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  • FIRST POST
    • kittie
    • By kittie 27th Feb 15, 5:29 AM
    • 11,373Posts
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    kittie
    A support thread for the bereaved
    • #1
    • 27th Feb 15, 5:29 AM
    A support thread for the bereaved 27th Feb 15 at 5:29 AM
    I started the thread when I was very suddenly widowed, early 2015. Since then in 20 months I have lost another two much loved family members, so I have been through the mill, everything looked so very bleak at the start of my journey

    Please use the thread if you need help in coping with a close bereavement. That is exactly why the thread was started
    Last edited by kittie; 08-05-2017 at 7:06 AM.
Page 196
    • elona
    • By elona 26th Sep 17, 11:25 AM
    • 11,308 Posts
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    elona
    jaybee

    I hope you have had a good (or slightly better) nights sleep and feel stronger for it. You had two reminders of loss at the same time so anyone would wobble at that.

    LL

    I saw a specialist yesterday and blood tests are going to be done to check if it is rheumatoid arthritis. The reduction in pain recently looks as if it is due to inflammation having gone down but when it gets inflamed again I am likely to need injections in both knees. I felt like such a fraud as the level of ache I have now I can handle and would not have gone to a gp with. Back to healthier eating and trying to walk a bit more while I can.

    Hugs to all
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
    • jaybee
    • By jaybee 26th Sep 17, 1:27 PM
    • 1,401 Posts
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    jaybee
    Thank you Elona - I did have a much better night's sleep and didn't wake up until 4:30 (which is good for me)!!

    Took myself off to a garden centre this morning and it was full on Christmas!!!!
    • elona
    • By elona 26th Sep 17, 5:47 PM
    • 11,308 Posts
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    elona
    jaybee

    I used to think it was bad enough when stores started Christmas displays in mid October but that is even worse.

    I am glad you slept better as lack of a decent sleep makes everything worse.
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
    • jaybee
    • By jaybee 26th Sep 17, 7:32 PM
    • 1,401 Posts
    • 2,546 Thanks
    jaybee
    It was a bit of a culture shock!

    I'm really hoping that Christmas won't exist this year for me. Not really a fan anyway - it's different if you have small children and so on. I am making a concerted effort to record some programmes and reserve some books (never a problem as I am more of a reader than a film watcher).

    I have also ordered myself an electric blanket and a new lightweight (7tog) duvet with the thought of making a comfortable winter 'nest' for myself! Oh, I also managed to add a new duvet cover to the order as well.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 26th Sep 17, 7:33 PM
    • 10,217 Posts
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    lessonlearned
    My son works in a garden centre. Heís been in Christmas mode for weeks now, putting up displays. He started building the scaffolding etc about 3 months ago.

    They actually start planning the floor space straight after Easter, sometimes earlier. They order Christmas stuff at least a year ahead. The dept head is usually 18 months ahead of herself, attending exhibitions, seeing suppliers, working out themes and concepts. Itís like a military operation. My son started clearing warehouse space for Christmas and accepting deliveries of stock before Easter.

    Same with summer.......BBQS, garden furniture etc.......they start next years plans just as soon as this years Christmas stuff is out. They are on it already. In fact he has just picked up an amazing bargain BBQ that they wanted to offload to free up space for next years stock.

    Itís the same all across the retail sector. The logistics are incredible, 12 to 18 month lead times are the norm.

    I once watched a documentary about Libertys. They start planning their Christmas window displays in January. I think most of the big department stores do the same.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 26th Sep 17, 7:45 PM
    • 10,217 Posts
    • 57,586 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Jaybee. You are doing the right thing, getting ready for winter. I have started Hygge already. I love it.

    I’m currently watching “London has Fallen”, snuggled up under a fur throw, with a glass of wine and some dark chocolate. Purely medicinal.

    I actually love Christmas, even though I do miss my husband very much. .....I think of it as a beacon of light and warmth in the depth of winter. A time for people to have a little break and a bit of feasting and merriment. We don’t go on a spend fest but we do make the most the festive season, just chilling out and spending time together.

    It has a bitter sweet quality now of course but I do still like to keep the spirit of Christmas alive.
    • jaybee
    • By jaybee 26th Sep 17, 8:07 PM
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    jaybee
    I do sort of like Christmas - as in the 'perfect' magazine style Christmas where everything is perfect. It's the reality I can't cope with - too commercial etc. I will do my own version with candles and Hygge - smiled salmon rather than turkey and so on . . . most likely a lot of 'reflection' which I am probably better doing on my own . . .
    • iris
    • By iris 27th Sep 17, 7:42 AM
    • 1,086 Posts
    • 3,362 Thanks
    iris
    I do sort of like Christmas - as in the 'perfect' magazine style Christmas where everything is perfect. It's the reality I can't cope with - too commercial etc. I will do my own version with candles and Hygge - smiled salmon rather than turkey and so on . . . most likely a lot of 'reflection' which I am probably better doing on my own . . .
    Originally posted by jaybee
    This made me smile
    • elona
    • By elona 27th Sep 17, 11:58 AM
    • 11,308 Posts
    • 60,585 Thanks
    elona
    I think I might be having three dds, a son in law and maybe one or two of their boyfriends over Christmas. DDs are determined to organise it with military precision and want to help with cooking etc. so will go with the flow.

    I think musclefoods are doing a selection of foods that can be delivered and save me time and stress so will try to do as much as I can online well beforehand and give me the chance to relax and enjoy the company. I think the company also offer veg so that could be a real help.

    I am not aiming for perfect or anything near - just good food and company and a relaxed atmosphere with a walk out now and then , board games and maybe a special tv programme if everyone fancies the idea. Rather than buy a lot of nibbles I would rather make my own mini quiches, potato rosti, blinis etc.

    I fancy the idea of making a patchwork lap quilt out of a spare single duvet but need to shorten and hand sew the living room curtains first.
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
    • jaybee
    • By jaybee 27th Sep 17, 1:01 PM
    • 1,401 Posts
    • 2,546 Thanks
    jaybee
    This made me smile
    Originally posted by iris
    Whoops! I think I shall call it that from now on!
    • thepurplepixie
    • By thepurplepixie 28th Sep 17, 2:25 PM
    • 947 Posts
    • 1,656 Thanks
    thepurplepixie
    Decided to follow Martin's tip and get some wine from Sainsbury's. Did a click and collect so no delivery charge, bought six bottles of wine so got 25% off them and then £18 off the shopping. Got the wine for £2 something a bottle and that is the start of my Christmas shopping. Nice little present for some people and no hassle.

    I know it seems silly really but I want to get Christmas "done" and all the presents wrapped, as the family grows with DIL Sil and GC it gets more expensive and complicated every year. The older GC, almost teenagers, are into fashion so I think I am going to offer to take them shopping and let them pick some stuff, I know what it will be as they love their Nike hoodies and t shirts but if that is what they want then I don't mind.

    Think I am going to do a list but mustn't forget I have some birthdays to sort out first.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 29th Sep 17, 10:30 AM
    • 10,217 Posts
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    lessonlearned
    Well what a day....grey miserable and wet.

    I have to pop into town to pick up some Euro’s and buy myself a cheap watch. I broke my good one yesterday, not sure if it’s fixable. Probably cost more to have it fixed than buying another.

    Depending on how I’d feel and anterior not the place is heaving I might have a little mooch round the shops and perhaps a coffee or light lunch. If it’s crowded I won’t bother.

    Yesterday I had a lovely day. It was glorious weather so I went to a local marina, had lunch outside watching the world go by. Picked up a nice lamp from one of the little designer Type shops, not too expensive. Pinched some dried seed head things on stalks growing along the tow path. I think they are called teazles, not sure, have stuck them in large floor vase in the kitchen. They look nice and they were free.

    In the evening watched Thelma and Louise with a nice easy supper of stir fry veggies and chilli prawns. So a nice lazy indulgent day. Spent a few pennies but didn’t break the bank.

    Hope you are all ok.

    PP great wine bargains there.
    • elona
    • By elona 29th Sep 17, 11:55 AM
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    • 60,585 Thanks
    elona
    LL

    The decorative ideas sound lovely. It is pouring with rain here and an electrician has just left with a new outside porch light fitting ordered for next week. I have chosen a much more modern light as the old one was a bit dingy and old fashioned.

    Middle dd is coming over tomorrow lunchtime and we might do a bit of browsing round the shops before she sets off in the evening to meet friends.

    Will brave the rain later to get some bread and a few bits and bobs.

    Hugs to all
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
    • wort
    • By wort 3rd Oct 17, 10:23 AM
    • 447 Posts
    • 7,127 Thanks
    wort
    Hi all, hope everyone is feeling ok.
    Back from holiday, it was very quiet, a lovely small place.
    I only had one tsunami, and a couple of surreptitious tears well hidden by sunglasses I hope. Coming in to a cold and empty house in the early morning was horrible, so took myself straight to bed. The cat seems to have missed me ,he's been meowing and cuddling lots

    I'm thinking of starting back to work next week. I don't know if I'm ready, but not sure I'll ever know !!
    My Dr's note runs out Monday, and I've been sent a letter asking to go in work ,re being off so long/ getting me back. That is for Monday , I am going to ring as I don't see the point of meeting the day before I return anyway?!
    I can't believe it's 3 months since hubby died now, it's been a blur, I sort of see that I'm never going to get back to how I used to be, and that I have to get used to a "new" normal.
    Not thinking of christmas yet, it should be my turn to host sisters family usually about 12 or so of us .
    She did say she'd do it this year, but I can't think so far yet.
    I work in retail so no doubt all this is being put in place at the moment.
    I watched the liberty s programme LL, it was interesting wasn't it.
    Elona I hope it's not rheumatoid arthritis, and the pain continues to ease.
    Last edited by wort; 03-10-2017 at 10:24 AM. Reason: Grammer
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • minerva57
    • By minerva57 3rd Oct 17, 1:32 PM
    • 1 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    minerva57
    Getting on with it
    Hi
    I am a member of the Jolly Dollies and we are a quite active group but we have to organise things for ourselves and of the 40 plus in my area . (I organise walks, lunches and a book club plus outings. Others do coffee mornings and bowling ) only half of those listed in my area actually come along. The rest don't even have the good manners to reply to those invites. You can only take a horse to water they say -
    keep you chin up .
    • wort
    • By wort 5th Oct 17, 2:36 PM
    • 447 Posts
    • 7,127 Thanks
    wort
    Wild and blustery day today hope all is well with everyone.
    Sorted going back to work, next Tues, I rearranged with work to have holiday owing on 13th for a week as I'm getting my foot injected and need to rest it.which means I'll only be doing 2 days before I'm off for a week, I'm hoping that will give me time to see most people, and get over the initial sympathy talks.
    Having a bit of a trying time with my Internet playing up since I switched to bt in July, I've chatted via live chat, and done all the things ,I was asked. But it's made no use, so they are sending an engineer! Which could end costing me £129. Pounds (sigh)
    Also my stick dyson is playing up only working intermittently! After reading up on it I've thoroughly took it apart and cleaned it, I'm just waiting for the filter to dry before re trying it, fingers crossed, I only got it at Xmas!
    On the up side my new sofa is being delivered on sat, for my conservatory, we had a roof put on and plastered last October, also took off the patio doors and threshold from the kitchen into there, and put normal glass doors on and took the same laminate flooring all the way through. The sofa was the next job, so although I need to cut back, I wanted to get it finished like we planned.
    The old sofa needs to go to tip, I'm hoping it will fit in daughters car!!
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • elona
    • By elona 5th Oct 17, 4:16 PM
    • 11,308 Posts
    • 60,585 Thanks
    elona
    wort

    Good luck with your return to work and with the foot treatment.

    I have just cleared up a bit more in the integral garage and it is starting to be easier to find things and look a bit clearer. The house has just been given a clean and I got a hand to change all the bedding as well.

    The weekend looks very busy so I am trying to pace myself so I can enjoy having family round and a seaside trip on Saturday.
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 5th Oct 17, 7:14 PM
    • 37,858 Posts
    • 34,247 Thanks
    Savvy_Sue
    also took off the patio doors and threshold from the kitchen into there, and put normal glass doors on and took the same laminate flooring all the way through.
    Originally posted by wort
    when you say 'normal' glass doors, I hope it's safety glass! Had a toddler put his head through a glass door once, not a pretty sight. Had never thought it wouldn't be safety glass!
    Still knitting!
    Completed: 1 adult cardigan, 3 baby jumpers, 2 shawls, 3 pairs baby bootees,
    1 Wise Man Knitivity figure + 1 sheep, 2 pairs socks, 1 seaman's hat ...
    Current projects: 1 shawl, another seaman's hat
    • thepurplepixie
    • By thepurplepixie 6th Oct 17, 10:16 AM
    • 947 Posts
    • 1,656 Thanks
    thepurplepixie
    when you say 'normal' glass doors, I hope it's safety glass! Had a toddler put his head through a glass door once, not a pretty sight. Had never thought it wouldn't be safety glass!
    Originally posted by Savvy_Sue
    I had this experience as well. Son fell and put his head through the glass, the horrific thing was 5ft of glass hanging above him and jagged pieces below. I just wanted to pull him through before he was guillotined but had to be calm or I could have cut his throat. I still have this vision of a parallel universe where the glass fell.................
    • wort
    • By wort 6th Oct 17, 8:36 PM
    • 447 Posts
    • 7,127 Thanks
    wort
    Gosh ! Yes it's safety glass, I meant normal as opposed to big chunky patio doors, the threshold always had people falling over it!!

    Thank you Elona, I'm more worried about the return to work than the foot injection! I've had it before and wasn't too bad.

    It looks like the sofa needs breaking up to get in the car, so it's in my tidy garage till my brother calls tomorrow to saw it up.

    Decided to cancel engineer, and my nephew will look at router first, I can't afford to pay £129. If they say it's my fault!
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
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