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  • FIRST POST
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 8th Mar 15, 11:07 PM
    • 5,927Posts
    • 31,066Thanks
    AlexLK
    Renovations and Repayments.
    • #1
    • 8th Mar 15, 11:07 PM
    Renovations and Repayments. 8th Mar 15 at 11:07 PM
    Hello and welcome to visitors familiar with my journey thus far and are surprised to see me on such a sensible board and a further warm welcome to the new faces wondering what they've let themselves in for.

    Let me begin by clarifying a few points: the first one is I am not sure whether I'm actually serious or not about clearing my mortgage and the second is the fact my house needs quite a bit of work doing to it. This work I do myself and in the time my wife and I have lived in the house we've learnt all kinds of new skills. The current project involves renewing the windows and I am making the frames myself, two are done and I'm pleased to say look great.

    I plan to use this mortgage free (how very grown up) diary to document the renovations and my savings activities, out of which overpayments may or may not be made. However, I am fully committed to long term saving and making as much money as possible. A long term goal of mine is to add to the BTL portfolio I shall one day inherit and am already becoming more involved in which is perhaps a good reason to pay my mortgage off and make my current property into an investment.

    Aside from the recent interest in moneysaving I have a four year old son, run my own company, play and teach the violin and piano whilst studying for my own interest. Oh and don't mention the cars.

    Those familiar with my debt-free diary will know I'm not exactly great at record keeping but am trying to improve, so please don't expect the detailed financial updates others seem to put on here. To kick things off, I suppose I ought to confess the mortgage debt is a total of circa £185,000 and I have no real timescale or plan in mind to pay it off.

    Sorry if this is not a particularly articulate introduction, as I seem to be at a loss how to tailor it to both those who've read my debt free diary and to new readers frequenting mortgage free.
    Saved £11,000 in 2015, £9,800 in 2016.
    From a £32,000 debt on 2/9/2013 to debt free on 12/1/2015.
Page 153
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 11th Jun 17, 12:11 AM
    • 5,927 Posts
    • 31,066 Thanks
    AlexLK
    June Targets:

    Organise Summer holiday: 1. Trip to R.W. 2. Holiday.
    Debts: Pay £1,500 from the balance (£6,500 ).
    Total Grocery Spend: £90 / £400.
    11.30pm bedtime: /20 - Need to get back to this.
    Meditation: 2/21. Need to also get back to this.
    Spreadsheets / Money tracking: This is happening.
    De-clutter and Sell: / 3 items. One needs to be the car I've been meaning to sell for months.
    Books read for pleasure: / 2
    Learn something new or refine a skill: 1. Continue learning and applying new knowledge to create more sophisticated and streamlined spreadsheets. 2. Learn a new piece of repertoire - practised and started another piece of repertoire tonight..

    Managed to get out walking today, despite the weather. However, so much for having a day off from my parents. All was going well until my father called asking if he could spend the evening with us. Reluctantly we agreed as it was such a strange request. I've not known him fall out with mother but he has today (all to do with her blaming me for him being upset / having regrets about the past), so we had my father here for the evening. It's the first time he's seen our new bathroom and was really impressed with it.

    A conversation takes two, Alex - he now wants to talk about it, but you don't sound like you do. You're entitled to act on that - I understand you want to help your dad, so cutting the conversation down might be in order.


    OMG, I'm really sorry to "diagnose" over the interwebulator, but the control issues your mum is acting on are huuuuuge! She's *causing* your dad stress with the constant testing, and she's endangering herself by climbing a ladder to retrieve a part for the car.

    Your own viewpoint, your own needs, your own ideas ... they're all valid, Alex.

    Save
    Originally posted by Karmacat
    Thanks, karmacat.

    You're right, I don't want to talk about it. I suppose I'm only just beginning to move on from that part of my life.

    My mother is an absolute control freak and always has been. She hasn't dealt particularly well with fully retiring. Sadly, I don't think there's ever been much else in her life than working and this has become the new "work". Father admitted tonight they don't go to the old people's lunch anymore because my mother decided she didn't wish to mix with a few of the people there.

    I think it's more about the competition with trying to recruit maths and science graduates with bursaries. It would take a very dedicated soul to pass up the huge salaries available in the private sector to become, say, an IT teacher in a secondary school. In primary, the issue is more about retention as it's such a tough job particularly with all the curriculum changes and assessment requirements leading to huge workload stress. Then it becomes very difficult to get people to take on leadership roles. Headteacher Posts end up being advertised and re-advertised and many schools have Executive Headteachers covering several schools to cope with the shortages (and up the salary).


    There could actually become a surplus of teachers in the next few years if the funding cuts go ahead but (to reassure you) governors will always want a man in a primary school so you have an advantage to start with plus NQTs are cheap!


    ETA: You might want to look at schoolcuts.org.uk for schools in your area. These are projected cuts if the government was to go ahead with the' Fair 'Funding formula. What we don't know now is which, if any, of their policies they'll be able to implement.
    Originally posted by maman
    Interesting thoughts re. science graduates. Salaries here aren't particularly high in the private sector. As an engineer, my wife could earn A LOT more elsewhere and especially abroad. I suppose she earns about the same as a primary head / deputy in a larger school and whilst she doesn't have the same level of managerial responsibility, there could be cases where if she messes up there may be lives on the line. Just before I left my previous career, I was earning more than Mrs. K does now, yet all that could really be lost was money. Therefore, I think often salaries have little to do with the actual responsibility of the job. Teaching holds a more tangible responsibility than my previous career ever did, yet I would have to be promoted to Head of a fairly large primary to realise a similar salary.

    Do you think the funding cuts will go ahead? I have already looked on the schoolcuts website and I can't say I think the government is doing the right thing at all. My son's school would be losing out if the changes go ahead and I am somewhat concerned the school would have to close (there has been the possibility before).

    HI Alex, to back up what others have said you have to give it a go I think you will make a great teacher.
    Try to not focus too much on your parents , they have their health, each other, you nearby and enough money to pay for help if needed. I don't think it gets better than that they are very lucky!
    Originally posted by newgirly
    Thank you, NG.

    You are ultimately right about my parents, there are older people in a lot worse position.
    Saved £11,000 in 2015, £9,800 in 2016.
    From a £32,000 debt on 2/9/2013 to debt free on 12/1/2015.
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 11th Jun 17, 12:19 AM
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    AlexLK
    Hi Alex. We don't want teachers who NEED the job, but those who will do a GOOD job.

    Sounds like your folks are stomping on your boundaries again.
    Originally posted by smallholdingsister
    I sincerely hope I will be able to do a good job and will certainly try to. However, if it transpires I cannot, I would not be looking for a role within a school.

    They are.

    Just to add to what Karmacat is saying - stress (if your Dad is showing early signs of dementia) is very bad for people with dementia. Your mother would be far better getting him a book of puzzles to do to keep his brain active rather than testing him. There are some puzzle magazines (back numbers now as they are no longer published unfortunately) which are very maths or logic based rather than crosswords if he would prefer that. Try looking at 'Tough Puzzles' as they are doing some of the back numbers - try the puzzler dot com website if you think he may be interested.

    Also if he has loved doing maths type things since being young that will not be what he forgets. He is more likely to forget how to get to the local petrol station.

    Of course, if you really wanted to put the cat among the pigeons, you could suggest that she gets him to play fizz buzz with her! For those that don't know - you take turns in counting from 1 upwards and say fizz for anything divisible by 3 & buzz for 5.
    Originally posted by badmemory
    My father enjoys all types of puzzles / crosswords. He spent a lot of time working through puzzle books a few years ago when he wasn't physically well enough to go out much.

    I have not played fizz buzz but will be doing with my son / possibly at school as a starter / fun type activity! Thank you, badmemory.
    Saved £11,000 in 2015, £9,800 in 2016.
    From a £32,000 debt on 2/9/2013 to debt free on 12/1/2015.
    • tootallulah
    • By tootallulah 11th Jun 17, 7:16 AM
    • 1,999 Posts
    • 6,908 Thanks
    tootallulah
    Hi Alex, I haven't been following but have caught up today, the bathroom sounds lovely. Re teaching and 'taking up a role'. Be selfish for the students! they deserve a dedicated, committed, caring teacher and you will be that - and lucky students who get you as a teacher. Great to hear you doing so well, your Mother sounds like she is in a terrible state, which you can neither control nor cure. Hopefully you can keep the crushing negativity away from your own, delightful, busy, loving family.
    Mortgage House £108,000 September 29th 2017.
    • Suffolk lass
    • By Suffolk lass 11th Jun 17, 11:40 AM
    • 1,656 Posts
    • 18,543 Thanks
    Suffolk lass
    I have not played fizz buzz but will be doing with my son / possibly at school as a starter / fun type activity! Thank you, badmemory.
    Originally posted by AlexLK
    We play a house variation on this so that anything with a three in it is also a fizz and anything with a five is a buzz - so picks up 52 etc. Ours is usually played at BBQs and involves adults and alcohol though...
    MFiT T4 #2 update 42.67% after Q7 £5,465 behind where I should be
    Save £12k in 2018 #53 - my annual target is £10,000
    OS Grocery Challenge 2018 budget of £3,500 including stores
    My DFD is http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5593594
    • maman
    • By maman 11th Jun 17, 12:23 PM
    • 17,378 Posts
    • 104,069 Thanks
    maman
    Do you think the funding cuts will go ahead? I have already looked on the schoolcuts website and I can't say I think the government is doing the right thing at all. My son's school would be losing out if the changes go ahead and I am somewhat concerned the school would have to close (there has been the possibility before).
    Originally posted by AlexLK

    It's hard to say. I know there will be phenomenal opposition but the policy existed before this last manifesto so they might try. The government lost in my former Gower constituency to a teacher who stood on an anti school cuts platform. It's supposed to rebalance finances but it's hard to find any 'winners' and the schools that stand to lose are struggling already.


    In my area, your son's school would probably have closed down years ago unless it survived by the 4 x 4 factor. That's parents (usually yummy mummies) driving their children out into the villages boosting the numbers on roll artificially by parental preference.


    It is a very difficult situation with your parents and I know as a loyal, caring person you won't just ignore them but do try to minimise the effects by keeping your distance and rationing the amount of time and emotional energy you give to them. It's been heart warming to see you rebuilding your immediate family unit in recent months please don't go backwards.


    How far have you got with holiday plans for the summer? Do I remember correctly that you're going to go to Spain? We're off to Turkey on Tuesday for about 3 weeks. I can't wait to meet up with old friends and enjoy the sunshine.
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 12th Jun 17, 1:21 AM
    • 5,927 Posts
    • 31,066 Thanks
    AlexLK
    June Targets:

    Organise Summer holiday: 1. Trip to R.W. 2. Holiday. 3. Agricultural shows x 3.
    Debts: Pay £1,500 from the balance (£6,500 ).
    Total Grocery Spend: £90 / £400.
    11.30pm bedtime: /20 - Need to get back to this.
    Meditation: 2/21. Need to also get back to this.
    Spreadsheets / Money tracking: This is happening.
    De-clutter and Sell: / 3 items. One needs to be the car I've been meaning to sell for months.
    Books read for pleasure: / 2
    Learn something new or refine a skill: 1. Continue learning and applying new knowledge to create more sophisticated and streamlined spreadsheets. 2. Learn a new piece of repertoire.

    Had a quiet but nice day involving walking along the river and spending the evening having a pub meal and a few drinks with my cousin and her family. Meeting up with the loved up old schoolfriend and girlfriend tomorrow lunchtime. The girlfriend has never been to Bakewell, so I'm going to take them to get a Bakewell pudding.

    Hi Alex, I haven't been following but have caught up today, the bathroom sounds lovely. Re teaching and 'taking up a role'. Be selfish for the students! they deserve a dedicated, committed, caring teacher and you will be that - and lucky students who get you as a teacher. Great to hear you doing so well, your Mother sounds like she is in a terrible state, which you can neither control nor cure. Hopefully you can keep the crushing negativity away from your own, delightful, busy, loving family.
    Originally posted by tootallulah
    Thank you. This reminds me, I need to write a proper bathroom update.

    Not seen my parents today, it was a welcome break, to be honest.

    We play a house variation on this so that anything with a three in it is also a fizz and anything with a five is a buzz - so picks up 52 etc. Ours is usually played at BBQs and involves adults and alcohol though...
    Originally posted by Suffolk lass
    Do you say "fizz" or "buzz" rather than the number?

    It's hard to say. I know there will be phenomenal opposition but the policy existed before this last manifesto so they might try. The government lost in my former Gower constituency to a teacher who stood on an anti school cuts platform. It's supposed to rebalance finances but it's hard to find any 'winners' and the schools that stand to lose are struggling already.
    Originally posted by maman
    I had also hear about it being to rebalance finances away from being biased towards inner cities and they tried to say rural schools and those in small towns would be better off. However, the schoolcuts site seems to think practically all schools will be worse off.

    Personally, I would like to see much more investment in education at both school, college and university level. Something I found particularly appealing in the Labour manifesto was the idea of a "National Education Service" with the aim being to provide an education provision for all.

    In my area, your son's school would probably have closed down years ago unless it survived by the 4 x 4 factor. That's parents (usually yummy mummies) driving their children out into the villages boosting the numbers on roll artificially by parental preference.
    Originally posted by maman
    The school is so small, my son would notice a significant rise in class size if he attended my old prep school. Though not as many opportunities are available (probably as much to do with how small the school is as it being state-ran), for my son it has worked really well so far and we make up for the school not offering many ECs. If I'm honest I'm not sure where he will go next. My cousin's children are doing really well attending the local senior school but still get lots of time at home to enjoy. I'm starting to think there's a lot to be said for that.

    There are a few children who don't live in the village but not many. Plenty of 4x4s owned by parents but we're talking Defenders (well, mainly those horrible Japanese things, really) rather than Range Rovers.

    It is a very difficult situation with your parents and I know as a loyal, caring person you won't just ignore them but do try to minimise the effects by keeping your distance and rationing the amount of time and emotional energy you give to them. It's been heart warming to see you rebuilding your immediate family unit in recent months please don't go backwards.

    How far have you got with holiday plans for the summer? Do I remember correctly that you're going to go to Spain? We're off to Turkey on Tuesday for about 3 weeks. I can't wait to meet up with old friends and enjoy the sunshine.
    Originally posted by maman
    Had a much needed day off today.

    Not a chance I will knowingly let my marriage get into the state it was. My wife is making a genuine effort which deserves my every effort. After the conversation with her MD about work and family, she seems to have realised listening to a certain someone and being influenced to spend time outside work going out rather than coming home is not necessarily fulfilling. She has taken our counselling seriously and also actively dealing with not getting overly angry about things which don't warrant such a reaction. I'm seriously proud of her and my son is starting to enjoy time with Mummy. I think she also has thought about my father telling her she will regret her actions re. our son and acted upon it. At the moment, I can honestly say my marriage is about the best it has ever been. There's no competition or walking on eggshells. Both my wife and I think we've been through enough and this next part of our lives is going to be good.

    Yes, going to the apartment in Spain this summer. No real plans. I know my wife wants to spend a few lazy days on the beach, so do I if I'm honest.

    Enjoy Turkey. A holiday we haven't got around to taking is chartering a Turkish Gulet. My Brother-in-Law and his wife went on such a holiday when I first met Mrs. K.; she was incredibly envious.
    Saved £11,000 in 2015, £9,800 in 2016.
    From a £32,000 debt on 2/9/2013 to debt free on 12/1/2015.
    • cazmanian_minx
    • By cazmanian_minx 12th Jun 17, 7:03 AM
    • 4,011 Posts
    • 18,475 Thanks
    cazmanian_minx

    Do you say "fizz" or "buzz" rather than the number?
    Originally posted by AlexLK
    Exactly So playing Suffolk lass's variation, it goes:

    One, two, fizz, four, buzz, fizz, seven, eight, fizz, buzz, eleven, fizz, fizz, fourteen, fizzbuzz.

    EDIT: Oh, and when LittleK starts learning languages (if he hasn't already) then play it in French, German, Spanish etc. etc.
    Last edited by cazmanian_minx; 12-06-2017 at 7:39 AM.
    Home: 06/08: £145,145.00 Currently: £114,428.66 Offset: £51,337.84 Amount paid off: £30,716.34 (21.2%) Paying interest on: £63,090.82
    Holiday let:
    02/17: £177,416.86 (Family loan: £129,146.86 + 0% cards £48,270.00) Currently: £169,836.86 Amount paid off: £7,580.00 (4.22%)
    Sugar days 2017: 17/26 Debt-free: 17/02/2017
    • kelpie35
    • By kelpie35 12th Jun 17, 7:36 AM
    • 1,544 Posts
    • 4,978 Thanks
    kelpie35
    Not a chance I will knowingly let my marriage get into the state it was. My wife is making a genuine effort which deserves my every effort. After the conversation with her MD about work and family, she seems to have realised listening to a certain someone and being influenced to spend time outside work going out rather than coming home is not necessarily fulfilling. She has taken our counselling seriously and also actively dealing with not getting overly angry about things which don't warrant such a reaction. I'm seriously proud of her and my son is starting to enjoy time with Mummy. I think she also has thought about my father telling her she will regret her actions re. our son and acted upon it. At the moment, I can honestly say my marriage is about the best it has ever been. There's no competition or walking on eggshells. Both my wife and I think we've been through enough and this next part of our lives is going to be good.

    That is wonderful news, Alex

    You are a lovely little family, God bless you all.

    Take care
    • newgirly
    • By newgirly 12th Jun 17, 8:19 AM
    • 6,020 Posts
    • 41,561 Thanks
    newgirly
    So glad to hear that things are going so well for you all now Alex, marriage is not always easy is it, but if you are both willing to work through your problems and you still love each other it may actually make you stronger.
    MFW 21
    Target for 2018 £40k/£3769.26 paid so far

    Mortgage £43,856 4yrs 4 mths left. Total owed £58,228.74 planning to clear in 17 months
    Weight loss target 2018- 21lb /3.5 lost
    • maman
    • By maman 12th Jun 17, 4:39 PM
    • 17,378 Posts
    • 104,069 Thanks
    maman
    Not a chance I will knowingly let my marriage get into the state it was. My wife is making a genuine effort which deserves my every effort. After the conversation with her MD about work and family, she seems to have realised listening to a certain someone and being influenced to spend time outside work going out rather than coming home is not necessarily fulfilling. She has taken our counselling seriously and also actively dealing with not getting overly angry about things which don't warrant such a reaction. I'm seriously proud of her and my son is starting to enjoy time with Mummy. I think she also has thought about my father telling her she will regret her actions re. our son and acted upon it. At the moment, I can honestly say my marriage is about the best it has ever been. There's no competition or walking on eggshells. Both my wife and I think we've been through enough and this next part of our lives is going to be good.
    Originally posted by AlexLK
    That's great to hear you say that. I hope you're telling MrsK too!
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 12th Jun 17, 10:35 PM
    • 5,927 Posts
    • 31,066 Thanks
    AlexLK
    June Targets:

    Organise Summer holiday: 1. Trip to R.W. 2. Holiday. 3. Agricultural shows x 3.
    Debts: Pay £1,500 from the balance (£6,500 ).
    Total Grocery Spend: £95 / £400.
    11.30pm bedtime: /20 - Need to get back to this.
    Meditation: 3/21.
    Spreadsheets / Money tracking: This is happening.
    De-clutter and Sell: / 3 items. One needs to be the car I've been meaning to sell for months.
    Books read for pleasure: / 2
    Learn something new or refine a skill: 1. Continue learning and applying new knowledge to create more sophisticated and streamlined spreadsheets. 2. Learn a new piece of repertoire.

    Exactly So playing Suffolk lass's variation, it goes:

    One, two, fizz, four, buzz, fizz, seven, eight, fizz, buzz, eleven, fizz, fizz, fourteen, fizzbuzz.

    EDIT: Oh, and when LittleK starts learning languages (if he hasn't already) then play it in French, German, Spanish etc. etc.
    Originally posted by cazmanian_minx
    I am teaching my son French. Though we won't be going to France until next year now.

    Not a chance I will knowingly let my marriage get into the state it was. My wife is making a genuine effort which deserves my every effort. After the conversation with her MD about work and family, she seems to have realised listening to a certain someone and being influenced to spend time outside work going out rather than coming home is not necessarily fulfilling. She has taken our counselling seriously and also actively dealing with not getting overly angry about things which don't warrant such a reaction. I'm seriously proud of her and my son is starting to enjoy time with Mummy. I think she also has thought about my father telling her she will regret her actions re. our son and acted upon it. At the moment, I can honestly say my marriage is about the best it has ever been. There's no competition or walking on eggshells. Both my wife and I think we've been through enough and this next part of our lives is going to be good.

    That is wonderful news, Alex

    You are a lovely little family, God bless you all.

    Take care
    Originally posted by kelpie35
    Thank you, kelpie.

    So glad to hear that things are going so well for you all now Alex, marriage is not always easy is it, but if you are both willing to work through your problems and you still love each other it may actually make you stronger.
    Originally posted by newgirly
    Thank you, NG.

    Not always easy at all. We've been through a lot together and I know a lot of couples wouldn't have got through a lot of the things my wife and I have. Going to believe Mrs. K. is right and the good times are here to stay as a make up for the years gone by.
    Saved £11,000 in 2015, £9,800 in 2016.
    From a £32,000 debt on 2/9/2013 to debt free on 12/1/2015.
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 12th Jun 17, 10:36 PM
    • 5,927 Posts
    • 31,066 Thanks
    AlexLK
    That's great to hear you say that. I hope you're telling MrsK too!
    Originally posted by maman
    Thank you, maman.

    Yes, we are not taking each other for granted.
    Saved £11,000 in 2015, £9,800 in 2016.
    From a £32,000 debt on 2/9/2013 to debt free on 12/1/2015.
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 15th Jun 17, 11:50 PM
    • 5,927 Posts
    • 31,066 Thanks
    AlexLK
    June Targets:

    Organise Summer holiday: 1. Trip to R.W. 2. Holiday. 3. Agricultural shows x 3.
    Debts: Pay £1,500 from the balance (£6,500 ). Should be on track to do this but still feel annoyed about the debt.
    Total Grocery Spend: £125 / £400.
    11.30pm bedtime: /20 Seems impossible at the moment.
    Meditation: 3/21.
    Spreadsheets / Money tracking: Managing to keep on track with this.
    De-clutter and Sell: / 3 items. One needs to be the car I've been meaning to sell for months.
    Books read for pleasure: 2 / 2, target reached. Though with the books I read, I think I ought to make the target "books of interest".

    The first was Owen Jones' Chavs. I have read it before, thought they deserved to be demonised but I'd been wanting to read it again after a few years working with some people that could fall into the category of "demonised working class". This time it was interesting and I did question where a lot of my views were formed: namely my parents, school, some news articles etc. I realise that by the time I went to university, I would seek out and befriend others with a similar background. I formed my (former) views about state schools based on never having spent a day in such an institution and wonder how many of those within the education system, holding influence have real experience of the system they are advising and / or implementing policies within. This time around, it horrified me as with my limited experience and knowledge I can see that there are institutions writing off children before they have the opportunity to make their own way in the world.

    The second book was Paul Mason's Post-Capitalism: A Guide to Our Future. It was a fascinating book and I will read again after giving myself time to think about it before commenting.

    Learn something new or refine a skill: 1. Continue learning and applying new knowledge to create more sophisticated and streamlined spreadsheets. 2. Learn a new piece of repertoire.

    The past few days have been chaotic and I'm struggling with sleep. Not really even sure where the days are going at the moment; whilst I do not seem to be doing a lot they are passing awfully quickly.
    Saved £11,000 in 2015, £9,800 in 2016.
    From a £32,000 debt on 2/9/2013 to debt free on 12/1/2015.
    • hiddenshadow
    • By hiddenshadow 16th Jun 17, 8:09 AM
    • 2,411 Posts
    • 10,951 Thanks
    hiddenshadow
    Debts: Pay £1,500 from the balance (£6,500 ). Should be on track to do this but still feel annoyed about the debt.
    Originally posted by AlexLK
    That just means you'll stay on top of it until it's gone.
    MFW: £197,100 (2013) to £103,848 (Jan '18)
    2018 MFW #56: £798/£105,000 0% / MFiT-T4 #15: £55,652/£90,000 61%
    • Karmacat
    • By Karmacat 16th Jun 17, 8:41 AM
    • 28,383 Posts
    • 158,143 Thanks
    Karmacat
    Wow, Alex, you're doing a *lot* - and even your reading isn't light. I love that you're so thoughtful about what you're reading, and your past attitudes to the same information - good for you.

    I have to say, though, your sleep might be better served by reading something a bit more relaxing!
    Retired August 2016
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 16th Jun 17, 5:03 PM
    • 2,187 Posts
    • 6,045 Thanks
    Red-Squirrel
    Alex, I'm so impressed by your ability to evaluate your upbringing and your previous views and to challenge yourself and really look at things in a different way.

    Not many people can do that. Most of us pretty much stick with the beliefs we're brought up with, only allowing minor adjustments. What you have been able to do is remarkable and very brave
    • Suffolk lass
    • By Suffolk lass 16th Jun 17, 5:50 PM
    • 1,656 Posts
    • 18,543 Thanks
    Suffolk lass
    Have you done a profile for that debt Alex? - So you can map how you project you will clear it over time? I wonder if you need to pay this a little bit of attention to stop you worrying about it. I realise it was one of your mental health triggers, so taking control of it by knowing your plan and timescale to clear it should contribute to peace of mind for you. I do hope so.
    MFiT T4 #2 update 42.67% after Q7 £5,465 behind where I should be
    Save £12k in 2018 #53 - my annual target is £10,000
    OS Grocery Challenge 2018 budget of £3,500 including stores
    My DFD is http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5593594
    • gallygirl
    • By gallygirl 17th Jun 17, 9:54 AM
    • 16,473 Posts
    • 108,150 Thanks
    gallygirl
    Glad all going well for you Alex and as others have said, keep monitoring the actual progress of the debt repayment against planned - hopefully that will put your mind at rest.

    Was thinking about you last week. We get a lot of test cars here as we have empty, straight, motorways, winding mountainous roads and extreme heat so quite a few manufacturers send new models (or new versions) for testing. Mainly BMW, Audi and VW, also a lot of Evoques. We're used to seeing them about, quite often with disguised bodywork like this. (Actually, that picture looks like it was taken round here, though it's marked GM so probably in the USA). Last week though there were two Bentleys............. both pick-up trucks......... . I was pretty proud of myself for identifying them from the front grills . However, it transpires they were probably Fords or Chryslers with false grills fitted as an extra disguise. Just as well, as even I know a Bentley pick-up is wrong . I was wondering though if your mother would like to put her name down for a few, just in case they actually were Bentleys .
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    A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort
    Mortgage Balance = £0
    "Do what others won't early in life so you can do what others can't later in life"
    • heartbreak_star
    • By heartbreak_star 19th Jun 17, 11:42 AM
    • 7,610 Posts
    • 16,788 Thanks
    heartbreak_star
    I have been catching up and have squeaked happily at all the progress and positivity.

    Alex, you're a fantastic person and I am glad to know you, even only virtually. You are in a far better place than I think you believed you could be when you started your original diary.

    Cracking work, good sir!!

    HBS x
    I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.

    #JC4PM
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 20th Jun 17, 12:15 AM
    • 5,927 Posts
    • 31,066 Thanks
    AlexLK
    June Targets:

    Organise Summer holiday: 1. Trip to R.W. 2. Holiday. 3. Agricultural shows x 3.
    Debts: Pay £1,500 from the balance (£6,500 ). Paid.
    Total Grocery Spend: £165 / £400.
    11.30pm bedtime: 2/20 Seems impossible at the moment.
    Meditation: 3/21.
    Spreadsheets / Money tracking: Managing to keep on track with this.
    De-clutter and Sell: / 3 items. One needs to be the car I've been meaning to sell for months.
    Books read for pleasure: 3 / 2, target exceeded. Historical novel set in Rome just after the death of Julius Caesar.
    Learn something new or refine a skill: 1. Continue learning and applying new knowledge to create more sophisticated and streamlined spreadsheets. 2. Learn a new piece of repertoire.

    Spent the latter part of Friday and the weekend just gone by very ill (physically). I'm OK now, though.

    That just means you'll stay on top of it until it's gone.
    Originally posted by hiddenshadow
    First £1,500 is gone, so hope you are right, HS.

    Wow, Alex, you're doing a *lot* - and even your reading isn't light. I love that you're so thoughtful about what you're reading, and your past attitudes to the same information - good for you.

    I have to say, though, your sleep might be better served by reading something a bit more relaxing!
    Originally posted by Karmacat
    Thank you.

    Yes, I think some lighter reading would help the sleep a little.

    I certainly don't seem to be doing a lot, karmacat. I need to be thoughtful about what I read, as I believe does everybody. Moving forward from the past is important to me, if that means on certain issues my view has not changed despite re-reading information, that's OK as is my view changing in response to information read a second time around. Life happens and I think our views change with experience of different scenarios presented to us. I was talking to head over heels in love schoolfriend about this as he has a lot of problems with his family (he wants to make amends with them and they don't, to cut the story). Perhaps the most disturbing thing about this is he seems to value my opinion.

    Alex, I'm so impressed by your ability to evaluate your upbringing and your previous views and to challenge yourself and really look at things in a different way.

    Not many people can do that. Most of us pretty much stick with the beliefs we're brought up with, only allowing minor adjustments. What you have been able to do is remarkable and very brave
    Originally posted by Red-Squirrel
    Thank you, Red Squirrel.

    Evaluating the past is my way of beginning to understand it rather than choosing to loathe myself due to my actions / views in the past. I cannot spend the rest of my life beating myself up about the past, affecting everyone around me in the process. Whilst I'm not going to make excuses for some of my wife's behaviour, I can appreciate that living with me has put a strain on the marriage and her own mental health. We both made a decision in counselling to move on from our past behaviours which my wife has honoured and I would like to think I have too. I want to be the best father I can be to my son and there is a part of that which means being a good role model and I don't think I can do that without developing respect for myself. However, I cannot base my whole life on being a father, else I will find such a purpose becomes less needed as my son grows and my mental health will likely decline. Further, such a position is not healthy for my son to base his idea of relationships or being an adult on. I don't want him to grow up thinking it is a good thing to have a difficult marriage, no self respect and to not pursue his own ambitions. At the moment he has a mother and father because my wife has switched on to taking that role seriously and I have allowed her to parent with me as a team. This means such a lot to me.

    My beliefs are ever evolving as I face new experiences in life and I hope this will help both my son and I not to grow into a close minded individuals.
    Saved £11,000 in 2015, £9,800 in 2016.
    From a £32,000 debt on 2/9/2013 to debt free on 12/1/2015.
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