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  • FIRST POST
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 27th Aug 14, 10:22 PM
    • 1,528Posts
    • 7,354Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK
    • #1
    • 27th Aug 14, 10:22 PM
    Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK 27th Aug 14 at 10:22 PM
    Bewildered, confused, terrified that will lose everything we have worked so hard to build up. Over 70 K unsecured debt and 28K owed to family. Have been self employed for 10 years but business gradually gone down hill in recession. partner went back t o work, on good salary 47K but not enough, plus some money still coming in from business/part time jobs. Have 3 years left of independent school fees (yes we could pull child out but it would destroy him - please don't judge), older child about to go to university and we won't be able to provide much support. Talked to debt charity earlier this year and wrote to some creditors but not all - kept thinking things would improve but they haven't yet, so now need to do the rest - wish I had listened and acted fully 6 months ago. Better late than never I guess. Desperately looking for a job but too stressed to produce good applications. Sleep deprivation and now relationship problems. Have a decent house but don't want to downsize as have elderly parents with health issues who will need our support and probably move in with us. Health beginning to suffer. Don't know how we got ourselves into this state - well educated, professionals, feel totally ashamed, so keep up the pretences with everyone that everything is hunky dory. So sad and depressed.
Page 90
    • Narola1976
    • By Narola1976 2nd Sep 17, 7:48 AM
    • 97 Posts
    • 258 Thanks
    Narola1976
    Logged on to a message from MSE saying I have earned my 3-year anniversary badge.
    Seems like a long time to have taken 5,524 steps of our 72,520 step journey towards debt freedom from our unsecured debt burden.
    Better slowly than not at all, I guess.
    x
    Originally posted by NoOneAround
    Hi NOA...don't be discouraged...if you hadn't started, you probably would have been in a far worse position. As you say slowly is better than not at all. Yes, it is a long road ahead for most of us, but in 3 years you have reduced the debt which is what matters most. Some of us, i.e me, increased the debt significantly in that same time frame. The important thing is that you haven't given up. Every step in the right direction no matter how slow or how small is a victory. I read somewhere...it doesn't matter how slow you are...forward is still forward. So well done you!
    HSBC CC £7150.15 - £6524.68 ~~~ Barclay Card £7894.74 £7846.32 ~~~ MBNA 1 £10382.67 - £10272.67 ~~~ MBNA 2 £7214.28 - £7062.94 ~~~Argos £202.05 - £100.05 ~~~ HSBC Loan £399.27 - £0 ~~~ Hitachi Loan £24.12 - £0 ~~~ Car Loan £14745.60 - £14008.32
    TOTAL £48012.88 - £45814.98 (Paid £2197.90 so far)
    • eco farmer
    • By eco farmer 5th Sep 17, 7:20 PM
    • 105 Posts
    • 389 Thanks
    eco farmer
    Hi NOA. As the old adage goes debts can go up as well as down so just in that area given your choices for your kids you have done incredibly well. Hopefully you are now at a place where your children will start to cost less so you will be able to redirect some monies from there and you have squeezed in a huge family memory maker in the last few weeks. So much to be positive about looking back and forwards. Don't be so hard on yourself. "the race is long and only with yourself"

    eco xx
    debt free 1st October 2016
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 6th Sep 17, 9:13 AM
    • 1,528 Posts
    • 7,354 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Hiya, just dropping in to say hi! I've read your diary from start to finish (took a few weekends!) and it seems you've done incredibly well given the circumstances you've faced over that time. Glad to see you were able to keep DS in school and that DD had a successful journey through uni! And over 7% paid off now, great result so far! Will keep dropping in with interest! DSL
    Originally posted by DrSpendLittle
    Hello DrSpendLittle Thank you for popping by - and for reading - wow am impressed by your perseverance! Thanks also for your lovely comments, we have managed to keep ticking over through thick and thin. Still have a long plod ahead but will keep plodding

    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 6th Sep 17, 9:23 AM
    • 1,528 Posts
    • 7,354 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Hi NOA...don't be discouraged...if you hadn't started, you probably would have been in a far worse position. As you say slowly is better than not at all. Yes, it is a long road ahead for most of us, but in 3 years you have reduced the debt which is what matters most. Some of us, i.e me, increased the debt significantly in that same time frame. The important thing is that you haven't given up. Every step in the right direction no matter how slow or how small is a victory. I read somewhere...it doesn't matter how slow you are...forward is still forward. So well done you!
    Originally posted by Narola1976
    Thank You Narola Am always trying to keep positive. It's like wading through treacle isn't it? Have some more calls to make today to creditor who has been adding interest at £70 a month, seem not to have taken notice of last letter I sent If they start doing that, I won't be moving forwards at all. Avoided that job yesterday .
    Must do it today though as have had more work through so out at part time job full time again from tomorrow.
    Hope all well with you.
    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 6th Sep 17, 9:32 AM
    • 1,528 Posts
    • 7,354 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Hi NOA. As the old adage goes debts can go up as well as down so just in that area given your choices for your kids you have done incredibly well. Hopefully you are now at a place where your children will start to cost less so you will be able to redirect some monies from there and you have squeezed in a huge family memory maker in the last few weeks. So much to be positive about looking back and forwards. Don't be so hard on yourself. "the race is long and only with yourself"

    eco xx
    Originally posted by eco farmer
    Thank You for your support as always Eco farmer. 2 more years - seems like an eternity but time goes so fast - Just hoping that we can sustain it
    Am glad we did the memory maker despite my reservations, I think it has helped top up my nearly empty reserve tank.
    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 6th Sep 17, 1:33 PM
    • 1,528 Posts
    • 7,354 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Have some more calls to make today to creditor who has been adding interest at £70 a month, seem not to have taken notice of last letter I sent If they start doing that, I won't be moving forwards at all. Avoided that job yesterday .
    Must do it today though as have had more work through so out at part time job full time again from tomorrow.
    x
    Originally posted by NoOneAround
    Made the Phone call! Took a while but 140+ refunded and interest frozen for another 6 months. No matter how long it has been I still dread these calls. I could have written but they never replied to my update in May.

    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • Cherryfudge
    • By Cherryfudge 6th Sep 17, 2:38 PM
    • 676 Posts
    • 2,079 Thanks
    Cherryfudge
    Well done! I hate making phone calls too. It's a real accomplishment to get something like that done. £140 is brilliant.
    • brizzledfw
    • By brizzledfw 8th Sep 17, 3:34 PM
    • 7,071 Posts
    • 34,183 Thanks
    brizzledfw
    It is. Well done NOA
    MFiT-T4 Member No. 96 - 2022 is my MF goal
    September '17 Savings Rate Goal: 33% [August 33%]
    Declutter 100 items before 30.09.17 35/100 ** LSDs Target 5 for September 02/05 **AFDs 09/15 ** Sales Target '17 £750 £225 so far
    **NSDs Target 5 for September 01/05 Trying to be a Frugalista
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 13th Sep 17, 9:46 AM
    • 1,528 Posts
    • 7,354 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Thanks Brizzle and Cherry, it still takes me days to work up to thos calls its pathetic really. I guess it still boils down to embarrassment, even after 3 years of it. What I often forget is that for several years I paid several thousand a year in interest. One day when I have time and nothing better to do than wind myself up I will add it up

    RL work and family are draining me at the moment and I have got out of the habit of posting. Need to get back into it as writing it helps me organise my thoughts and put things into perspective.
    Home has slowly but surely slipped into general chaos lost in untidiness and clutter, making every little task into a big chore. Not a good place to be. My whole time is spent working, with my spare time visiting mum, often overnight. Feel out of touch with DS, and needing to find a new balance with DD too who will try and commute for her MA to save on rent. It's also been a year since we lost Dad, so a very emotional couple of weeks, and everything else seems so trivial and unnecessary.

    Am at home alone today so am going to tackle as much as I can. Waa going to make a to do list but decided against (too depressing!) so am going to keep list of achievements instead, might be psychologically more rewarding

    Hope everything well with you all. It's funny how I still think of the people on here and wonder what's been happening.... When I feel a bit happier I will catch up. I have been avoiding RL friends too
    NOA
    xx
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • helsbell
    • By helsbell 13th Sep 17, 10:01 AM
    • 57 Posts
    • 172 Thanks
    helsbell
    I think a list of achievements sounds like a great idea. Sometimes a to do list can be completely overwhelming, I find.
    August 2017 B'card £5006.83 BoS £1086.59 DFD November 2020
    • Kittychick
    • By Kittychick 13th Sep 17, 11:07 AM
    • 141 Posts
    • 352 Thanks
    Kittychick
    Another one here who's been a follower for a while but never commented. I think you are doing amazingly well bearing in mind the 'treacle' feeling. All you can do is keep going, each pound is a pound less... Keep up the fantastic work!
    • Cherryfudge
    • By Cherryfudge 13th Sep 17, 11:36 AM
    • 676 Posts
    • 2,079 Thanks
    Cherryfudge
    Sending you a big hug, NOA. I like your list of achievements idea. You could start with 'posted on my diary'.
    When I get one of those times where it's just head down and keep battling on, what I'm crying out for is one day of respite. If you get a chance for even a little bit of a break it will help. So will just one little area of your home being spic and span - even if it's just the surface around the kettle.
    I'm sitting surrounded by chaos too... but cheering you on. Hope you can feel a bit of progress soon. I won't clutter your diary with my efforts but I'll be sure to come back and see how you are. If I can organise myself, I'll bring biscuits and a cuppa.
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 13th Sep 17, 4:28 PM
    • 1,528 Posts
    • 7,354 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    I think a list of achievements sounds like a great idea. Sometimes a to do list can be completely overwhelming, I find.
    Originally posted by helsbell

    Another one here who's been a follower for a while but never commented. I think you are doing amazingly well bearing in mind the 'treacle' feeling. All you can do is keep going, each pound is a pound less... Keep up the fantastic work!
    Originally posted by Kittychick
    Hello Helsbell and Kittychick , Thank you for dropping in and posting and for your kind support. Overwhelming, and paralysing/depressing also come to mind! But I'm always grateful that I have the strength to keep going (though some days its hard to find) - always onwards and upwards

    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 13th Sep 17, 4:40 PM
    • 1,528 Posts
    • 7,354 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Sending you a big hug, NOA. I like your list of achievements idea. You could start with 'posted on my diary'.
    When I get one of those times where it's just head down and keep battling on, what I'm crying out for is one day of respite. If you get a chance for even a little bit of a break it will help. So will just one little area of your home being spic and span - even if it's just the surface around the kettle.
    I'm sitting surrounded by chaos too... but cheering you on. Hope you can feel a bit of progress soon. I won't clutter your diary with my efforts but I'll be sure to come back and see how you are. If I can organise myself, I'll bring biscuits and a cuppa.
    Originally posted by Cherryfudge
    Thank you Cherry (is it Ok to shorten your alias?)
    Circle around kettle has been cleaned - what time are you popping over

    Achievements today:

    1) Posted in my diary
    2) One Load of washing
    3) Dishes all washed and cleared (from yesterday and this am
    4) Dining table cleared (it had a bad case of piles) - we can use it for eating now!
    5) Dining room hoovered (floor still to wet wipe)
    6) Several bunches of spring onions (Ys items) cleaned and chopped for freezing
    7) Meal cooked double batch, so will also do for tomorrow and
    Work tops wiped
    8) Bedroom hoovered.
    9) Client letters done ready to post
    10) Letter /forms for mum done ready to post
    Just realised time ....
    Dashing out to school run now

    xx
    NOA
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • redofromstart
    • By redofromstart 13th Sep 17, 4:56 PM
    • 313 Posts
    • 1,361 Thanks
    redofromstart
    That's a huge amount done! My dining table alone would take all day.
    • Chrystal
    • By Chrystal 13th Sep 17, 8:00 PM
    • 72 Posts
    • 372 Thanks
    Chrystal
    Hi NOA

    Another one here who reads but rarely posts.
    Just wanted to send you ((((Hugs)))) and say that everyone is rooting for you. You're dealing with difficult situations and need to also allow some time for yourself to vent when you need to.

    Reading your list of Achievements left me exhausted (and ashamed as mine desperately needs doing)

    I hope you feel a bit better soon. XX
    G,C. Sept. = £121.59/£300 = £178.41
    NSD so far = 9/30
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 13th Sep 17, 9:18 PM
    • 1,528 Posts
    • 7,354 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    That's a huge amount done! My dining table alone would take all day.
    Originally posted by redofromstart
    Well Redofromstart......Thank you! But what I didn't say was how the table was cleared.... Basically stuff was sorted into different types of piles and each pile scooped into a carrier bag to sort out later in order or urgency. Aim was to clear Dining table. Dining Table cleared. Tick. Clean table cloth on and we had dinner round the table. DH was going to be late so we started eating. He arrived part way through and proceeded to sort letters from mail box in piles in front of me. When I pointed out I d only just managed to the table, could he please put the mail on the hall table so I could sort it tomorrow, he went off in a huff. Can't win.
    Glad I'm not the only one that owns a dining table shelf.

    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 13th Sep 17, 9:35 PM
    • 1,528 Posts
    • 7,354 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Hi NOA

    Another one here who reads but rarely posts.
    Just wanted to send you ((((Hugs)))) and say that everyone is rooting for you. You're dealing with difficult situations and need to also allow some time for yourself to vent when you need to.

    Reading your list of Achievements left me exhausted (and ashamed as mine desperately needs doing)

    I hope you feel a bit better soon. XX
    Originally posted by Chrystal
    Thank you Chrystal The lovely encouraging words and support everyone sends provides such a boost to mood and motivation. Makes me feel less alone. Sounds really stupid as I have a family around me, yet I do feel very alone much of the time.

    Exhausted so off to bed. Few urgent things to do tomorrow but have a shorter day as hosp phsyio class, plus blood test, and bank deposit to make between school run as well, then a start of term parents evening for DS.

    Nite Nite all
    NOA
    xx
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 14th Sep 17, 11:25 AM
    • 1,528 Posts
    • 7,354 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    A slow start today, overdid it a bit yesterday so joints complaining today plus back feels like its on the verge of going So frustrating - I know I am meant to pace myself but what to do when so much needs doing?

    2nd load of washing done, fuming with DS at the moment as just dug out some wet sports kit from the bag he had "emptied" last Saturday - they had played rugby in the rain, so whole bag smells

    Some urgent emails done, and washed hair (put it off yesterday - nobody at home that I needed to impress
    Am just going to do some of my volunteer work admin this am then will be out after lunch doing various bits in town. Miserable day outside so not looking forward to that.

    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • Cherryfudge
    • By Cherryfudge 15th Sep 17, 12:10 AM
    • 676 Posts
    • 2,079 Thanks
    Cherryfudge
    Thank you Cherry (is it Ok to shorten your alias?)
    Circle around kettle has been cleaned - what time are you popping over
    Originally posted by NoOneAround
    Of course it is.

    Mind if I borrow some of that space around the kettle? Just need to put these down... don't like to spoil that shiny surface!



    That dining table of yours is awesome. Mine is currently folded to its smallest and still has the laptop, the contents of my bag, some coasters, a printer, a box of photos, three piles of books, no, four... a carrier bag and DH's glasses. Apart from that it's okay. I didn't realise some people use them as eating surfaces. How novel!

    And yes, it's possible to feel alone with family around. . . Hugs.
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