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  • FIRST POST
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 27th Aug 14, 10:22 PM
    • 1,467Posts
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    NoOneAround
    Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK
    • #1
    • 27th Aug 14, 10:22 PM
    Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK 27th Aug 14 at 10:22 PM
    Bewildered, confused, terrified that will lose everything we have worked so hard to build up. Over 70 K unsecured debt and 28K owed to family. Have been self employed for 10 years but business gradually gone down hill in recession. partner went back t o work, on good salary 47K but not enough, plus some money still coming in from business/part time jobs. Have 3 years left of independent school fees (yes we could pull child out but it would destroy him - please don't judge), older child about to go to university and we won't be able to provide much support. Talked to debt charity earlier this year and wrote to some creditors but not all - kept thinking things would improve but they haven't yet, so now need to do the rest - wish I had listened and acted fully 6 months ago. Better late than never I guess. Desperately looking for a job but too stressed to produce good applications. Sleep deprivation and now relationship problems. Have a decent house but don't want to downsize as have elderly parents with health issues who will need our support and probably move in with us. Health beginning to suffer. Don't know how we got ourselves into this state - well educated, professionals, feel totally ashamed, so keep up the pretences with everyone that everything is hunky dory. So sad and depressed.
Page 84
    • jvr
    • By jvr 19th Apr 17, 1:08 PM
    • 278 Posts
    • 990 Thanks
    jvr
    I know its a major area savings can be made but to be honest I just hate being cold and it makes me feel miserable and down so yes I did put the heating on at the weekend.... and you know what... I felt snug and happy! I would rather give up other things personally!
    Maybe turn off radiators in other rooms now and just heat main room you use and accept it will be chillier in other areas of the house?
    Credit Cards: £6646.68
    Christmas Savings:0
    General Savings £82
    Car Savings (MOT &Insurance) 0
    Debt Free date: July 2019
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 23rd Apr 17, 4:52 PM
    • 1,467 Posts
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    NoOneAround
    Hello Jvr
    Yes, we do only heat the parts of the house we use and I wear layers of jumpers and Ds's extra large hoodies too I only heat the office when I am home alone working, it is the warmet room in the house. Extra problem this year has been oil prices have also crept up and up and up However we haven't made much use of the log fire this year, mainly as we tend to do different things all the time so never tend to sit together in one room any more

    Update
    Its been an unproductive weekend in terms of catching up/work, meds knock me out for six so Saturdays are not a good day. Basic chores done (lots of washing/ironing/grocery shop), a bit of decluttering/tidying. Repotted a rose plant and pulled a few weeds. Mum on antibiotics again, she is pretty run down and getting everything at the moment. I myself feel like a walking meds cabinet and hate it. Different issues keep cropping up. Exasperated with NHS appointments, am having to chase everything. Very fed up and have to keep reminding myself there are millions of other people a lot worse off. It doesn't help that DD went back to uni yesterday Can't believe she is in her final month.

    Was thinking this morning that we seem to be no further forward than when I first started this diary. But then I started thinking about the main things that have happened over the two years and 8 months since I started this diary.

    1) Debt, seeking advice from SC
    2) Dealing with all creditors and getting interest frozen, so that all payments started to bring debt down (it's down by over £4K, not a lot I know ) BUT
    3) Kept on top of all priority bills, including a hefty mortgage and
    4) Kept DS at Independent school, he's doing GCSE's this year
    5) DD went to university (major empty nest syndrome for me) - she's now in final year.
    5) Supported parents throughout, as they have got older, doing general care and chores and household improvements as dad's health deteriorated (major work in their kitchen/bathroom)
    6) Fell ill 15 months ago, sudden onset, diagnosed with RA
    6) Lost my Dad - still trying to come to terms with this
    7) Now spending most spare time supporting mum who lives 80 miles away, often leaving DS to fend for himself.
    8) Continued with SE, plus two part time jobs
    9) Volunteer work-
    10) DH has been very supportive last few months in practical terms for which I am very grateful. Regarding emotional support I have to look elsewhere.
    Anyway, the point of this ramble was to remind myself that I have survived, though feeling a bit tired. I'd really like to sleep for a month. Just need to keep going, and keep sane and keep afloat. It doesn't matter how slowly you go, as long as you don't stop.

    Roast chicken to get going for today's and tomorrows dinner...
    AM really behind with everyone's diaries
    NOA
    x
    Last edited by NoOneAround; 23-04-2017 at 5:39 PM.
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £67,262=7.25%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 24th Apr 17, 12:00 AM
    • 10,623 Posts
    • 68,535 Thanks
    Bobarella
    You have achieved so much NOA. And had so much happening in that period. It's incredible how strong and motivated you have been. Look forward to the next 2 years
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £54.82 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1855 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • Verbatim
    • By Verbatim 24th Apr 17, 9:04 AM
    • 4,438 Posts
    • 12,692 Thanks
    Verbatim
    Absolutely what Bob said. Just keeping going and dealing with so much is a major achievement.
    CCs @0% £24k Dec 05 £19,621.41 Au £13400 S 12600 Oct £11,981 £9481 £7500 Nov £7250 D £7100 Jan 6950 F £5800 Mar£5400 May £4830 June £4660 July £4460 Aug £3200, S £900, £0 18/9/07 DFW Nerd 042
    • brizzledfw
    • By brizzledfw 24th Apr 17, 11:42 AM
    • 6,847 Posts
    • 32,905 Thanks
    brizzledfw
    Thats a great list... hugely impressive. So you should make yourself a big cup of tea, grab a biscuit and give yourself a big pat on the back.

    MFiT-T4 Member No. 96 - 2022 is my MF goal
    June '17 Savings Rate Goal: 25% [May 30%]
    Declutter 50 items before 30.06.17 139/50 ** LSDs Target 5 for June 05/05 **AFDs 12/20 ** Sales Target '17 £750 £110 so far
    **NSDs Target 5 for June 02/05
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 27th Apr 17, 10:05 AM
    • 1,467 Posts
    • 7,119 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Thanks Bob, Verbatim, Brizzle
    Some days you just need to remind yourself the reasons why the debt hasn't come down faster despite working 24/7. It could have if I went back to work fulltime, but then I couldn't be there for family, and that's what matters most at the moment. Just needed to write it down. There was something on the radio yesterday about research on wounds (physical ones) healing faster when the participant wrote about the trauma. I need to look up the research (out of interest) but it does make perfect sense. We all know how much these diaries have helped us, for me writing (should I say blurting - I tend not to worry about correct English!) down my feelings has kept me sane. Its like talking to a close friend, when you can't in real life because no-one knows the situation.

    Major frustration again today. Got a call from GP -The blood sample taken yesterday wasn't labelled properly and couldn't be processed so need to go and pick up the form from GPs's and go to phlebotomy at the hospital again today. Another two hours will be wasted. Inefficiency and incompetence makes me Another referral to another dept. All you want is to get on with things and not be defined by your condition, but pretty impossible not to think about it when juggling appts with 4 different depts. Sorry! lots of today.

    Big clonks in the car when going over speed bumps, hope the suspension hasn't gone, it getting old The service is overdue and I just looked up date and MOT is also due on 3rd so will try to book it into garage. Big bill looming I think.

    More phone calls to make today to update creditors, might be easier to talk to them and say I'll put an updated I&E in post. Another has written to ask for an update and to discuss a reduced settlement but we don't have any saved to consider anything like that.

    Anyway, I should get on with todays to do list.
    Have a lovely day
    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £67,262=7.25%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 27th Apr 17, 6:09 PM
    • 1,467 Posts
    • 7,119 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Productive day today
    1)Tried calling creditor that's been hassling. Usually they have been very helpful, but today it seems it was an overseas call centre answering, so I didn't get very far after being passed around 3 times and 25 minutes. Decided just to write in after all. 3 letters written and posted. Filed piled up letters from creditors.
    2) 2 invoices posted.
    3) Checked banking - 2 clients not paid (over 4Kinc VAT) so sent reminder emails.
    4)Blood tests attempt 2 took over two hours
    5) read over DD's essay - (proofreading - she's too deep into her subject for me to comment otherwise, but it's very interesting
    6) Kitchen cleaned.
    7) Cheat meal today, hotdogs with local sausages, grilling now.
    8) decluttered email inbox in between times - its worse than my house!
    Resisted temptation to call friend and go to garden centre - that was hard, but feel it was worth it now

    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £67,262=7.25%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 28th Apr 17, 9:02 AM
    • 1,467 Posts
    • 7,119 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    It's a beautiful morning, bright but very cold. Should really make use of it and wash bedding so it dry outside.
    Want to get on top of things this weekend as then will be out at part time jobs until end of June. Also need to go and see Mum this weekend, as I didn't go last weekend.

    To do list
    1) Car insurance is also due by end next week so need to compare prices for that today. MOT to book.
    2) Lots of admin to catch up on for voluntary work.
    3) Hoover downstairs
    4) Washing /Ironing
    5) Sort out wardrobe/work clothes for 6-8 weeks of full time at part time job - still not happy with what I have.
    6) Will not attempt to do any SE work today!
    DS is finishing school early today so very short day for me. He will go on study leave next week, so also need to be organised with meal planning so that he has a varied range for lunch times when I am out at work. Lasagne to make this am for quick turnaround meal as DS playing in another concert tonight.

    Now to put the plan into practice.....
    Will pop by in tea breaks
    Have a lovely day everyone.
    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £67,262=7.25%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • brizzledfw
    • By brizzledfw 28th Apr 17, 9:22 AM
    • 6,847 Posts
    • 32,905 Thanks
    brizzledfw
    Good list
    It's very cold here too. I was shivering last night but refused to put heating on and wore socks to bed!!
    MFiT-T4 Member No. 96 - 2022 is my MF goal
    June '17 Savings Rate Goal: 25% [May 30%]
    Declutter 50 items before 30.06.17 139/50 ** LSDs Target 5 for June 05/05 **AFDs 12/20 ** Sales Target '17 £750 £110 so far
    **NSDs Target 5 for June 02/05
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 28th Apr 17, 9:50 AM
    • 1,467 Posts
    • 7,119 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Morning Brizzle Just having my second breakfast so am allowed on here....
    Erm.....my socks never come off....
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £67,262=7.25%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 29th Apr 17, 10:45 AM
    • 1,467 Posts
    • 7,119 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Gorgeous day outside
    10 white shirts hanging on the line, blacks washing at the moment, 2 other piles sorted and waiting in the Q. Going to mums later today so want to get as much done as possible. Should really stay home and do something in the garden, feel I should go check on her as didn't go last weekend. Hopefully Monday will be nice too and I'll do some then.
    Lounge hovered today as didn't get that done yesterday. Waiting for DS to get up to help with stairs and upstairs (his room = )

    Made enquiries yesterday regarding big holiday - am very nervous about going but Dh has worked so hard over last year, also DD finishes uni so it is a good time to go - who knows where she might be next year. Waiting for quote to come through from agent. It won't be a restful relaxing one, but something we have always wanted to do. Not sure what we'll do if price is over budget.

    Off to be domestic goddess again.... or not...
    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £67,262=7.25%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 29th Apr 17, 12:49 PM
    • 10,623 Posts
    • 68,535 Thanks
    Bobarella
    Really hope your late payers cough up soon NOA. 4k is a huge sum to have outstanding.

    Sorry to hear about your blood sample being bungled as well. That's very frustrating.

    I hope you can get a good quote for your holiday as well.
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £54.82 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1855 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 1st May 17, 9:48 PM
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    • 7,119 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Thanks Bob. Just frustrated with it all. Hope all good with you.

    Just a quick drop in, been to see Mum. Spent several hours today in the garden. Needed the space and time to just be. Lopping, pulling weeds and planted 3 rose cuttings into a small new freshly prepared bed (courtesy of DH and DS). Small steps forward. Been worrying some, more health issues and another appt on Friday. Trying not to think too much. Seems it never just rains when it can pour.
    Busy week work wise and DS beginning exams too.
    Have a good week
    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £67,262=7.25%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 1st May 17, 9:53 PM
    • 10,623 Posts
    • 68,535 Thanks
    Bobarella
    Sorry to read that NOA. I hope the appointment goes ok and gives you what you need. What kind of roses did you plant? Hope your Mum was alright.
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £54.82 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1855 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 5th May 17, 8:33 PM
    • 1,467 Posts
    • 7,119 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Where has this week gone?

    Bob Thank you. todays appt went ok, need more info so waiting for a scan appt now. Hopefully it will come soon fingers crossed. The roses are all cuttings from my parents tiny garden, I don't recall all their names, but in several colours, all bush roses. They were my dad's favourite flower and he cherished them, and loved tending and propagating them. I will be able to look them up, because Dad kept the labels, I will eventually come across them as I help mum sort things out. I have put them near the patio, I can see them from kitchen window, dining room window and lounge

    Re: Money
    Busy week at work, haven't had time to stop. Car went in for MOT on Tuesday, found out weds it needs big work to get through, not safe to drive apparently so they have kept it but couldn't fit it into their schedule until next Tuesday. £500+ and it is also overdue a service which is usually £300-400. - they said they could do it next weds if I leave it with them. So driving around in DD's tiny little runaround, lucky she left that at home as doesn't need it at uni.

    Also got a rough quote for hols and its high which I expected - its an 11 hour flight to a different continent. The MSE part of me is desperate to not spend any money. But a tiny bit of me is saying you only live once and who knows what tomorrow will bring, go for it. DS is going anyway and he's paid for, last payment will go out in a couple of weeks. As DD is graduating it would be a really good time for the whole family. Need to look at it this weekend to see where we might be able to reduce some costs.

    I'm sure there is lots of other stuff to say, but am exhausted and can't think. Need to get on top of domestics as will go down to see Mum for the day on Sunday.

    Have a lovely weekend everyone
    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £67,262=7.25%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 5th May 17, 8:58 PM
    • 10,623 Posts
    • 68,535 Thanks
    Bobarella
    The roses sound a lovely reminder of your Dad NOA. Hope they grow well. Glad your appointment went well, hope your scan date comes through very soon.

    What a huge car bill. With the sort of cars we had that would have been a deal breaker.

    I do think that you deserve a lovely holiday, life is short.

    Have a good weekend.

    Bob
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £54.82 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1855 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 6th May 17, 9:08 PM
    • 1,467 Posts
    • 7,119 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Busy day - volunteer work today and trying to catch up with its admin tonight, laptop/watching tv, saw Nanny MacPhee this afternoon....again am a big kid at heart really

    Bob, I hope they grow well too, I plan to put a lot more in Car: -it is a huge bill however we don't have any savings to get another one, and no way could we get a loan, and we can't do with out it due to where we live. Will try and keep it going another 1-2 years and review then, after DS leaves school.

    Haven't had time to look at holiday plans, but once again it is just me trying to sort it out, very little discussion or opinion or help in making any decisions. Going to mums tomorrow just for the day this time.

    Have a lovely Sunday
    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £67,262=7.25%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • Igamogam
    • By Igamogam 7th May 17, 9:18 AM
    • 5,386 Posts
    • 43,026 Thanks
    Igamogam
    Lounge hovered today
    Originally posted by NoOneAround
    Always love a bit of lounge hovering

    Just caught up with your diary NOA - well if truth be told I have skimmed. I sometimes feel I dont have the luxury of time to sit and read fully diaries that I follow I have recently had a good 'clear out' of some diaries - those who were really beginning to annoy me!)

    Cant believe your DD is graduating - where did that time go??

    Car - we have similar problem. Need to trade in our 'good car' but new model not due out until end of year and i the meantime we are putting miles on this one so need to find a reliable one in the interim - all takes time and much thought!

    Health - things turned around for me when I stopped listening to my GP and decided to research my 'condition' I was fed up of being told I was 'suffering' from XYZ and being treated as if I was 'ill' yes I have a condition that will be with me for the rest of my life - and I intend to have a long one! But it doesnt define me. Its not who I am. I now treat myself in addition to the 'treatment' I get from the NHS and let them take the credit for it...... what I am saying is sometimes it pays not to accept at face value what is being offered. Research and question - one size does NOT fit all!

    Holiday sounds good - but dont get yourself into a frazzle or you will be not well enough to enjoy it

    Love the sound of those roses. I have some lily bulbs that came from the next door neighbour of my childhood ( grandmothers) home - we always called them Mrs M's stinking lilies which is not their name but they have a very pungent smell When my grandmother died and we where clearing out her house I asked the neighbour ( Mrs M had long since died) if I could have a few bulbs - they must have been growing in the same spot in that garden for 40 years I grow them in a corner of the garden and when that smell wafts about it always reminds me of coming home from school on warm day!

    Hope the sun is shining with you
    Be the change you want to see -with apologies to Gandhi
    In gardens, beauty is a by-product. The main business is sex and death. ~Sam Llewelyn
    'On the internet no one knows you are a cat'
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 8th May 17, 7:45 PM
    • 1,467 Posts
    • 7,119 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Thought I would pop in quickly before I go hover in my lounge but personally I prefer outdoor hovering when I can, though I do try to avoid street corners when I do.....

    Thank you for popping in Igamogam, I know how precious time is.
    The car issue does worry me, we need to have some sort of plan in place - I'm hoping it's good for another year now, have just picked it up and am £785 poorer
    Balancing the budget and planning for future is one of the reasons I can't quite get my head around justifying the holiday. But I do feel we need something good for us all to look forward to as a family - we really have not had many luxuries over the past few years. But you are right - I do just need to make a decision and go with the flow - not worry myself sick about it.

    Health: - lots of the niggles are inefficiencies with the system, but on the other hand our health authority is better than most in the country. The worrying thing that the scan is for is unrelated to the RA - and does need to be checked further - lumps and bumps flavoured trying not to worry until there is something to worry about. I haven't taken everything they try to give me (don't do drugs much if I can help it!).

    I love the that you still have lilies from your grandmother's neighbour. Memories like those are priceless. I would find it very difficult to move from our house. There is a 24 year old cherry tree that my dad gave us in April 1993 (it is older than DD), and an apple tree with 3 varieties, and a pear tree, not to mention some conifers for a hedge at the back of the garden, as well as the roses. Most places I look I can see him. "I am more myself in the garden than anywhere else on Earth" - described him perfectly, and I'm happiest in the garden too . Can't recall who that quote should be attributed to I still remember how excited he was to bring it (the cherry tree), little did I know at the time how much it would mean to me nearly a quarter of a century later.


    Cherry tree - 2 weeks ago
    NOA
    x
    So much for popping in quickly....
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £67,262=7.25%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • Igamogam
    • By Igamogam 8th May 17, 8:14 PM
    • 5,386 Posts
    • 43,026 Thanks
    Igamogam
    Ooooh love a laden cherry tree

    Scans for lumps and bumps are the worst kind to ponder about - keep busy.........oh you are
    Be the change you want to see -with apologies to Gandhi
    In gardens, beauty is a by-product. The main business is sex and death. ~Sam Llewelyn
    'On the internet no one knows you are a cat'
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