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  • FIRST POST
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 25th May 15, 7:13 PM
    • 689Posts
    • 1,856Thanks
    safehouse
    one day at a time
    • #1
    • 25th May 15, 7:13 PM
    one day at a time 25th May 15 at 7:13 PM
    I am a 48 year old mother of one DS, I have a mortgage of 100,000 on my little bungalow and a few other debts CC etc of approx 5,000 or less..................
    We have a wonderful DS. We have a quite successful business (for now anyway)………
    My OH is a functioning alcoholic, (there I said it), too look at him you would never know, and probably never believe it. When sober there isn't a better man walking, he is a hard worker, kind, considerate and a fantastic father. When he drinks, which is most evenings he can be all of the opposite. Don't get me wrong we do sometimes still have good days, especially when OH is on the wagon, but many more bad than good....
    I have been trying now for years to help my OH with his problem, his health has suffered but he refuses to stop. Xmas 2015 gave me the strength to take a massive step backwards, I am exhausted with it him mentally and physically, not to mention the affect this was having on my DS.
    OH can only help himself, it is not my duty and it has taken me a long time for me to accept this, but I finally have................I am now putting myself and my rock my DS first.
    Future protection in mind, I have been saving without his knowledge now for roughly 10 years scrimping with the intention of paying off our mortgage "My life the last 10 years have given me a terrible fear of being homeless to the point of constant nightmares".....To my amazement I have managed to secretly save £63,550 to date....(69,140 updated 19th November 2016)
    These are my reasons for wanting to pay my mortgage off as quickly as possible, I have no idea how long my OH will manage to carryon working or how much longer before our little business will crumble or how long the relationship will take the strain, I just know by focusing on saving for our future and my little house I get back a sense of control which helps get me through each week.
    I also have a diary to help keep me in check when tempted to spend and a place to throw out my emotions when I feel like I am falling backwards…………………


    DS 270…. CC 3,950 …. Mortgage £100,000 /£63,550/72,420 paid £36,450/27,580 remaining….Xmas Hols £0
    Last edited by safehouse; 03-05-2017 at 8:33 PM.
Page 45
    • UncannyScot
    • By UncannyScot 21st May 17, 11:09 AM
    • 216 Posts
    • 721 Thanks
    UncannyScot
    Hi
    I have read my way through your diary and WOW you are an inspiration...
    I am following and I look forward to your updates

    Keep on keeping on, you are amazing
    It is important that we know where we come from, because if you do not know where you come from, then you do not know where you are, and if you don't know where you are, then you don't know where you are going. If you don't know where you're going, you're probably going wrong.
    R.I.P. T.P.
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 24th May 17, 3:02 PM
    • 689 Posts
    • 1,856 Thanks
    safehouse
    Oh Thank you Scot and welcome to my chaotic world.... very nice of you to give such lovely comments (pulled at my heart strings) .....but I don't see myself as either of those things, more like someone trudging though life trying to make the best out of a very bad situation whilst rambling and throwing out all my emotions along the way. I tend to forget people are actually reading my posts, for me this is much more than a diary but more like an emotional crutch. Good Luck with you journey Scot, I will keep on keeping on and I hope you do to Xx
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 25th May 17, 6:54 PM
    • 689 Posts
    • 1,856 Thanks
    safehouse
    Have listed quite a few items on Teabay.....found a fab designer bag on carbooty last Sunday for £5 .....usually sell for around £80 fingers crossed.... mine has plenty of people watching but no bids as yet.

    Wages inc overtime paid into bank account this morning and lovely surprise....a fair bit more than I had expected.
    Have paid a good chunk into my mortgage savings, which always makes me happy .....
    Very tempted to order a food shop online at the moment, maybe its because I'm hungry, better eat something quick Lol........
    Beautiful day today....... hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine. I just couldn't sit still, started pulling up a few weeds and before I knew it was red faced and mowing both front and back lawns.....
    All showered and enjoying the rest now though... time for a nice cuppa me thinks, will have to be black coffee as no milk and no energy to go out and buy some.

    CC 1,600 Mortgage 73,010 / 26,990 EF 0
    Last edited by safehouse; 26-05-2017 at 3:42 PM.
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 17th Jun 17, 5:20 PM
    • 689 Posts
    • 1,856 Thanks
    safehouse
    Ohhhh just put my red sore puffed up feet on the sofa, cuppa brewed and fan blowing ....Heaven . Sorry to have done a disappearing act for a while, but have got myself another part time cleaning job....I know must be mad?? and with the house, naughty OH roller coaster antics and running the main business as well as my regular job not forgetting sells on Teabay... I am totally shattered..........the job isn't permanent only for a couple of months..if I last that long Lol..Thank goodness.
    OH has been better lately, usual problem still lurking and popping up every now and then but better "I will probably be eating my words by tomorrow"
    Good news....DS has found a university degree he wants to apply for September this year ........he will have to get the train every day if accepted ....but fingers crossed this could be the start of good times to come, he certainly deserves them.
    My mortgage as suffered a blow but my cc and secret holiday in December are paid in full inc spends..............Yep holiday still a secret from OH mainly because he has been doing so well lately I just haven't found the right time or the guts to tell him "not for 6 months so not going to worry"
    Had a very nice surprise cheque for £20 third prize on the hospice today...first win in 6 years .
    Off to the carbooty tomorrow looking for bargains to sell ...have been enjoying my new found del boy hobbie, love the shopping just hate the listing and posting
    Hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine and will try and update a bit more often promise
    Last edited by safehouse; 17-06-2017 at 5:23 PM.
    • please-let-me-be-lucky
    • By please-let-me-be-lucky 17th Jun 17, 6:33 PM
    • 7,985 Posts
    • 43,914 Thanks
    please-let-me-be-lucky
    Good to have you back and sounding mostly positive Xx
    Debts @ LBM £23,729.31. Debts @ 08/04/2016 £0

    NSDs achieved in June - 2/5
    Florida spending 'pot' - £500/£1000
    Lbs lost - 9
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 18th Jun 17, 8:32 AM
    • 689 Posts
    • 1,856 Thanks
    safehouse
    Thanks Lucky, hope you and your lovely family are doing ok, sorry not had anytime to catch up on all you good people x
    I'me afraid I am not sure how long my optimism will last in fact feel like i have already had another one of those familiar kicks in the guts to be honest "did say I would eat my words, did not expect it to be so quickly ?" more bl**dy angry than anything this morning ...............
    OH sloped out of the bedroom about 6am this morning still looking intoxicated, even had the cheek comment on how miserable I looked this morning wanting a reaction I suspect, bit my tongue as usual.........I am keeping as quiet as possible at the moment, don't want to wake him ...let him sleep it off for as long as possible, but hating myself for allowing myself to do this... tip toeing around my own home
    Alcoholism some people believe to be an illness a disease. I am not sure what my stance is as regards to this belief, maybe because I/we are living it..............what about the family's of the alcoholic do they have/share this disease ?, because in my opinion the alcoholic has it much, much better he is in this false bubble of security & happiness protecting him with every sip.......whilst we have to change the way we think, the way we feel, the way we behave, the way we plan.....everything changes for the families, yet nothing changes for the alcoholic ....he just lives this happy selfish, selfish life.
    Sorry again people for the Rant of the month, I am just really trying to make sense of it all again
    Funny how now all my guilt as regards to my secret savings/holiday have disappeared so quickly. Moan over and out....feel slightly better after throwing all my rubbish into my diary this morning .
    Will update later, hope to get to the carbooty today without argument.............Please?
    Have a lovely Sunday everyone ....
    Last edited by safehouse; 18-06-2017 at 8:34 AM.
    • TallGirl
    • By TallGirl 18th Jun 17, 8:53 AM
    • 4,048 Posts
    • 8,385 Thanks
    TallGirl
    Hugs totally agree the alcoholic does have it easier when the family protect them. Sorry to say this maybe it is time you did remove yourself from the toxic environment and made your own space to live free of the oppression from alcohol. I know it's hard but it's oyur life and oyur sanity at stake. I'm sure oyur DS would support you all the way. Feel free to rant on here I know it really does help when you have no one else to share it with.
    Save £12k in 17 no 93
    £2750/£12k
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 18th Jun 17, 8:21 PM
    • 689 Posts
    • 1,856 Thanks
    safehouse
    Thankyou Tallgirl......I know your right but I just dont have the strength, not yet...I envy you, one day I will go, maybe when DS fly's the nest x
    Enjoyed my carbooty and so far no arguments although OH has been secretly drinking since I came home, well the silly bu**er thinks its a secret....I know him to well Lol.
    found a lovely red leather bag today only £2 was going to re-sell but like it to much to sell.
    Didn't come home with much else..hmm except for very sore sunburn across my shoulders and chest.
    Wish it would get dark, I am ready for my bed...night night xx
    • TallGirl
    • By TallGirl 18th Jun 17, 9:23 PM
    • 4,048 Posts
    • 8,385 Thanks
    TallGirl
    You'll get the strength one day I know just keep posting your thoughts and do things for you. I'm sure DS would come with you where ever you went.
    Save £12k in 17 no 93
    £2750/£12k
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 19th Jun 17, 8:15 AM
    • 689 Posts
    • 1,856 Thanks
    safehouse
    I will Tallgirl.....I am always grateful for your comments ....you are a true inspiration "a happy ending" . Without this diary I really would have believed that no one else in the whole world could have been going though even a similar situation.... I was far to wrapped up in all the negativity. Anyway what I am trying to say is I do feel stronger mentally than I when I first started my Diary ....even if I am using it for more than my debt/mortgage problems.......Big Babble over Lol x
    Had a phone call this morning and one of my jobs has had a terrible leak ....not so terrible for me because I now have most of the day to myself and still getting paid ...Happy days, Plan now is to mow both font back lawn, clean car, clean house (properly)....do some washing....take my molly moo for an extra long walk, help DS with Uni application, pick up parcels and pay few invoices then Chill if I have any time left haha
    Right then second PG tippys on the horizon and get some work done ......
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 19th Jun 17, 4:43 PM
    • 689 Posts
    • 1,856 Thanks
    safehouse
    All work done and dusted..................
    front garden lawn cut
    back garden lawn cut
    Conservatory windows cleaned inc frames
    patio swept and cleaned.
    garden furniture washed
    washing done and drying
    2 trees cut back
    house cleaned, polished, vacuumed and mopped
    DS application finished...awaiting reference
    mollymoo not walked but she has been in the garden with me most of the day and is flat out with the heat.
    Tea cooked (curry)
    parcels picked up.
    prescription picked up.
    Whew time for well deserved sleepy.........................
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 21st Jun 17, 4:30 PM
    • 689 Posts
    • 1,856 Thanks
    safehouse
    DS room/bathroom cleaned sneaked in whilst he was out at work this morning ....only took 2 hours...
    Couldn't see the floor for the mounds of dirty clothing and yep he had definitely gone nose blind my gosh ...made my eyes water.
    Did laugh at his reaction and his face when I told him I had cleaned his room.....his instant reply ....OH NO am I in trouble?.....anyway lecture given, don't suppose will do much good so will make him clean it himself next time around.
    Clutch has broken on the van quoted £800 from one garage and £350 from another go figure? bad timing as always
    My mortgage money has taken a bash now that all cc are paid and few other things "not inc van repair bill ouch....
    Took mollymoo for a walkie and we got caught in terrible thunder storm........... we were soaked not that it bothered her much, she just ran around the house shaking her wet coat everywhere, sure she hit every room....little monster
    OH working hard and seems to be focused.... for now?
    DS still waiting for UCAS to complete his application and me I am chilling....been chilling bit to much today actually, couch potato comes to mind .
    Right then Tea time need to get off my backside now x

    Mortgage 71,350 / 28,650 EF 0
    Last edited by safehouse; Yesterday at 4:37 PM.
    • please-let-me-be-lucky
    • By please-let-me-be-lucky 21st Jun 17, 8:21 PM
    • 7,985 Posts
    • 43,914 Thanks
    please-let-me-be-lucky
    We had quite some storm didn't we!! I lost power for hours Xx
    Debts @ LBM £23,729.31. Debts @ 08/04/2016 £0

    NSDs achieved in June - 2/5
    Florida spending 'pot' - £500/£1000
    Lbs lost - 9
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 22nd Jun 17, 7:09 AM
    • 689 Posts
    • 1,856 Thanks
    safehouse
    We sure did Lucky.............woken to beautiful sunshine this morning, hope you have too........x

    Off to meet my beautiful Dmamma this morning and quick wander around charity shops before work....then will have to call in Aldys need to fill the fridge, well as best I can with £20 Lol.
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