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    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 25th May 15, 7:13 PM
    • 703Posts
    • 1,901Thanks
    safehouse
    one day at a time
    • #1
    • 25th May 15, 7:13 PM
    one day at a time 25th May 15 at 7:13 PM
    I am a 48 year old mother of one DS, I have a mortgage of 100,000 on my little bungalow and a few other debts CC etc of approx 5,000 or less..................
    We have a wonderful DS. We have a quite successful business (for now anyway)………
    My OH is a functioning alcoholic, (there I said it), too look at him you would never know, and probably never believe it. When sober there isn't a better man walking, he is a hard worker, kind, considerate and a fantastic father. When he drinks, which is most evenings he can be all of the opposite. Don't get me wrong we do sometimes still have good days, especially when OH is on the wagon, but many more bad than good....
    I have been trying now for years to help my OH with his problem, his health has suffered but he refuses to stop. Xmas 2015 gave me the strength to take a massive step backwards, I am exhausted with it him mentally and physically, not to mention the affect this was having on my DS.
    OH can only help himself, it is not my duty and it has taken me a long time for me to accept this, but I finally have................I am now putting myself and my rock my DS first.
    Future protection in mind, I have been saving without his knowledge now for roughly 10 years scrimping with the intention of paying off our mortgage "My life the last 10 years have given me a terrible fear of being homeless to the point of constant nightmares".....To my amazement I have managed to secretly save £63,550 to date....(69,140 updated 19th November 2016)
    These are my reasons for wanting to pay my mortgage off as quickly as possible, I have no idea how long my OH will manage to carryon working or how much longer before our little business will crumble or how long the relationship will take the strain, I just know by focusing on saving for our future and my little house I get back a sense of control which helps get me through each week.
    I also have a diary to help keep me in check when tempted to spend and a place to throw out my emotions when I feel like I am falling backwards…………………


    DS 270…. CC 3,950 …. Mortgage £100,000 /£63,550/72,420 paid £36,450/27,580 remaining….Xmas Hols £0
    Last edited by safehouse; 03-05-2017 at 8:33 PM.
Page 46
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 30th Jun 17, 6:06 PM
    • 703 Posts
    • 1,901 Thanks
    safehouse
    Weekend here and instead of dreading OH antics I am looking forward to Carbooty on Sunday.
    Sold bag for a fab £45 on Teabay only cost me £5 on carbooty so heck of a result .
    DS has been accepted for 2nd choice at university and interview for first..........fantastic news as he has a back up now if 1st choice doesn't suit, or falls through......now second hurdle student finance and harder hill to climb! ....fingers crossed.
    Wish the rain would stop now, need to get some washing done and refuse to use tumble dryer ....
    Tea time....tummy's a rumbling made a lovely cottage pie and veg yummy x
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 5th Jul 17, 3:49 PM
    • 703 Posts
    • 1,901 Thanks
    safehouse
    Funny few days but in a good way. OH on his best behavior and very happy....which is very unsettling for me, maybe he has seen the light Lol
    Best news Student finance have agreed to support DS new degree.............has interview on Friday for 1st choice ...
    Business very busy meaning savings doing just as well........managed a massive £650 into mortgage this morning when 3 customers not only paid their invoices early but in full .
    Selling on Teabay seems to have gone quiet, but cant complain.
    Need to do food shop but trying to get though as many days as I can by raiding the freezer.
    Finally stopped raining so walkie time for mollymoo ...must say nice to write such a positive post for a change Lol x
    Also have OH daughter from past relationship visiting this evening and staying for a few days.....shes a little gem so looking forward to seeing her

    mortgage 72,370/27,630
    Last edited by safehouse; 05-07-2017 at 4:14 PM.
    • please-let-me-be-lucky
    • By please-let-me-be-lucky 9th Jul 17, 9:26 PM
    • 8,151 Posts
    • 45,064 Thanks
    please-let-me-be-lucky
    Hope you've continued to have a good few days Xx
    Debts @ LBM £23,729.31. Debts @ 08/04/2016 £0

    NSDs achieved in September- 4/5
    Lbs lost 7.5/107.
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 11th Jul 17, 8:21 AM
    • 703 Posts
    • 1,901 Thanks
    safehouse
    Thanks Lucky.but unfortunately the usual problem has reared its ugly head literally! normally does after a quiet calm period, also his daughter has just gone home, its as if he was waiting for her to go.
    OH stayed off work yesterday, no reasoning to it, just fell off the wagon again, now we have a string of very annoyed customers .... everyone's mood has taken a complete nose dive as a result and house is like a freezer at the moment.
    My DS was talking about retirement the other day and it got me thinking about OH retiring I cant get the thought/dread out of my mind ...to live every day like yesterday makes me feel physically sick.
    These are the days that are given as a reminder...... I should carry on with my secret saving and every penny possible.
    Some good news.... my DS has been accepted for student finance for University although over shadowed again by OH pure selfishness.
    Sorry for the moan everyone feeling very low this morning..........xx


    .
    • maddiemay
    • By maddiemay 11th Jul 17, 10:55 AM
    • 3,080 Posts
    • 27,042 Thanks
    maddiemay
    Sending virtual hugs. Great news about your D's though. Try and keep focused on stashing the cash, that will be the key for your future when the time is right.
    xxx
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 15th Jul 17, 9:48 AM
    • 703 Posts
    • 1,901 Thanks
    safehouse
    Thankyou Maddiemay x
    Things have settled down again.......but for how long I do not know?
    • Skinnylatte
    • By Skinnylatte 12th Aug 17, 12:00 PM
    • 1,084 Posts
    • 4,498 Thanks
    Skinnylatte
    Hi Safehouse, I'm just catching up with your diary after a long time away. You haven't posted for ages, is everything OK?
    Mortgage @ 12/04/2015 £136121 £121927 10.43% DI £9.13 £6.58
    Mortgage free day 06/03/33 06/11/32
    Emergency/Offset Account £
    0/£6000 0%
    CC Balance £6100
    £3778 Paid 38%
    1st LBM 02/06/2013 £21595 Debt Free Day 27/03/2015


    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 15th Aug 17, 7:27 AM
    • 703 Posts
    • 1,901 Thanks
    safehouse
    Busy Busy
    Hi Skinny, yes thank-you I'me fine. I do still pop in now and again when I have a minute to spare.
    I have set up a new business, buying and selling bags, mainly vintage bags. Surprisingly doing quite well, seems I have found something I am quite good at Lol. Haven't had a single minute....but that said its great "something for me" and I am really enjoying. I have packed in the cleaning at last and keeps my mind busy especially as regards to OH antics. Hope things are going well with you Xx
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 15th Aug 17, 7:35 AM
    • 703 Posts
    • 1,901 Thanks
    safehouse
    Hi everyone....sorry I disappeared once again.
    I have had lots of changes mainly good changes. I have set up a new business buying and selling vintage bags....doing quite well, not making a fortune, but not making a loss and the best part is I am enjoying the whole experience...especially now my cleaning days are over.
    DS starts University in a couple of weeks fingers crossed.
    OH is still living on a roller coaster only difference there is I am not on that roller coaster with him....I have taken a hundred steps back and feel better for it.
    Hope everyone is doing well....will pop in again promise xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
    • Skinnylatte
    • By Skinnylatte 15th Aug 17, 7:38 AM
    • 1,084 Posts
    • 4,498 Thanks
    Skinnylatte
    Thats wonderful news on both counts
    Such and intersting business that you to start, that you are obviously very good at, you found your niche! And sounds like you have taken a step away from the problem, good for you x
    Mortgage @ 12/04/2015 £136121 £121927 10.43% DI £9.13 £6.58
    Mortgage free day 06/03/33 06/11/32
    Emergency/Offset Account £
    0/£6000 0%
    CC Balance £6100
    £3778 Paid 38%
    1st LBM 02/06/2013 £21595 Debt Free Day 27/03/2015


    • maddiemay
    • By maddiemay 15th Aug 17, 10:01 AM
    • 3,080 Posts
    • 27,042 Thanks
    maddiemay
    Well done, great to learn that you are doing something that you love and that you have managed to put some distance between you and problems.

    MM xx
    • TallGirl
    • By TallGirl 15th Aug 17, 9:31 PM
    • 4,147 Posts
    • 8,584 Thanks
    TallGirl
    Glad to hear you've taken a step back just stick with it don't go back to how it was before enjoy life as it is it's the new business sounds fun and glad you love it. Keep posting though
    • please-let-me-be-lucky
    • By please-let-me-be-lucky 18th Aug 17, 10:05 PM
    • 8,151 Posts
    • 45,064 Thanks
    please-let-me-be-lucky
    Wowzers!

    Hope all going well Xx
    Debts @ LBM £23,729.31. Debts @ 08/04/2016 £0

    NSDs achieved in September- 4/5
    Lbs lost 7.5/107.
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 9th Sep 17, 11:14 AM
    • 703 Posts
    • 1,901 Thanks
    safehouse
    Hello everyone....been a while.
    Well here goes..... get prepared.....this is not easy to write but maybe it will help.
    I will start with the BAD................
    OH has blown our lives into misery of the worst kind this last 4 weeks.
    Crashed van under the influence (luckily no one was hurt).
    Court appearance next week and looking at a 3 or more year ban for sure community service maybe even prison (which my poor DS is in a state over).
    OH totally on a poor me pity party since it happened.
    Smashed up van is parked on the drive as a constant reminder of the sh*t he has caused.
    Solicitors cash to find (his problem)
    Business is now on a downward spiral as I always expected............he has made next to nothing the last 3 weeks.
    He is in major denial even now still drinking...........I hope they throw the book at him.
    Nosy neighbors awkward questions and almost tripping over when they walk past the house....I am sure they will know the full story soon enough "bound to be in local newspaper".
    I want the ground to swallow me up....I really do.
    I am sick of feeling angry, then sad .....my mind is like a toyshop at the moment, I cant focus, I cant sleep, I cant eat and have this sinking feeling and knot in my stomach that just wont go away.
    Worrying about DS mental health and how this is affecting him.

    GOOD
    I have finally kicked OH out the night it happened.
    I refuse to help him with solicitor cash support and he can go to court on his own.
    It has been heaven the last month no tip toeing around............being able to be myself is a new exciting concept.
    Financially, my little business is just about making enough to cover bills on my own (had to go back to part time cleaning which I hate but I am managing).
    DS starts University soon and said he will chip in out of his student loan (but wont take much from him).
    Need to cut back everything, direct debits everything needs to be addressed.....
    Have lost a stone in weight, but my IBS is really playing up probably due to stress.
    I worry he will just push himself back into the house when the court appearance is done..............I wont go back to living like that.
    He is finally going to AA but I think it is more to help himself and the up coming case.
    I feel drained writing all of this, hoping something good will come from it for myself and DS.
    I suppose something already has really..... I will NEVER go back to my old life.
    I am looking at houses and flats to rent and thank goodness diary I managed to look to the future and save save save
    I have been acting quite strange in that after it happened I started packing putting all my own personal things that I love in one room, I have emptied all the sideboards and thrown out bags and bags of rubbish...........I don't know why I am doing this, I have even taken pictures/clocks off the wall...........the house looks so bare....maybe I am finally going mad Lol
    Will update when I can xxxx
    Last edited by safehouse; 09-09-2017 at 11:21 AM.
    • Flying By
    • By Flying By 9th Sep 17, 12:56 PM
    • 10 Posts
    • 57 Thanks
    Flying By
    Safehouse, I don't know quite what to say. My heart goes out to you and your DS. What a dreadful time you have been having. My immediate feeling is that perhaps what has been happening is another step in an 'end game' that has been playing out between you and your OH for a long time, and all that is happening now will ultimately leave you and DS stronger and in a better situation than you have been. I am sure it won't be easy, and the timing couldn't have been much worse, what with DS starting university. But hopefully it will be the fresh start he needs and will give him something to focus on apart from what you are both going through. Stay strong. xx
    • Skinnylatte
    • By Skinnylatte 9th Sep 17, 2:13 PM
    • 1,084 Posts
    • 4,498 Thanks
    Skinnylatte
    SH, I am soso sorry for what has happened, brought tears to my eyes to read the first part of your post, then I felt like you had turned a MASSIVE corner shen I read the rest, especially the part "It has been heaven the last month no tip toeing around............being able to be myself is a new exciting concept." You have a bright future ahead of you now, and I'm sure it will be lots of ups and downs, but the millstone has gone, and you can concentrate on getting your life together, for both you and DS.
    SOD the neighbours, who gives a t@ss what they think. Please keep posting
    Mortgage @ 12/04/2015 £136121 £121927 10.43% DI £9.13 £6.58
    Mortgage free day 06/03/33 06/11/32
    Emergency/Offset Account £
    0/£6000 0%
    CC Balance £6100
    £3778 Paid 38%
    1st LBM 02/06/2013 £21595 Debt Free Day 27/03/2015


    • Cumbria lass
    • By Cumbria lass 9th Sep 17, 2:56 PM
    • 489 Posts
    • 1,266 Thanks
    Cumbria lass
    Safe house I have always read your thread with interest and thought how well you coped with OH. I hope you now find the strength to start a new chapter in your life for you and DS .
    As skinnylatte says there will be ups and downs but hopefully there will be a light at the end of the tunnel which is waiting for you .
    Keep posting , we are here to help.
    Aug 2017 CC1 £3549 CC 2 £1000

    Debt Free Nov 2019: earlier if I have my way
    • maddiemay
    • By maddiemay 9th Sep 17, 9:22 PM
    • 3,080 Posts
    • 27,042 Thanks
    maddiemay
    I have been wondering how you were. Tough times, but hopefully the beginning of a great new life for you D's and your dog. As others have said keep posting we will all be here to support you.
    MM
    xxx
    • fay66
    • By fay66 9th Sep 17, 10:50 PM
    • 579 Posts
    • 1,309 Thanks
    fay66
    ive just read this seems a selfish man for what he has done, drinking is awful, I have been with a former binge drinker for 6 years and left the situation but no kids xxx
    Debts: 118118 loan £1900,
    CC Marbles, 4500, Aqua £850. Ocean 350, Cap 1, £95
    Payday loans, Sunny £200 x 5 months, Sterling £135, Wage adv £135 x 2 months
    Ex bancruptcy, 6 years up Dec 17
    • TallGirl
    • By TallGirl 9th Sep 17, 11:04 PM
    • 4,147 Posts
    • 8,584 Thanks
    TallGirl
    Wow wow wow what a change horrible as it is it is certainly reading like a happier safehouse than the one just putting up with things. Maybe this was what needed it happen for you to be ready to do something. My DH got done for drink driving about two months after I left him. I thOught it would make him see he had hit rock bottom but I didn't. His 91 year old dad started picking him up and taking him to work even though it was miles out of his way. He also started getting taxis everywhere so no penalty really.

    I fewr your Dh won't see the court case and loosing his van bottom and stop he is still drinking it he had seen it as a reason to change he would have stopped by now. Please don't go back to your old life, sell the house or stay in it until it sellls. Don't go back to living with him it's not fair. I know you worry out DS but he will take strength from you and your decisions for your life. I think he will be pleased actually and stay strong for you.

    All the best please keep posting. As you know I'm so much happier now without my dh life couldn't be more different and I yours will continue to get better.

    PS sod the neighbours .
    Save £12k in 17 no 93
    £7750/£12k
    Pay off wasted money minus £1000 /£10k
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