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    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 25th May 15, 7:13 PM
    • 679Posts
    • 1,823Thanks
    safehouse
    one day at a time
    • #1
    • 25th May 15, 7:13 PM
    one day at a time 25th May 15 at 7:13 PM
    I am a 48 year old mother of one DS, I have a mortgage of 100,000 on my little bungalow and a few other debts CC etc of approx 5,000 or less..................
    We have a wonderful DS. We have a quite successful business (for now anyway)………
    My OH is a functioning alcoholic, (there I said it), too look at him you would never know, and probably never believe it. When sober there isn't a better man walking, he is a hard worker, kind, considerate and a fantastic father. When he drinks, which is most evenings he can be all of the opposite. Don't get me wrong we do sometimes still have good days, especially when OH is on the wagon, but many more bad than good....
    I have been trying now for years to help my OH with his problem, his health has suffered but he refuses to stop. Xmas 2015 gave me the strength to take a massive step backwards, I am exhausted with it him mentally and physically, not to mention the affect this was having on my DS.
    OH can only help himself, it is not my duty and it has taken me a long time for me to accept this, but I finally have................I am now putting myself and my rock my DS first.
    Future protection in mind, I have been saving without his knowledge now for roughly 10 years scrimping with the intention of paying off our mortgage "My life the last 10 years have given me a terrible fear of being homeless to the point of constant nightmares".....To my amazement I have managed to secretly save 63,550 to date....(69,140 updated 19th November 2016)
    These are my reasons for wanting to pay my mortgage off as quickly as possible, I have no idea how long my OH will manage to carryon working or how much longer before our little business will crumble or how long the relationship will take the strain, I just know by focusing on saving for our future and my little house I get back a sense of control which helps get me through each week.
    I also have a diary to help keep me in check when tempted to spend and a place to throw out my emotions when I feel like I am falling backwards…………………


    DS 270…. CC 3,950 …. Mortgage 100,000 /63,550/72,420 paid 36,450/27,580 remaining….Xmas Hols 0
    Last edited by safehouse; 03-05-2017 at 8:33 PM.
Page 43
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 16th Mar 17, 7:29 AM
    • 679 Posts
    • 1,823 Thanks
    safehouse
    Haven't slept to well last night ................day ended badly yesterday with a visit from one of OH deluded relatives who brought him a bottle of vodka as a gift in the process . I feel as though I am battling on more than one front, it can be soooooo draining ............ I told this same person the full extent of the situation regarding OH drink/health problems around a year back and at the time they acted all concerned and supportive....then they do this?....I sometimes feel like I am going mad...is it me? am I over reacting? all these questions spinning around in my head its just cruel
    My instincts are the idea was to use him to hurt me and it worked because it did hurt.
    Today I am not going to dwell on the situation, some people are just cruel and vindictive . I have told OH I do not want this person in my home anymore, if he needs to see them he can visit by driving to their house ( removing toxic people like that from my life is the best thing I can do). Poured bottle down the toilet but kick in the stomach all the same, (I could write a book, really I could, probably turn out to be a best seller Lol ).
    Anyway back to brighter things, meeting my beautiful DMammy this morning , she always has a way of lifting my day .
    Another busy day planned....flea market today so will be on the look out for some cheap tins of emulsion and then work till 3, finally get on with my decorating, hope to finish my hallway...best to keep active.
    Oh well sounded off once again Thankyou Diary.........sorry people, I know I am playing a stuck record xx
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 16th Mar 17, 8:13 AM
    • 10,519 Posts
    • 67,646 Thanks
    Bobarella
    How utterly horrible. That is very strange behaviour indeed. I'm glad you were able to get rid of the drink without it turning into fireworks with DH.
    "You're not rich until you have something money can't buy."

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from 40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 53.62 2016-62.28 2015- 84.20)
    RYSAW17 1795.58 2016 2,535.16 2015 1027.20
    • maddiemay
    • By maddiemay 16th Mar 17, 8:14 AM
    • 2,880 Posts
    • 24,617 Thanks
    maddiemay
    Oooodles of virtual hugs, sorry to read and run.
    MM xxx
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 17th Mar 17, 7:45 AM
    • 679 Posts
    • 1,823 Thanks
    safehouse
    Thanks Guys............actually feeling brighter this morning .
    The full episode seemed to back fire on this person and OH reaction was totally unexpected by myself, he was so disgusted he rang his mother and asked all his family to not bring spirits/alcohol to our home, he told them his health is not great and how he is wanting to start the gym. He also told them how much support he is getting from me and just how much he appreciates it....................on the whole he shamed them all (must say today at least I am proud of OH....a very rare and welcome glimpse of the man I met).
    Hallway finished and looking very nice, did run out of beige so had to incorporate a cream leftover paint on one wall, but actually fits well in a funny sort of way
    Made a 60 purchase Argosy yesterday power washer with all attachments for cleaning car, driveway, conservatory...........have worked out will make a massive saving doing all these jobs ourselves and will save money in the long run, used topcashy so 5 savings to boot.
    Still not done a food shop and fridge looking very empty..........chest freezer still more than half full, wonder if I might get by another week on an essentials only shop ..feeling confident ....
    Time goes far to quickly during the early mornings so need to get my skates on....Mrs Mop here I come Lol xx
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 17th Mar 17, 7:52 AM
    • 10,519 Posts
    • 67,646 Thanks
    Bobarella
    That's amazing. How good to be supported for once!

    I've been trying to stock up. Do you actively do so being self employed?
    "You're not rich until you have something money can't buy."

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from 40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 53.62 2016-62.28 2015- 84.20)
    RYSAW17 1795.58 2016 2,535.16 2015 1027.20
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 18th Mar 17, 8:08 AM
    • 679 Posts
    • 1,823 Thanks
    safehouse
    Oh Yes Bobs, keep at it....being self employed always brings its quiet weeks/months with the telephone suddenly going silent,. When finances are good I will stock up on all sorts of levels ....starting with bumbing up the household bank account finances so I am a few weeks/months ahead with DD to bumping up my chest freezer by buying extra food. During our fruitful weeks I even stock up on cleaning products/ shampoo's, doggy products......should really have one of those food stock cupboards like they do on those extreme coupon program, sounds sad but would make my day...I would love one Lol . I often go to multiple supermarkets late in the day when they are more likely to reduce, who cares if your tin of peas have a dent?.....we have to do what we can Bobs....funny thing with me is I enjoy the challenge xx
    • please-let-me-be-lucky
    • By please-let-me-be-lucky 18th Mar 17, 11:03 AM
    • 7,932 Posts
    • 43,532 Thanks
    please-let-me-be-lucky
    Sorry to hear about the deluded relative, but yay for OH doing the decent thing for once. There's hope yet!

    I would also LOVE a stock pile a'la Extreeme Couponing! Devine! Xx
    Debts @ LBM 23,729.31. Debts @ 08/04/2016 0

    NSDs achieved in May - 1/5
    Florida spending 'pot' - 436.00/1000
    Lbs lost - 13.5
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 18th Mar 17, 2:13 PM
    • 10,519 Posts
    • 67,646 Thanks
    Bobarella
    All good advice. I feel like I'm only just getting the SE mindset. And it's been 5 years!!!!
    "You're not rich until you have something money can't buy."

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from 40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 53.62 2016-62.28 2015- 84.20)
    RYSAW17 1795.58 2016 2,535.16 2015 1027.20
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 20th Mar 17, 7:50 AM
    • 679 Posts
    • 1,823 Thanks
    safehouse
    Very proud of myself....Paid 300 off CC (mortgage raided again) this morning. Remaining 600 Balance transferred to another CC as my interest free is almost up ......................Hoping to be finally debt free by June or July fingers crossed .
    DD for household paid up for March, April and 50 for May best for a long time.
    No big food shop as yet..........using freezer stock and will try getting by with essentials for the next few days.
    Bargain day yesterday and superwoman had lots of energy (not sure where it came from Lol)....up early and an hour of ironing, then off to carbooty, walked around twice ....found new hose pipe connections for outside tap, desperately needed and at a cost of only 50p each happy days.
    Fruit and veg stall 2 big backs of fresh mushrooms, two boxes of raspberry's and box of plums all for 2.50 Wow.
    Then called in Dunhelmy and found some beautiful heavy lined curtains reduced from 94 to only 27.....bigger purchase I know but heck of a bargain.
    called in TKmaxxy and Nexty sales managed to spend 0
    but naughty spend of 6 mcdunalds and 4 on sugary products inc chocolate fudge cake, had DS with me say no more!
    Finally called in asdy and left with 7 curry dishes (all freezable) good size for 2 people reduced at last minute from 2.50 to only 70p a dish.......great thing is can add extra chicken and my bulk of mushrooms and instant meal for 3 also handy for when I am in a rush....which is nearly always Lol.
    Got home around 4 and mowed the front lawn, swept the front and side of house then washed front door and sills............Then quickly cooked up a lovely chicken and garlic stirfry for tea.... finally flopped on the sofa. That was me done didn't move a muscle for the rest of the evening.....Good day in all, even OH on sort of best behavior


    CC B 600/...600 total . Mortgage 100,000 /71,640 paid 28,360 remaining
    EF 0
    Last edited by safehouse; 20-03-2017 at 9:02 AM.
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 20th Mar 17, 2:43 PM
    • 10,519 Posts
    • 67,646 Thanks
    Bobarella
    Wow that's so good! Youll be hammering the mortgage down again very soon.
    "You're not rich until you have something money can't buy."

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from 40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 53.62 2016-62.28 2015- 84.20)
    RYSAW17 1795.58 2016 2,535.16 2015 1027.20
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 22nd Mar 17, 8:08 AM
    • 679 Posts
    • 1,823 Thanks
    safehouse
    Hoping so Bobs x
    Oh dear....slept in this morning, have busy day as usual only allowed one cup of tea this morning.
    First job is to give my beautiful mammys home a good clean .......then two house deep cleans meaning including windows which I hate..good news should be finished before 3
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 28th Mar 17, 5:17 PM
    • 679 Posts
    • 1,823 Thanks
    safehouse
    Whoo hoo all painting finally done.... both living rooms and hallway all freshly emulsion-ed inc ceilings and looking very clean and fresh ready for the warmer weather to come and all for under 40 with left over paint....also have washed out all brushes and rollers and stored away, gone are the lazy days of throwing them away after use .
    Have now moved on to the conservatory, which has been used as my laundry room for far to long.... all that condensation has left the frame work almost black, not to mention the lovely matching cobwebs. Inside hasn't been decorated/cleaned properly for years basically impossible to reach the ceiling and it is looking so sad and neglected. Having tried and failed at cleaning it myself and resulting in giving myself a stiff neck in the process I have gave in to defeat....had too! just impossible to do everything..... window cleaner has agreed to call tomorrow reasonable charge of only 25 to clean all the inside framework....well worth the money, considering it is quite a large space. I have taken down all of over 200 window slats and in the bin they have gone 12 years worth of dirt and wow looking better all ready ( did try to wash one first in the hope of re-using but nope far to stained). Found a site online selling window slat replacements at only 99p each but even better buy one get one free on certain colours and luckily the colour I like is included in the offer..........so 99 to replace the whole of my conservatory blinds cant be bad (keeping hold of weights/chains from previous blinds saved me some money too).
    Have mixed a lovely green sage colour from last years kitchen paint, will use to paint my existing conservatory furniture....determined to refurbish and not to buy new.......fingers crossed they turn out ok
    Finally did a food shop yesterday .... spend of 43 icelandy and 28 Asdy ....71 far to much have overspent, could have done better....should have done full shop aldii but we live and learn.
    Good night at the bingo last night with a 110 win, well done me ....was shared between 3 of us but still 37 each happy days and we had money off vouchers, so only paid 4 for our books, cant be bad.
    Also 40 topcashy back from pet insurance , forgotten all about it ....very nice surprise.
    Good that the weather has become that bit milder heating has been turned off for a couple of days now.
    Feel as though I am starting to get on top of things ....much more organized which is a good feeling for me ....hate feeling disorganized actually lowers my mood.
    Have even made a very small start on my garden today only 2 bags of dead leaves and branches but tiny steps.
    Quite a bit of a reduction of -190 from my mortgage savings (paint, blinds, etc), but strictly only borrowed until next week when I am hoping to put it all back oh well, at-least I didn't use my CC would have so easily done in the past.................
    Right then off to the kitchen as in desperate need of a tetley, keep yawning my head off..... thinking little nap is also needed xx......................


    CC B 600/...600 total …. Mortgage 100,000 /71,450 paid 28,550 remaining
    EF 0
    Last edited by safehouse; 29-03-2017 at 3:24 PM.
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 29th Mar 17, 6:48 PM
    • 679 Posts
    • 1,823 Thanks
    safehouse
    Conservatory all cleaned and squeaky clean ....sooo worth the money....poor window cleaner puffing and panting must have been very hard work.
    Busy morning sorting a mountain of clutter which had seemed to find its way into the conservatory...bin bag filled to the top due to OH and his disorganized DVD collection..what a mess....empty paint cans, old un-watered potted plants barely clinging to life and books, books and more books........have managed to get some to the local charity shop but although now clean it is still looking like a bomb site.....have given up till tomorrow.
    10 paid into my mortgage savings this morning after an unexpected find in the bottom of my bag....have a feeling my beautiful naughty DMamma has put it in there when I wasn't looking, she does this quite often bless her, I am so lucky to have such a wonderfull DMamma
    Have a bit of a headache at the moment.....think I should try and slow down, not sure why but I always seem to be on some kind of mission and when I do sit down and try to relax, I catch myself thinking of things to do and before I know it I am writing a To Do List..my bag is totally full of old To Do Lists. Maybe I should take up Yoga? anyway that is what my DS keeps telling me to do Lol
    OH still behaving ....for now ??
    DS happily plodding along with his voluntary work but getting a bit to comfortable..... it is about time he starts looking into his long term future....paid work or open university courses ..Yep definitely dreaded time to have a talk with him and a bit of tough love on the way
    Oh must dash nearly 7pm Emerdaly about to start xx


    CC B 600/...600 total . Mortgage 100,000 /71,460 paid 28,540 remaining
    EF 0
    • please-let-me-be-lucky
    • By please-let-me-be-lucky 29th Mar 17, 7:47 PM
    • 7,932 Posts
    • 43,532 Thanks
    please-let-me-be-lucky
    I'm shattered just reading what you have been up to!! Lots achieved l, well done Xx
    Debts @ LBM 23,729.31. Debts @ 08/04/2016 0

    NSDs achieved in May - 1/5
    Florida spending 'pot' - 436.00/1000
    Lbs lost - 13.5
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 29th Mar 17, 8:37 PM
    • 679 Posts
    • 1,823 Thanks
    safehouse
    Haaa, Thanks Lucky I am shattered and I really wouldn't recommend it...............need to take a chill pill Lol xx
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 1st Apr 17, 4:12 PM
    • 679 Posts
    • 1,823 Thanks
    safehouse
    Lovely day today
    Still working on my house..... .Back garden had a good tidy 3 bags filled with rubbish, leaves and branches and lawn had first cut............looking very nice (except for very large wood pile from old fencing which has been thrown in the corner) window cleaner suggested we burn it, but the thought of a fire in my garden worries me, have bagged around 8 bags by breaking into smaller pieces....might have to invest in a metal bin specifically designed to burn garden rubbish...depending on cost of course
    ....slow job and back breaking work but managed to fill brown garden bin....at-least I will be burning calories and after just eating 2 crunchies and gaining 9 pounds over the winter months I really need to
    Finished sanding and wood staining my old conservatory furniture and it has come up a treat, very pleased with the end result ....why do people buy new furniture Lol? saved a fortune by doing everything myself.......but must say I have definitely hit a wall as regards to painting.
    20 put aside for food shop later today.....thankfully after last weeks 70 food shop freezer well stocked, only needing essentials so will be much more sensible today....writing a list and sticking to it.
    Thinking it might be time to join my little doggy in a well deserved afternoon nap xx
    Last edited by safehouse; 01-04-2017 at 4:19 PM.
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 7th Apr 17, 2:41 PM
    • 679 Posts
    • 1,823 Thanks
    safehouse
    Arrived home after a morning in town to find an unexpected gas safe reg bill....has to be renewed every year and every year I forget about it 182 to be paid BooHoo ....
    window slats arrived on Monday and I now totally understand why buy one get one free offer ....brilliant quality and pattern but the colour has no words, my son described them as the same colour as a bruise on my arm "says it all really!.".......first thought was Oh No 100 down the drain and could have cried but then decided to try and dye instead yes 200 slats and 6 boxes of beige dye at a cost of 27 (mortgage savings raided once again) ....3 days later and finally finished yesterday with Fab results....hard work but certainly paid off saving of 73. Really wish I had thought of using fabric dye in the first place could have just dyed original blinds at a cost of dye only ....silly me
    Have been very naughty this morning spending 15 on 2 quirky plant pots ......just loved them and couldn't resist (bad habits of yesteryear).............consoling myself with the 4 reduced plants I also found at only 1 each love a bargain .

    CC B 600/...600 total …. Mortgage 100,000 /71,420 paid 28,580 remaining
    EF 0
    Last edited by safehouse; 07-04-2017 at 2:46 PM.
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 9th Apr 17, 8:54 AM
    • 679 Posts
    • 1,823 Thanks
    safehouse
    Feeling sad today such a horrible weekend so far.... usually problem with usual person ................I know I should just stop moaning about it, especially on here, some people would say "well you choose to live that life, stop whining, you could leave you know...so now you will have to suffer the consequences of staying.., I say it to myself all the time" and they are right . I am falling backwards again, like I have these invisible walls of fear around me, locking me in....truth is I am a coward to leave...better the devil you know . Why am I so frightened of the outside world and me making a new life for myself and DS???? surely cant be any worse than how we are living at the moment.....oh bother I also so angry with myself this morning .
    Another problem again with OH is money or money not adding up again lately, it surely can't all be going on alcohol ..............I have a sneeky suspicion it is going on something else and am waiting to confront him with this theory this morning when he finally slopes out of bed "mornings are the best most lucid times to question him" only problem is how he will re-act so tired of fighting all the time..............
    Sorry for the Sunday morning moan people...really hope you are all enjoying the sunshine and having a much better weekend than me xx
    • TallGirl
    • By TallGirl 9th Apr 17, 9:09 AM
    • 4,008 Posts
    • 8,302 Thanks
    TallGirl
    Morning Safehouse you know I feel for you and totally understand where you're coming from. I couldn't leave either I tried for two years but whatever it was held me back. Might have been the comfortable lifestyle, the fact I loved my house my friends at the golf club where right next door it was just impossible. I didn't get the courage until I spent a week on my own chillingout with my friend of 20 years. The relief and the realisation that the stress and pressure was all coming from one person and I didn't have it live like that gave me the courage in the end. Yes I had my dearest girlfriend who I had just started realising we were more than friends but I think the main driver were realising I was better off without the stress. I also changed as a person I got angry all the time even spilled into work, I could feel the rage build up when person with problems had once again broken a promise or sneaked off to drink. I also realised I didn't like this new person I was becoming it wasn't me and I wanted to be me again. The only way to be me was to get rid of the stressful person.

    I don't know what to advice you I think just look after yourself spend time with DS and your mum maybe open up about how things are at home to a good friend or even family and take it from there. It's never too late and you don't have to stick with the devil you know after 24 years with mine I've found love again just as strong if not stronger and no demons.
    Save 12k in 17 no 93
    2750/12k
    • please-let-me-be-lucky
    • By please-let-me-be-lucky 9th Apr 17, 9:26 AM
    • 7,932 Posts
    • 43,532 Thanks
    please-let-me-be-lucky
    I too understand where you are coming from and I'm so sorry you are in this predicament. You can only leave if and when you feel ready to, and we will support you whatever.

    My Mum left my Dad after years and years of sticking with him for my Sister and I. We actually wanted her to leave him and were pleased when she did. She is in a lovely relationship now. As you know, it took a severe brain injury to stop my DH from drinking and as weird as it sounds, it was the best thing to ever happen to us. I also feel like I'm in a 'new' relationship and alcohol no longer dominates my life.

    I hope the talk with OH re money goes ok Xx
    Debts @ LBM 23,729.31. Debts @ 08/04/2016 0

    NSDs achieved in May - 1/5
    Florida spending 'pot' - 436.00/1000
    Lbs lost - 13.5
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