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  • FIRST POST
    • kittie
    • By kittie 27th Feb 15, 5:29 AM
    • 10,769Posts
    • 57,896Thanks
    kittie
    A support thread for the bereaved
    • #1
    • 27th Feb 15, 5:29 AM
    A support thread for the bereaved 27th Feb 15 at 5:29 AM
    I started the thread when I was very suddenly widowed, early 2015. Since then in 20 months I have lost another two much loved family members, so I have been through the mill, everything looked so very bleak at the start of my journey

    Please use the thread if you need help in coping with a close bereavement. That is exactly why the thread was started
    Last edited by kittie; 08-05-2017 at 7:06 AM.
Page 184
    • itsanne
    • By itsanne 4th Jul 17, 10:48 AM
    • 4,494 Posts
    • 10,377 Thanks
    itsanne
    You do know it's obligatory to post photos of new cute kittens and puppies......
    Originally posted by Pollycat


    Note the old clothes and slippers for protection - claws are sharp!

    . . .I did not speak out

    Then they came for me
    And there was no one left
    To speak out for me..

    Martin Niemoller
    • itsanne
    • By itsanne 4th Jul 17, 10:50 AM
    • 4,494 Posts
    • 10,377 Thanks
    itsanne
    . . .I did not speak out

    Then they came for me
    And there was no one left
    To speak out for me..

    Martin Niemoller
    • itsanne
    • By itsanne 4th Jul 17, 10:53 AM
    • 4,494 Posts
    • 10,377 Thanks
    itsanne



    That's all folks ....
    . . .I did not speak out

    Then they came for me
    And there was no one left
    To speak out for me..

    Martin Niemoller
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 4th Jul 17, 1:45 PM
    • 9,719 Posts
    • 54,614 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    They are adorable.

    I shall be losing our little cat soon, DS2 will have custody (well it is technically his cat). But I shall have visitation rights.

    Went to solicitor this morning to get the ball rolling to buy DS2s house. Whilst in town I got myself a much needed hair cut. Didn't dawdle though because my little Handy man is coming round later - problem with the guttering.

    I have been doing a lot of thinking and I have decided it's high time I got my act together, stopped drifting, and set myself some targets. I'm 66 on Thursday, I'm running out of road.

    Here's the plan.......6 months to lose 2 stones and get fit, and finish the renovations to this house. Christmas, then my 6 week trip to the Amazon.....then a few final flourishes to the house and garden In the spring with a view to putting it on the market around May time next year.

    I am also going to start dealing in bric a brac and antiques again and furniture restoration as a little sideline business. Only on a small scale, I'm not going to comit to regular hours and open a shop or anything, just a bit of casual buying and selling and fixing up things when the muse strikes.

    I feel happier and more settled now knowing I have set some goals and have targets to strive for. I really don't fancy joining groups and clubs for the sake of it. They just dont appeal so why force myself to do something that just isn't "me".

    I think having defined projects with targets and timescales suits me better. I am just not ready to merely "pass the time" on idle pursuits such as lunch clubs, coffee mornings, walking groups, volunteering and all the other things that we widows are encouraged to try.

    I need real work, something to challenge me and get my teeth into. Something to focus on.

    I have made a start on the third bedroom, clearing out the clutter, setting up my desk etc. I will have space to set up a sewing machine in there too. It will be good to have a proper designated office/workroom again.

    Finally the mists are clearing and I can see the glimmer of a future.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 4th Jul 17, 2:46 PM
    • 17,093 Posts
    • 43,248 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Note the old clothes and slippers for protection - claws are sharp!
    Originally posted by itsanne
    Not to mention those teeth too!

    They're lovely.
    Apparently all black and black & white cats are harder to home/re-home but I think black cats look incredibly sleek & elegant and I love the random markings on black & white cats.
    • elona
    • By elona 7th Jul 17, 11:39 AM
    • 11,005 Posts
    • 57,460 Thanks
    elona
    Just heard middle dd is coming round for a meal tonight so very chuffed. Taking another DD to cinema this afternoon so will cook something simple like baked fish with wedges and green veg tonight.

    A neighbour came round last night to get me to sign something for her and as I opened the door I found the step was crawling with ants I had already put ant bait elsewhere in the front and thought I had solved the problem but obviously not. The blasted things were even crawling up the side of the house.

    Once neighbour had gone I went outside with boiling water and more ant traps/ bait.

    Just have time to do a quick tidy round before I need to go and catch the bus to York.

    Hugs to all.
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
    • thepurplepixie
    • By thepurplepixie 7th Jul 17, 5:04 PM
    • 460 Posts
    • 879 Thanks
    thepurplepixie
    We had flying ants everywhere last night. The seagulls seemed to be having a feast! Problem all gone today.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 12th Jul 17, 9:36 AM
    • 9,719 Posts
    • 54,614 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Good Morning Everyone

    Hope you are all well. It's stopped raining and the sun is out, I need to do a tip run this morning. Such an exciting life, So rock and roll.......

    Well I'm 66 now, don't feel a day older than 80 very stiff this morning but I am pleased to say that my knee is gradually improving.

    Doing my regular stretches and strengthening exercises, taking my supplements and wearing the copper heel inserts in my shoes.. I also bought a proper support brace but I try not to wear that too much because I don't want the muscles to get too reliant on it. I use it when I know I'm going to be on my feet a lot.

    I don't know which measure is working the best, probably it's a combination of them all working together, but I am definitely seeing an improvement, less pain and more flexibility. Hopefully I can fend off surgery for some time.

    Had a nice birthday. I got taken out to a posh afternoon tea at a lovely country hotel. What the boys hadnt known when they booked was that it was where we had our wedding reception all those years ago. It bought back a lot of happy memories and I really enjoyed my little trip down Memory Lane.

    I bought myself a few birthday treats, with love from me to me (a new dress and some make up) and a small gift from my husband to me - a pretty cut glass perfume decanter.

    Yesterday I bought some curtains for my new bedroom (I shall be moving into DS2s room later) just need to get some paint and then we can decorate it. I will be keeping his heavy dark colonial style furniture so have chosen some beautiful tapestry curtains in an exotic Liberty style floral print. They cost a bit more than I would normally pay but they are stunning and I shall take them with me when I do eventually move.

    I guess one of the "silver linings" of living alone is that I can now let my design fantasies run riot and don't have to compromise to fit in with anyone else's tastes or styles.

    BTW - a quick update on Sistergate......yes you've guessed, she has apologised and has sought to address some of the wrongs she did me. I have accepted the olive branch with good grace......

    However, it has to be said that she has destroyed my trust and there are a lot of fences to mend. It's not going to be easy but I am glad there's a chance we can heal the rift. I never wanted a feud because the reverberations affect the whole family not just my sister and I.

    So.........I am not going to bear a grudge and I will be pleasant and amenable etc, however, I doubt very much that we will be able to recapture the easy relationship we once had. Some things, once broken, can never be the same again.

    Yes, our relationship can be patched up, but It will always be "less" than it once was. Now that the scales have fallen from my eyes. I can't really put them back. I can't unsee what has been revealed and once trust and faith have been broken I doubt that they can ever be truly whole again.

    Still at least she now knows that I'm not the pushover she thought I was and that there are lines that cannot be crossed. I think she's learned her lesson. I certainly have, I know now that she cannot be trusted to play fair so when she comes to me asking for money or favours I will be a bit more circumspect in our future dealings.

    Right time to head off to the tip. then maybe a bit more shabby chiccing.

    The next big hurdle is the third anniversary of my husbands death next month. I am going to try and keep busy, focus my efforts on decorating etc and take my mind off it. Maybe book a small trip for September to have something to look forward to.....I'll see how it goes.

    Hope everyone is ok and "jogging along".
    Last edited by lessonlearned; 12-07-2017 at 9:38 AM.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 12th Jul 17, 10:31 AM
    • 17,093 Posts
    • 43,248 Thanks
    Pollycat
    LL - I hope your sister is truly sorry.
    And I hope that this isn't a sign that she wants something from you.

    In my experience, contriteness doesn't last.
    However, you seem to have had a good relationship with your sister but mine with mine was always rocky.
    We've spent the majority of 60 years not speaking and that's how it will continue.
    I do have the most wonderful relationship with my other sister though.

    Your curtains sound lovely.

    Originally posted by itsanne
    itsanne
    Meant to comment on this photo.
    It's hard to tell which bit belongs to which kitten.

    My first kitten and third kitten were from the same Mum but different litters, there was about 3 or 4 months between them and they were inseparable.
    Fought like crazy for supremacy but always settled down to sleep together.
    As one was black & white and the other ginger, it was easy to tell which bit was which.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 12th Jul 17, 12:26 PM
    • 9,719 Posts
    • 54,614 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Pollycat.....my father suffered from Narcissitic Personality Disorder. It was severe and it was further compounded by PTSD as a result of his wartime experiences. He was an extremely difficult man. I made allowances for the PTSD of course, but the narcissism was a whole different ball game.

    Living a peaceful life with a narcissist is impossible, there is always drama. I left home at 19, just as soon as I could. Once I became an adult I could keep him at arms length so it wasn't so bad. It meant that my relationship with my mother also became rather distant but that was the price I had to pay for my own peace of mind and emotional health.

    I hadn't realised that my sister had the same Narcissitic tendencies though, it's only the last couple of years, since my husbands death, that I realised that basically she was just too self obsessed to be of any real help or support to me or the boys.

    It was always a case that she was "the Golden Child" whilst I was assigned the role of "Scapegoat". This is what narcissists do to their children, they favour one over the other. It didn't bother me unduly, I had gotten used to it and anyway the love of my husband and children more than compensated for my fathers total indifference towards me. So I was happy and life was good.

    My father was always spiteful to me and I knew his spite would continue beyond the grave. He was a serial womaniser and he broke my mothers heart, several times. I found it impossible to forgive him for betraying her and I just knew he would have some nasty little surprises up his sleeve to torment me with after his death. Sure enough I was right. I couldn't forgive him for what he did to my mother and I couldn't adore him the way he wanted to be adored so he decided to extract his revenge.

    He did it with money, syphoning it off onto my sister before his death so he reduced what would be payable to me from our parents estates. This meant that whilst the terms of the will were strictly adhered to so that I would have no legal redress, he managed to ensure that my sister received the bulk of our joint inheritance.

    I knew what was happening but trusted my sister to try and redress the balance. How naive was I. She colluded with him and made sure she got the lions share of our parents estate. She said she was "entitled".

    Anyway to cut a long story short, it would appear that her conscience has finally pricked her and she has made an attempt to make things a Little bit fairer. Although - instead of the 50-50 split my mother wanted, even with the amount my sister has "gifted" me, it will still be more like 70-30 in my sisters favour.

    Is she genuinely remorseful, or is it just another ruse. Only time will tell.

    I was disconcerted to notice that the money she has finally condescended to give me has actually come out of her husbands account. This does concern me. I don't trust him, never have. He should not be handling her inheritance but that's her business. She is very much under his thumb. I don't think he is physically violent but he is an abusive bully who uses emotional blackmail, both to my sister and their daughter. His language can be vile. He is a control freak and a spendthrift. They are always in debt.

    I am over a decade older than my sister so I guess I have always tried to watch over her, and protect her a bit. Maybe she felt I had no right, maybe she doesn't see her husband as a bully, maybe she felt I was treating her like a child and she felt stifled. Maybe now that she has some money she decided to use it as a weapon against me, for revenge against me being overly protective. I just don't know but tbh I don't really care any more.

    As my son pointed out just half an hour ago, it's her choice to hand over her money to her husband. If he squanders it as usual then it's her look out, it's her business and we can't intervene. I just have to let go. She's my sister, not my daughter. I can't save her from herself.

    Polly I am sorry you too have such a difficult relationship with your sister. It's horrible isn't it when it all goes so badly wrong. I thought that I had had a good relationship with my sister, maybe I was just delusional. Maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part.

    Hey ho.

    Families, eh??!!
    Last edited by lessonlearned; 12-07-2017 at 12:48 PM.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 12th Jul 17, 12:49 PM
    • 27,830 Posts
    • 70,722 Thanks
    Mojisola
    He did it with money, syphoning it off onto my sister before his death so he reduced what would be payable to me after his death.

    This meant that whilst the terms of the will were strictly adhered to so that I would have no legal redress, he managed to ensure that my sister received the bulk of our joint inheritance.

    Anyway to cut a long story short, it would appear that her conscience has finally pricked her and she has made an attempt to make things a Little bit fairer. Although - instead of the 50-50 split my mother wanted, even with the amount my sister has "gifted" me, it will still be more like 70-30 in my sisters favour.

    I was disconcerted to notice that the money she has finally condescended to give me has actually come out of her husbands account.

    He is a control freak and a spendthrift. They are always in debt.

    As my son pointed out just half an hour ago, it's her choice to hand over her money to her husband. If he squanders it as usual then it's her look out, it's her business and we can't intervene.
    Originally posted by lessonlearned
    Would it help to think that your father would hate it that his money hasn't gone to his golden child but to her control freak husband?

    The irony is that, if he had given the bulk of his estate to you, you would have looked after your sister and she may well have benefited more from his money than she will now.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 12th Jul 17, 1:07 PM
    • 9,719 Posts
    • 54,614 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    BIL knew how to play to my fathers vanity. He became the "Golden Child Son in Law".

    Yes you are right, I would have looked after my sister. I would have split everything a straight 50-50. I have gone to my sisters financial rescue (and my mothers) in the past without hesitation.

    Never mind, what's done is done.

    In all honesty.....it's not really the money. It's the principles or rather lack of them that is so disconcerting. The lies, the cheating, the betrayals, the deceit and the Machiavellian manipulations.

    Only neither of them were quite as smart as they thought they were. They got found out. I never said a word when I handed over my fathers bank statements to his solicitor but he wasn't fooled. He soon worked out what had been happening.

    As an accountant friend of mine once said, every spread sheet tells a story and you can learn an awful lot from a bank statement.
    Last edited by lessonlearned; 12-07-2017 at 1:15 PM.
    • iris
    • By iris 15th Jul 17, 8:43 AM
    • 1,061 Posts
    • 3,309 Thanks
    iris
    I have just come across the following site. What does everybody think? I haven't joined yet.


    http://www.gownsgroup.co.uk/about-us
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 15th Jul 17, 11:57 AM
    • 9,719 Posts
    • 54,614 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Good Morning everyone.

    Hello Iris......just had a quick look at that site. It looks interesting. I believe in "laughter as therapy". Along with exercise laughter releases endorphins, which are so vital for the feel good factor. I also believe in the power of nature, meaningful work and art therapy to ease a troubled heart.

    I think we just have to "try things on for size" and see what works best for each of us.

    I have looked at several widow sites since my husband died, some helpful, some downright depressing.

    Heres my take.

    I think that as we progress through our grief we find that we need different kinds of help at different times ......help for us to deal with the immediate aftermath and also help for us to move forward and rebuild our lives.

    I think this is where the internet can be so useful.

    We can just google what it is that's troubling us and then find the helpful advice, support groups etc which we need at that particular time.

    At least that seems to work best for me.

    I have tried a couple of support groups, some better than others.

    I tried Jolly Dollies which someone on here recommended (sorry can't remember who) but there don't seem to be any active groups local to me so I've not really pursued it. I just read the newsletter.

    Two sites I have found helpful are "sixtyandme" and "Frenchkisslife".
    They are not specifically aimed at widows but just for women who may be at a crossroads in their lives and who are looking for answers.

    As you know my son has now moved out and I am now living alone.....for the first time in 37 years.

    I do realise just how fortunate I was in being able to live with my son whilst my husband was in a nursing home for 2 and a half years and since his death almost three years ago. My son was wonderfully supportive and great company but of course I always knew that sooner or later I would have to learn to live alone.

    I really do appreciate just how blessed I was not to be plunged into "aloneness" at the same time as widowhood. In that respect I have had it much easier than most of you. I shall be eternally grateful to my son because he made the nightmare bearable. Without him I would have survived of course but it would have been even harder.

    However, even so, I did find the prospect of living alone after all these years somewhat daunting. So, as usual, I looked to the internet for tips and advice. Advice which I'm putting into practice and which is helping make the transition to solo living. It's been a month since DS2 left and I'm actually happy, serene and content. I'm going to be ok.

    So yes Iris to get back to your question, I think it looks like it might be worth having a look at that site. You've got nothing to lose.

    Speaking of laughter, one thing I do is I deliberately try and watch lighthearted films and TV programmes. I do watch the news but I don't overdose on it. Often I just make do with the headlines and try not to let the "doom and gloom" get to me.

    Now that DS2 has gone I am very selective of the kind of TV programmes I watch. I stick to things that Lift my spirits. Same with internet web sites, and media such as FB. And......this might sound a bit contentious but in RL I studiously avoid people who are "Negative Nellies" or who are energy drainers. Some people can be like vampires, sucking all my energy, so I stick to small doses of their company.

    It's all quite deliberate. It would be only too easy to sink into a pit of despair so I fight hard to stay positive and upbeat. I'm not sure how I will cope with winter. I have bought a light box to try if I find my spirits dip too low.

    One thing that I am doing now is preparing for winter.

    I aim to get down to some serious "hygge" - getting cosy and indulge in some serious self care. I have started buying books and dvds from charity shops etc which I'm stockpiling and also recording films and TV programmes to watch later. I have what I call a "Magic Box" that my son had installed and he downloads stuff for me.

    So if I get houseband due to bad weather or illness then I will have plenty of nice distractions to keep my spirits up.

    Still keeping busy, final coat of paint on the last three dining chairs today. Then a little break before I start my bedroom.

    Just doing my best to keep busy, to stay positive and focussed. It seems to be working. I'm feeling a lot better than I did a few months ago.
    Last edited by lessonlearned; 15-07-2017 at 12:00 PM.
    • elona
    • By elona 15th Jul 17, 1:22 PM
    • 11,005 Posts
    • 57,460 Thanks
    elona
    LL

    It's a good idea to plan ahead for things that you will enjoy, especially when the days get darker and shorter.

    I have just ordered a pretty footstool that can go in the living room or my bedroom and can be used to put my feet up or as a side table etc, I have loads of books by authors I love and have got most of the house problems sorted out. Can't work out why my recliner will not "recline" but will ask sil to look at when they are next over here.

    DDs have nagged me to see gp so have an x ray and blood tests next week for my sore knees and have an echocardiogram the week after that. I am still enjoying the library work and it makes me feel useful.

    Youngest dd comes back for the weekend on Friday and a couple of other dds might be staying over as well since we have a big family get together in York on the Saturday.

    Hugs to all
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
    • thepurplepixie
    • By thepurplepixie 16th Jul 17, 9:18 AM
    • 460 Posts
    • 879 Thanks
    thepurplepixie
    Pollycat.....my father suffered from Narcissitic Personality Disorder. It was severe and it was further compounded by PTSD as a result of his wartime experiences. He was an extremely difficult man. I made allowances for the PTSD of course, but the narcissism was a whole different ball game.

    Living a peaceful life with a narcissist is impossible, there is always drama. I left home at 19, just as soon as I could. Once I became an adult I could keep him at arms length so it wasn't so bad. It meant that my relationship with my mother also became rather distant but that was the price I had to pay for my own peace of mind and emotional health.

    I hadn't realised that my sister had the same Narcissitic tendencies though, it's only the last couple of years, since my husbands death, that I realised that basically she was just too self obsessed to be of any real help or support to me or the boys.

    It was always a case that she was "the Golden Child" whilst I was assigned the role of "Scapegoat". This is what narcissists do to their children, they favour one over the other. It didn't bother me unduly, I had gotten used to it and anyway the love of my husband and children more than compensated for my fathers total indifference towards me. So I was happy and life was good.

    My father was always spiteful to me and I knew his spite would continue beyond the grave. He was a serial womaniser and he broke my mothers heart, several times. I found it impossible to forgive him for betraying her and I just knew he would have some nasty little surprises up his sleeve to torment me with after his death. Sure enough I was right. I couldn't forgive him for what he did to my mother and I couldn't adore him the way he wanted to be adored so he decided to extract his revenge.

    He did it with money, syphoning it off onto my sister before his death so he reduced what would be payable to me from our parents estates. This meant that whilst the terms of the will were strictly adhered to so that I would have no legal redress, he managed to ensure that my sister received the bulk of our joint inheritance.

    I knew what was happening but trusted my sister to try and redress the balance. How naive was I. She colluded with him and made sure she got the lions share of our parents estate. She said she was "entitled".

    Anyway to cut a long story short, it would appear that her conscience has finally pricked her and she has made an attempt to make things a Little bit fairer. Although - instead of the 50-50 split my mother wanted, even with the amount my sister has "gifted" me, it will still be more like 70-30 in my sisters favour.

    Is she genuinely remorseful, or is it just another ruse. Only time will tell.

    I was disconcerted to notice that the money she has finally condescended to give me has actually come out of her husbands account. This does concern me. I don't trust him, never have. He should not be handling her inheritance but that's her business. She is very much under his thumb. I don't think he is physically violent but he is an abusive bully who uses emotional blackmail, both to my sister and their daughter. His language can be vile. He is a control freak and a spendthrift. They are always in debt.

    I am over a decade older than my sister so I guess I have always tried to watch over her, and protect her a bit. Maybe she felt I had no right, maybe she doesn't see her husband as a bully, maybe she felt I was treating her like a child and she felt stifled. Maybe now that she has some money she decided to use it as a weapon against me, for revenge against me being overly protective. I just don't know but tbh I don't really care any more.

    As my son pointed out just half an hour ago, it's her choice to hand over her money to her husband. If he squanders it as usual then it's her look out, it's her business and we can't intervene. I just have to let go. She's my sister, not my daughter. I can't save her from herself.

    Polly I am sorry you too have such a difficult relationship with your sister. It's horrible isn't it when it all goes so badly wrong. I thought that I had had a good relationship with my sister, maybe I was just delusional. Maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part.

    Hey ho.

    Families, eh??!!
    Originally posted by lessonlearned
    It is sad that money can cause these problems. I think it is always difficult when one half of a couple dies and the other then changes what has been agreed but of course legally it is there money and they can do what they want with it. A friend's father tried to address this by leaving his share of the house to my friend, it was some sort of trust so the mother could live there for life but couldn't spend what the late husband viewed as his half of the marital home. It caused a whole lot of problems, his daughter was protected but his widow was upset that the last thing she "heard" from her husband was that he didn't trust her. Well that was how she saw it, so she ended up angry with late husband and with her relationship with her daughter damaged. It is hard to know what to do for the best isn't it.

    Sometimes money is a curse and sometimes a blessing.
    • warby68
    • By warby68 16th Jul 17, 9:39 AM
    • 770 Posts
    • 8,619 Thanks
    warby68
    Morning all

    Its is 2 years to the day since my stepdad had the massive stroke which eventually took his life 11 weeks later. Its hard to forget as there is a major annual event taking place where I live which involves road closures. I overtook the cone dropping van at 5am and for the one and only time ignored the newly started closure to get me and sleeping sons home after the first long night at the hospital. He was expected to pass away there and then but didn't.

    Because the roads are closed we aren't having my mum today (regular Sunday occurrence for the time being) so I feel quite guilty. A friend has kindly invited her for lunch instead so not too bad.
    Last edited by warby68; 16-07-2017 at 9:56 AM.
    • thepurplepixie
    • By thepurplepixie 16th Jul 17, 11:55 AM
    • 460 Posts
    • 879 Thanks
    thepurplepixie
    warby68, that is really hard but don't feel guilty, it isn't your fault and hopefully she will have a nice lunch with her friend. Hope your day isn't too bad.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 16th Jul 17, 11:57 AM
    • 9,719 Posts
    • 54,614 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    PP. aye you are right, money can be more trouble than it's worth, especially when people use it as a weapon.

    Anyway, it's all water under the bridge now. I'm not going to let it ruin my life......it's only money. I'm not rich but I have enough. She's the one who lives above her means and who is constantly in debt. (Although I think a lot of it is down to her husband who spends money like it's going out of style).

    TBH The money really was just the final straw after a litany of other nasty goings on. I just snapped one day and decided that I had had enough. I'm actually dead easy going and tend to just go with the flow. Most of the time I just cant be bothered with hassle so I tend to take the line of least resistance. It takes a lot to upset me but even I have my limits. She simply crossed the line.

    Now.........well my parents are dead and my dad can't cause friction any more. I did my duty and stuck it out to the bitter end, doing what I could to help them in their declining years. Many a daughter would have just walked away and left dad to it after mum died but I felt I just couldn't.

    Not that I got any thanks for it...... I just got further abuse. He didn't really deserve my loyalty but there you go. He was King Lear and I was Cordelia, my sister was more like Goneril or Regan. He was quite simply a very sad narcissist, a vain shallow man who was a poor judge of character, and who, like Lear, was easily flattered and manipulated by people who knew how to feed his ego. My sister was just one of many who fleeced him over the years.

    (Funny how Shakespeare always has the right quote or plot line isn't it).

    Anyway, it's done. Not sure where we go from here with my sister, hopefully we can be cordial if not close again. I have had what will have to count as an apology. I won't bear a grudge but I'll never feel the same. I'll just have to love her from a distance.

    Well........ finally finished the wretched chairs. Feel really stiff today so just going to potter. I've got a stack of paperwork to deal with but dont fancy it much.

    Need to go food shopping but don't fancy battling found a supermarket either so will just stroll down to the corner shop for a couple of bits for now.

    So today I shall get the paperwork done and then just "coast" and recharge my batteries, potter about, cook a nice supper and watch Poldark. I am feeling quite tired after my painting marathon.

    I really do need to try and start walking a bit more. My leg is no longer painful as such but very stiff, so need to get it moving again. So that's my aim for next week.

    Warby. Try not to feel guilty about your MIL today. It's not your fault you can't entertain her for lunch and if you see her regularly then I'm sure she will understand about today and not mind too much. And anyway she might have a really lovely time with her friend and enjoy the change.

    Hope you are all having a good weekend.
    Last edited by lessonlearned; 16-07-2017 at 12:02 PM.
    • elona
    • By elona 17th Jul 17, 9:30 AM
    • 11,005 Posts
    • 57,460 Thanks
    elona
    LL

    Sadly, your sister does not have the emotional intelligence to realise what she has lost i.e. your unconditional support and love.She seems shallow enough that just "the appearance" of a relationship would be more than enough for her.

    Ironically, if the split of inheritance had been 50/50 or near to it then you would always have felt responsible for her so by grabbing the lions share she has set you free.

    Boy would she be miffed (to put it politely) if she realised she has cut the cord once and for all and you are no longer her safety net and protector.

    Looks as if it will be a really hot day so will have a cool shower and shampoo, look out a summer dress and then get the bus to Leeds for an x ray on my knee.

    Is it just me that gets disconcerted when the phone rings, goes to answer phone and no message is left and number is withheld? It has just happened again and always seems to be at 9.30 for some reason.

    Hugs to all
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