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    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 25th May 15, 7:13 PM
    • 619Posts
    • 1,595Thanks
    safehouse
    one day at a time
    • #1
    • 25th May 15, 7:13 PM
    one day at a time 25th May 15 at 7:13 PM
    I am a 48 year old mother of one DS, I have a mortgage of 100,000 on my little bungalow and a few other debts CC etc of approx 5,000 or less..................
    We have a wonderful DS and quite successful business (for now anyway)………
    My OH is a functioning alcoholic, (there I said it), too look at him you would never know, and probably never believe it. When sober there isn't a better man walking, he is a hard worker, kind, considerate and a fantastic father. When he drinks, which is most evenings he can be all of the opposite. Don't get me wrong we do sometimes still have good days, especially when OH is on the wagon, but many more bad than good....
    I have been trying now for years to help my OH with his problem, his health has suffered but he refuses to stop. Xmas 2015 gave me the strength to take a massive step backwards, I am exhausted with it him mentally and physically, not to mention the affect this was having on my DS.
    OH can only help himself, it is not my duty and it has taken me a long time for me to accept this, but I finally have................I am now putting myself and my rock my DS first.
    Future protection in mind, I have been saving without his knowledge now for roughly 10 years scrimping with the intention of paying off our mortgage "My life the last 10 years have given me a terrible fear of being homeless to the point of constant nightmares".....To my amazement I have managed to secretly save £63,550 to date....(70,410 updated 15th October 2016)
    These are my reasons for wanting to pay my mortgage off as quickly as possible, I have no idea how long my OH will manage to carryon working or how much longer before our little business will crumble or how long the relationship will take the strain, I just know by focusing on saving for our future and my little house I get back a sense of control which helps get me through each week.
    I also have a diary to help keep me in check when tempted to spend and a place to throw out my emotions when I feel like I am falling backwards…………………


    DS 270…. CC 3,950 …. Mortgage £100,000 /£63,550/70,410 paid £36,450/29,590 remaining….Xmas Hols £40.00
    Last edited by safehouse; 15-10-2016 at 7:24 AM.
Page 37
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 14th Oct 16, 7:17 AM
    • 619 Posts
    • 1,595 Thanks
    safehouse
    Terrible few nights of constant nightmares, eyes are really stinging this morning.
    Meeting Dmama this morning and DS for lunch, DS still feeling like an outsider at Uni but has accepted it is not his fault and has turned his attentions more to doing well at his degree rather than worrying about making friends.........if it is going to happen it will.
    OH still stressed and coping in his usual way regarding horrible job....in all the years of self employment this has to be the worst job ever, seem to hit one problem after another ....so under quoted, but trying not to think about it this morning.
    £40 paid into EF this morning, combination of cash from cut down food shop and £20 bag sold on teabay....
    Thank goodness we sold the car...has really helped to pull us out of the poop Lol

    A.. store Card £120 /CC B £740/ CC S £1,000/ CC A £500....£2,950 total …. Mortgage £100,000 /£70,300 paid £29,700 remaining ....(**Total 70,300**)........EF £120
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 24th Oct 16, 3:50 PM
    • 619 Posts
    • 1,595 Thanks
    safehouse
    Long time since last post.
    Have sold a few items on Teabay and added to my mortgage saving funds with overtime paid gives an extra £100.
    OH still on the same path of self destruction, so no change there.....
    DS not doing to great at Uni wouldn't say he likes it, he is finding it bearable enough for the end result his degree. Had bad incident last week with one of his tutors who seems to just fly off the handle at any opportunity, ranting and raving, she was almost hysterical and had a go at him for something so trivial, he just didn't know how to handle the situation, or calm her down ...who would?
    not something you would expect from someone who seems to think being a professional teacher involves Bullying the students!! ....she is well known for her lunacy apparently but definitely needs anger management classes, so isn't the best situation for DS as his confidence is not that great to begin with and he is now on edge and keeps avoiding her classes. I on the other hand want to report her behavior but DS wants me to leave things for now...I have agreed reluctantly. I would love to have a meeting with this BULLY....having coped with OH and his alcohol fueled nastiness for years she would certainly not be a problem . Anyway back up plan have told him to walk out of the class and come home if she flips again, he is not a child at school and deserves to be treated with respect, he is paying for an education not to watch some idiot woman ranting that the students in her class are the sole reason why she had no children.........Totally Mad as a Hatter!
    Oh WOW must have needed that good rant myself....does still make my blood boil.


    A.. store Card £120 /CC B £740/ CC S £1,000/ CC A £500....£2,950 total …. Mortgage £100,000 /£70,400 paid £29,600 remaining ....(**Total 70,520**)........EF £120
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 25th Oct 16, 6:21 PM
    • 7,953 Posts
    • 51,077 Thanks
    Bobarella
    Wow Safehouse. She sounds very unstable indeed. How can she be in a position of power like that? Surely the university must be aware already?
    £800 to pay =70% repaid
    RR 2016 #2 December £0.11 2016-£55.16 2015- £84.20)
    Wombling Free 2016#5 £2,217 2015 £1027.20
    NST December
    PAYDBX #7 £1890.53/£2,700 (70%)
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 26th Oct 16, 7:29 PM
    • 619 Posts
    • 1,595 Thanks
    safehouse
    Thanks Bobarella, so right, I think the power has gone to her head to be honest Xx

    Wages early so managed to pay £70 into EF and a £100 paid into mortgage savings.
    Work have given me the last of my overtime BooHoo but never mind, will make a nice change to put my feet up, well until I can find another little job......


    A.. store Card £120 /CC B £740/ CC S £1,000/ CC A £500....£2,950 total …. Mortgage £100,000 /£70,500 paid £29,500 remaining ....(**Total 70,690**)........EF £190
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 2nd Nov 16, 6:47 AM
    • 619 Posts
    • 1,595 Thanks
    safehouse
    Wow cold this morning, heating turned up for the first time....Oh Noooo Bigger bills.
    Not posted as often lately the overtime I keep being told has finished has increased rather than decreased, not that I am complaining and have managed another £200 into the mortgage pot.
    DS nervous about University today after a week off, that woman has knocked his confidence back to square one.....my stomach is in a knot for him ....hoping he has a better day today.
    skates on, shower time, need to be out the door in 20mins

    A.. store Card £120 /CC B £740/ CC S £1,000/ CC A £500....£2,950 total …. Mortgage £100,000 /£70,600 paid £29,280 remaining ....(**Total 70,720**)........EF £120
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 2nd Nov 16, 9:22 PM
    • 7,953 Posts
    • 51,077 Thanks
    Bobarella
    Glad you've had work Safehouse but sorry your son is still feeling intimidated. Poor lad.
    £800 to pay =70% repaid
    RR 2016 #2 December £0.11 2016-£55.16 2015- £84.20)
    Wombling Free 2016#5 £2,217 2015 £1027.20
    NST December
    PAYDBX #7 £1890.53/£2,700 (70%)
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 2nd Nov 16, 11:42 PM
    • 619 Posts
    • 1,595 Thanks
    safehouse
    Thankyou Bobarella, lovely reply....I've been at my wits end today, seems this nasty, disgusting piece of work really has it in for him and had another go at him this morning, he was right to be worried., he came home and just broke down. He is withdrawing from the course tomorrow, Why do these cowards have to be so cruel? are their pitiful lives so empty that they feel need to get their kicks by targeting and humiliated youngsters....he waited months and all excited about meeting and making new friends....sometimes I really hate this world we live in. I have agreed to stay quiet and not complain to the university for now!!!! whew, I am going on and on .......Sorry big rant, bad week need to go to bed, one door closes and all that Xx
    • please-let-me-be-lucky
    • By please-let-me-be-lucky 6th Nov 16, 6:23 PM
    • 7,610 Posts
    • 41,373 Thanks
    please-let-me-be-lucky
    Sorry to hear he has withdrawn from the course. I'm afraid I wouldn't have been able to stop myself complaining!! Xx
    Debts @ LBM £23,729.31. Debts @ 08/04/2016 £0

    NSDs achieved in November- 1

    Weight loss - 1 stone 3.5lbs
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 6th Nov 16, 10:56 PM
    • 7,953 Posts
    • 51,077 Thanks
    Bobarella
    I am so sorry to hear that. Maybe once he has had a few days away from the situation he will agree to a complaint being made.
    £800 to pay =70% repaid
    RR 2016 #2 December £0.11 2016-£55.16 2015- £84.20)
    Wombling Free 2016#5 £2,217 2015 £1027.20
    NST December
    PAYDBX #7 £1890.53/£2,700 (70%)
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 8th Nov 16, 7:25 AM
    • 619 Posts
    • 1,595 Thanks
    safehouse
    Thanks guys I feel I am beating myself up about the whole thing, but he is an adult now so thought had to respect his wishes and managed to do so for a few days then last week thought I was going to have a melt down and sent a very watered down email (without DS consent) to course leader explaining part of what happened. We have now had a meeting at the college yesterday with the male tutor I emailed, he has promised to have a word with this horror of a woman and offered more support into the bargain ( he himself even struggled to find anything nice to say about her except how she passionately cares about the "course"!!!! not sure were the students fit in to that comment). DS has decided to give it another go....so we will now see how things enfold. If she steps out of line even once I wont be as lenient I know that for sure
    OH has also been a complete Twit (that me putting it nicely).......his problems as always have to pushed to the forfront, he was so nasty last night, I am feeling I do not know this man I live with....I just might not come back home after a week in Spain without him.....Cant wait!
    Right back to finances, £20 paid off store card and £100 paid into mortgage savings

    A.. store Card £100 /CC B £1,500/ CC S £1,700/ CC A £1,200....£4,500 total …. Mortgage £100,000 /£70,760 paid £29,240 remaining ....(**Total 70,880**)........EF £120
    • TallGirl
    • By TallGirl 8th Nov 16, 7:38 AM
    • 3,853 Posts
    • 8,043 Thanks
    TallGirl
    Hugs and my thoughts are with you. DS has to be your priority but he is an adult and he's got to make his own choices good that you have a meeting though. As for your OH well not a lot to say except he should be supportive of DS as well but doesn't sound like he is.
    Good things will happen to good people.
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 9th Nov 16, 5:52 PM
    • 619 Posts
    • 1,595 Thanks
    safehouse
    Thanks TG xx
    DS back to Uni tomorrow, he is so nervous, I know I wont be able to focus on anything till he gets home.
    Off to the bingo in half an hour, hoping for a nice win need some new holiday clothes and coat and boots, my winter coat is looking more than shabby and my boots will be walking themselves to the bin before long, caught a glimpse of myself in shop window and first glimpse didn't realize it was me looking back ...funny how you can let yourself go when you are so consumed with everyone else problems. Anyway needed a wake up call. So going to treat myself to a few nice things this week, also need hair dye....cant remember the last time I covered my greys Lol
    Bought Aldi face cream today thought I would give it a try costs almost £4 cheaper than my regular cream.
    Right time to slap on some makeup wish me luck Haha
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 9th Nov 16, 7:45 PM
    • 7,953 Posts
    • 51,077 Thanks
    Bobarella
    Well done for going into college. I'm glad that they at least have one complaint against her. That's the way a case for dismissal is made.

    Sorry OH has had another bad patch. Is he still on that money losing job or is that over?

    I know what you mean about being a bit shabby. But somehow I would always rather spend the money on something else for someone else.
    £800 to pay =70% repaid
    RR 2016 #2 December £0.11 2016-£55.16 2015- £84.20)
    Wombling Free 2016#5 £2,217 2015 £1027.20
    NST December
    PAYDBX #7 £1890.53/£2,700 (70%)
    • please-let-me-be-lucky
    • By please-let-me-be-lucky 9th Nov 16, 9:47 PM
    • 7,610 Posts
    • 41,373 Thanks
    please-let-me-be-lucky
    Hope tomorrow goes ok for DS Xx
    Debts @ LBM £23,729.31. Debts @ 08/04/2016 £0

    NSDs achieved in November- 1

    Weight loss - 1 stone 3.5lbs
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 13th Nov 16, 10:10 AM
    • 619 Posts
    • 1,595 Thanks
    safehouse
    Thanks Guys....not been a great 2 weeks for DS, he gave it a shot and tried going back in but monster of a tutor (and that is me putting it lightly) just couldn't help herself and had another go in-front of all the students in the room, she belittles him at every opportunity and now the students seem to be following her lead and are just as bad it amounts to total outright bullying. He sits on one giant table and the 8 other pupils purposefully sit together on the other table. They even all go out for lunch together and don't invite him. I have told him he is not going back in and to quit the course ( really don't want him in such a toxic environment) and am so worried this will affect his mental health again. DS wants me to ask them if he can carry out the assignments from home, he wants the degree so badly and also if he withdraws from the course he will have to pay back all of his university loan for nothing .....feel like my heart is breaking for him, he keeps asking me where he is going wrong and blames himself. I want to put in a formal complaint but not sure were to start and which would be the best route to take, my head is shot to pieces( have a feeling all these tutors will just stick together)
    Whew .....need to change the subject as getting quite emotional whilst writing this (have felt sick to the stomach for days).........Any advice guys would be sooooo grateful X

    Horrible job finished at a loss of around 2K, (but atleast it is done) they owe us extras but have a feeling they wont make that easy...wait and see, funny how hasn't bothered me with mind wrapped up with DS.

    Big day at-least financially yesterday... paid off quite a few debts from savings........No1 Store card £100 paid in full and erased. No2 CC (A) £1200 paid in full and erased....................Wow I actually and finally withdrew what was allowed of my savings from my mortgage and paid off quite a lot of my debt........£1,300 in total. Mortgage savings now massively reduced and EF wiped out but CC interest reduced and I can soon get back up to 70k I hope.
    Time for another nice cuppa tea and pull myself together

    CC B £1,500/ CC S £1,700...£3,200 total …. Mortgage £100,000 /£69,140 paid £30,860 remaining
    Last edited by safehouse; 13-11-2016 at 12:02 PM.
    • please-let-me-be-lucky
    • By please-let-me-be-lucky 13th Nov 16, 1:46 PM
    • 7,610 Posts
    • 41,373 Thanks
    please-let-me-be-lucky
    Sounds like persecution to me and I'm so angry on your behalf . Is there a Dean/Headmaster/Principal type person you can complain to? Or a board of Governors? Xx
    Debts @ LBM £23,729.31. Debts @ 08/04/2016 £0

    NSDs achieved in November- 1

    Weight loss - 1 stone 3.5lbs
    • SuzieSue
    • By SuzieSue 13th Nov 16, 2:39 PM
    • 3,313 Posts
    • 3,663 Thanks
    SuzieSue
    I feel very angry and sad for you and your poor son too. Please post the problem on the Marriage and Relationship board as there are lots of people who work in education there who should be able to help.
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 13th Nov 16, 4:51 PM
    • 7,953 Posts
    • 51,077 Thanks
    Bobarella
    What a terrible situation Safehouse I am going to flag your thread up on another thread where a lot of teachers read and see what comes back. Extremely sorry lovely, I'd be besides myself too.
    £800 to pay =70% repaid
    RR 2016 #2 December £0.11 2016-£55.16 2015- £84.20)
    Wombling Free 2016#5 £2,217 2015 £1027.20
    NST December
    PAYDBX #7 £1890.53/£2,700 (70%)
    • apple muncher
    • By apple muncher 13th Nov 16, 7:56 PM
    • 5,291 Posts
    • 38,550 Thanks
    apple muncher
    Can your ds do the same degree elsewhere? My niece struggled with her first yrar at uni and the first my sister knew was when she happened across an empty pack of antidepressants when tidying her room after a visit home, in term 2. My niece quit her course and re-applied for a slightly different one in a different uni, which she started this academic year. and, so far, so good.

    I realise that your son's situation is very different, but wanted to try to give you some hope that changing uni/course is possible and can work out well.

    In a school, there is a very clear chain of command. I'm unclear of how it works in a uni, but would their website have a 'complaints procedure' section? Or could you email the chap you have already had contact with, and ask how to make a complaint?

    I do hope your lovely son survives and doesn't give up on his ability to succeed and be happy in his life.
    NST Dec #15; NSD 1; 2016 Pay off: £3201/£3980 (80.4%)
    2016 sell 386.75/1000

    Mortgage £33,979 (01/14: £78,201; 01/15: £59,629; 01/16 39,915) MFWDate Dec 2018
    • safehouse
    • By safehouse 14th Nov 16, 7:32 AM
    • 619 Posts
    • 1,595 Thanks
    safehouse
    Thankyou so much people...good to know so many good people who care xx.
    Unfortunately DS has just moved course this year apple.... due to him suffering depression on his previous course and having major panic attacks, things got so bad his doctor recommended he move and change university to be closer to home. I have the letter from his GP addressed to his previous University stating all his previous mental health issues and him recommending this move personally. I feel like taking a copy to each tutor including the principal. SIL is in the teaching profession she has advised keeping a diary of everything and then making an appointment with the head. DS is not strong enough to fight another battle, I am so worried he will end up on medication or having to see a specialist (calms) again. At the moment he is not going back and is asking his boss at the charity shop he can work more hours (will keep him busy and hopefully take his mind off things). Plan is to take it one day at a time, I have to respect his wishes and not get involved, but My G*d this must be the hardest thing I have ever had to do. When your child becomes an adult and you have to take that step back (let them make their own decisions) you lose all that control in making things better for them...... Instead I am having to watch this creature get away with her cruel, nasty behavior....how can that be right?
    Sorry to go on and on, feeling pretty lost and needing to vent, consumed with the whole issue................Thanks again Guys X

    On the plus side have lost 5 pounds not dieting, but not the biggest eater when stressed.
    Should also have another £20 for savings after food shop today, getting quite good at keeping to my budget.
    Early start so better get off my backside..............

    CC B £1,500/ CC S £1,700...£3,200 total …. Mortgage £100,000 /£69,140 paid £30,860 remaining.
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