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  • FIRST POST
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 27th Aug 14, 10:22 PM
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    NoOneAround
    Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK
    • #1
    • 27th Aug 14, 10:22 PM
    Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK 27th Aug 14 at 10:22 PM
    Bewildered, confused, terrified that will lose everything we have worked so hard to build up. Over 70 K unsecured debt and 28K owed to family. Have been self employed for 10 years but business gradually gone down hill in recession. partner went back t o work, on good salary 47K but not enough, plus some money still coming in from business/part time jobs. Have 3 years left of independent school fees (yes we could pull child out but it would destroy him - please don't judge), older child about to go to university and we won't be able to provide much support. Talked to debt charity earlier this year and wrote to some creditors but not all - kept thinking things would improve but they haven't yet, so now need to do the rest - wish I had listened and acted fully 6 months ago. Better late than never I guess. Desperately looking for a job but too stressed to produce good applications. Sleep deprivation and now relationship problems. Have a decent house but don't want to downsize as have elderly parents with health issues who will need our support and probably move in with us. Health beginning to suffer. Don't know how we got ourselves into this state - well educated, professionals, feel totally ashamed, so keep up the pretences with everyone that everything is hunky dory. So sad and depressed.
Page 91
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 19th Sep 17, 11:00 AM
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    NoOneAround
    A belated thank you for popping over with tea Cherry.
    I stupidly continued with my binge of tidying Friday and Saturday. part of me pushing myself to see how far I could, and ignore the RA fatigue, to see how much of it is just fear in my head. Not a good idea. Sunday/Monday bedridden with back pain and couldn't even get out of bed just managing to hobble around now as long as I don't bend in certain directions. so everything at a stand still, going to try and catch up with some work at pc in short bursts. Couldn't drive down to see Mum this weekend.
    But I do have a black bin bag liner of clothes for recycling/CS, as well as several pairs of shoes which I haven't worn for several years to go too. I took out unworn clothes from one wardrobe in spare room and have hung up the ones I do wear - will use that cupboard to sort. DD has also cleared out a spare clothes rail from her room. Doesn't look any better but as always it gets worse before it will get better.

    Hope everything had a lovely weekend.
    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • Cherryfudge
    • By Cherryfudge 19th Sep 17, 11:30 AM
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    Cherryfudge
    Oh no! While I'm glad you got such a lot done, two days in bed in pain is horrible. How do you feel today?

    It does sound as though you have made real progress: that's a whole black bag's worth of space which in turn you can use to help you sort more - plus other people will benefit from the things you've sent on their way.

    I know just what you mean about things looking worse before they look better.
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 19th Sep 17, 1:04 PM
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    NoOneAround
    OK thanks Cherry. Walking at a funny angle and can't sit for long, but need to keep moving to loosen up - feel very stiff. DD has been an angel, helping me.

    todays achievements so far.
    1) Posted on my diary
    2) Called tax office, about overdue Jul payment (we were on holiday and I forgot to pay!), paid it last week after reminder, but this second letter had just crossed post.
    3) Invoices for last 6 weeks work, ready to post.
    4) Urgent email replies for work done.

    Carry on with today:
    More admin to do.
    Mum's electricity tariff to switch over
    Shower (!)

    NOA
    x
    Last edited by NoOneAround; 20-09-2017 at 9:41 AM.
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • redofromstart
    • By redofromstart 19th Sep 17, 5:28 PM
    • 392 Posts
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    redofromstart
    Hope you feel better! You inspired me to start on the Dining Room of Doom. It is looking better but a long way to go.
    • brizzledfw
    • By brizzledfw 20th Sep 17, 10:45 PM
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    brizzledfw
    Sorry you've been in a bad way, NOA, hope it's on the mend now x
    MFiT-T4 Member No. 96 - 2022 is my MF goal
    October '17 Savings Rate Goal: 25% [August 33%]
    Declutter 100 items before 31.10.17 40/100 ** LSDs Target 5 for October 0x/05 **AFDs xx/15 ** Sales Target '17 £750 £225 so far
    **NSDs Target 5 for October xx/05 Trying to be a Frugalista
    • Puzzcat
    • By Puzzcat 22nd Sep 17, 11:34 AM
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    Puzzcat
    Hi Noah,

    Sorry you have been poorly, you must look after yourself as well as everyone else.. R & R for Noah remember.. new mantra....

    Hope all is well otherwise with you and yours.

    Love Puzz. x
    Christmas 2017 £500 cash/£109 vouchers
    I love my dmp started in Nov 13 with SC 33% paid
    Going Self Managed March 2016
    Pot Of Gold - £445.00
    MY DIARY -
    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=4768685
    • brizzledfw
    • By brizzledfw 23rd Sep 17, 9:20 AM
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    brizzledfw
    Have a great weekend x
    MFiT-T4 Member No. 96 - 2022 is my MF goal
    October '17 Savings Rate Goal: 25% [August 33%]
    Declutter 100 items before 31.10.17 40/100 ** LSDs Target 5 for October 0x/05 **AFDs xx/15 ** Sales Target '17 £750 £225 so far
    **NSDs Target 5 for October xx/05 Trying to be a Frugalista
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 27th Sep 17, 9:14 AM
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    NoOneAround
    Morning All
    Brizzle - Thank you - feeling a little better but not enough improvement really - still can't bend - hubby has to put on my socks for me I think I just need to sit in a hot bath 24/7, I feel great when I'm doing that xx NOA

    Puzz - Thank you You are right as always - I do need a new mantra, I always mean to but RL always take over> if it wasn't for the debt and needing to work 24/7 just to keep on top of current commitments, there would be time for R&R. Yet without R&R it's hard to keep going....as I've found out the last week BUT I feel grateful we can and do have work, and a lot of other blessings besides, often so easy to ignore Happy Hump Day (you always like it when it arrives )
    xx NOAh

    Redofromstart - Thank You a little as mentioned above but not very mobile yet Am glad to have been of help with starting on the Table of Doom , mine is on its way down a slippery slope again, but yesterday with a pre-notified powercut pretty much all day (I had totally forgotten about it ) so no computer, phone, microwave, oven, hob (electric ignition), kettle lights, heating. No flask of tea prepared) So I sat/stood with my thick fleece on and went through two of the bags I cleared off the table more than a week ago - One was a bagful of receipts from April onwards which I entered sorted and check against bank statement. Should now at some point be able to get a handle on how much we have spent in last six months! we could have a table tidying competition
    xx NOA
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • Cherryfudge
    • By Cherryfudge 27th Sep 17, 9:43 AM
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    Cherryfudge
    a bagful of receipts from April onwards which I entered sorted and check against bank statement. Should now at some point be able to get a handle on how much we have spent in last six months! we could have a table tidying competition
    xx NOA
    Originally posted by NoOneAround
    That is nothing short of awesome! Want to do mine? I need to get every receipt I can find either entered into a spreadsheet or disposed of (apart from the 7 years' backlog I still have from having Power of Attorney - but they can stay in the filing cabinet till the seven years passes. I very much doubt they'll ever be asked for and by then they will have faded beyond reading anyway).

    I hope you are enjoying being able to turn the electrics on again (amazing how much gets done without a working computer isn't it?!) and are feeling a bit less stiff today.
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 27th Sep 17, 10:14 AM
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    NoOneAround
    It is amazing Cherry , a bag of paper now in recycling bin instead of on my table It's very satisfying, and yes no problem - send them over There was a time pre-kids that I religiously sorted such things on a weekly basis and had a "filing system" as opposed to piles

    Am going to try contacting an osteopath I think, not sure what is going on.

    Today is SE work day as got none done yesterday. more creditor updates to do too and a whole load of other stuff but head a bit fuzzy today. Must be the excitement of being in the civilised world again today - as opposed to my stone age experience yesterday


    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • Cherryfudge
    • By Cherryfudge 29th Sep 17, 1:11 PM
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    Cherryfudge
    It is amazing Cherry , a bag of paper now in recycling bin instead of on my table It's very satisfying, and yes no problem - send them over There was a time pre-kids that I religiously sorted such things on a weekly basis and had a "filing system" as opposed to piles
    Originally posted by NoOneAround
    You mean piles don't count as a filing system?

    Okay, the very big sack about to arrive on your doorstep is instalment number one from me.

    Do you set a timer to keep moving or anything? My F!tbit alerts me if I haven't got 250 steps in during the hour (I often ignore it but it hasn't got the hint).
    • redofromstart
    • By redofromstart 29th Sep 17, 3:49 PM
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    redofromstart
    And a sack full from me too...
    • brizzledfw
    • By brizzledfw 1st Oct 17, 9:48 AM
    • 7,111 Posts
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    brizzledfw
    Have a good weeek NOA (maybe with less receipt filing this time..but it is very satisfying getting everything in order )
    MFiT-T4 Member No. 96 - 2022 is my MF goal
    October '17 Savings Rate Goal: 25% [August 33%]
    Declutter 100 items before 31.10.17 40/100 ** LSDs Target 5 for October 0x/05 **AFDs xx/15 ** Sales Target '17 £750 £225 so far
    **NSDs Target 5 for October xx/05 Trying to be a Frugalista
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 2nd Oct 17, 9:08 AM
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    • 7,465 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    You mean piles don't count as a filing system?

    Okay, the very big sack about to arrive on your doorstep is instalment number one from me.

    Do you set a timer to keep moving or anything? My F!tbit alerts me if I haven't got 250 steps in during the hour (I often ignore it but it hasn't got the hint).
    Originally posted by Cherryfudge
    Morning Cherry,
    I don't set a timer, but I am pretty good at getting up and moving when working at home - house is quite big - I can do 3-4k steps just pottering (office is at opposite end to kitchen/loo!), going upstairs to bedroom to get a jumper= 120 steps each way, get a drink - 50 there and 50 back. goint to get a mars bar = minus 1000 steps
    Have a good day
    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 2nd Oct 17, 9:10 AM
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    • 7,465 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    And a sack full from me too...
    Originally posted by redofromstart
    Thanks You? Goodness Me, I think I've started something here
    will swap for some fruit slices
    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 2nd Oct 17, 9:12 AM
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    NoOneAround
    Have a good weeek NOA (maybe with less receipt filing this time..but it is very satisfying getting everything in order )
    Originally posted by brizzledfw
    Thank you Brizzle
    the filing should make for an easier time doing the VAT return this week
    Am very envious you managed to get your accounts done already!
    Hope you have a good week too
    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 2nd Oct 17, 10:35 PM
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    NoOneAround
    Another long day at home doing tedious stuff. I am now almost up to date with my voluntary work admin maybe another 2-3 hours tomorrow then I'll be able to submit paperwork to treasurer in good time for agm.

    Will start VAT tomorrow.
    Extra unforeseen spend of nearly £60 for new battery for mower.
    More trips to pay for for DS and termly music bill too, so big chunks leaving account at the moment.
    Didn't get round to doing creditor letter. First on list for tomorrow.

    Off to bed now
    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 5th Oct 17, 9:46 AM
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    NoOneAround
    Morning all
    Achievements (on top of ongoing tedious stuff) this week

    1)Finished VAT accounts yesterday Just need to pay and do form online by tomorrow (about 10 mins work - left because I want to check through when less tired before submitting).
    2)Made Drs apt which I'd put off for 3-4 weeks.
    3) Mums bills switch over is in progress.
    4) looked at savings accounts but nothing flexible that pays anything significant DD has some money that should be somewhere other than her current - trying to decide whether she should put it in the help to buy, but she might need it? she's saving on rent by commuting to uni on days she has seminars, but has got her summer job savings and student loan sitting in bank.
    5) plus usual domestics, have finally reduced washing/ironing piles down to current week!

    DS birthday next week. I am stressing about whether to bring mum come and stay a few days. House is still chaos (my efforts will need to be ongoing and consistent over months to make a dent) and I feel like I don't want her to see how things have slipped at home (she has not been to ours since Christmas nearly 2 years ago). It will also be the first time she'll have been since we lost Dad and I 'm dreading it because of that too. The reason its all so bad is because all our spare time has been spent on making sure all was/is ok at parent's house (kitchen refit bathroom refit, carpets redone, furniture chosen purchased etc) all major jobs. I feel embarrassed as to her I portray myself as being in control. I am waffling now and can't really see where this is leading, can't work out if I'm trying to convince myself not toask to to come for a few days. If I don't I am just putting it off.

    Perhaps some more filing/shredding therapy is due
    A bright but blustery day here, not sure whether to risk a bit of lopping...perhaps not a good idea just before my physio appt.

    Have a lovely day
    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 10th Oct 17, 9:30 AM
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    NoOneAround
    Good morning
    Another few days flown by in a haze.
    Trying to remember what I've done!

    1) VAT from was submitted and payment made.
    2) Voluntary work admin - all finished and up to date for first time since beginning of year.
    3) Called creditor needing update, and spoke to a lovely old school
    gentleman who spoke so politely and cheerfully and with respect, who actually cheered up my day no end! I'd call to give updates daily just to get my ration of Happy If they were all like that
    4) Voluntary work Saturday morning, then drove down to see mum and stayed overnight. Caught up with her letters etc,
    5) Shopping on Sunday to big centre near there. Managed to get long overdue essential shopping done for DS and DH and also managed to find some bargains in their 60%+ sale) - I often don't have patience to look through masses of rails but Mum enjoyed it and found me 6 things for me and DD. DD liked but hasn't tried on yet for size, my three things were fine all@ Mr&Spk
    Lovely teal knitted top for me £5
    Floral summer top v pretty for me £4.50
    Chino trousers for me £3.60
    Dress for DD gorgeous summer/lined £8 - didn't have my size
    Vest T shirt for DD 75p
    sports zipped hoodie in lovely summer aqua sky blue for DD £7.50

    Then £170 in shirts and suit trousers for the boys
    But did manage to get 3 ties in sale, plain one for £2.75 (was 10), a smart stripy one for £5 (was £18) and a lush silk one for £8 (was 30). DS bagsied them all as he has to wear a suit a 6th form - poor DH didn't get a look in!

    Also did big grocery shop with mum, but other than that we just kept each other company, so it was quite nice and calm.

    Got back late Sunday night. DH had finally managed to do grass now that mower back up and running, while I was away, as Ds had hurt his ankle in Rugby on Saturday.
    Yesterday was catch up day on domestics, but was pretty tired, so didn't manage as much as I needed to, also had parents evening.
    Quiet this morning so grabbed opportunity to post before I start on trying to complete probate forms which I started many months ago, but never feel up to doing emotionally. Aim is to get them sent of this week.

    Have a lovely day
    NOA
    Last edited by NoOneAround; 10-10-2017 at 9:33 AM.
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • Cherryfudge
    • By Cherryfudge 10th Oct 17, 12:11 PM
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    Cherryfudge
    That sounds a very bargainaceous shopping trip! How gratifying. Love it when I find nice stuff in the sales, though I can't buy for my family... would love to see their faces if given a choice between me singing karaoke and them having to wear things I'd bought for them!

    Lots of (virtual) tea and hugs over facing the probate forms. Can you break the task into mini tasks at all? Even if at the scale of micromanaging, each bit you do is a step nearer getting it all out of the way. I am exactly the same with dealing with Mum's possessions: there is still a box full at the nursing home but that will mean several trips as I have neither a car to transport them nor room to put them here. And I just keep avoiding it completely.

    With regard to asking your Mum over: it's clearly something that would be hard for you but that you may have to face up to at some point. If you decide to go for it now, could you preface your invitation with 'the place is a terrible mess at the moment but...' and play up the awfulness so she will be pleasantly surprised? Or invite her with a hopeful 'I know how good you are at sorting the kitchen cupboards/deep cleaning the bathroom/weeding the garden' - if she's that kind of person?

    While you say you will need to work for months to make a dent, it's surprising how carefully targeted clearing/cleaning can improve a house. Put all the laundry under a large towel, make the beds, hoover the middles of the floors, have one clear shiny surface facing the entry to each room, add some flowers or fairy lights, etc. Maybe do some of those things for yourself, even if you don't do it for a visitor - and when your Mum does visit, she will probably notice the new things and that will lighten the moment.

    It seems we are in much the same situation NOA. Dealing with a loss has so many implications and the sheer hard work is one that can run and run. I'm aware I keep pushing myself and sometimes a couple of days off makes a huge difference, so if you can build 'not dealing with Mum-stuff' time into your week (fortnight/month) it will really help you.

    Cheering you on for those forms, I will try to make some progress here too.

    Meanwhile:
    Last edited by Cherryfudge; 10-10-2017 at 12:13 PM. Reason: typo
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