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  • FIRST POST
    • kittie
    • By kittie 27th Feb 15, 5:29 AM
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    kittie
    A support thread for the bereaved
    • #1
    • 27th Feb 15, 5:29 AM
    A support thread for the bereaved 27th Feb 15 at 5:29 AM
    I started the thread when I was very suddenly widowed, early 2015. Since then in 20 months I have lost another two much loved family members, so I have been through the mill, everything looked so very bleak at the start of my journey

    Please use the thread if you need help in coping with a close bereavement. That is exactly why the thread was started
    Last edited by kittie; 08-05-2017 at 7:06 AM.
Page 198
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 14th Oct 17, 10:12 AM
    • 49,066 Posts
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    beanielou
    The pillow spray can also be a good quality lavander spray.
    The This Works one are quite small & think are quite pricey.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • wort
    • By wort 14th Oct 17, 12:03 PM
    • 453 Posts
    • 7,203 Thanks
    wort
    Thank you all, I divorced my ex when I was 24 we had been together since I was 14. We had 2 children, and he went out all the time and had other women, so I sort of know where she comes from, she just hasn't got to the bit where you start to feel angry with him for being a b@#*@#$ .
    I hope she finds someone worthy of her as I did and gets to enjoy 30 wonderful years with him.

    Re the lavender you can use the essential oils, but don't use too many drops as it can have the opposite effect. Thanks for the reminder I'd forgotten about lavender, I will dig some out and try tonight.

    Jaybee, the thread is here to help each other, I've found it very helpful to express how I'm feeling without being judged by people who have no understanding of what I'm going through.
    I also find music is what brings me tears, so much . It's funny how I really listen to the lyrics now.
    I found I was keeping myself busy, getting everything organised too, I hope you slept better last night,take care.x
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 16th Oct 17, 1:29 PM
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    lessonlearned
    Good morning all you lovely brave people.

    I’m back and happy and content .......but more of that later.

    Wort.......good to see you back at work. I’m sure it’s tiring but I think being back in the mainstream swim of life might help you to rebuild your life. Don’t mean that to sound patronising but I think you catch my drift.

    Re pillow sprays. You can make you own for pennies. A cheap plastic spray bottle, add some drops of essential lavender oil and fill with water. Cheap as chips and smells divine. I also do a citronella oil version in the summer to keep the beasties away, especially on holidays to mosquito areas......they eat me alive.

    To all those who fear you might be “bringing the thread down”. Stop that right now. This thread is meant to support and comfort each other when we need it most. So never never worry that you are dragging us back, we are all travelling on the same journey.

    Speaking of travelling ......well I had a truly lovely holiday.

    I’ll do a separate post. I have got lots to tell you.
    Last edited by lessonlearned; 16-10-2017 at 1:47 PM.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 16th Oct 17, 1:46 PM
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    lessonlearned
    Well as you know I have now been widowed just over three years and this was my third solo holiday.

    It was lovely. No tears, no sadness, no melancholy. Just nice sunny days, relaxing and visiting some very pretty ports. La Rochelle, Bilbao and la Corunna were my favourites and I also enjoyed my revisit to Lisbon. Gibraltar was ok but not bothered about a revisit.

    There were over 130 solo travellers on board, all ages from around 50s to 90. Met a charming gentlemen aged 90 who had been an architect, he was an outrageous flirt and an utter delight.

    Speaking of flirts......well yes I did my fair share. Lots of nice men to have some lighthearted fun with. Many of them widowers, some of them very recently widowed and rather vulnerable. I have to say I seem to find that we women seem to be able to withstand the rigours if widowhood better than most men. Some of them were definitely on the lookout for replacement wives because they canít face life alone.

    But I digress.

    Anyway.....let me tell you the tale of the two J*hns.

    Yes not one but two men paid me some very flattering attention. I had a gentle flirtation with J1 but he was quickly relegated to the rank of ďjust good friendsĒ. A nice man but not for me.

    Now J2 is a rather more interesting proposition altogether.

    However, Iím not holding my breath. If he contacts me then well and good, if not then no harm done. Whatever happens or doesnít happen with J2 I have learned one thing. That is, I am now ready for another relationship. I have realised that I can now let another man into my life and still cherish my husbands memory. And I know I have my husbands blessing.

    No Iím not husband hunting but Iím ready to live again. J2 May or may not be my next love but he was a delightful companion. No oil painting, just a nice funny, intelligent and gentle man. Only time will tell if thereís more.

    Watch this space.
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 16th Oct 17, 1:55 PM
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    pollypenny
    That's good, LL.

    Re pillow sprays, I spray mine with lavender Febreeze as I iron them.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
    • irishjohn
    • By irishjohn 16th Oct 17, 6:08 PM
    • 1,249 Posts
    • 1,953 Thanks
    irishjohn
    No Iím not husband hunting but Iím ready to live again. J2 May or may not be my next love but he was a delightful companion. No oil painting, just a nice funny, intelligent and gentle man. Only time will tell if thereís more.

    Watch this space.
    Originally posted by lessonlearned
    Well Well LL good for you. There's a lot to be said for these Cruises, especially the smaller ship type you favour. I had not realised there would be so many singles, worth remembering when I am looking for other ways to travel as a change from my Canary islands escapes.

    I'm sure its no coincidence that this revelation has come to you just at the point where you "finished" the role of parenting now both DS handed over to their very own helpmates. DH would have wanted you to fulfil that task on behalf of you and he and as you say will now be very happy to see you considering alternatives to being alone.

    I hope its a good new adventure for you with whoever pops up. And good choice of name too!!

    Irishjohn - sitting watching very blustery bushes!!
    John
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 16th Oct 17, 6:44 PM
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    lessonlearned
    Very windy here too and we had that weird orange sky thing earlier.....something to do with hurricane Orphelia whipping up sand from the Sahara and the smoke from the Portuguese fires apparently.

    And yes......John is a good name.

    Ps how is the diet going.
    • candygirl
    • By candygirl 16th Oct 17, 7:16 PM
    • 26,106 Posts
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    candygirl
    Oooh LL , i'm excited for you, and glad you had a fab hols😁
    Thanks for the tip re lavender spray too x
    "You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf"

    (Kabat-Zinn 2004)
    • irishjohn
    • By irishjohn 16th Oct 17, 7:37 PM
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    irishjohn
    Very windy here too and we had that weird orange sky thing earlier.....something to do with hurricane Orphelia whipping up sand from the Sahara and the smoke from the Portuguese fires apparently.

    And yes......John is a good name.

    Ps how is the diet going.
    Originally posted by lessonlearned
    I hope to get two certificates this Wednesday at SW - 2.5 st off and hitting target nor bad for 4 month's effort. started n 18th June
    John
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 16th Oct 17, 8:25 PM
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    lessonlearned
    John.......Wow!!! Well done you. Thatís quite an achievement.
    • elona
    • By elona 17th Oct 17, 10:37 AM
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    elona
    John

    Well done on the weight loss. I need to get my head into doing the same.

    LL

    I am so pleased you enjoyed the holiday and are embracing life.

    Hugs to all
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
    • wort
    • By wort 17th Oct 17, 2:11 PM
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    wort
    LL - thank you, yes I understand what you're saying, it's just getting used to the new normal,and work is part of that. I'm so glad you had a good holiday, I admit mine was daunting as it was my 1st, but it was relaxing. John is definitely a good name my John was wonderful.
    Irishjohn -that is some achievement, well done.
    I'm feeling a bit bored as I'm having to stay off my foot after the injections, though my work friend is picking me up tomorrow ,to go out for lunch. Too much time to think isn't good,is it.
    I spent some time trying to decide what to have on the little memorial stone, I'm putting in the cemetery on his parents grave, I still have his ashes here,but feel the need to have something with his name on. I was scouring the net and a hymn book for a nice line of a verse to go on it, but it's hard as I want it to be perfect, and reading them was very emotional.
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • irishjohn
    • By irishjohn 17th Oct 17, 4:40 PM
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    irishjohn
    Thank you all for your kind words -
    I have to admit - am chuffed to bits at my achievement - lighter than I have been in 25 years and the compliments are flying when folks see me. Next job is to buy new clothes. I have tended to buy good stuff, mainly from out of town outlet shopping centres ad am wearing Ralph Lauren shirts which are at least 17 years old! Now its time to re-stock and help out the charity shops. Its not that long since i had one pair of trousers in my wardrobe that fitted me - now none fit me - for very different reasons!
    John
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 17th Oct 17, 5:12 PM
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    lessonlearned
    For the best of reasons. !!!

    Go you.
    • dorothy52
    • By dorothy52 17th Oct 17, 7:07 PM
    • 457 Posts
    • 1,490 Thanks
    dorothy52
    IJ Wow, what fantastic loss! Am so impressed. My weight continues to creep up, you have inspired me to do summat about it. Care to share some ideas re meal suggestions?

    LL, lovely to have you back and am thrilled that you had such a lovely time. IJ was spot on, and I am looking forward to hearing whether J2 gets in touch. You know, you two have really cheered me up tonight. Thank you xxxx
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 18th Oct 17, 11:44 AM
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    lessonlearned
    Glad to be of service, Dorothy.

    Yes I am feeling happy, positive and optimistic. I sent J2 an email yesterday, if he responds well that would be nice, if not, well it doesnít matter. My heart is still intact.

    Spent yesterday helping DS2 dismantle the fish tank which was in an alcove in the dining room. I have ordered a unit to go in that space to give me extra storage for crockery, linens etc

    Today I am going food shopping and will do a stock up so that come tomorrow I can get the paint rollers and brushes out and finally get this decorating finished. Itís dragged on for far too long.

    Have lost the weight I gained on holiday but yes I do need to lose more. I have set myself a target of 1 stone by Christmas.

    Dorothy....join me, be my diet buddy. Together we can do this.
    • dorothy52
    • By dorothy52 18th Oct 17, 12:03 PM
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    dorothy52
    YESSS!!!!!!! LL let's do it - I feel sluggish and unfit and completely discombobulated for a number of reasons and this challenge is EXACTLY what I need. So good to hear you sounding positive and upbeat, we'll show Irish John that us ladies can also fight the flab successfully!!
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 18th Oct 17, 12:19 PM
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    lessonlearned
    You’re on.

    Actually I am now feeling that perhaps I should stop posting on this thread. Yes I am still a widow and yes I am sure I will still have “moments” but a bit like St Paul on the way to Damascus I feel that a divine light has shone upon me and shown me the way forward.

    Finally I can say goodbye to the widow in me and actually embrace my new single life. Of course I will carry my husband in my heart forever but my little shipboard flirtations and mini romances have taught me that I can find other men attractive.

    What a revelation. Maybe there will be someone out there who can “relight my fire”

    I do actually post on the Frump to Fab thread over on the health and beauty boards so I think our diet challenge might be better over there, rather than clogging up this thread.

    Please feel free to join me over there and of course anyone else who wants to lose weight, get fitter and generally just get a grip with grasping the nettle and ditching the frump.
    Last edited by lessonlearned; 18-10-2017 at 12:26 PM.
    • jaybee
    • By jaybee 18th Oct 17, 6:43 PM
    • 1,401 Posts
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    jaybee
    Hello to you all and, again, many thanks for all the coping strategies.

    I shall be sorry to see you leave lessonlearned but fully understand and am so happy to know that you feel that way. Hopefully we all will eventually but, sadly, there will be others yet to tread our steps.

    Well done on the weight loss. I also have some to lose. I have lost some already but can’t tell how much as I don’t weigh myself! The way I can tell is by my clothes getting looser!

    Returning to work must be difficult - something I don’t have to do. Actually
    I am very comfortable with being on my own - I have always been a bit of a loner (probably due to being an only child and grew up with being able to entertain myself). Most of my hobbies are solitary as well.

    Currently my project is revamping my study. I am considering getting an exercise bike to put in there as well. Hopefully I think it will be good for the winter days when I don’t want to go out but will encourage me to get a bit of exercise when walking isn’t an attractive option. Even in the ‘cushy’ south we get wet and miserable days!
    Last edited by jaybee; 18-10-2017 at 6:45 PM. Reason: Duplicated paragraph!
    • elona
    • By elona 22nd Oct 17, 8:41 PM
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    elona
    I had a lovely few days with dds staying over and should be content but paradoxically it seemed so unfair that DH was not there to appreciate the news and view DDs new car etc.

    I can't stop crying and I don't know why.
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
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