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  • FIRST POST
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 27th Aug 14, 10:22 PM
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    NoOneAround
    Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK
    • #1
    • 27th Aug 14, 10:22 PM
    Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK 27th Aug 14 at 10:22 PM
    Bewildered, confused, terrified that will lose everything we have worked so hard to build up. Over 70 K unsecured debt and 28K owed to family. Have been self employed for 10 years but business gradually gone down hill in recession. partner went back t o work, on good salary 47K but not enough, plus some money still coming in from business/part time jobs. Have 3 years left of independent school fees (yes we could pull child out but it would destroy him - please don't judge), older child about to go to university and we won't be able to provide much support. Talked to debt charity earlier this year and wrote to some creditors but not all - kept thinking things would improve but they haven't yet, so now need to do the rest - wish I had listened and acted fully 6 months ago. Better late than never I guess. Desperately looking for a job but too stressed to produce good applications. Sleep deprivation and now relationship problems. Have a decent house but don't want to downsize as have elderly parents with health issues who will need our support and probably move in with us. Health beginning to suffer. Don't know how we got ourselves into this state - well educated, professionals, feel totally ashamed, so keep up the pretences with everyone that everything is hunky dory. So sad and depressed.
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    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 8th Feb 18, 9:16 AM
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    NoOneAround
    Thanks try harder and Cherry

    Same again today, 3 hours at home and then out to work. It's beautiful out but even colder than yesterday.
    This morning aiming to get downstairs tidied in readiness for DS to hoover at weekend, I have volunteer work on Saturday morning, DS has his driving theory test touch and go if he passes - he hasn't had any driving lessons yet so sometimes he misses things that are obvious once you start driving. Fingers crossed. Then am gong to see mum so that's the weekend gone.
    Am sick of feeling yuck all the time. there are so many ongoing things that it seems pointless to even mention to dr now as nothing seems to make a difference. I know when it gets on top of me because I have a tantrum at DS when he asks to go to yet another party and avoid seeing people because everything they say gets on my nerves

    Off to clear the dining table (should only take 5mins) and pick up everything everyone has left lying around and have been stepping over rather for the last 1-2 weeks.

    Have a lovely day
    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/02/17 £66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300 Jan17£180,700>OCT17 £170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • Cherryfudge
    • By Cherryfudge 8th Feb 18, 11:35 AM
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    Cherryfudge
    Sorry you are feeling so bleargh. Would a double appointment at the doctor be any use? It would give you more time to paint the whole picture so maybe they could try a new approach. Personally, I'll be glad when the weather warms up and I can go outside more. I'm sure daylight deprivation drains our vitality.

    I am off to work on Mum's house next week: I have to come away feeling I've made progress or I dread going the following time. I wonder if your Mum might consider moving closer to you (Though I remember you said she seems to coping with losing your Dad)? If it were less of a journey you wouldn't need to be away so much but as it is, you don't seem to get any real time off.

    Good luck to your DS for the test!
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 9th Feb 18, 4:35 PM
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    NoOneAround
    Hello Cherry
    I should really do that but i feel so stupid when its nothing and everything would sound like a hypochondriac except I am so not. Just nowhere near as fit as I used to be . Mum won't move. She's doing ok but we all make sure that she is. I think someone (possibly eco) said something like this would happen - you are so busy looking after them you forget yourself.

    Today Ive treated myself and went and got my hair done - picked up a last minute cancellation appt. Now I can do school run feeling nice £40 tried taking a selfie to send to DD, but i couldn't get a good angle - probably don't have one so I settled for a cup of tea instead.
    Picked up dry cleaning, did big grocery shop and got 10p/l fuel voucher so filled up too and got £6 off (got £5 off last week too)]But I also splashed out and bought each of us new electric toothbrush as they were half price @25 each dentist has nagged for years but i could never get used to it, and DH's was really old and not always charging properly. so today I spent £290 include a top in supermarket for £2
    oops - just realised time - off to do school run. easy dinner tonight - local sausages - hotdogs and salad.
    In case I don't get back on here tonight, Have a lovely weekend
    NOA
    xx
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/02/17 £66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300 Jan17£180,700>OCT17 £170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • Cumbria lass
    • By Cumbria lass 9th Feb 18, 8:37 PM
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    Cumbria lass
    NOA hope things are better for you over the weekend . Maybe it's just the weather that is making you feel yuck.

    Glad you got your hair done , that always makes me feel better.

    Have a good weekend.
    Jan 2018 CC1 £3099 CC2 £220

    Debt Free Nov 2019: earlier if I have my way
    • Cherryfudge
    • By Cherryfudge 9th Feb 18, 11:38 PM
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    Cherryfudge
    Electric toothbrushes are expensive aren't they! I hope they pay us back in terms of savings on dental treatment.

    Health-wise, your well-being isn't insignificant. It isn't right and while nothing else changes, it isn't likely to right itself. It isn't a visible problem like a broken leg or something, but it's still something that really matters. When I took my problems to the doctor she said she thought I was 'overwhelmed' which put in train some changes - in my case I was signed off work for a short time and also used that time as a break from the things that were stressing me. Your doctor will have seen everything and be all to familiar (sadly) with people who just have too many stressors. He or she may also spot physical things: you say you aren't as fit as you were so they might be able to suggest ways you can improve that within your lifestyle. May be worth a try.

    I bet your hair looks lovely btw. Nothing like great hair to boost one's confidence though I reckon someone should do selfie classes for our generation. You should have seen the ones some of my friends and I managed, at least it made us laugh!
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 11th Feb 18, 10:08 PM
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    NoOneAround
    Third attempt at posting - internet keeps freezing and I keep losing it, so last attempt before bed...

    Thanks Cumbria and Cherry for popping by - hope you both had relaxing weekend.

    I've never been one for going to the drs, but have made up for it in last two years and feeling Bleurghh is just the new normal. The days I mention it is when it is worse than normal. Drs are so quick to want to give a pill for everything and you end up on a cocktail that you no longer know what's doing what....side effects on one drug being the symptoms of another condition being treated - i drew it out a few weeks ago and the diagram looked like a cobweb Also meds for RA dampen down immunity which doesn't help with a whole host of things.

    Bruxism/TMJ/neckpain/headaches of various flavours- pain killers don't really have an effect. RA, joint pain, fingers/shoulders, weak wrists/grip and Ankles and knees if I walk too briskly for longer than a few minutes. fatigue. thyroid issues- constant tenderness but tests all normal .Insomnia. Digestive problems. Brain fog/ inability to focus or take a good selfie.
    Have been to occupational therapy/lifestyle awareness/physio/shoulder rehab! All said and done I only have praise for the NHS.
    At appointment last week got referral to assessment with personal trainer, to get a plan, problem is fitting in and incorporating the cost into our budget at the moment. Juggling SE and part time jobs has helped finances for last 18 months, not worrying day to day, how bills are going to be paid. A magic wand would be great
    I could give up the voluntary work to create time, but I really enjoy that and feel that would be the wrong thing to do. I was offered antidepressants last year, I don't want to do that either.
    I do wish they offered month long all inclusive trips to the bahamas on the nhs. I'm sure it would solve the worlds problems

    The trick as you say Cherry, is finding something that fits into your lifestyle, or more that it becomes your lifestyle. I have lost 5lb since start of year. Too tired to write now, got back from Mum's about 7 after overnight stay.

    NOA
    x
    OOOOH and PS. DS passed Full steam ahead with lessons now
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/02/17 £66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300 Jan17£180,700>OCT17 £170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • Cherryfudge
    • By Cherryfudge 12th Feb 18, 12:31 AM
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    Cherryfudge
    Very well done to your DS! And great about your weight loss, well done .

    So many health concerns... You must know your doctor's surgery all too well.

    You will probably know this already, but a lot of the symptoms you have could be associated with your thyroid (having an underactive thyroid myself I spotted the upper arm weakness and brain fog and googled the bruxism and RA only to find there are possible links there too).

    It's interesting (and annoying) that the tests haven't established anything: I know that in America the testing and treatment for hypothyroidism differs from that in the UK so I wonder if there are tests they aren't doing? My sister also has the condition but hers was diagnosed while living in the States and had been masked by an overactive adrenal gland. I don't have a very deep knowledge of thyroid problems and I'm not medically trained but these are just my observations based on my experience and a bit of reading.

    If they offer trips to the Bahamas on the NHS, I'll see if I can get one on prescription. Mind you I'd happily settle for the Med. Spring must be one its way soon, surely?

    Hope you get a good night's' rest x

    P.S. I wasn't aware the inability to talk a good selfie was a symptom of hypothyroidism - learn something new every day! At least I have an excuse now.
    Last edited by Cherryfudge; 12-02-2018 at 12:33 AM. Reason: Add P.S.
    • try harder
    • By try harder 12th Feb 18, 7:15 AM
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    try harder
    You work so hard and do so much NoOneAround you really must take care of yourself ,i know exactly how you are feeling i have felt it all at times ,months ,years when i have felt overwhelmed ,mine was adrenal Fatigue .So many things with so many names all irrelevant really to me ,taking care of myself was the answer ,very hard for you though at the minute being so busy with all the people in your family that you support and all the work you do both necessary and voluntary although i was very pleased to note that you do say that you really enjoy the voluntary work so theres a great plus so i would keep that up and anything else that gives you pleasure .Can you take a weeks holiday and have a complete break from all the work just for one week or is that too impossible it would be so good for you just to do what you want for a week
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 12th Feb 18, 10:06 PM
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    NoOneAround
    Thank you for posting Cherry and try harder. I'm sorry about the extended essay on conditions last night, not really one to talk about them really, mum and dad didn't know,mum still doesn't. Sisters know but i don't like talking about it as then it all takes centre stage in your life when you really want other things to to foremost in your thoughts and actions!
    I do a lot of research around especially before taking any meds - thyroid is just being monitored as its a common link with RA. When i did my cobweb diagram i did come up with adrenal issues as a possibility - would be totally expected as I'm certain everything has been triggered by chronic stress over 8 years or so. I will think about taking the whole list in with me when i feel up to it. Just had an annual review, but it was a feel good day and I didn't bring it all up.
    Half term week this week so no school runs, I didn't get up till 9.30 and in between usually chores and a bit of SE work I spent 3 hours out in the garden just pruning a huge lavetera, some roses too, and general raking. Lot of piles to pick up now Will probably suffer for it tomorrow but the sunshine uplifting.
    First Daffodil is out

    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/02/17 £66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300 Jan17£180,700>OCT17 £170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • Eager_Elephant
    • By Eager_Elephant 13th Feb 18, 6:02 AM
    • 4,205 Posts
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    Eager_Elephant
    Hi NOA

    Glad to see you managed to get out in the garden yesterday, sunshine is just fab even when the temperature is very low.

    I noticed your list of ailments and how you dont want to throw medication at it. Not sure if you read Robin's diary? http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?p=73864186&utm_source=MSE_FS&utm_me dium=Email&utm_term=06-Feb-18

    Robin has similar ailments to you and she treats them all holistically (as well as her dogs ailments) and she always has good advice for everyone. It might be worth having a read of her diary (if you have time) or just posting and asking her advice.
    Ninja Saving Turtle No. 24 for January
    NSD - 16/18
    (up to 27/01/18)
    My Diary is here - http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=2175629 (Eager Elephants Effective Everyday Excursion)
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 14th Feb 18, 11:24 PM
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    NoOneAround
    Thank you Eager for popping by. I know that you and your family have been having hard time recently, and I' m sorry I haven't delurked to say how sorry I am for your loss. My DH has a very dysfunctional family (we no longer see them, haven't done for many years) so I do understand about the family issues and what you have been through).

    Being in the garden was heaven but my shoulder is complaining again now, it always happens, i knew it would
    I do lurk on Robin's diary as on many others and occasionally delurk to say hello.......I will go and refresh myself with the older chapters though .....as after a while of reading so many life stories i sometimes get mixed up on histories....

    At the moment I'm doing half and half...
    I have dropped all the pain killers and meds you have to take to protect yourself from them(??!), Just taking the key modifiers at the moment to keep inflammation down - can't risk a mega flair like I had 2 years ago when I couldn't drive - everything hinges on me being mobile! Trying to gradually make changes and see what works with diet, supplements etc but trying to do it systematically.
    Weight loss 6lb since start of year I can now reach to within 6 inches of my toes At the end of last year I couldn't bend over to zip up my ankle boots

    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/02/17 £66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300 Jan17£180,700>OCT17 £170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • Eager_Elephant
    • By Eager_Elephant 15th Feb 18, 5:40 AM
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    Eager_Elephant
    Thank you Eager for popping by. I know that you and your family have been having hard time recently, and I' m sorry I haven't delurked to say how sorry I am for your loss. My DH has a very dysfunctional family (we no longer see them, haven't done for many years) so I do understand about the family issues and what you have been through).

    x
    Originally posted by NoOneAround
    Please don't apologise, I don't expect everyone to read my diary and comment.

    We are awaiting further contact from the dysfunctional family as DH sent a copy of the will across last night. It contains the sentence 'I have not included my son's in this will as they were provided for in my life time'. (Solicitor also has notes etc from will appointment explaining the finer details in case of a challenge)

    Lets see if they want to attempt to get more
    Ninja Saving Turtle No. 24 for January
    NSD - 16/18
    (up to 27/01/18)
    My Diary is here - http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=2175629 (Eager Elephants Effective Everyday Excursion)
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 20th Feb 18, 9:55 PM
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    NoOneAround
    Hello everyone, Hope all well in MSE land
    A flying visit as RL very busy and stressful plus I have a trip coming up to take mum to see family (always stressful) and its across the water
    At work full time at school job this week, going at weekend
    not even thought about packing as still wearing clothes to work, will have to have a mammouth wash and iron and pack on Friday night.
    Have used evenings to get on top with SE work, but piles on my desk have grown again. Trying not to panic. Not sleeping.
    DD will help out DH while away, They are all being very supportive.

    Good Luck with it all Eager - I used to find it so stressful dealing with DH's family. Now they only contact us for weddings (to get a present) and have recently made moves to get connected again. I've had 2 kids since and they've never given anything, not that I'm counting I'd never accept anything from them anyway.

    Going to try and get an early night tonight.

    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt £72,520>>01/06/16 £68166>01/02/17 £66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=£200,300 Jan17£180,700>OCT17 £170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 £51
    • Cherryfudge
    • By Cherryfudge 20th Feb 18, 11:49 PM
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    Cherryfudge
    Good to see you NOA, I'd been wondering where you were but it looks as though you are snowed under...

    I don't know if you can get any of the mammoth wash out of the way a day or so beforehand? Perhaps DD and DH would do anything you don't need for the trip, while you're away. I suppose you would have said if you could do it earlier, but even if you do most things on Thursday then a last minute wash on Friday, it will help spread the load.

    I hope the trip goes okay. Sometimes the worst part of these things is the anticipation. How long are you going for?
    • Treadingonplaymobil
    • By Treadingonplaymobil 21st Feb 18, 4:46 AM
    • 1,295 Posts
    • 12,683 Thanks
    Treadingonplaymobil
    Poor you NOA, sounds super hectic. If you're staying with family when you get there, maybe you could take dirty clothes with you and launder there? Hope you manage to get some sleep.
    £67,031.92 is a frightening number indeed... The debt free diary of one family and their enormous debt
    LBM debt on 12th Feb 2017/DFD: £58,608.13/1st Dec 2026
    debt on 4th Jan 2018: £35,536.09/July 2026

    Mortgage = £193,995
    • Cumbria lass
    • By Cumbria lass 21st Feb 18, 6:31 AM
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    Cumbria lass
    Busy time NOA , hope the trip across the water goes ok .
    Jan 2018 CC1 £3099 CC2 £220

    Debt Free Nov 2019: earlier if I have my way
    • jvr
    • By jvr 21st Feb 18, 9:04 AM
    • 373 Posts
    • 1,234 Thanks
    jvr
    Hi Noa


    Sorry things are so stressful and I hope the trip is as easy as it can possibly be for you! as always your juggling so much and doing an amazing job!
    Debt: £10,006 now £8883.02
    Emergency Fund: £171.83/ £1000
    Car Fund: 0.55
    Christmas Fund 0/£300
    Holiday Fund 0/£600 SA Fund 0/£1600

    • redofromstart
    • By redofromstart 21st Feb 18, 9:33 AM
    • 1,129 Posts
    • 6,868 Thanks
    redofromstart
    The lie in and gardening sound wonderful NOA, even if you do ache afterwards. I struggle with pacing myself in the garden too.
    • brizzledfw
    • By brizzledfw 22nd Feb 18, 10:45 PM
    • 7,206 Posts
    • 35,166 Thanks
    brizzledfw
    Sorry you are not feeling great but enjoy the sun in your garden when you can. It definitely feels like Spring is creeping back...hope that u get a benefit xx
    MFiT-T4 Member No. 96 - 2022 is my MF goal
    Winter 17/18 Savings Rate Goal: 25% [October 30%]
    Declutter 60 items before 28.02.18 xx/60 ** LSDs Target 10 for Feb xx/10 **AFDs xx/15 ** Sales Target 2018 xx/£500 NSDs Target 10 for Winter xx/10 Trying to be a Frugalista
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