Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • kittie
    • By kittie 27th Feb 15, 5:29 AM
    • 11,370Posts
    • 64,811Thanks
    kittie
    A support thread for the bereaved
    • #1
    • 27th Feb 15, 5:29 AM
    A support thread for the bereaved 27th Feb 15 at 5:29 AM
    I started the thread when I was very suddenly widowed, early 2015. Since then in 20 months I have lost another two much loved family members, so I have been through the mill, everything looked so very bleak at the start of my journey

    Please use the thread if you need help in coping with a close bereavement. That is exactly why the thread was started
    Last edited by kittie; 08-05-2017 at 7:06 AM.
Page 180
    • irishjohn
    • By irishjohn 14th Jun 17, 5:00 PM
    • 1,249 Posts
    • 1,953 Thanks
    irishjohn
    Aye Dorothy but I notice LL glossed over it - I suspect she is a Tumble Drier sort of gal!!
    John
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 14th Jun 17, 5:44 PM
    • 10,214 Posts
    • 57,571 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    I'm Both a "pegger" and a TD gal.

    It just didn't get what you meant by pegging out....

    Round here it also means dying so I was a bit confuzzled. Lol
    • dorothy52
    • By dorothy52 14th Jun 17, 5:48 PM
    • 457 Posts
    • 1,490 Thanks
    dorothy52
    Oh God help us if us oldies love to shuffle off this mortal coil when the spring arrives! Made me chuckle. Sunny days and pegging out yer washing"...........bliss
    • juliethemuse
    • By juliethemuse 16th Jun 17, 9:00 AM
    • 640 Posts
    • 2,955 Thanks
    juliethemuse
    Managed to get all the benefits sorted out until I get a job. handed out loads of CVs at the local job fair the other day. I really need a job to stop me sitting at home crying and drinking all day. I know that sounds bad.
    Hope everyone is well.
    • thepurplepixie
    • By thepurplepixie 16th Jun 17, 10:05 AM
    • 945 Posts
    • 1,653 Thanks
    thepurplepixie
    Julie that is great, it doesn't sound bad you have been coping that is all. Good luck with the job search, I think you are right and it will be great for you. I'm crossing my fingers for you.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 16th Jun 17, 10:29 AM
    • 10,214 Posts
    • 57,571 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Good to hear from you Julie.

    Great that you have got all the benefits sorted out. One to cross off the to do list.

    Good luck with the job hunting, hope something comes your way.

    You sound much brighter and stronger today..

    Baby steps.......

    Have had a mini health MOT today.....a few minor issues but I can work on them. Saw the knee surgeon last night, definitely a meniscal tear and possibly a bit of Osteoarthritis. Oh the joys of aging.

    Awaiting an MRI scan to assess the damage and work out a treatment plan. It's not too bad at all at the moment so the rest is definitely paying off.

    Out with friends for dinner tonight and then a nice quiet weekend pottering in the garden (no kneeling!!!) and soaking up the sun....
    • elona
    • By elona 16th Jun 17, 11:15 AM
    • 11,306 Posts
    • 60,554 Thanks
    elona
    Julie

    Fingers and toes crossed for a job for you. Hope you can find something you can enjoy as well as occupy your thought.

    LL

    Good luck with the knee problems and enjoy the weekend. I have a hospital appointment on Tuesday to follow up on the PEs on the lungs a few months ago.

    I managed to get an appointment for a haircut tomorrow and will try to find the phone number of a local cleaner to help me sort out the house. Going to York this afternoon to treat a dd to watching "Wonder Woman" at the cinema.
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
    • elona
    • By elona 17th Jun 17, 10:40 AM
    • 11,306 Posts
    • 60,554 Thanks
    elona
    LL

    This may be a stupid suggestion but if everything else is all right and the steep staircase is the only niggle, then how about a really good stairlift? (Only when the time comes )

    It would be a lot cheaper than EA and legal fees never mind removal fees etc.
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 17th Jun 17, 12:05 PM
    • 10,214 Posts
    • 57,571 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    I don't really think it's stair lift friendly, very steep and quite narrow. Then one step up to the corridor which leads to the bedrooms. Plus a flight of deep steps to the front door itself. Typical Victorian terrace. So I don't think it has the potential for a forever house.

    I think I will probably stay here another year to 18 months and then consider my final move. I don't want to leave it too long otherwise I might reach a stage where I just can't face it.

    I still really fancy building my own. Buying DS2s leaves me enough capital to buy a plot of land without having to take out a mortgage. Then sell this, release the rest of my capital and then rent whilst the next house is being built.

    Or something along those lines. Nothing's written in stone. I am still young and fit enough to be fairly flexible. As long as I don't have To live on a building site again.

    Today I have started painting my dining room furniture. Now that I'm staying here on my own I am going to make a few changes to make it a bit more "me".

    So I'm going in for a bit of French Style shabby chic. Ooh la la.
    Last edited by lessonlearned; 17-06-2017 at 12:07 PM.
    • juliethemuse
    • By juliethemuse 18th Jun 17, 9:30 AM
    • 640 Posts
    • 2,955 Thanks
    juliethemuse
    Can I ask your opinions please? A man I used to work with 30 years ago has asked to meet me for a coffee and chat. He lost his wife a few years ago.
    Working together he always made me laugh. however others used to laugh AT him as they thought he was a bit 'odd' as he is very religious.
    I dont know what to do. I certainly don't want to give him the wrong idea. although I'm sure he wouldn't.
    But I feel a bit guilty going. if my husband was alive he would not approve. even though it is entirely innocent. and putting it mildly I wouldn't fancy him in a million years. but I yearn to talk to someone outside the family, as my kids are the only people I seem to talk to.
    • warby68
    • By warby68 18th Jun 17, 9:43 AM
    • 869 Posts
    • 8,998 Thanks
    warby68
    Morning Julie

    I say go and try. You will soon see if the type of company he is offering is good for you.

    Even on a very basic level, just something different to do is good.

    You sound like a person who can be frank if they need to and if he is immediately after his next wife or just a bit too 'odd' for you I'm sure you will be able to make it a one off. A coffee meet can be quick too.

    I'm not sure why you say your husband wouldn't approve though unless you feel instantly there is a man/woman rather than friend/friend bit to it. But you say not and, brutally, life is different now and ultimately you have to do what is right for you xx

    Nothing ventured, nothing gained

    That's my take but I'm not a widow so I do accept if there are some angles I'm not appreciating.

    So glad as well that you are looking forward and out Julie, this and the job. You sound like there is a lot of strength underneath and much as you don't want to live with what's on your plate, you know already what you need to do to make a go of it

    PS And this is for everyone really, I should imagine today is one of those 'trigger' days. It certainly is for me so be kind to yourselves xx
    Last edited by warby68; 18-06-2017 at 9:46 AM.
    • juliethemuse
    • By juliethemuse 18th Jun 17, 10:05 AM
    • 640 Posts
    • 2,955 Thanks
    juliethemuse
    My husband wouldn't approve as he was a little bit on the jealous side. but i'm never going to be looking for anyone else. for loads of reasons. and one of those reasons is I could never potentially go through this heartbreak again.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 18th Jun 17, 10:05 AM
    • 10,214 Posts
    • 57,571 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Yes indeed Fathers Day is a trigger day. I don't know how others deal with it but I have purposely not drawn attention to it with the boys. It is the first one without my own father and whilst my FIL is still alive he has dementia and doesn't know me any more, so we have gone from 3 Dads to no Dads.

    Julie......I have not been placed in your position regarding a man asking me out for coffee...... but I think I tend to agree with Warby. He may just be being kind and offering the hand of friendship without the thought of anything else even crossing his mind.

    You won't really know unless you meet with him......I guess you can't really ask "his intentions" beforehand, I'm sure you will soon be aware of any ulterior motives he might have.
    • thepurplepixie
    • By thepurplepixie 18th Jun 17, 11:15 AM
    • 945 Posts
    • 1,653 Thanks
    thepurplepixie
    Can I ask your opinions please? A man I used to work with 30 years ago has asked to meet me for a coffee and chat. He lost his wife a few years ago.
    Working together he always made me laugh. however others used to laugh AT him as they thought he was a bit 'odd' as he is very religious.
    I dont know what to do. I certainly don't want to give him the wrong idea. although I'm sure he wouldn't.
    But I feel a bit guilty going. if my husband was alive he would not approve. even though it is entirely innocent. and putting it mildly I wouldn't fancy him in a million years. but I yearn to talk to someone outside the family, as my kids are the only people I seem to talk to.
    Originally posted by juliethemuse
    I think you need to think about what have you got to lose? Maybe an hour or two and what would you be doing with that time otherwise? What have you got to gain? Well possibly a friend who understands where you are coming from, someone to talk to. I'd say go for it.
    • iris
    • By iris 18th Jun 17, 11:21 AM
    • 1,086 Posts
    • 3,362 Thanks
    iris

    Iris. Meant to say well done on Booking a holiday. Those coach trips look good value too, I shall be interested to see how you get on. Went to Liverpool for a weekend years ago. Loved it, some lovely buildings.
    Originally posted by lessonlearned

    I came back yesterday from my 5 day coach trip with my friend. We had a lovely time. The coach/driver was excellent and the hotel/food was also very good. Every day was really busy and the weather was also good. At about £300 each inclusive, we both thought it very good value - this included spa hotel, food and excursions.


    It was strange being with my friend and not my husband and he was always there in my mind. We both said how our husbands would have enjoyed the holiday.


    However, I am now back home on my own
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 18th Jun 17, 12:30 PM
    • 10,214 Posts
    • 57,571 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Hi Iris. Glad to hear you had a nice time. Your holiday sounds really good. I know I'm booked for the "biggie" next year but I have been thinking that perhaps a few short breaks might be a better option in future. It would break up the "alone" periods. Does your friend live near you.

    My son has now semi moved out, spends 4 or 5 nights a week with his girlfriend so I have finally had to embrace aloneness at last. I was very lucky to have my son with me all this time but even good things have to come to an end and it won't be very long now before I too will be living au solitaire.

    I am currently looking at joining a meet up group but have been struggling with their website so I need to try and get to get grips. I'm not much of a "joiner" if I'm honest but I'm prepared to give it a try.

    I tried the "Jolly Dollies" - a group for widows - but our local group doesnt seem very active so no joy there.

    Hey ho. Anyway I really need to concentrate on health and fitness. I joined a gym but it is currently closed for refurbishment but I do intend to be a little gym bunny when it reopens. And then if I can get my knee sorted I would like to try dance classes.

    It's very difficult isnt it. Looking at all these options they are only really "time fillers". What I really need is A sense of purpose not just a way of passing time. I am not used to being without direction. It makes me feel adrift.
    • dorothy52
    • By dorothy52 18th Jun 17, 3:31 PM
    • 457 Posts
    • 1,490 Thanks
    dorothy52
    Julie, I echo everyone's sentiments, what have you to lose? I assume he knows you are recently widowed, and may well want to offer comfort. We're all big girls now and capable of politely rebuffing unwanted attention. Good luck with the job search, I admire your fortitude, I really do. Iris, we have been on a couple of national holidays by coach and I don't know how they make a profit, they are such good value. Only been in uk but quite fancy Austria, I abhor airports and flying but wouldn't mind this. Anyone done this?
    • juliethemuse
    • By juliethemuse 18th Jun 17, 4:40 PM
    • 640 Posts
    • 2,955 Thanks
    juliethemuse
    You are right to fancy Austria Dorothy it is stunningly beautiful.
    • dorothy52
    • By dorothy52 18th Jun 17, 4:45 PM
    • 457 Posts
    • 1,490 Thanks
    dorothy52
    Ooooh, Julie, have you been? Did you fly?
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 18th Jun 17, 5:12 PM
    • 10,214 Posts
    • 57,571 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    I'm another one who loathes flying so I fancy taking a shot at some of the coach tours. Austria sounds great, not too far. I also fancy the Italian lakes one.

    And, as you say, they look like extremely good value for money. I might start with a short break in the UK.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

214Posts Today

1,645Users online

Martin's Twitter