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  • FIRST POST
    • kittie
    • By kittie 27th Feb 15, 5:29 AM
    • 11,308Posts
    • 64,048Thanks
    kittie
    A support thread for the bereaved
    • #1
    • 27th Feb 15, 5:29 AM
    A support thread for the bereaved 27th Feb 15 at 5:29 AM
    I started the thread when I was very suddenly widowed, early 2015. Since then in 20 months I have lost another two much loved family members, so I have been through the mill, everything looked so very bleak at the start of my journey

    Please use the thread if you need help in coping with a close bereavement. That is exactly why the thread was started
    Last edited by kittie; 08-05-2017 at 7:06 AM.
Page 178
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 10th Jun 17, 1:48 PM
    • 10,161 Posts
    • 57,154 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Oh! Exciting!! Piccies please!!
    Originally posted by seven-day-weekend
    Will do - once it's mine......!!!

    Don't want to jinx my chances. Lol
    • juliethemuse
    • By juliethemuse 10th Jun 17, 4:52 PM
    • 640 Posts
    • 2,955 Thanks
    juliethemuse
    I would think the FD's are used to dealing with this, were they reassuring? I hope so and great that you know it is almost sorted.
    Originally posted by thepurplepixie
    Not really, she said they had not recieved anything and would I like to pay the full ammount now? what a stupid thing to ask. whats the point of me paying the full balance when the letter says I am getting a grant towards it? that would just mean them getting paid twice.
    • thepurplepixie
    • By thepurplepixie 10th Jun 17, 6:18 PM
    • 869 Posts
    • 1,562 Thanks
    thepurplepixie
    Not really, she said they had not recieved anything and would I like to pay the full ammount now? what a stupid thing to ask. whats the point of me paying the full balance when the letter says I am getting a grant towards it? that would just mean them getting paid twice.
    Originally posted by juliethemuse
    Very silly response, you would think they would be used to dealing with people sensitively. I hope the payment arrives soon.
    • moneyistooshorttomention
    • By moneyistooshorttomention 11th Jun 17, 7:00 AM
    • 13,977 Posts
    • 37,963 Thanks
    moneyistooshorttomention

    Just been to see a bungalow......I think this is the one. Of course it's right at the top of my budget and it needs money spending on it, although it is liveable.
    Originally posted by lessonlearned
    Coming up against the S*ds Law then - ie that the house one wants is always bang up against the top of budget (if not over...). I know that one - for my first house I could afford a one bedroom flat, but what I actually bought was a 2 bedroom house(thankfully in the event - as that was the right decision....).

    Fingers crossed for you that this works out.

    Re needing work - and I don't think you'd be happy with it unless it needed a bit of work - and you've got A Project and can put your personal touch on it.

    Good luck.
    #MeToo

    Why should our needs override the needs of all other living species? What makes us so special? (Brigit Strawbridge)
    • elona
    • By elona 11th Jun 17, 7:26 AM
    • 11,250 Posts
    • 59,967 Thanks
    elona
    LL

    I am so pleased that you have seen something you like. As money says , it will give you a project and something positive to focus on.

    You will soon have it as a lovely welcoming home. Fingers crossed for you.
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 12th Jun 17, 3:07 PM
    • 10,161 Posts
    • 57,154 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Saw a better bungalow this morning. Bigger, cheaper, less work....but a bit further away from "civilisation". Decisions.

    They are a bit like buses.......nothing for ages and then two come along at once.

    2nd viewings booked for tomorrow, taking DS2 with me as a second pair of eyes.

    Hope you are all as well as can be.
    • warby68
    • By warby68 12th Jun 17, 3:10 PM
    • 854 Posts
    • 8,965 Thanks
    warby68
    Location is usually everything LL

    Good luck
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 12th Jun 17, 3:13 PM
    • 10,161 Posts
    • 57,154 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Location is usually everything LL

    Good luck
    Originally posted by warby68


    So they say.......

    But the one "away from civilisation" has its own cute little stream included in the huuuuuge garden. .

    How cool is that.
    • warby68
    • By warby68 12th Jun 17, 3:15 PM
    • 854 Posts
    • 8,965 Thanks
    warby68
    Cool but sure as heck impractical when you are aiming for future proof (unless future includes live in groundsman)

    You can call me the 'voice of reason' or'misery guts' - I don't mind which
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 12th Jun 17, 3:35 PM
    • 10,161 Posts
    • 57,154 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Cool but sure as heck impractical when you are aiming for future proof (unless future includes live in groundsman)

    You can call me the 'voice of reason' or'misery guts' - I don't mind which
    Originally posted by warby68
    Ooh I don't I know...........I could quite see myself as Lady Chatterley.......

    Only joking.

    I was thinking that as I probably wouldn't be able to afford a hunky gardener I could maybe buy one of those sassy little ride on lawn mowers.......

    It Could double up as a mobility scooter.
    • dorothy52
    • By dorothy52 12th Jun 17, 4:55 PM
    • 457 Posts
    • 1,490 Thanks
    dorothy52
    Ooh I don't I know...........I could quite see myself as Lady Chatterley.......

    Only joking.

    I was thinking that as I probably wouldn't be able to afford a hunky gardener I could maybe buy one of those sassy little ride on lawn mowers.......

    It Could double up as a mobility scooter.
    Originally posted by lessonlearned
    Oooooh LL I love the sound of this one, I can feel your excitement. We had a beautiful pond in our garden, but blimey it was high maintenance. Filled it in and liberated the koi carp when the grand kids came along........miss it though
    • seven-day-weekend
    • By seven-day-weekend 12th Jun 17, 5:08 PM
    • 29,699 Posts
    • 55,534 Thanks
    seven-day-weekend
    Location is usually everything LL

    Good luck
    Originally posted by warby68
    I agree. Especially as you get older, you need 'civilisation'. You need to be able to get to the shops and the Dr's and be on a decent bus route.

    So think carefully before making the decision, maybe the second one is only cheaper because of the location.

    (And the stream will probably flood).
    Last edited by seven-day-weekend; 12-06-2017 at 5:14 PM.
    To love someone is to learn the song in their heart and to sing it to them when they have forgotten it
    'I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because I see everything by it': C.S. Lewis
    St. Augustine — 'In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity.'
    • irishjohn
    • By irishjohn 12th Jun 17, 5:15 PM
    • 1,249 Posts
    • 1,953 Thanks
    irishjohn


    So they say.......

    But the one "away from civilisation" has its own cute little stream included in the huuuuuge garden. .

    How cool is that.
    Originally posted by lessonlearned
    Very Cool - but what about the bus service? or the taxi fare ?
    John
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 12th Jun 17, 6:27 PM
    • 22,935 Posts
    • 59,262 Thanks
    pollypenny
    LL, will this be your final home?

    Remember you won't be driving for ever. One lovely member of my book group had an idyllic house, complete with stream. However, it did flood - once in a 100 years, apparently!

    That was enough to mean she took a great loss when she was forced to move owing to to poor eyesight and increasing frailty.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 12th Jun 17, 6:31 PM
    • 10,161 Posts
    • 57,154 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    La la la ..I'm not listening.

    Stream will flood!!! Ha ha.

    Yeah you're probably right. It would at the moment because it's choked with vegetation but it's far enough away from the house not to be a real worry.

    But yes I can check for flood risks with the environment agency.

    I once fell in love with a cottage, till I checked it out......near the confluence of three rivers. I soon changed my mind on that one.

    The larger cheaper bungalow with the big garden is in a cul de sac, the bus route into the city centre just around the corner in the next street so not too bad.

    Actually, when I say "away from civilisation" it's not the back of beyond - just a suburb of the city. A bit sprawling but now that they have released so much green belt my city and its satellite villages are all joinjng up to form one vast conurbation anyway.

    Theres no such thing as splendid isolation until you get at least 10 miles out - most villages are less than half a mile from one of the main arterial roads into the city.

    The nearest parade of shops, which includes a chemist, is about a good 10 minute walk, all on the level, no hills so if push came to shove, then although I have joked about it, a mobility scooter would fit the bill if I couldn't drive.

    I would imagine a taxi into the city centre, or railway station, main hospital would be around £10.

    The Big plus about the second larger property is is that it's completely wheelchair friendly.

    As a carer for my wheelchair bound husband........he had one of those large tilt in space chairs because he couldnt sit unsupported, and then my mum and her Zimmer frame, I learned lot about the needs of wheelchair users and those with limited mobility.

    Easy flat access, wide corridors with no tight corners, large rooms, wide doorways etc, tarmacced or block paved drives and footpaths. Wheelchairs and gravel don't mix......

    There's always a compromise isn't there, no house is ever perfect. You just have to weigh up the pros and cons.

    The smaller, more expensive house, is in a slightly nicer location, but tbh there is not a lot in it. Neither are exactly crime infested ghettos. Lol. However, the driveway is tight.......I would need to spend money on creating a turning circle, the house itself needs about £20k spending on it, and there is the upkeep of the private road to consider. (It has not been adopted by the council). Again bus stop in the next road, £10 taxi rides but there is a local co op and a chemist within an easy 5 minute walk.

    Swings and roundabouts spring to mind.......

    Anyway DS2 will take a look tomorrow. He's even more picky than I am so he will be quick to pounce on any negatives.

    There was a third bungalow that took my fancy, quiet city centre location but realistically too expensive because again it needs a lot of TLC and wads of cash.

    Hey ho.....it will all come out right in the end.
    Last edited by lessonlearned; 12-06-2017 at 6:52 PM.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 12th Jun 17, 7:08 PM
    • 10,161 Posts
    • 57,154 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Will it be my final home....

    I don't think so.

    If I live long enough I will probably eventually move into a sheltered facility or a city centre apartment. Although the boys have talked about granny annexes or "pods" in their gardens.

    My answer is always "not yet".

    I was once a manager in a sheltered housing complex. They aren't all grim and if you find the right one they can be a perfect compromise, fending off the need for the dreaded nursing home.

    I would rather end up in a sheltered housing complex than a nursing home, but even then, they are not all bad.

    My FIL is in a very nice home, he loves it there. Admittedly he has dementia and he thinks he lives in a hotel.

    But as long as he is happy and well cared for that's all that matters.
    • seven-day-weekend
    • By seven-day-weekend 12th Jun 17, 7:12 PM
    • 29,699 Posts
    • 55,534 Thanks
    seven-day-weekend
    La la la ..I'm not listening.

    Stream will flood!!! Ha ha.

    Yeah you're probably right. It would at the moment because it's choked with vegetation but it's far enough away from the house not to be a real worry.

    But yes I can check for flood risks with the environment agency.

    I once fell in love with a cottage, till I checked it out......near the confluence of three rivers. I soon changed my mind on that one.

    The larger cheaper bungalow with the big garden is in a cul de sac, the bus route into the city centre just around the corner in the next street so not too bad.

    Actually, when I say "away from civilisation" it's not the back of beyond - just a suburb of the city. A bit sprawling but now that they have released so much green belt my city and its satellite villages are all joinjng up to form one vast conurbation anyway.

    Theres no such thing as splendid isolation until you get at least 10 miles out - most villages are less than half a mile from one of the main arterial roads into the city.

    The nearest parade of shops, which includes a chemist, is about a good 10 minute walk, all on the level, no hills so if push came to shove, then although I have joked about it, a mobility scooter would fit the bill if I couldn't drive.

    I would imagine a taxi into the city centre, or railway station, main hospital would be around £10.

    The Big plus about the second larger property is is that it's completely wheelchair friendly.

    As a carer for my wheelchair bound husband........he had one of those large tilt in space chairs because he couldnt sit unsupported, and then my mum and her Zimmer frame, I learned lot about the needs of wheelchair users and those with limited mobility.

    Easy flat access, wide corridors with no tight corners, large rooms, wide doorways etc, tarmacced or block paved drives and footpaths. Wheelchairs and gravel don't mix......

    There's always a compromise isn't there, no house is ever perfect. You just have to weigh up the pros and cons.

    The smaller, more expensive house, is in a slightly nicer location, but tbh there is not a lot in it. Neither are exactly crime infested ghettos. Lol. However, the driveway is tight.......I would need to spend money on creating a turning circle, the house itself needs about £20k spending on it, and there is the upkeep of the private road to consider. (It has not been adopted by the council). Again bus stop in the next road, £10 taxi rides but there is a local co op and a chemist within an easy 5 minute walk.

    Swings and roundabouts spring to mind.......

    Anyway DS2 will take a look tomorrow. He's even more picky than I am so he will be quick to pounce on any negatives.

    There was a third bungalow that took my fancy, quiet city centre location but realistically too expensive because again it needs a lot of TLC and wads of cash.

    Hey ho.....it will all come out right in the end.
    Originally posted by lessonlearned
    Oh well that sounds OK. I thought it was in the back of beyond!!! Our bungalow is in a very similar suburb of our city, except the shops are much closer.

    In taht case, go with your heart x
    Last edited by seven-day-weekend; 12-06-2017 at 7:15 PM.
    To love someone is to learn the song in their heart and to sing it to them when they have forgotten it
    'I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because I see everything by it': C.S. Lewis
    St. Augustine — 'In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity.'
    • thepurplepixie
    • By thepurplepixie 12th Jun 17, 7:47 PM
    • 869 Posts
    • 1,562 Thanks
    thepurplepixie
    We used to live in a house with a stream at the bottom of the garden. The garden sloped down from the house and we thought there would never be a problem. Well we were wrong there, the stream crossed the road further up the road and it flooded and made its way back to the original course through our garden and the gardens either side. We were at home so blocked the airbricks and doors and the house was saved, our neighbours were at work and their groundfloors were destroyed, everything had to be thrown out. We lost all the plants in our garden and the garage was inches deep in stinking mud. The thought of that through the house is too awful to contemplate. Our stream was a small gentle affair, we honestly thought it would never do any damage. We weren't in an area considered a flood risk. We sold up a couple of years later, we got paranoid about rain and if it would happen again.

    If you buy it make sure you have good insurance.
    • dorothy52
    • By dorothy52 12th Jun 17, 7:50 PM
    • 457 Posts
    • 1,490 Thanks
    dorothy52
    Sounds perfect to me. Very similar to my bungalow in terms of location (but without the stream) lol. Would be a perfect retirement home but far too big, needs a family in it again. 8 years to SRA for me, if I can stand it that long, then time to think about downsizing, I will be on here asking your advice, oh lovely wise virtual friends.
    • dorothy52
    • By dorothy52 12th Jun 17, 7:56 PM
    • 457 Posts
    • 1,490 Thanks
    dorothy52
    We used to live in a house with a stream at the bottom of the garden. The garden sloped down from the house and we thought there would never be a problem. Well we were wrong there, the stream crossed the road further up the road and it flooded and made its way back to the original course through our garden and the gardens either side. We were at home so blocked the airbricks and doors and the house was saved, our neighbours were at work and their groundfloors were destroyed, everything had to be thrown out. We lost all the plants in our garden and the garage was inches deep in stinking mud. The thought of that through the house is too awful to contemplate. Our stream was a small gentle affair, we honestly thought it would never do any damage. We weren't in an area considered a flood risk. We sold up a couple of years later, we got paranoid about rain and if it would happen again.

    If you buy it make sure you have good insurance.
    Originally posted by thepurplepixie
    Blimey that must have been awful! Such a balanced mix of views. Love this thread
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