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  • FIRST POST
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 27th Aug 14, 10:22 PM
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    NoOneAround
    Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK
    • #1
    • 27th Aug 14, 10:22 PM
    Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK 27th Aug 14 at 10:22 PM
    Bewildered, confused, terrified that will lose everything we have worked so hard to build up. Over 70 K unsecured debt and 28K owed to family. Have been self employed for 10 years but business gradually gone down hill in recession. partner went back t o work, on good salary 47K but not enough, plus some money still coming in from business/part time jobs. Have 3 years left of independent school fees (yes we could pull child out but it would destroy him - please don't judge), older child about to go to university and we won't be able to provide much support. Talked to debt charity earlier this year and wrote to some creditors but not all - kept thinking things would improve but they haven't yet, so now need to do the rest - wish I had listened and acted fully 6 months ago. Better late than never I guess. Desperately looking for a job but too stressed to produce good applications. Sleep deprivation and now relationship problems. Have a decent house but don't want to downsize as have elderly parents with health issues who will need our support and probably move in with us. Health beginning to suffer. Don't know how we got ourselves into this state - well educated, professionals, feel totally ashamed, so keep up the pretences with everyone that everything is hunky dory. So sad and depressed.
Page 82
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 27th Feb 17, 2:08 PM
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    Bobarella
    Oh no NOA that is a very early start. Take care of yourself today. Go steady on the school run. Early bed tonight.
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • brizzledfw
    • By brizzledfw 28th Feb 17, 12:05 AM
    • 7,072 Posts
    • 34,217 Thanks
    brizzledfw
    How's it going? Hope you're at least getting some sleep!!

    X
    MFiT-T4 Member No. 96 - 2022 is my MF goal
    September '17 Savings Rate Goal: 33% [August 33%]
    Declutter 100 items before 30.09.17 35/100 ** LSDs Target 5 for September 02/05 **AFDs 09/15 ** Sales Target '17 £750 £225 so far
    **NSDs Target 5 for September 01/05 Trying to be a Frugalista
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 28th Feb 17, 9:12 AM
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    NoOneAround
    Morning
    Thanks Bob and Brizzle.
    Bright and sunny here but very cold. Thousands of snowdrops and the odd daff out too. Mower collected for service yesterday in readiness.
    got about 4hours sleep last night, been awake dosing on/off since 2am again. Tape in head on constant replay
    Managed to get through mail and emails yesterday, dealt with a couple of urgent ones but didn't achieve much on work front. Couple of loads washing done yesterday, another load on this morning, need to get clothes ready as 5 days of part time work starting tomorrow.

    On money news
    DH had a 2k tax refund in his pay pack while I've been away! As he has changed jobs twice and hence had 3 employers in 26 months I'm not quite sure how/why Just need to check I filled in figures correctly on tax form before I do this He's had so many tax code changes I lost track of the why's and wherefore's. Also CB will need to be paid back.
    But even if its correct, will need to put it aside for next January tax bill for SE work otherwise we'll come unstuck again. Even though there are a hundred and one things waiting to be done on the house/garden.

    Piles on desk have built up again and intend to clear those today or else I will be on a slippery slope again.

    Lots of other little bits to do, plus update to creditors which I have left for too long - although regular payments have been maintained.
    Am meeting a friend for a coffee just before pick up time, so that will be my £4 extravagance for the week. Turns out that DH/DS ate out 3 times while I was away blowing away a whole weeks worth of grocery shopping. The boys will play when mums away

    Have a good day
    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 28th Feb 17, 6:57 PM
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    Bobarella
    Hi NOA

    What a lovely surprise to get £2k back!!

    I'm so sorry for your sleep troubles though. Have you tried writing down all your worries at bedtime and if you wake at night? It is supposed to be helpful.

    Hope you enjoy your lovely coffee

    Bob
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 8th Mar 17, 12:59 PM
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    NoOneAround
    Coffee was lovely Bob, I even remembered to printout two vouchers for friend and me (a coffee each for free) and then paid for cake for both of us for grand total of £4.60

    Sleep is an long term ongoing issue, nothing really works for long.

    This week has gone by so fast. Part time job for a week, am at home today trying to catch up with everything, but not been very productive today. Am very anxious about starting new stronger meds which have more side effects and need closer monitoring, but all the advice is that longer term benefit outweighs risks. Delayed decision at last appointment with consultant 6 months ago.

    Have been doing lots of reading, but doesn't make it any easier. Am trying not to overthink it.

    Just updated banking, cash flow has been good this past 10 months, enough money in bank till end April, with some more work in pipeline, some confirmed, some not yet. Hope that continues. Also have two months part time job full time more or less for May and June lined up, assuming all stays well healthwise.

    Otherwise everything else feels a bit like limboland.

    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 9th Mar 17, 11:58 AM
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    NoOneAround
    Another jittery day, may need to give up and go outside for a bit. It's very sunny. and the forsythia came out overnight and is glowing.
    So much to do I don't know where to start. so far all I have done is email a friend to see if they can meet for coffee tomorrow (haven't seen her for 4 years), but she may not pick up email in time. Also did grocery shop on way home from school run, but most of it still in car as very heavy bags.

    Feel guilty but I made excuses to not go to a wedding in Scotland over Easter weekend. Will just send voucher gift in post. Feel bad but it would take out 3 days minimum with hotel costs, and I want to spend the time at home while ds/DD work/revise, and possibly have mum to stay.

    DD home tomorrow for brief visit - haven't seen her for 6 weeks I think, so looking forward to that, have orders for a roast dinner

    NOA
    xx
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 9th Mar 17, 9:23 PM
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    NoOneAround
    A bit of time outside though didn't do anything (hands/wrists playing up). Seem to have lost my good rake its not anywhere it should be - did I leave it out and perhaps it got lifted?

    Another invite to another wedding from someone we haven't seen in more than 15 years (DH family), they usually contact us for wedding gift money then all goes quiet again (sorry that was very cynical). DH not even vaguely interested, last time I just sent some money on his behalf.

    Need to get my act together tomorrow - have had two quite lethargic days, seem to have no oomph at the moment. Did read DD's essay for her before she submitted. Feels strange when you read your kids work and you don't really understand what it says - it sounded good anyway, and there were no spelling mistakes or duplicated words that I could see all very academic and not my field at all Hope all her hard work pays off, its a chapter of her dissertation.
    where did that time go, it seems like yesterday that I was on here feeling lost with empty nest symptoms.

    Time for bed for me and my thoughts
    Nite nite and happy dreams
    NOA
    xx
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 9th Mar 17, 11:01 PM
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    Bobarella
    Hi NOA

    I hope the new meds won't be as bad as you fear. I'm very pleased your business finance is so healthy, well done you!

    I don't blame you for wanting to spend time at home over Easter with your children. It sounds like the other family members are happy in their own world the majority of the time

    Hope you get some sleep tonight.

    Bob
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 10th Mar 17, 9:41 AM
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    NoOneAround
    Morning Bob
    I wouldn't have minded going to the one in Scotland, if we had time to take a family break at the same time - it's one of my second cousins who has made an effort to keep in touch now and again, and I do get on with. The second one is the DH's family - they only make contact when they need something spoke to DH last night about the barrage of whats app messages to me (they have managed to get hold of my number from someone) he's not even vaguely interested and said to ignore them, especially as I haven't provided the number to them. That feels wrong though.

    Work has been good this past year, best in several years. Trouble with SE is often all or nothing. New Enquiries are fewer at the moment so no saying what the future holds, then yesterday all the HooHaa about NI contributions going up for SE Am doing two part time jobs (0 hours, it was 3 last year, ) and SE myself, no holiday or sick pay or pension....
    Anyway, Things always work out for the best and always happen for a reason. I cannot imagine what would have happened to us if work had been sparse (as in previous few years) when I had to juggle bank accounts on a daily basis and scrap around for every penny. The amount of support needed for parents escalated over last two years, and then with losing dad and the amount of time I have been away, it was a blessing that I could month on month ignore looking at bank accounts knowing that that months bills would safely be paid. My dad was religious and had so much Faith, and always believed that that God would always provide what was needed. I'm not religious in the same way, but throughout life I have noticed that there is a balance in the equation, and when looking back, it seems things always have a reason for being. Events that I thought were unfortunate at the time, have often provided me the opportunity to be able to help someone in a way I otherwise could not have.

    Oops lots of rambling there, probably doesn't make sense at all. I daren't read back
    Domestic things today, and DD coming home late this pm Will have a full home for 24 hours

    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • trix-a-belle
    • By trix-a-belle 10th Mar 17, 10:22 AM
    • 737 Posts
    • 3,152 Thanks
    trix-a-belle
    NOA
    I have been reading a while now, I have to say I agree with your OH re ignoring the family who only get in touch when they want something.
    I have just had this, an old colleague, we were in touch the early part of last year as our jobs now occasionally cross paths but they didn't want to know then. Then a year on to the month they contacted me, I had actually deleted their number in the intervening period, & when I wasn't going to give what they wanted they have disappeared again.
    It may feel wrong but next time I will not be replying as we all deserve better than people like that.

    I am cheering you on
    - Mortgage: £ 53000 0! Mortgage Free!
    - Student Loan: £ 7100 0!
    Swagbucks, Neobux, GiffGaff, Roamler, Qmee & Quidco; thank you MSE every little bit helps
    MFiT-T4
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 13th Mar 17, 9:22 AM
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    NoOneAround
    NOA
    I have been reading a while now, I have to say I agree with your OH re ignoring the family who only get in touch when they want something.
    I have just had this, an old colleague, we were in touch the early part of last year as our jobs now occasionally cross paths but they didn't want to know then. Then a year on to the month they contacted me, I had actually deleted their number in the intervening period, & when I wasn't going to give what they wanted they have disappeared again.
    It may feel wrong but next time I will not be replying as we all deserve better than people like that.

    I am cheering you on
    Originally posted by trix-a-belle
    Hello Trix-a-belle,
    Thanks you for popping in and cheering on Sorry you have been through the being used experience too. We've realised over the years that whatever we do do is never "enough" - they always find something derogatory to say. This used to upset me terribly - but then we distanced ourselves and it no longer matters, it doesn't stop them coming back for more - no sense or pride. Will have to have a think again about to do this time....

    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 13th Mar 17, 9:31 AM
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    NoOneAround
    Needs to be Action week this week. Getting more and more behind.

    1.Catch up of voluntary work admin - fairly urgent now.
    2. Order online microwave for mum - hers broke, went to see her at weekend, chose one but none in stock
    3. Pick up prescription. Didn't start new meds as spanner in the works - we are thinking of doing a big family holiday this year after many years of doing local/Uk (which is lovely). DH desperately wants to, so do kids, I'm teetering on edge, as the cautious me wants to save money towards mortgage/have a buffer. if we do go might need some vaccinations that I couldn't have after starting meds..... so need to make calls and get all info required.
    4. Book phsyio
    5. Another quote to do for new enquiry - looks promising
    6.Its a beautiful day today, and I so want to get into the garden for half an hour at least, even if I just brush down cobwebs. from around windows - spring is definitely here
    7.Need to do grocery shop and get petrol too before pick up time at 5pm.

    Here goes.
    Have a lovely day
    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • Puzzcat
    • By Puzzcat 13th Mar 17, 10:11 AM
    • 3,120 Posts
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    Puzzcat
    Morning Noah,

    Glad to hear you sounding a little more upbeat... hope you had a lovely weekend with your house full...

    Big Family holiday sounds lovely.. although injections.. Not for me.. I am a big coward when it comes to needles...!!

    Enjoy the sunshine, and don't wear yourself out with that long list..1

    Love Puzz. x
    Christmas 2017 £450 cash/£105 vouchers
    I love my dmp started in Nov 13 with SC 33% paid
    Going Self Managed March 2016
    Pot Of Gold - £435.00
    MY DIARY -
    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=4768685
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 13th Mar 17, 11:02 AM
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    NoOneAround
    Hello Puzz
    Had a lovely Friday night/Saturday, spent lots of time catching up with DD. Ds is very loving but boys don't chat in the same way
    DD very much like a best friend now - though I do try hard not be telling her what to do/not do when it comes to friends/situations and how to deal with them - still want to be the protective mum she has grown in so many ways having learnt the hard way.

    Not to keen on needles myself but needs must and all that.

    So far only item 4 ticked off my list plus a 45min chat on phone with sister (oops)

    Have a lovely day too
    x
    NOAh
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 13th Mar 17, 8:22 PM
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    NoOneAround
    Fairly successful day, a few things ticked off and some well on their way.
    Also spent two hours pottering in the garden. Heaven.
    Exhausted now though.

    Similar day tomorrow to catch up some more.
    Have a sleepful night
    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 13th Mar 17, 10:54 PM
    • 10,473 Posts
    • 69,435 Thanks
    Bobarella
    Glad you got outside. It was a beautiful day.
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 14th Mar 17, 11:15 AM
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    • 7,372 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Thanks Bob - it really was.

    Have had a productive morning with SE work this morning.
    Need to nip into town now to pay in cheques and some charity fundraising money.
    Drop off form at surgery for possible jabs required for holiday, so can make decision re starting meds.
    Buy milk! DS started eating cereal again after some weeks of not, so ran out this am and had to have black tea at 10
    Drop of ankle boots for reheeling to get another year out of them.
    Sun has come out again after a grey start, so hope to get at least 30mins in garden again.

    Mum's microwave is on it way to her. Funny how I manage to get everything that's needed done for her but still haven't got round to getting my dishwasher fixed - although admittedly have tried a couple of times without success - hate inefficient companies who employ people who don't know what they are talking about

    Promised myself no rage today, only calm and quiet
    Have a lovely day.

    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 14th Mar 17, 2:08 PM
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    • 7,372 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    No stopping me today
    All jobs done in town, dinner ready for tonight, just need to put in to bake when we get home from school run
    But did forget milk so need to pop into supermarket on way home - silly me. Craving a proper cuppa!
    Also picked up some brochures from travel agent will have a browse tonight Cost is humongous though....

    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • brizzledfw
    • By brizzledfw 15th Mar 17, 12:12 AM
    • 7,072 Posts
    • 34,217 Thanks
    brizzledfw
    You sound so energetic! Lovely to read xx
    MFiT-T4 Member No. 96 - 2022 is my MF goal
    September '17 Savings Rate Goal: 33% [August 33%]
    Declutter 100 items before 30.09.17 35/100 ** LSDs Target 5 for September 02/05 **AFDs 09/15 ** Sales Target '17 £750 £225 so far
    **NSDs Target 5 for September 01/05 Trying to be a Frugalista
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 15th Mar 17, 1:02 PM
    • 1,528 Posts
    • 7,372 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Thanks Brizzle.
    Determination fired up by lots of exasperation providing the fuel at the moment, The sunshine helps too
    x

    Todays is glowing pink and yellow outside, so will do at least 30 mins outside again.
    Have done a morning of work, a couple of phone calls, and there's leftovers for dinner so no need to cook - just steam veg to add tonight.

    Have had a quick look at I&E and started updating as creditors getting itchy - one has been calling everyday this week, I answered it today, but after 10 mins chat over any changes in circumstance, cut call short saying I would send in I&E. As am working from next week until 4th April need to get then dine and dusted.

    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/04/17 £66,996=7.62%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300Jan16 £190,800 Jan17£180,700
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
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