but still we have to spend several hours a day in their company. For our own peace of mind and sanity we have to make it work.

    MY solution is to go on a charm offensive and win them over.

    So, just as in any life situation where I try to look for the silver lining rather than the dark clouds,so it is with people.....I try and look to see if I can find some good in them.

    AC. My suggestions were not criticisms - they are guidelines on how to diffuse difficult situations and how to make your life a bit more pleasant over the next few weeks until you can make your escape.

    There's no fun to be had dreading work each day or having unpleasant encounters with your neighbours.

    There is a house at the end of our street which houses a bit of a "problem family". Well the kids are babies so they are fine (at the moment but god help the poor mites when they start school). However both the mother and the father are beyond "rough" - we're talking real Jeremy Kyle material.

    Both of them are as likely to punch you as look at you. However, I've won them over. THey have gone from glaring at me, to grunting when I spoke to them, to actually having a civilised conversation with me.

    "Disarm with Charm".
    • gallygirl
    • By gallygirl 9th Oct 16, 8:57 AM
    • 16,053 Posts
    • 105,257 Thanks
    gallygirl
    AC I just tried to look something up on google about negativity and it brought up a lot of witches spells and woo woo stuff so best I don't link to that and instead just write it out .

    Some years ago I got a new job at work - promotion and a big payrise, but it meant I had to deal with a very negative person who sapped my will to live when I saw him approaching me. Someone told me to imagine a glass bell jar over myself which wouldn't let his negative energy affect me. I tried it and it helped but then I felt resentful that I had to 'hide' beneath a jar. So I turned it on its head and put the jar over him.

    Every time I saw him approach I 'scrambled' Thunderbirds 2 in my head. Out it came from its lair beside the printer, complete with theme tune, and then had to fly up the office carrying the bell jar and drop it over his head before he reached me. Sometimes Thunderbirds aim was a bit off and he'd get clunked by the jar as it went over him . I know it sounds ludicrous but the whole scenario was so amusing it actually made a big difference to me and people commented on how well I dealt with his negativity. So where would Thunderbirds live in your office? Please run with the idea and try it out tomorrow.

    If all else fails check out my signature:
    A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort
    A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort
    Mortgage Balance = £0
    "Do what others won't early in life so you can do what others can't later in life"
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 9th Oct 16, 9:24 AM
    • 8,706 Posts
    • 48,385 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Loving the Thunderbirds.......especially the theme tune. It's just so jolly and upbeat. As you say play that it in your head and it's bound to brighten your day.

    Prednisolone.

    My husband was pumped full of the stuff, literally. He had to have it intravenously, not pleasant...... unfortunately it wasn't very effective, any benefits soon wore off.

    Alas nothing could halt the relentless progress of his illness.

    I'm glad it has worked so well for both of you, despite the side effects it is a useful drug. Good news that you are both being able to reduce the dosage.

    I know that we are not supposed to give medical advice so I won't. . However, have you looked at dietary methods to help reduce inflammation. Just google - there's loads of info out there.

    Might help as you come off the meds.
    • wendym
    • By wendym 9th Oct 16, 10:01 AM
    • 2,812 Posts
    • 3,476 Thanks
    wendym
    Don't want to hijack the thread but I put 'down' in quotes cos a year ago I had reduced to 5mg. Then flare after flare.

    And really don't want to sound ungracious but my specialist subject on
    Mastermind would be Alternatives to Steroid Therapy.

    But thanks for the concern. And now back to AC and The Move.........
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 9th Oct 16, 10:26 AM
    • 8,706 Posts
    • 48,385 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Okey dokey.....just thought I'd throw that one into the ring.

    I know AC has mentioned that he finds acupuncture and massage helpful so maybe he might also find things like dietary tweaks of use.

    A beautiful day here. AC hope the sun lifts your spirits and you feel a bit better today. Hopefully it won't be long now.

    Have googled some local gyms and am aiming to visit a couple next week.
    Last edited by lessonlearned; 09-10-2016 at 10:30 AM.
    • wendym
    • By wendym 9th Oct 16, 11:04 AM
    • 2,812 Posts
    • 3,476 Thanks
    wendym
    A beautiful day here too. A day for living at the seaside. Not long now, AC.

    Hospital clearly trying to catch up, and have echocardiogram appt this afternoon. Just routine lifetime surveillance post-embolism. Last time they couldn't find my heart, but gave me a thorough battering in the attempt.
    • Smodlet
    • By Smodlet 9th Oct 16, 3:30 PM
    • 1,820 Posts
    • 3,024 Thanks
    Smodlet
    On a Sunday, wendym? Wow.

    AC, your thread is on the brink of its millennium... cue songs:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pF0xBuKOlGE

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcWOviMI6Lk

    That's when I quit smoking... except in the metaphorical sense, of course
    Last edited by Smodlet; 09-10-2016 at 3:34 PM.
    What is this life, if, sweet wordsmith, we have no time to take the pith?

    Every stew starts with the first onion.

    I took it upon myself to investigate a trifle; it had custard, jelly, soggy sponge things...
    • wendym
    • By wendym 9th Oct 16, 4:58 PM
    • 2,812 Posts
    • 3,476 Thanks
    wendym
    Smodlet - hospital in special measures clearly trying to tackle backlog. Scan done by someone for whom sullen would sound too cheerful.


    Edit - sorry to occupy this significant space with a self-centred moan.
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