Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • kittie
    • By kittie 27th Feb 15, 5:29 AM
    • 10,097Posts
    • 49,021Thanks
    kittie
    Self help thread. I am a widow. Coping, getting on with it
    • #1
    • 27th Feb 15, 5:29 AM
    Self help thread. I am a widow. Coping, getting on with it 27th Feb 15 at 5:29 AM
    This is a support thread for those who have been widowed and newly bereaved and those who have lost a much loved and close partner. The aim of the thread is to offer support and help and to show that little steps are important in finding a way forward when all seems hopeless

    The thread has many many supporting and uplifting postings on it and much help for the newly bereaved and others. I am so sorry for your loss.

    The thread has re-opened. I sincerely hope it stays on track in the spirit in which it was started

    Just know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I speak from experience
    Last edited by kittie; 04-02-2016 at 7:43 AM.
Page 98
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 6th Oct 16, 6:26 PM
    • 8,707 Posts
    • 48,398 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Another fish oil fan here. It does make a huge difference. I can soon tell if I stop taking them.

    ELona....glad you enjoyed your WI talk. Sounds interesting.

    Oddly enough I had a lovely evening.......I know it's not everyone's idea of fun and my viewing habits aren't exactly mainstream but I tuned to BBC4 to watch a programme about Alfred the Great, then an art history programme, then stayed on to watch about the history of Rome, then there was something about the Incas but I started falling asleep so toddled off to bed and slept like a log.

    I do love both history and art history so I was in 7th heaven. A night of high culture and all for free and from the comfort of my sofa.

    Had a nice long sleep and feel more like my old cheerful optimistic self. Went to see dad and my sister so have had a nice relaxing day in good company and I now feel refreshed and energised.

    A lesson here, I think.

    Avoid vexatious people. ...........(theres something about that in "Desiderata" - will have to look it up).

    And spend more time with people who make me feel good.
    • elona
    • By elona 6th Oct 16, 10:11 PM
    • 10,604 Posts
    • 53,556 Thanks
    elona
    I love history too and one of my favourite historical mysteries arrived today I have also been doing a bit of research on holidays to places of ancient culture.

    I bought dd an outfit of jeans , a top and a nice warmer jacket which she is going to wear on her birthday when we all get together. Middle dd is coming for a meal tomorrow and staying over
    which will be nice and she can tell me about her holiday etc.

    Mince is defrosting for a meal tomorrow and I might make sweet potato and red pepper soup in my new soup maker as well.

    I am so glad you had a more relaxing day and a good night's sleep. I have a hazy memory of Desiderata and think there was something about people who were "vexatious to the spirit".

    Hugs to all.
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 7th Oct 16, 10:12 AM
    • 8,707 Posts
    • 48,398 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Found it.....

    "avoid loud and agressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit"

    How true!!

    I looked on Amazon and they have an illustrated copy for £0-01 (plus £2.80 postage) so I ordered it. I shall keep it by my bedside for when I need to find my calm.

    I can thoroughly recommend some of those £0-01 books. I've bought one or two design and craft books recently for myself and a couple of DIY and construction manuals for DS1 who is renovating his house,

    Last night I took my iPad to bed (can't find my radio) and no room for my stereo and played some quiet music before I went to sleep. I found it very soothing. I slept well, don't know if the music helped or if it was just a co-incidence.

    I have decided I do miss having a car after all. Car sharing with my son is fine but as he uses it for work each day I am finding I miss the freedom and autonomy of just being able to nip out at a moments notice. Especially with the winter coming on. Standing at a bus stop on a cold winters day doesn't really appeal.

    Get me - I sound like a real pampered princess.

    I think I will have my sons car and he will get something a bit bigger - he's 6ft 3 and he does find the Fiesta a bit of a tight fit. So today it's his day off and we are going to look at cars......

    I might even treat him to lunch if he plays his cards right.
    • kittie
    • By kittie 7th Oct 16, 1:37 PM
    • 10,097 Posts
    • 49,021 Thanks
    kittie
    I think there is some sort of interesting history programme coming on bbc4 shortly. I did mean to look it up and set to record as it looked very interesting. I am glad life has settled back on an even keel for you

    Only this morning I ordered the book `when I am an old woman I shall wear purple`. I think I will keep it in my bag for when I am just sitting waiting anywhere. I just also ordered desiderata books for my three, they are perfect presents for christmas, we are all limiting ourselves to quite a small budget. Perfect, so glad I came onto the thread again. They need peace and calm in their busy lives

    Train trip was fine and I am so grateful that I don`t have to do it every day, like many working people. Car journey back was not nice, over an hour on unlit country roads and lanes with many bright headlights. I have decided to try and avoid driving at night

    I am so pleased about doing my living area as a project, it is coming together so well and evn a simple throw, tucked over the sofa seat cushions, has made a big difference. Throw was from gilbert and rose and was much cheaper there and wonderful quality wool. I did buy two new table lamps, I bought one to begin with and it was awesome but tall so I put it into my re vamped hall and wow. I bought another by David Hunt, an ammonite in bronze, it is absolutely stunning and makes the room. Expensive but very well made. I have passed on my old wooden ikea lamp!

    `Vexatious to the spirit` oh so true
    • missbiggles1
    • By missbiggles1 7th Oct 16, 1:46 PM
    • 15,874 Posts
    • 28,941 Thanks
    missbiggles1
    Hello ladies. I'm blessed in still having my darling OH. We are now in our early 60s, both fit and well and, God willing, will be together for a long time yet. My problem, for the want of a better word, is a friend of a similar age who was suddenly widowed 7 years ago. I've tried my best to encourage her to live her life, but she is adamant that as her husband was her life, to carry on any resemblence of normal life would be an offence to his memory. She doesn't work, but is a mail order shop-a-holic. From what I can see, very few of these parcels have been opened, and her house now looks like one of the hoarders houses on TV. I've done everything bar bang her head against the wall, but she just says that she is living the way she wants to live. I really feel that I can't do any more for her, but I just feel so desperately sorry for her. Is there an answer?
    Originally posted by Silvertabby
    Be there for her when or if she needs you, otherwise leave her to make her own choices.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 7th Oct 16, 3:54 PM
    • 8,707 Posts
    • 48,398 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Sorry I missed your post Silvertabby. I don't think there is an answer for your friend. I think she just has to do what she feels comfortable with. It does sound like she is becoming a hoarder but I doubt you can do anything to help her with that.

    Sounds a but facetious I know but in situations like this I am always minded of an old joke.

    "How many psychotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb"

    Answer......"Depends on whether or not the lightbulb wants to change"..........

    Kittie......we have also decided on a very low key Christmas with a gift limit of £10 per person. We all feel happy with our level of possessions and are all aiming for simplicity. We just don't need or want more "stuff". We just like to spend quality family time together with a few nice foodie treats and just generally having a few days downtime. We have also made a "no chocolates rule" So I will be looking out for nice books too.

    We found DS2 a nice car.....so I now have a little car again for my personal use. Now that I will be mobile again I have decided it's time I joined a gym or at least some form of exercise classes. It means I can go in the daytime. Like you Kittie I don't really like driving in the dark these days.

    Still not heard whether my offer on the bungalow has been accepted so I'm taking that as a "no". No worries, I'll just keep looking.
    • kittie
    • By kittie 7th Oct 16, 4:58 PM
    • 10,097 Posts
    • 49,021 Thanks
    kittie
    our spend is £10 too, we have done it before and it is such fun. One year ds made chilli jam, he said he had to have all the windows open. Those amazon books cost £5.76 each and I am including postage, they are new. I am planning to make raw cacao chocolate as I have the ingredients and maybe I will get some wooden coaster blanks, cork backs and make designs with pyrography. I think I will do joint presents for couples as it gives me a bit more flexibility. Anyway I do want to think ahead, I hate last minute rushing

    Had a great afternoon, one of those positive ones. 1 m of fabric came and I have made two 60 cm zipped cushion covers. I made them from the same curtain fabric that we bought 6 years ago but the fabric cost has gone up by 1/3, pure wool plaid and mighty expensive but result is good quality and of course they finish the room . I used the old zips from old covers and my overlocker and sewing machine. I reckon it is feet up tonight and go to bed happy and then I will think about feminising my bedroom. I have ordered two small patterned lampshades from a maker on ebay and I will go from there. I am quite enjoying this new phase of mine as a room designer

    wd on getting the car LL and retaining your freedom
    • Silvertabby
    • By Silvertabby 7th Oct 16, 6:46 PM
    • 384 Posts
    • 412 Thanks
    Silvertabby
    Sorry I missed your post Silvertabby. I don't think there is an answer for your friend. I think she just has to do what she feels comfortable with. It does sound like she is becoming a hoarder but I doubt you can do anything to help her with that.

    Sounds a but facetious I know but in situations like this I am always minded of an old joke.

    "How many psychotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb"

    Answer......"Depends on whether or not the lightbulb wants to change"..........
    Lessonlearned - that's very true. Thank you (and Miss Biggles) for your responses - I guess that as she knows that I'm here if she needs help, that's all I can do.
    • kittie
    • By kittie 8th Oct 16, 11:35 AM
    • 10,097 Posts
    • 49,021 Thanks
    kittie
    ebay for lampshades, fantastically well made by hand and half shop price, very recommended. So already alittle bit of a colour tweak in the bedroom. Trying to do it as cheap as possible, not changing the massive plain taupe dunhelm curtain as it looks good now, after re-arranging it, Some thoughts in my head for now, I have good headboards in a taupe and ottoman in a light cream, all too neutral. Am thinking of slip covers, may well start with covering the ottoman, which I use for out of season bedding. Maybe later same for for the headboard. I am thinking pinks/lilac to go with the lamps

    Getting cooler rapidly now and want to get the tweaks done so I can do calm winter hobbies soon. Evening time is getting to me a bit lately, makes me feel a bit `on my own` and a bit wobbly. Got to try and get into something more in the evenings but there is a limit. Am glad to get into bed at 10 or earlier. I need to get into watching films again. Back to feeling that the days are just passing to getting older but I know it is a winter phase and others are much worse off particularly those that get SAD.

    Radio is a godesnd at night, really is and I don`t even wake long enough to get that loo urge. I have an old style roberts radio which will re-charge, so there is no light on it at all at night
    • Mrs Money
    • By Mrs Money 8th Oct 16, 3:37 PM
    • 1,518 Posts
    • 6,937 Thanks
    Mrs Money
    All your hard work in the house sounds wonderful Kittie. I feel overwhelmed by the work needed in my bedroom (new ceiling, plastering, painting,blackout blinds, wardrobe) and I'm feeling it now the dark evenings are here, a need to have the room finished, cosy and nice to be in.
    I'm also feeling a bit wobbly, (that "on my own" feeling you mentioned) as the house, the garden all needs work and some of it I can do (and some not!) but whatever, I'm trying to keep positive and shut out the thoughts that it's all pointless and the future ahead is empty and bleak - and expensive! I count my blessings - children, grandchildren (and probably more of those to come!) and reasonable health at the moment. But the empty days and quiet house does get to me - I'm waiting for my adjustment to my situation to get better - and hoping it will!
    Last edited by Mrs Money; 08-10-2016 at 3:44 PM.
    • kittie
    • By kittie 8th Oct 16, 5:26 PM
    • 10,097 Posts
    • 49,021 Thanks
    kittie
    I am stopping any more `designing`. I just changed my sheets from white cotton to homely flannelette and suddenly it looks cosy, so that will do me. Its hard going at the moment for you mrsM. Maybe just changing a light bulb will help. I changed my bedside bulb to a 9w biobulb that I already have and it is light enough to read but has a warmth to it that kind of makes the room look much cosier plus it isn`t bright enough to cause sleeplessness in the night if I want to go to the bathroom . Maybe it is the change of season that is causing the struggle for us
    • elona
    • By elona 8th Oct 16, 5:54 PM
    • 10,604 Posts
    • 53,556 Thanks
    elona
    I just got a phone call to say my new blinds are not ready to be fitted by Monday but will be a week or so later which is a bit disappointing.

    Had a lovely morning shopping with middle dd who found a couple of tops and a dress she liked in the sales and left here after a quick light lunch loaded done with three home cooked frozen meals and two frozen cartons of home made soup and a couple of books as well.

    DD, her husband and another dd are coming round for lunch tomorrow so I bought a brisket and loads of fresh veg and will do a quick tidy round before they arrive.

    missbiggles1

    Thanks for the suggestion and I have ordered some capsules of turmeric with free delivery as well as some more reusable soup cartons.

    It was lovely to be able to go round the shops this morning without my knees being painful, I had not realised how much it had slowed me down.

    Hugs to all
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
    • Biggles
    • By Biggles 10th Oct 16, 6:14 PM
    • 6,971 Posts
    • 4,409 Thanks
    Biggles
    When did Miss Biggles get PPR'd? I've never seen her say anything out of order.
    • irishjohn
    • By irishjohn 10th Oct 16, 6:48 PM
    • 1,184 Posts
    • 1,772 Thanks
    irishjohn
    She has not said anything out of order on here - hope it is short term PPR

    Just checked her posts - still posting last night but there are some comments on the effects of immigration in a post which may have been considered to be inappropriate
    Last edited by irishjohn; 10-10-2016 at 6:52 PM.
    John
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 10th Oct 16, 10:48 PM
    • 20,744 Posts
    • 52,803 Thanks
    pollypenny
    Oh, no, not again! Missbiggles is strong-minded but doesn't deserve that!
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
    • Biggles
    • By Biggles 11th Oct 16, 10:31 AM
    • 6,971 Posts
    • 4,409 Thanks
    Biggles
    She has not said anything out of order on here - hope it is short term PPR

    Just checked her posts - still posting last night but there are some comments on the effects of immigration in a post which may have been considered to be inappropriate
    Originally posted by irishjohn
    The whole thread was about the effects of immigration and hers was one of the milder comments. Unless something's been deleted?

    Oh, no, not again! Missbiggles is strong-minded but doesn't deserve that!
    Originally posted by pollypenny
    It's happened to her before?
    • kittie
    • By kittie 11th Oct 16, 5:03 PM
    • 10,097 Posts
    • 49,021 Thanks
    kittie
    oh my goodness, I am definitely out of my comfort zone, being a scientist and never arty in my whole life. I have to make a 3D model for my next carving and wouldn`t I pick something small and intricate and flat but in three dimensions. I just ordered some small metal tools from amazon, they look like mini dentist tools and I have to make it with plasticine. I worked on one the whole morning and have decided to scrap it, my choice. Think a mouse, acorns and oak leaves all in 6". Haha, well it is good being stretched, that side of my brain needs stretching, the arty airy fairy side. I have to have art dna in me, somewhere, where the heck is it?

    I am sharing this because it is good to leave the zone of easy comfort, not just to meet new people but for the brain exercise. It is so uncomfortable that the brain does not drift into the past to dwell and there is a sense of excitement in learning something new and maybe achieving and getting a `well done`
    • Mrs Money
    • By Mrs Money 11th Oct 16, 8:29 PM
    • 1,518 Posts
    • 6,937 Thanks
    Mrs Money
    You're so lucky Kittie to have classes etc near you. Yes I'm sure you'll do your 3D model but perhaps a simpler version?
    I've not managed to find a German language class for the winter - all French and Spanish unfortunately. Like you, I find the concentration needed for a class overrides all those unwanted sad thoughts. I could do yoga or Pilates as I've done before, but I still find my mind wandering back to sadness in those kind of classes - too much time to think.
    All I can do is keep looking for something- hopefully there'll be something eventually. When I check those "find a class/group/event near you" search boxes on websites, everything is 30-40 miles away from me and in the evening too! My area is a bit of a dead zone!
    • kittie
    • By kittie 11th Oct 16, 8:52 PM
    • 10,097 Posts
    • 49,021 Thanks
    kittie
    open university was good, they had meetups and summer school. Then I studied an alternative system of medicine, weekend attendance, that took four years and lots of work. My two craft groups are 40 miles away but I go for a whole day, right through lunch. There must be a local FE college and they may likely do weekend classes, I knew an older person who did plumbing and I did proper woodwork once. You would likely get dressmaking or jewellery making. When I was young I went to knit and natter, as tbh it was lonely with a baby on a housing estate. There are crafts like punching designs in metal, thay look interesting. The aim is to learn a new skill, something we would not normally do. One lady I know in one of my groups bought herself a lathe never having used before, there are courses in using these things. Pyrography looks good, I can make coasters, beads and so on. There are groups like photography, learning to horse ride, learning a musical instrument. I am just trying to think of things that are a bit unusual and which focus the mind outwards

    Yoga and pilates, yes I agree the very nature makes the mind go inwards. I could not do an evening class here, I am too rural and am finding night driving too difficult. In winter I even leave my craft groups a bit earlier, to drive in the light
    • elona
    • By elona 11th Oct 16, 10:53 PM
    • 10,604 Posts
    • 53,556 Thanks
    elona
    I met DH about 35 years ago at an OU course so it would raise too many memories at present. DDs have sent me some links to library volunteering and university of the third age so I might investigate that further as well as the idea of starting to take short breaks by myself.
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

239Posts Today

2,213Users online

Martin's Twitter