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  • FIRST POST
    • kittie
    • By kittie 27th Feb 15, 5:29 AM
    • 11,607Posts
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    kittie
    A support thread for the bereaved
    • #1
    • 27th Feb 15, 5:29 AM
    A support thread for the bereaved 27th Feb 15 at 5:29 AM
    I started the thread when I was very suddenly widowed, early 2015. Since then in 20 months I have lost another two much loved family members, so I have been through the mill, everything looked so very bleak at the start of my journey

    Please use the thread if you need help in coping with a close bereavement. That is exactly why the thread was started
    Last edited by kittie; 08-05-2017 at 7:06 AM.
Page 202
    • White_musk
    • By White_musk 27th Dec 17, 11:50 PM
    • 35 Posts
    • 135 Thanks
    White_musk
    I hope all of you had as best a Christmas as is possible. It's been ages since I was last here, life got in the way a little bit.

    Last time I was here I was telling you about wanting to go back to the village where I lived with my husband and I had been to view a bungalow. Well... Things went all over the place and as of now I am still in my old house (where I don't want to be) but, I have a moving date (yaaaaaay!) I am moving back to the village on the 26/01/18 and I am so excited. I had arranged to go to the bungalow today and while I was in the village got chatting to someone and in the short time I have been away so much has changed. I know time doesn't stand still but I had hoped things would have in the village. Anyway, it's definitely sad but not enough to dampen my excitement to be 'going home'. The house I lived in with hubby is just a street away so I will be able to pass the house or just walk around the village and remember.

    I am hoping this is now going to allow me to settle again, it's been so difficult since I moved here, a huge mistake. It's also my husbands anniversary in a weeks time so a lot going on in my mind. Apart from the gut wrenching pain his anniversary brings I do feel more at peace now I have dates and something to finally aim for and look forward too.

    I've decided to pay a company to come and pack and move me rather than me pack. I just couldn't do it and it would make what should be a happy occasion a lot more stressful than it need be. As I am now hoping this will be my final move then I am prepared to pay to make it as easy for me as possible. I still have a ton of things to do, all the usual but also as I am downsizing (again) then I need to arrange all the things I can't take and arrange for a man with a van to take stuff to the tip. I have a full bedroom of furniture that needs to go as well as stuff I have stored in the shed as I don't have a shed in the new house.

    A fun start to 2018 once I get past hubbies anniversary.
    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, wisdom to know the difference.
    • seven-day-weekend
    • By seven-day-weekend 28th Dec 17, 9:31 AM
    • 30,024 Posts
    • 56,247 Thanks
    seven-day-weekend
    I wish you well with your move, white musk, and hope you find peace and happiness in your village. xx
    To love someone is to learn the song in their heart and to sing it to them when they have forgotten it
    'All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.Ē: C.S. Lewis
    LOving and caring Corbynista to Jacob Rees-Mogg : 'Why don't you F*** off and die?' J.R-M 'If I do, will you please pray for my immortal soul?' '
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 28th Dec 17, 10:13 AM
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    lessonlearned
    Good Morning Everyone. Hope you are all well and that you all managed to get through Christmas ok. I have to say mine was lovely, quiet, calm and serene. I saw my boys and their girls for a few hours each day. They were wonderful company.

    My poor DIL is having a miserable pregnancy so far and wasn’t up to par for most of the time so we took things gently. My second DIL lost her father last September so she and my youngest son spent Christmas Day with her mum. Her mum was surrounded by her two daughters and her one grandchild so I think she managed ok. It’s been a Christmas of love, support and comfort for all of us. Now we can look forward with hope to 2018.

    My sister sent me a text!!!

    And once again made no attempt to spend any time with us, except her usual trick to offer a last minute invitation on Christmas Eve when she knew that we had already made plans.....yes deliberate so that she can be seen to go through the motions.

    It will be the anniversary of our fathers death on Saturday. She will no doubt be posting her anguish on FaceBook so the world can see what a caring person she is....... Oh dear doesnt that make me sound sarcastic. But you see I have finally got her measure. After a lifetime of seeing her as I wanted to see her the scales have fallen from my eyes. I can now laugh at her machinations, she can get on with it. And as I move forward into 2018 that is one load of pain and trauma that will remain firmly in the past as I embrace my new life.

    White-Musk......hello my dear. I am so glad that your house move is going to come move to fruition soon. I wish you every happiness and joy in your new home. You are right to employ help. Take it steady and don’t exhaust yourself. You have the spring and summer to get settled and make it yours.

    It’s not long now unTil my trip. I am fully recovered from my vaccinations and have started thinking about packing. I sail on 7th January and return on 18th February. So far we have booked a pirhana fishing trip and a nighttime trip to see crocodiles. I shall feel like David Attenborough. My sons have bought me some new binoculars/telescope and a new camera......an updated version of the old Polaroid Instamatic.

    I am getting excited.
    Last edited by lessonlearned; 28-12-2017 at 10:15 AM.
    • elona
    • By elona 28th Dec 17, 8:47 PM
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    • 61,788 Thanks
    elona
    LL

    I hope you have a lovely time on your trip.

    Youngest dd is staying with her sister tonight and will pop in tomorrow to drop off some things then spend the day with friends and come back in the evening. Middle dd might be arriving tomorrow with a friend or else the next day to stay overnight and spend New Year's Eve.

    Love having youngest but nice to have the evening to myself tonight.

    I know I will love having two DDs and friend or friends staying over for a day or two but looking forward to just pleasing myself after the holidays if that does not sound too selfish.

    LL

    Some events have parallelled yours and in a few weeks I hope to be able to look forward to an exciting year. I want to take myself in hand and get a bit more exercise, eat more fruit and veg and lose a bit of weight. DDs are worried about my getting breathless again so have promised to see the doctor next week and get checked out.
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
    • White_musk
    • By White_musk 28th Dec 17, 11:27 PM
    • 35 Posts
    • 135 Thanks
    White_musk
    Thank you ladies for your kind words re my impending house move.

    LL your poor DIL. Pregnancy is such a mix of emotions, excitement and worry, I hope she feels better soon. I suffered horrendous morning sickness with all of mine and all poor hubby could do was hold my hair then wipe the tears. Hard on dads to be too when mum to be is poorly.

    I don't 'do' social media, I can't stand the faux relationships that my children have told me about from their accounts, it would likely send my blood pressure through the roof. It's a sad truism that we can choose our friends but not our family and some families seem to have more than their fair share of people who do things simply out of duty or for show.

    I hope you have a fab break away, by then I should (hopefully) be pottering around in my new house, move well behind me.
    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, wisdom to know the difference.
    • kittie
    • By kittie 30th Dec 17, 4:15 PM
    • 11,607 Posts
    • 67,082 Thanks
    kittie
    White musk good luck with the move and all that downsizing, its a very tough thing to do, good on you for doing it and getting settled while you are young enough

    I am at the end of the first few stages of widowhood and am now carving a life for myself as a single. My next stage is to finally find that new home, I am ready for that in 2018, moving is going to be daunting but I am also prepared to enlist the help of professionals and to do it in stages, hence my saving and participation on the new savings thread in os. Saving, like everything else during the past three years, has to be actively made to happen, nothing flows into our laps. Same for this house search, all down to self-involvement

    So LL enjoy your well-deserved holiday and Elona, fingers crossed when you see the doc. I wish you all the best of health in 2018 and hope that the year is kind, with no more stress, please
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 31st Dec 17, 4:02 PM
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    lessonlearned
    Just dropping by to wish you all a very happy and healthy new year. I know some of you will struggle tonight but be brave, chin up.

    TBH Ive never been a fan of NYE, not even when my husband was alive. I always did get a bit sentimental thinking about the past and lost ones etc. I always felt that time was racing by far too quickly.

    I donít know if I have mentioned this but one of my goals for 2018 was to get a grip and start living again, to get out and about and have some FUN. As you know I joined the Jolly Dollies earlier this year and have been fortunate to meet some very nice ladies through that group.

    I met one of them for coffee yesterday. I didnít really want to go but I made the effort. I decided to go into town on the bus, rather than take the car. At the bus stop I got chatting to a lady. Then I saw her again in a shop where we had another little chat.

    At the checkout they gave me a 20 per cent off voucher for purchases in January. I knew I wouldnít be able to use the voucher so I sort out the lady and gave it to her. She was dead chuffed. We chatted some more and it turns out we share a love of horse racing. She has invited me to join her in the summer to go to the races.

    So from not wanting to set foot out of the door I have made two nice new friends/acquaintances.

    Same with tonight. My next door neighbour has invited me round for a girly night in.......supper and a chick flick. TBH I would be just as happy staying home but it was nice of her to ask so Iíll make the effort. We will have a laugh, it will be fun.

    So this is what I am going to do......I am going to keep accepting the invitations as well as inviting people into my life too. Itís hard work sometimes and I donít always feel like making the effort but I figure you have to keep trying........

    One week till my holiday. I have been sorting out clothes today, will start packing tomorrow.

    Hope you all have a much better year. Iíll be back at the end of February so will drop by and say hello.
    • missile
    • By missile 31st Dec 17, 4:41 PM
    • 9,151 Posts
    • 4,477 Thanks
    missile
    ......I am going to keep accepting the invitations as well as inviting people into my life too. It’s hard work sometimes and I don’t always feel like making the effort but I figure you have to keep trying........
    People who need people etc
    "A nation's greatness is measured by how it treats its weakest members." ~ Mahatma Gandhi
    Ride hard or stay home
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 31st Dec 17, 4:58 PM
    • 10,335 Posts
    • 59,025 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    People who need people etc
    Originally posted by missile
    True.......homo sapiens werenít meant to live alone. Apparently Itís not good for us.

    Apparently itís not good for our mental health and it makes us age quicker.......
    • wort
    • By wort 31st Dec 17, 5:59 PM
    • 520 Posts
    • 7,907 Thanks
    wort
    I hope everyone has had a Christmas they wanted, without too much anguish.
    I have had a busy one and that has stopped too much introspection. My family have been around everyday as they have been the last 6 months.
    Tonight is a family party, and could be emotional, I will limit how much I drink , and will be pleased to get through it.
    I wish you all a healthy and happy new year, filled with new experiences and memories. God bless X
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 1st Jan 18, 10:45 AM
    • 10,335 Posts
    • 59,025 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Happy New Year Everyone.......
    • elona
    • By elona 1st Jan 18, 6:17 PM
    • 11,398 Posts
    • 61,788 Thanks
    elona
    Happy New Year to all.

    There were six of us seeing in the new year. I made enchiladas and middle dd made nachos and we played board games and did a quiz before watching Jools Holland and the fireworks on tv.

    Youngest left early this morning and is safely back and middle dd, her bf and another friend left after lunch. Her bf changed my light bulbs in the living room and sorted out my Henry hoover

    I have looked out this year's diary and transferred items from my old purse to my new Radley one I got as a present. Dishwasher is finishing and will refill it and clear up the kitchen later. I have changed the beds and cleaner comes back on the 11th so will get her to change the upstairs beds for me. Youngest dd comes back the next day for her birthday so the timing is good.

    LL

    I want to arrange a few things that I would enjoy as well. Volunteering weekly at the library and a monthly U3A early cinema
    is something I enjoy and I want to expand on that.
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 1st Jan 18, 8:29 PM
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    lessonlearned
    Well I have just managed to flood my kitchen.
    • elona
    • By elona 2nd Jan 18, 1:38 PM
    • 11,398 Posts
    • 61,788 Thanks
    elona
    LL

    Are you all right?

    Hope things have got sorted out for you.

    It seems strange to be on my own after nearly two weeks of company every day but taking the chance to put my feet up and read a book etc.
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
    • thepurplepixie
    • By thepurplepixie 2nd Jan 18, 8:54 PM
    • 1,010 Posts
    • 1,761 Thanks
    thepurplepixie
    Elona I know how you feel, I've had people stay for the last 16 days, sometimes 2 sometimes 5. I have had a good time but I am really enjoying a quiet evening, haven't cooked just had a sandwich and what a relief after all the cooking. The washing machine has been going all day but all bedding and towels are done. I think I'm going to go to bed and sleep for 24 hrs.

    Hope you enjoy your book, I'm just going to have a look at amazon and buy one for my kindle, meant to go to the library today but got too involved in getting the washing done. I know how to enjoy myself and I've got the bin men coming tomorrow, now that is a red letter day.
    • elona
    • By elona 3rd Jan 18, 9:07 AM
    • 11,398 Posts
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    elona
    Pixie

    I had the binmen yesterday so excitement prevails!

    I have library volunteering this afternoon and a grocery delivery this morning so have unloaded washing machine, loaded tumble drier and
    dish washer and having a cup of tea.

    Family have been on at me to rejoin a slimming club but I want to try doing it myself using the Hairy Dieter's books first. From experience the class will be huge the first week of January with queues to join.
    I lost weight a few years ago on my own but then stopped when DH got ill and piled on some more in the bargain.
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 3rd Jan 18, 11:11 AM
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    • 59,025 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Hi everyone......

    Elona......yes kitchen is fine I think, I’ve had the dehumidifier and kitchen fan going full belt and it seems to be drying out ok no smell. All appliances working. I caught it quickly enough so the cabinets wont have been soaking up water for too long. Hopefully they won’t buckle and the walls behind them won’t bave soaked up water.

    I managed to mop everything up fairly quickly but oh my did I hurt myself. I’ve had terrible fibro pain across my shoulder blades.

    I managed to remove the kick plates, emptied all the cupboards etc.
    I will leave the kickplates off whilst I’m away and I’ve instructed my son to leave all the doors open on the base units to allow the air to circulate. I will leave the dehumidifier on and my neighbour will come in and empty as necessary. It should be ok now.

    Re the diet. My old neighbour used to say January was not the time to start a diet. I tend to agree. I just eat healthily and try to move more, it seems to work better for me.

    I have been trying on clothes ready for packing and I’ve been pleasantly surprised. I have lost a stone since last May and gone down a dress size. My aim is to lose another 2 stones this year so I do need to up my game.

    I try to walk a bit each day and stick to my Paleo diet and it seems to have done the trick. When I get back from my holiday I plan to start using the gym. I want to do some proper strength training to build up my muscles and strengthen my bones. I need supervision for that to make sure I do it correctly. Also some yoga or pilates classes to improve my flexibility. I am really starting to stiffen up, so I need to tackle that too. I do try a few yoga moves and stretches each day but I need to do more.

    There will be classes on board and a gym. My travel companion lost over 5 stones last year so she will keep me on track. I have found that I usually eat well on holiday, and I get plenty of exercise so I don’t usually gain weight. I just ignore the cakes and puddings.

    Im off out to lunch today with a friend so had better get cracking. And then crack on with the packing......

    Tomorrow I get my hair done and my steroid injection for my knee. I could do with a proper massage for my shoulders but I’m not going to get an appt in time. I have a chair massage thingy so I’ll dig that out and see if it helps. The chair massager pad is ok but not as good as a proper deep tissue massage.

    I will visit the onboard spa. I usually book myself a full body Thai massage for the first full sea day because I get so stiff and sore travelling down. I have been on this ship several times and the masseuse there is brilliant. She’s brutal but she sorts me out......

    I think it’s so easy to neglect yourself when you are a carer, you don’t have much time so you just grab food on the run, hence the weight gain. Plus all the lifting etc. I wrecked my body and it has taken a long while to recover. Still not fully recovered but I’m working on it.

    Plus when you are stressed your body produces a lot of cortisol which also adds to weight gain, especially around the middle. But as your life returns to a more even keel and the stress eases off, then the cortisol levels fall.

    MY advice is to just make sure you keep stress levels down as best you can, eat good healthy food, and try to exercise each day. Start slowly and build up. Go at your own pace.

    If you can’t manage a 30 minute walk straight away then just do 10minutes, then 10mins x 2 a day and so on. Also if you like music put on a dance track and bop round the kitchen......no ones looking. Again just start slowly and build up, one song at a time.

    That’s what helped me when I was struggling to exercise. Six months ago I could barely hobble down to the corner shop of at the end of our street. Now I can walk for around 45 minutes without my knee brace.

    I still have a long way to go to reclaim my fitness but I’m getting there.
    Last edited by lessonlearned; 03-01-2018 at 11:25 AM.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 4th Jan 18, 8:46 PM
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    lessonlearned
    Elona.....just watching Hairy Bikers in the Mediterranean. Wonderful healthy food.

    Anyway Iím all set. Just resting my leg after my steroid injection. Bit sore but it will ease off soon.

    Sail on Sunday......so bye for now.
    • thepurplepixie
    • By thepurplepixie 4th Jan 18, 9:34 PM
    • 1,010 Posts
    • 1,761 Thanks
    thepurplepixie
    Elona, where would we be without the binmen?

    I would quite like to lose maybe 7lbs, not sure I have the self discipline. I am active but I'm going to try relying on the car less. A bit of walking would be good, mind you I walked to shops today and nearly got blown away. One woman was holding on to her toddler like grim death and I honestly think he'd have blown away if she hadn't. Not good on bin day, trail of litter to get picked up but I don't blame them as when the wind is like this it is impossible to stop some of it blowing away. I can see some stuff has blown into my garden so a little pick morning tomorrow.

    You must let us know how you get on with the Hairy Bikers. Good luck.
    • elona
    • By elona 5th Jan 18, 7:07 PM
    • 11,398 Posts
    • 61,788 Thanks
    elona
    LL

    Have a wonderful holiday and I hope your knee improves.

    I have been trying to eat more fruit and veg for the last few days and today I dug out the pedometer I used to wear and measured how many steps a quiet day with just a short walk to the shop were. To my dismay it is only around 2000 so I need to keep wearing the pedometer and slowly increase my steps. At the moment a slug could outpace me
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
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