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  • FIRST POST
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 8th Mar 15, 11:07 PM
    • 5,740Posts
    • 29,639Thanks
    AlexLK
    Renovations and Repayments.
    • #1
    • 8th Mar 15, 11:07 PM
    Renovations and Repayments. 8th Mar 15 at 11:07 PM
    Hello and welcome to visitors familiar with my journey thus far and are surprised to see me on such a sensible board and a further warm welcome to the new faces wondering what they've let themselves in for.

    Let me begin by clarifying a few points: the first one is I am not sure whether I'm actually serious or not about clearing my mortgage and the second is the fact my house needs quite a bit of work doing to it. This work I do myself and in the time my wife and I have lived in the house we've learnt all kinds of new skills. The current project involves renewing the windows and I am making the frames myself, two are done and I'm pleased to say look great.

    I plan to use this mortgage free (how very grown up) diary to document the renovations and my savings activities, out of which overpayments may or may not be made. However, I am fully committed to long term saving and making as much money as possible. A long term goal of mine is to add to the BTL portfolio I shall one day inherit and am already becoming more involved in which is perhaps a good reason to pay my mortgage off and make my current property into an investment.

    Aside from the recent interest in moneysaving I have a four year old son, run my own company, play and teach the violin and piano whilst studying for my own interest. Oh and don't mention the cars.

    Those familiar with my debt-free diary will know I'm not exactly great at record keeping but am trying to improve, so please don't expect the detailed financial updates others seem to put on here. To kick things off, I suppose I ought to confess the mortgage debt is a total of circa £185,000 and I have no real timescale or plan in mind to pay it off.

    Sorry if this is not a particularly articulate introduction, as I seem to be at a loss how to tailor it to both those who've read my debt free diary and to new readers frequenting mortgage free.
    Money saved 2017: £3330. Overpayments 2017: £500.
    Saved £11,000 in 2015, £9,800 in 2016.
    From £32,000 in debt on 2/9/2013 to debt free on 12/1/2015.
Page 145
    • Watty1
    • By Watty1 17th Apr 17, 10:52 PM
    • 2,740 Posts
    • 19,172 Thanks
    Watty1
    Just catching up. I saw that copper bath in York recently - it looked even better in real life. It is stunning....maybe you could just have the bath for now?
    Mortgage at start of diary Sept 2013: £132,995 Aug 2015 £0
    Overpaying next mortgage. £79,491 now £52963
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 17th Apr 17, 11:52 PM
    • 5,740 Posts
    • 29,639 Thanks
    AlexLK
    April Targets:

    OSPREYS - CHECK.
    Make a decision re. bathroom / holiday / potential debt.
    Total Grocery Spend: £220/ £400.
    Surplus Money: / £800. Not going to happen this month after I forgot to budget for the council tax and our weekend away.
    Bed before 11.30pm: 4 / 31. This illustrates my terrible sleeping habits to me.
    Meditation: 9 / 31.
    De-clutter and sell / 5 items.
    New Recipes: / 4.
    Books (to read for pleasure): / 3.

    We've not been anywhere apart from dog walking today. I've been rather ill but quite productive in my own way. Spent the day organising my life using the concepts of the "self journal" (see online). The journal itself is c.£35 and would need to be replaced every 13 weeks but you can download a PDF for free, so I've made my own. Chance to use a fair number of my pens. My version will cost me a £3.99 notebook from the local stationery shop every once in a while. Calling that an MSE win.

    Also spent some time fine tuning my finances spreadsheet too. Yes, it appears I've become an MSE geek.

    Just catching up. I saw that copper bath in York recently - it looked even better in real life. It is stunning....maybe you could just have the bath for now?
    Originally posted by Watty1
    Don't tempt me, Watty. I absolutely love it ... enough to put it on the 0% card.
    Money saved 2017: £3330. Overpayments 2017: £500.
    Saved £11,000 in 2015, £9,800 in 2016.
    From £32,000 in debt on 2/9/2013 to debt free on 12/1/2015.
    • Suffolk lass
    • By Suffolk lass 18th Apr 17, 7:18 PM
    • 1,402 Posts
    • 16,431 Thanks
    Suffolk lass
    Alex, the guides agreed with me re spam bot as both posts have gone.

    I love the idea of you turning in to an MSE Spreadsheet geek! Have you told ed? he would be proud of you I think!

    Nono! don't go and put it on the card! Maybe omit the bath from your new bathroom until you have saved a bit more, if you are that passionate about it. It will spur you to save more...

    I hope you are feeling better.

    Take care of yourself.
    MFiT T4 #2 update 25.95% after Q5
    Save £12k in 2017 #64 - £5617.21/£5500 (51.64%/50%) after June - my annual target is £11,000
    OS Grocery Challenge 2017 budget of £3,600 £3000 (reduced from Apr) - 58.88/58.33% including stores after July
    My DFD is here
    • allmannerofthings
    • By allmannerofthings 18th Apr 17, 7:36 PM
    • 84 Posts
    • 507 Thanks
    allmannerofthings
    The copper bath sounds gorgeous......

    I'm a new MFW, just having a look at the diaries and introducing myself

    I like your monthly targets, what a good idea! I might adopt that myself if you don't mind.
    Mortgage March 2017 borrowed £115,000. Balance July 2017 £110,755.67
    Overpayments 2017 £2610/Target £5000
    • hiddenshadow
    • By hiddenshadow 18th Apr 17, 8:34 PM
    • 2,189 Posts
    • 9,893 Thanks
    hiddenshadow
    Watched the second episode of Rich House, Poor House. "Rich" family were awfully boorish and rough. "Poor" mother seemed to lack an education and I was shaking my head every time she said "brought" rather than "bought" but her heart seemed in the right place.

    "Rich" family, especially the 26 year old daughter still living at home also seemed to lack an education and was unable to enunciate her words properly annoyed me. Not really sure what the "poor" family could have taken from that experience other than more money = more toys.
    Originally posted by AlexLK
    I was quite unimpressed by that rich family. They could have connected so much with poor family (dad from similar backgrounds, mum also a cleaner once upon a time) and instead it was all spoiled daughter realising "oh maybe I should pay attention to money a bit". Good lesson to be sure, but hardly the same as the lifestyle poor family has to deal with.

    This time around the "poor" family had £140 to spend per week after utilities / housing costs. With four children I think that's incredibly hard but with just one as the "rich" family had, I don't see why that is such a hardship. I could easily feed my family for £50, spend £40 in fuel (£20 in the LR, £20 in the MG) to last for the week (being careful about fuel usage) which would leave £50 for other things. I can quite honestly say I don't spend £50 on other things in a week now. Walking the dogs is a free activity as is washing them in this household ("rich" family had their own personal dog washer). Something I realised from this: MSE has taught me a lot about budgeting and my life is A LOT better for it.
    On the one hand, well done for embracing budgeting.

    On the other hand, this doesn't factor in anything beyond the week...longer term needs, unexpected council tax bills , any other annual bills like insurance, etc. Not to mention transport to/from work/school for everyone. (DH and I spend £80-100/week on public transport alone.)

    I did find it interesting that in episode 1 the rich family (esp. dad) seemed to really take it to heart....not whinging too much about the poor family's setup (other than sympathy and/or pity at their house size/lifestyle), and actually doing little things to improve their lives after the week (mowing the lawn, getting rid of the couch, etc). They seemed very much "well this could be our life if we weren't so lucky, so make the best of it". Compare that to episode 2 folks who were just "let's get through this hellish week at Poor Summer Camp".

    I may be judging them too harshly, and who knows what the rules were for the programme, but I liked rich family 1 much better than rich family 2.
    MFW: Dec '13 £197,100 / Dec '14 £180,691 / Dec '15 £161,669 / Dec '16 £119,669 / Aug '17 £108,189
    Payment 43/84 / 2017 MFW #56: £11,479/£20,000 57% / MFiT-T4 #15: £51,311/£90,000 57%
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 18th Apr 17, 11:46 PM
    • 5,740 Posts
    • 29,639 Thanks
    AlexLK
    April Targets:

    OSPREYS - CHECK.
    Make a decision re. bathroom / holiday / potential debt.

    Looking like debt at the moment as this month is going to be £0 in surplus money. Spent just under £2,000 unexpected (vast majority in council tax).

    Total Grocery Spend: £245/ £400.
    Surplus Money: / £800.
    Bed before 11.30pm: 5 / 31. This illustrates my terrible sleeping habits to me but going to bed straight after writing this.
    Meditation: 10 / 31.
    De-clutter and sell 1 / 5 items. £300 made but that needed to cover a proportion of the unexpected that we had to borrow from savings. All clear now, though.
    New Recipes: 1 / 4. Made a new stir fry recipe tonight. A bit improvised but very nice.
    Books (to read for pleasure): / 3. Have got back into a reading routine so this should start to go up.

    Busy day today. We've been out for a lot of the day but I've managed to keep the journal routine.

    Alex, the guides agreed with me re spam bot as both posts have gone.

    I love the idea of you turning in to an MSE Spreadsheet geek! Have you told ed? he would be proud of you I think!

    Nono! don't go and put it on the card! Maybe omit the bath from your new bathroom until you have saved a bit more, if you are that passionate about it. It will spur you to save more...

    I hope you are feeling better.

    Take care of yourself.
    Originally posted by Suffolk lass
    Thank you, SL.

    I'm not sure I can really give myself that accolade. I suppose I have spreadsheets and am updating them would be more accurate. Slowly making my way through Excel for Dummies also and learning a few things. Learning how to use a computer is helping me.

    Hardly going to post something on Ed's diary about my new found skills in the hope he gives me a gold star. Really grateful for the help I received a few weeks back on there when I asked for spreadsheet advice, though.

    You're right about the potential bath issue. I hadn't thought about omitting it for a time but that could be done as we'd have the new shower. To be honest, we want to start this project soon and I think we are going to have to take on some 0% debt to get it finished before September. Our finances at the moment aren't fantastic but I'm hoping that the more improved spreadsheet will give me all the data I need to potentially improve that situation. Do feel I'm turning into my father with his financial diaries though.

    Feeling quite a bit better today, thank you.

    The copper bath sounds gorgeous......

    I'm a new MFW, just having a look at the diaries and introducing myself

    I like your monthly targets, what a good idea! I might adopt that myself if you don't mind.
    Originally posted by allmannerofthings
    Welcome to MFW.

    I think I put a link to the bath on my diary a few days ago.

    Thanks, re. monthly targets. Unfortunately, I've very little real advice to give anyone as I am not particularly good with life in general, never mind finances.

    I was quite unimpressed by that rich family. They could have connected so much with poor family (dad from similar backgrounds, mum also a cleaner once upon a time) and instead it was all spoiled daughter realising "oh maybe I should pay attention to money a bit". Good lesson to be sure, but hardly the same as the lifestyle poor family has to deal with.

    On the one hand, well done for embracing budgeting.

    On the other hand, this doesn't factor in anything beyond the week...longer term needs, unexpected council tax bills , any other annual bills like insurance, etc. Not to mention transport to/from work/school for everyone. (DH and I spend £80-100/week on public transport alone.)

    I did find it interesting that in episode 1 the rich family (esp. dad) seemed to really take it to heart....not whinging too much about the poor family's setup (other than sympathy and/or pity at their house size/lifestyle), and actually doing little things to improve their lives after the week (mowing the lawn, getting rid of the couch, etc). They seemed very much "well this could be our life if we weren't so lucky, so make the best of it". Compare that to episode 2 folks who were just "let's get through this hellish week at Poor Summer Camp".

    I may be judging them too harshly, and who knows what the rules were for the programme, but I liked rich family 1 much better than rich family 2.
    Originally posted by hiddenshadow
    Unfortunately, some of the daughter's attitudes to money I could relate to.

    I thought the £140 budget was after all bills? Surely that factors in council tax, insurances, road tax, maintenance of home and car etc. I didn't count petrol for Mrs. K.'s company car as she gets a fuel card, so it wouldn't needed to be counted in a weekly budget. I may have misinterpreted something from the programme but I thought both budgets were for food, petrol, clothes, leisure and nothing else?

    Re. the amount you spend on public transport! I have never really used public transport but do usually spend that amount in petrol, though a lot of that is driving for driving's sake.

    I had a similar impression of "rich" family 2. Honestly don't know how I'd deal with living in the two "poor" houses, or "rich" house 2 for that matter. Mind, they'd probably not be too impressed if they came here. It has made me think about a couple of pupils who've had lesson at my parents' house after seeing the reactions from the two "poor" families to the "rich houses", neither of which I've found anything special, on this programme. I thought the pupils / parents were joking re. their reactions to the house.
    Money saved 2017: £3330. Overpayments 2017: £500.
    Saved £11,000 in 2015, £9,800 in 2016.
    From £32,000 in debt on 2/9/2013 to debt free on 12/1/2015.
    • maman
    • By maman 19th Apr 17, 12:21 PM
    • 16,395 Posts
    • 97,983 Thanks
    maman

    After dinner had been served and eaten I asked if the in-laws would rather I didn't speak or go into another room so they could spend time with their daughter and grandson. I was quite surprised they wanted to spend time in my presence.
    Originally posted by AlexLK




    Just back from my Easter break, scanning through and read this!! Oh Alex, I just can't imagine why you would even think this let alone say it. Thank goodness your in-laws dismissed the suggestion immediately. Of course they'd want to spend time with you. You're an interesting person, why else would we all want to post on your thread?
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 19th Apr 17, 11:42 PM
    • 5,740 Posts
    • 29,639 Thanks
    AlexLK
    April Targets:

    OSPREYS - CHECK.
    Make a decision re. bathroom / holiday / potential debt.
    Total Grocery Spend: £250/ £400.
    Surplus Money: £100 / £800.
    Bed before 11.30pm: 5 / 31. Going to bed straight after this, my routine is getting better but before 11.30pm is proving difficult.
    Meditation: 10 / 31. Haven't meditated but have felt quite relaxed all day.
    De-clutter and sell 2 / 5 items. Another sold! I appear to have the buying / selling / antiques bug back.
    New Recipes: 1 / 4.
    Books (to read for pleasure): / 3. Have got back into a reading routine so this should start to go up.

    Great day with Mrs. K., son and the dogs. We've been quite busy again.



    Just back from my Easter break, scanning through and read this!! Oh Alex, I just can't imagine why you would even think this let alone say it. Thank goodness your in-laws dismissed the suggestion immediately. Of course they'd want to spend time with you. You're an interesting person, why else would we all want to post on your thread?
    Originally posted by maman
    Go anywhere nice over Easter, maman?

    I often ask if I may speak or not. Don't honestly mind if people would rather not have interaction with me or hear my opinions and I wanted my in-laws to have a good day. If their idea of a good day meant not having to hear me or be in my presence for the whole day then I'd be happy to oblige.
    Money saved 2017: £3330. Overpayments 2017: £500.
    Saved £11,000 in 2015, £9,800 in 2016.
    From £32,000 in debt on 2/9/2013 to debt free on 12/1/2015.
    • gallygirl
    • By gallygirl 20th Apr 17, 9:55 AM
    • 16,398 Posts
    • 107,448 Thanks
    gallygirl
    Meditation: 10 / 31. Haven't meditated but have felt quite relaxed all day.
    Originally posted by AlexLK
    Good grief Alex. Knowing you, that's given you something to worry about . Glad you're having a good break and selling is going well. Get the next thing listed, or at least ready- car maybe?
    Save
    A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort
    Mortgage Balance = £0
    "Do what others won't early in life so you can do what others can't later in life"
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 20th Apr 17, 1:24 PM
    • 5,740 Posts
    • 29,639 Thanks
    AlexLK
    It is a little disconcerting. Feel ok today too and woke before the alarm after a good amount of sleep. Do need to get that car up for sale and can think of a few other things that can go on tomorrow's list to do. Keeping up with the journaling which seems to be helping me to be productive.
    Money saved 2017: £3330. Overpayments 2017: £500.
    Saved £11,000 in 2015, £9,800 in 2016.
    From £32,000 in debt on 2/9/2013 to debt free on 12/1/2015.
    • maman
    • By maman 20th Apr 17, 2:53 PM
    • 16,395 Posts
    • 97,983 Thanks
    maman

    Go anywhere nice over Easter, maman?

    I often ask if I may speak or not. Don't honestly mind if people would rather not have interaction with me or hear my opinions and I wanted my in-laws to have a good day. If their idea of a good day meant not having to hear me or be in my presence for the whole day then I'd be happy to oblige.
    Originally posted by AlexLK

    In that case I think you must spend too much time with the wrong people. I cant imagine being in a group (other than a formal meeting) where I've ever had to ask permission to speak. Sounds like Dad's Army!


    Spent the weekend in Cardiff. It wasn't strictly a holiday but I did get to spend some time with old friends and the art collection at the National Museum is superb.
    • hiddenshadow
    • By hiddenshadow 20th Apr 17, 9:01 PM
    • 2,189 Posts
    • 9,893 Thanks
    hiddenshadow
    I thought the £140 budget was after all bills? Surely that factors in council tax, insurances, road tax, maintenance of home and car etc. I didn't count petrol for Mrs. K.'s company car as she gets a fuel card, so it wouldn't needed to be counted in a weekly budget. I may have misinterpreted something from the programme but I thought both budgets were for food, petrol, clothes, leisure and nothing else?
    Originally posted by AlexLK
    I was under the impression that the £140/week was after rent and utilities, but nothing else. I'd imagine that would include council tax, but not insurance, road tax, car/house maintenance, etc. I could be mistaken though.

    Glad to hear you're sounding more up-beat.
    MFW: Dec '13 £197,100 / Dec '14 £180,691 / Dec '15 £161,669 / Dec '16 £119,669 / Aug '17 £108,189
    Payment 43/84 / 2017 MFW #56: £11,479/£20,000 57% / MFiT-T4 #15: £51,311/£90,000 57%
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 20th Apr 17, 11:14 PM
    • 5,740 Posts
    • 29,639 Thanks
    AlexLK
    April Targets:

    OSPREYS - CHECK. In-laws are definitely also following. They called about going to Rutland Water soon today. Son is delighted.
    Make a decision re. bathroom / holiday / potential debt.
    Total Grocery Spend: £250/ £400.
    Surplus Money: £100 / £800.
    Bed before 11.30pm: 6 / 31. Definitely going to be in bed before 11.30pm this evening. I'm tired at a normal time for once and have been active for the majority of the day.
    Meditation: 11 / 31.
    De-clutter and sell 2 / 5 items.
    New Recipes: 1 / 4.
    Books (to read for pleasure): / 3. Have got back into a reading routine so this should start to go up.

    Had an active day with my wife and son, we went swimming this morning and walking with the dogs this afternoon. My parents are coming back at the end of next week and we'll be a bit sad to give their dog back. Father called today to rant about tourists and tell me all about his bad experience in a restaurant which has always been nice in the past. That 'phone call lasted for 1 1/2 hours, so I watched the third Rich House, Poor House episode. Swap between a 3rd / 4th floor flat in London and a smallholding in Essex. Londoners wanted to move away from London but I was confused by the reference to claiming housing benefit when she worked full time as a bin woman (yes, really!) as I hadn't imagined she would qualify. A few of our tenants earn c. £20,000 (which is the amount I presume she'd be earning) and are not claiming housing benefit.

    In that case I think you must spend too much time with the wrong people. I cant imagine being in a group (other than a formal meeting) where I've ever had to ask permission to speak. Sounds like Dad's Army!

    Spent the weekend in Cardiff. It wasn't strictly a holiday but I did get to spend some time with old friends and the art collection at the National Museum is superb.
    Originally posted by maman
    My wife says her parents find it strange. I just wanted to give them a choice. My parents are quite strict about when I can express my opinion or be in their presence. The latter isn't so much an issue as my father especially seems to want to be in my presence but he is still rather strict about when I may speak.

    I have never been to Cardiff but both Mrs. K. and I like art and visiting galleries. Should it be on the list for that reason? My wife said we should have a list of places to visit / things to do as a couple.

    I was under the impression that the £140/week was after rent and utilities, but nothing else. I'd imagine that would include council tax, but not insurance, road tax, car/house maintenance, etc. I could be mistaken though.

    Glad to hear you're sounding more up-beat.
    Originally posted by hiddenshadow
    If that's the case then that really is a very low amount of money to live on.

    Thank you, HiddenShadow. This Easter holiday seems to be good for me at the moment. We've not been awfully busy with planned activities which I'm to blame for but we're all really enjoying not doing an awful lot, to be honest.
    Money saved 2017: £3330. Overpayments 2017: £500.
    Saved £11,000 in 2015, £9,800 in 2016.
    From £32,000 in debt on 2/9/2013 to debt free on 12/1/2015.
    • newgirly
    • By newgirly 21st Apr 17, 7:39 AM
    • 5,719 Posts
    • 39,202 Thanks
    newgirly
    My wife says her parents find it strange. I just wanted to give them a choice. My parents are quite strict about when I can express my opinion or be in their presence. The latter isn't so much an issue as my father especially seems to want to be in my presence but he is still rather strict about when I may speak.

    I hope that you realise how wrong that is Alex, and worrying that you accept it. Sometimes the things you post are so sad to read
    MFW 21
    Target for 2017 £38,545 / £14,264 paid so far

    Mortgage £48,846 4 years 9 months left. Total owed £66,122 planning to clear in 24 months
    WW target - 29.5 lb start date 11/5/17 so far 10.5lb lost.
    • edinburgher
    • By edinburgher 21st Apr 17, 8:12 AM
    • 10,668 Posts
    • 55,392 Thanks
    edinburgher
    Grownups don't get to tell each other when to speak Alex

    That is the joy (and frustration) of being an adult
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 21st Apr 17, 3:42 PM
    • 1,509 Posts
    • 4,077 Thanks
    Red-Squirrel

    I often ask if I may speak or not. Don't honestly mind if people would rather not have interaction with me or hear my opinions and I wanted my in-laws to have a good day. If their idea of a good day meant not having to hear me or be in my presence for the whole day then I'd be happy to oblige.
    Originally posted by AlexLK
    Oh Alex this makes me so sad.

    You have as much right to speak and join in a group interaction as anybody else does (with the usual caveats about politeness, respect, tact etc!) and if somebody's idea of a good day meant you being silent, excluded and not participating then they wouldn't be accepting an invitation to your home!

    I know you haven't always got on brilliantly with your in-laws, but that seems to be improving with effort and concessions on both sides.
    • hiddenshadow
    • By hiddenshadow 21st Apr 17, 5:53 PM
    • 2,189 Posts
    • 9,893 Thanks
    hiddenshadow
    I watched the third Rich House, Poor House episode. Swap between a 3rd / 4th floor flat in London and a smallholding in Essex. Londoners wanted to move away from London but I was confused by the reference to claiming housing benefit when she worked full time as a bin woman (yes, really!) as I hadn't imagined she would qualify. A few of our tenants earn c. £20,000 (which is the amount I presume she'd be earning) and are not claiming housing benefit.
    Originally posted by AlexLK
    Just for fun I plugged in random details for myself into Waltham Forest housing benefit calculator. With my age, and assuming dependents (it didn't ask how many?) and no other benefits (no idea how child credits work), on £20k/yr I'd be eligible for £10,244.52/year in housing benefit. That was assuming £1,500/mo rent, though I'm not sure what Walthamstow goes for these days. (Edit: just looked it up and 2-bed is ~£1,300-£1,400/mo, 3-bed is £1,500-£1,700/mo.)

    I do find it silly that you have to jump through so many hoops to relocate. We watched I, Daniel Blake the other day (super depressing, as expected) and jeez, the amount of red tape involved. And the female lead being shunted up to Newcastle(?) from London just because there was a flat there even though her job/family/support were all in the south...crazy.

    That's a rant for another day though.

    My parents are quite strict about when I can express my opinion or be in their presence. The latter isn't so much an issue as my father especially seems to want to be in my presence but he is still rather strict about when I may speak.
    I agree with the other posters - that's crazy behaviour. If you want to play along to please your parents, fine, but it's quite normal for adults to express their opinion (contrary or otherwise!) freely. And I won't even touch on the presence bit (!) except to say that if someone doesn't want to be in your presence, and you're not invading their home/personal space, it's on them to leave, not you.

    If that's the case then that really is a very low amount of money to live on.
    I think that's kind of the point of the show. Hence all 3 families being so excited to have a takeaway as their first "splurge". (The episode 1 dad being so excited about a stuffed crust pizza broke my heart.)
    Last edited by hiddenshadow; 21-04-2017 at 5:55 PM. Reason: typo
    MFW: Dec '13 £197,100 / Dec '14 £180,691 / Dec '15 £161,669 / Dec '16 £119,669 / Aug '17 £108,189
    Payment 43/84 / 2017 MFW #56: £11,479/£20,000 57% / MFiT-T4 #15: £51,311/£90,000 57%
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 21st Apr 17, 11:59 PM
    • 5,740 Posts
    • 29,639 Thanks
    AlexLK
    April Targets:

    OSPREYS - CHECK.
    Make a decision re. bathroom / holiday / potential debt.
    Total Grocery Spend: £280/ £400.
    Surplus Money: £100 / £800.
    Bed before 11.30pm: 6 / 31. Definitely going to be in bed before 11.30pm this evening. I'm tired at a normal time for once and have been active for the majority of the day. Again! This is going well at the moment.
    Meditation: 12 / 31.
    De-clutter and sell 2 / 5 items.
    New Recipes: 1 / 4.
    Books (to read for pleasure): / 3. Have got back into a reading routine so this should start to go up.

    I hope that you realise how wrong that is Alex, and worrying that you accept it. Sometimes the things you post are so sad to read
    Originally posted by newgirly
    I realise it's wrong enough that I don't hold the same type of expectations for my son.

    Grownups don't get to tell each other when to speak Alex

    That is the joy (and frustration) of being an adult
    Originally posted by edinburgher
    Not in my parents' world unless it involves a discussion between the two of them.

    Oh Alex this makes me so sad.

    You have as much right to speak and join in a group interaction as anybody else does (with the usual caveats about politeness, respect, tact etc!) and if somebody's idea of a good day meant you being silent, excluded and not participating then they wouldn't be accepting an invitation to your home!

    I know you haven't always got on brilliantly with your in-laws, but that seems to be improving with effort and concessions on both sides.
    Originally posted by Red-Squirrel
    The relationship with my in-laws is improving a lot. They came up this way to go for a walk and took us for a pub lunch as a thank you for Easter. I needed to curb my prejudices for them to see this but they are brilliant with my son. He loves his grandparents being proud of his achievements and showing him affection. My parents are so critical and he seems to think my in-laws letting him call them more affectionate names means they love him more.
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    • newgirly
    • By newgirly 22nd Apr 17, 7:37 AM
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    newgirly
    How can any grandparent be critical of a grandson, especially one so young?! I am intrigued to know how he has to address them now too.

    I'm glad things are going well with the inlaws, you don't have to have much in common to get along, just a willingness to do so
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    • maman
    • By maman 22nd Apr 17, 1:30 PM
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    maman
    It's really heart warming to hear that the in-laws are so loving towards LittleK.


    I suddenly thought yesterday that you might have been expecting LittleK to ask permission before speaking as that's the norm for you. Glad to read that you don't. Children need adults to model behaviour to them. So I'd expect to have to explain turn taking and not interrupting etc. but asking permission appals me.


    Similarly, I can understand that when you were staying with your parents you needed some ground rules about having your own space. That's normal with family living together where space permits. But your interpretation that your in-laws might want to choose whether they want your company or conversation when visiting you in your own home really isn't 'normal'.


    Hope your enjoying the last couple of days of holidays. Why not plan something nice for half term or the long weekend next week?


    Being Welsh I should recommend Cardiff although I don't come from there. There's plenty to see and do whether for you as a couple or with LittleK. For a short break from where you are I'd go to Liverpool (Walker gallery is excellent) or Manchester which has the Lowry as well as the city gallery. From either of these you could go on to Chester and then over into North Wales to Portmeirion which is well worth a visit.
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