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  • FIRST POST
    • Bubblesmum
    • By Bubblesmum 28th Jul 14, 11:24 AM
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    Bubblesmum
    Life begins again at 45
    • #1
    • 28th Jul 14, 11:24 AM
    Life begins again at 45 28th Jul 14 at 11:24 AM
    This is the 28th Monday I have been off sick due to my disability.

    Rather than totally focusing on my ill health.

    I wanted to begin to focus on positive things, to be proactive and regain some control in my life......... One area to do this is focusing on our budget and debt, especially as SSP is about a quarter of my salary.

    I know that this year is going to be a turning point . I am determined that this will be life affirming.

    I do count myself very privileged my OH and I live in a beautiful bungalow, over looking a water meadow near the Thames (was a little scary this year, when we became Noah's Ark, when the area flooded).

    We have two cats , nice cars, the ability to go on holiday, heat andhave yummy food in our tummies.

    However we have a reasonable amount of debt built up from making improvements on our home and escaping life for R & R.

    We are also both disabled and so we do have many additional costs along the way, if we want to live life in a healthy way. We both qualify for DLA but we may loose this under PIP despite having life time awards due to CP (me) and triple amputee (OH).

    Neither of us have worn our disabilities as who we are, we both have worked full time, in good jobs thanks to our parents refusing special schools in the 1970's and us getting fantastic academic educations.

    Now my disability is impacting my health and I worry about our debt, and how I am going to be able to financially contribute to our lifestyle in the future.

    So, this diary is about debt busting and exploring how I can creatively improve my income from home. (Going out to work is going to be severely restricted going forward).

    Look forward to sharing my world to others .....
    Last edited by Bubblesmum; 28-07-2014 at 11:28 AM. Reason: Spelling !
    Mrs B Debt £1857 @ 13/06/2017, £1790 16/06/2017
Page 32
    • Bubblesmum
    • By Bubblesmum 26th May 17, 11:28 AM
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    Bubblesmum
    Difficult to know what to say.
    Take care of you xx
    Originally posted by beanielou
    Just knowing you are thinking of me, is very lovely....
    Mrs B Debt £1857 @ 13/06/2017, £1790 16/06/2017
    • Bubblesmum
    • By Bubblesmum 26th May 17, 11:50 AM
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    Bubblesmum
    Saturday 20th May
    Christian Aid Big Brekkie Day !

    Cars packed with all sorts of things including a stern, balloons etc to decorate the hall.

    My dreams of no bacon and cake, were for nothing we did 100 slices of bacon!

    I was so pleased it was a brilliant morning, I came home and collapsed very happy!

    I could not resist counting in the afternoon.

    In the evening we had been invited to a parish function so we would get fed, we were the youngest there by 20 years! The food was lovely...
    Mrs B Debt £1857 @ 13/06/2017, £1790 16/06/2017
    • Bubblesmum
    • By Bubblesmum 26th May 17, 12:01 PM
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    Bubblesmum
    Sunday 21 May
    Simply church all morning

    Dad's in the afternoon, for lunch - a ready meal which he paid for

    Collapsed in front of TV when I got home
    Mrs B Debt £1857 @ 13/06/2017, £1790 16/06/2017
    • Bubblesmum
    • By Bubblesmum 26th May 17, 1:30 PM
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    Bubblesmum
    Monday 21 May
    A rest Day and a Domestic chore day

    Tired.com
    Mrs B Debt £1857 @ 13/06/2017, £1790 16/06/2017
    • Bubblesmum
    • By Bubblesmum 28th May 17, 12:33 PM
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    Bubblesmum
    Tuesday 23rd May
    It was with some relief that Mr Borrow My Doggy had another date today., it meant I could continue sorting my life out!

    This included, going round to see my friend who had the last Christian Aid bucket, was asked in for coffee and stayed a couple of hours

    Popped into my GP's on the way home - was with them, they had made a mistake with my referral to the chronic fatigue clinic and although have rectified it, have not bothered to contact me to tell me. Even though I had asked them to.

    It was another slow day other than that which we need.
    Mrs B Debt £1857 @ 13/06/2017, £1790 16/06/2017
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 28th May 17, 10:24 PM
    • 46,586 Posts
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    beanielou
    I found CFC a waste of time
    Hope it works well for you.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • Bubblesmum
    • By Bubblesmum 29th May 17, 11:30 AM
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    Bubblesmum
    Wednesday 24th May

    Another slow start to the day, then my weekly sports massage, which I have to say was painful, but was a good therapeutic session verbally has I talked through the issues with my Dad, my therapist has an equally stubborn Mother who I have listened too, so he was returning the favour.

    Then in the afternoon, I had another coaching session, which gave so much food for thought and was very challenging.

    I will keep it for a different post.

    We were suppose to be having a date night cinema but OH was late home so we ended up going to the supermarket to get some frozen meals for Dad and then to N@ndo's as we had some vouchers so completely
    Last edited by Bubblesmum; 29-05-2017 at 11:35 AM. Reason: Date added
    Mrs B Debt £1857 @ 13/06/2017, £1790 16/06/2017
    • Bubblesmum
    • By Bubblesmum 29th May 17, 11:33 AM
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    Bubblesmum
    I found CFC a waste of time
    Hope it works well for you.
    Originally posted by beanielou
    Actually I am beginning to regret asking for a referral, having had this Wellbeing coaching....

    However, I am trying to have an open mind...
    Mrs B Debt £1857 @ 13/06/2017, £1790 16/06/2017
    • Bubblesmum
    • By Bubblesmum 29th May 17, 11:59 AM
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    Bubblesmum
    Thursday 25th May
    Busy Day

    Firstly mulling over what the wellbeing coach and I discussed about the relationship with my Father I had been set a challenge/goal.

    I was due to see him before my first meeting with the health trust as his home and venue were 5 minutes apart.

    So I went in with food, and there he was sat in his chair with a rug on his knee. Looking not like my active Father but my Grandfather.

    I am getting more and more concerned that he is not on the recovery journey fro his fall as he should be. Despite all the medical advice telling him that he has to move and resume normal activities as soon as he can, 9 sorry if I am repeating myself) I am vocalising my . He is still sitting there.

    So I decided to talk to him, again about, putting in some solutions to aid his recovery, a live in carer/companion, drive physio, he has the money to do this. Explaining to him, why the pain is getting worse not better, as he is not moving.

    When he listened but then dismissed what I said, I assertively told him, how that makes me fee. I told him how, that when he says to me "I understand_ he frankly doesn't. I gave the example of often I need my OH to help me put my knickers on, he made this joke about them looking better on my OH. I said that may be funny to him, but was distressing to me as 47. Never really wishing to put himself in my shoes, he then went into his little boy, "I am the worst Father in the world" small voice, distressed voice etc. I am so proud of myself as I stood up, and told him enough, he was being ridiculous, he wasn't going to intimidate me. When I stood up to his ridicule of my situation. As the coach gently talked through with me I had to set boundaries. I did. I actually told him I didn't want to come over to see him, because of the way he treated me. Last week he said to OH " I know I am short with her, thats me, and I am not going to change" so "tough" but as I pointed out to him, last week when I was helping he was as nice as pie to my cousin, her OH, my OH but not to me.

    I do love him, but I have to change this cycle of being bullied.

    There was so interesting moments, at this point, he decided to escape, as his laxative was working. A few minutes later I found myself on my hands and knees helping him on with clean underpants! I made the quip about them looking better on me. He was embarressed, but did he really get the point I'm not sure.

    I left hoping that he might head what I said and do something proactive.

    I wasn't intending to go back, but left keys behind. So popped back in, he was cheerful his long suffering friend was there doing chores for him. The community matron had been in, apparently he is in good health.. but nothing really was said about his pain and inactivity, only her saying he can increase his ibupren dosage

    I escaped and went to the pub for a couple of hours for an orange juice and a chinwag with my BM
    Mrs B Debt £1857 @ 13/06/2017, £1790 16/06/2017
    • Bubblesmum
    • By Bubblesmum 29th May 17, 12:04 PM
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    Bubblesmum
    Thursday 25th May - New Governor Role
    The most positive thing about Thursday was my Governor meeting, felt so good to be back in a world of work and using my skills and knowledge

    Even better was linking up with an old colleague, who caught me up on all the gossip and said there was a new contract and a possible new role of me, really part time hours
    Mrs B Debt £1857 @ 13/06/2017, £1790 16/06/2017
    • Bubblesmum
    • By Bubblesmum 29th May 17, 12:15 PM
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    Bubblesmum
    Friday 26th May
    Another day without Mr Borrow My Doggy which I had with mixed feelings, as I was tired and but equally I could have done with a blow alone the Thamespath, and that unconditional love of my four legged friend.

    I am very tired, I know really I am heading for a fatigue relapse.....

    i kept going on a long list of chores sitting at the computer. One major thing was that I started to look at the finances which definitely was more than

    Slight disastor re supper, we had sausages from the freezer, and I had suggested an aubergine tagging, to use up, but we did it too late, so the sausages were cooked but the aubergine was raw
    Mrs B Debt £1857 @ 13/06/2017, £1790 16/06/2017
    • Bubblesmum
    • By Bubblesmum 29th May 17, 12:30 PM
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    Bubblesmum
    Saturday 27th May
    I was so glad, we had cancelled sorting out the props cupboard today.

    Morning was spent doing domestic chores like the washing and grand kitchen tidy up as OH was out campaigning... roll on our wedding anniversary of June 9th and GE being over. I have already voted!

    We were committed to going in to Dad's again, so OH came in grabbed a glass of water put both our wheelies in the car, and off we went.

    Guess where he was when I arrived, and was soon up putting plates in the oven when he realised that OH was bringing him in fish and chips.
    I had salad from the Mr M & Mr S bought from the garage at the end of his road.

    Then for the next two hours, we worked, cleaning his downstairs toilet which was , changing his bed, getting paperwork from upstairs etc
    We were doing stuff we struggle to do at home. In all that time, he got up three times and shuffled to the dining table, and to find the keys that i had put in the wrong place! Everytime, he vocalised his pain, the only way I can describe is labour pains... and then complained that he was having a lot of pain.

    I also felt that my company was not required, as the test match was on, and we were interrupting that..

    We left, requiring tea and cake, and we headed to Mr Lewis to take back our roasting tray where the enamel was peeling. I had a voucher for tea and cake, I have asked OH to register for a My JL card, I think he is coming round to the idea !!!

    Now I confess alongside the new mascara I bought, I added a lipstick!!!

    We came home shattered, with a supermarket pizza and beer and TV
    Mrs B Debt £1857 @ 13/06/2017, £1790 16/06/2017
    • Bubblesmum
    • By Bubblesmum 29th May 17, 12:49 PM
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    Bubblesmum
    Sunday 28th May
    I admit I woke up stressed, because what I didn't' add was the final conversation I had with my Dad yesterday when he was telling me how much pain he was in. I had to say to him again that sitting immobile in the chair all day, was not helping and he needed to move. But I am he said, and I had to say that moving three times in two hours for less than 5 minutes was not moving, "have I got to walk around for more than a couple of minutes" he asked in a pained voice! - yes we both chorused, you need to resume normal activities.

    "listened and understood" he said. He got up to see us out...

    I have not heard from him since.

    When I woke up OH and I had a long chat.

    We agreed we are currently in a negative cycle, my Dad is stuck in this role of badly injured patient, who has decided the path to recovery, is do nothing, complete bed/chair rest, take pain killers and wait for the pain to go away before resuming normal activities.

    I know both personally and professionally, that to recover you need to move, do and manage the pain.

    We are similar personalities and both know best.

    I am knackered running around after him... he has no comprehension the impact his demands are having on me.....

    OH is knackered ....

    1. We decided we had to stop ringing daily, as we are in this circle of focus on pain, and really not knowing what to say...

    The Question is

    1. Do I email his two friends who are supporting him, one daily, and raise my concerns and say I have had to step away.

    2. Do I raise my concerns with his GP/or the OT from the reablement team.

    He is a grown man, intelligent, independent and is informed enough to make his own choices.

    I am sad not just because this is having huge impact on our relationship, but because

    1. He has a full social diary of things that he could aim to do, but he has resigned himself that he will not do.

    2. He is in a lot of pain, that if he could only change his perception and attitude, it would by doing ease off and be better

    3. Mum - and in the back of my mind, is my darling Mummy whose cancer spread to her bones, who carried out her daily life and her social engagements till two weeks before she dies, when the bones broke down and leaked into her bloodstream. She was in horrific pain, but loved life and wanted to make the most of every second...

    I am at a real loss how to motivate him, so sadly at the mo, I have retreated as I do not want to be the interfering daughter.

    I went to church not in a good heart, and to be honest was incredibly grumpy all day.

    BIL and SIL came to take me out to dinner, they had chosen a restaurant ( the safari one with a long neck). Restaurant was empty. SIL had a creature in her salad . My lamb tagine was good, and it was great to get out of the house. However, it took a lot of physical effort an I am reaping the effects today.
    Last edited by Bubblesmum; 29-05-2017 at 1:10 PM. Reason: Mum
    Mrs B Debt £1857 @ 13/06/2017, £1790 16/06/2017
    • please-let-me-be-lucky
    • By please-let-me-be-lucky 29th May 17, 4:55 PM
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    please-let-me-be-lucky
    Just wanted to drop some hugs off with you Xx
    Debts @ LBM £23,729.31. Debts @ 08/04/2016 £0

    NSDs achieved in July - 1/5
    Lbs lost - 9
    • Bubblesmum
    • By Bubblesmum 29th May 17, 6:14 PM
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    Bubblesmum
    Thanks for the hugs.... really appreciated

    Despite really not having the energy and inclination to get out of the house. I am showered dressed make up and sitting in my wheelie on a train destination best friend and a glass of Rose !

    Plus spare knickers but need to pick up flowers and toothbrush on route . Going from best friends house to medical appointment tomorrow !
    Mrs B Debt £1857 @ 13/06/2017, £1790 16/06/2017
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 29th May 17, 9:27 PM
    • 46,586 Posts
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    beanielou
    BIg huggles from me too
    Enjoy the rose

    I have no clue what to advise you to do re your dad I am sorry to say.
    I dont like the way he sometimes treats you though

    Anyway, remember to take care of you xx
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • Bubblesmum
    • By Bubblesmum 31st May 17, 5:18 PM
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    Bubblesmum
    Thank you Beainlou, lovely hugs and returned
    Mrs B Debt £1857 @ 13/06/2017, £1790 16/06/2017
    • Bubblesmum
    • By Bubblesmum 31st May 17, 5:21 PM
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    Bubblesmum
    Monday 29th May
    This was rather a washout day, I decided not to have any contact with my Dad, and I heard nothing from him.

    I spent a lot of the day in bed, and several times wrote a message to BF to say i wasn't going out to see her but as a previous post has indicated i did.

    Was so glad I did, pink fizz, lovely meal and a good chat, is very medicinal we got to bed at 1am
    Mrs B Debt £1857 @ 13/06/2017, £1790 16/06/2017
    • Bubblesmum
    • By Bubblesmum 12th Jun 17, 9:46 AM
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    Bubblesmum
    Morning lovely people I don't know really where all the days went... but its another Monday morning and I am back....

    Reflecting

    Tuesday 30th May - trip to London for treatment and the news that my massage therapist is leaving the practice . Hoping she will find somewhere close, so I can still see her. I was really sore so came straight home

    Wednesday 31st May. Was due to be on a coach trip to see our choir sing evensong at Winchester, to sore to go, was pleased to receive back some of my trip money

    Thursday 1 June - was doing projector in Church for the half term children activities.

    Friday 2nd June. - couple who are looking after house and cats when we go away came to visit - expensive, fortunately Dad is covering cost as he was going to do it. 5th Session with wellbeing coach, I really struggled with that one. Finally book club, went on my own as OH went to hustlings... good evening with friends, good to get tarted up.

    Saturday 3rd June - Embroidery class all day, real treat but I have not doe any since

    Sunday 4th June - Apart from church this was a complete mare of a day - PMT was just raging ( poor OH)
    Mrs B Debt £1857 @ 13/06/2017, £1790 16/06/2017
    • Bubblesmum
    • By Bubblesmum 13th Jun 17, 11:30 AM
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    Bubblesmum
    Last Weeks Catch up Summary for the record!
    Monday 5th June

    Woke up feeling very rough and unusually stayed in bed until lunchtime, had cancelled Pilates, got up as I had promised to have Mr Borrow My Doggy. Having him less and less so didn't want to miss the opportunity. Still had a horrible headache and cancelled my committee meeting in the evening.

    Tuesday 6th and Wednesday 7th June - I can't remember, nothing in diary so I presume, I was trying to finish community and domestic chores

    Thursday 8th June

    GE Day! i voted weeks ago, protest voted not that it would make a difference in very blue Surrey

    Weekly massage - painful, followed by hair cut and colour, was but worth it, as I feel so much better in myself. JB went to the count, and i stayed up, gripped to the TV and even spent part of the time in the kitchen as Thanks VIRGIN, we lost TV internet and phone at the crucial hour! Kitchen has an aerial, cats were not amused as i was disturbing their beauty sleep

    Cheese on toast when OH got in 4.30am, bed at 5

    Friday 9th June - Wedding Anniversary 11 years - we managed to get to the pub to celebrate ....

    Saturday 10th June - Village fair, JB had his horticultural hat on, I was due on the church stall but was not needed as tombolla was finished. It was a lovely afternoon, I was a bit sad as the fair has been taken over more and more by commercial stands and less and less the community charities ventures etc,

    In the evening we were invited to a quiz run by another church, had been looking forward to it, but my evening was dampened, by another person on my table who was very unfriendly when she realised who I was, (she had never met me before, but there had been some opposition in changing the Christmas day event I organise, from some members of this church and I realised she must have been one of them . ). Effectively I was cold shouldered! Not easy on a table of 8

    Sunday 11th June - Day started with those immortal words I have loaded the presentation for you, my gut said oh no, and I was right, mid service I had to reload it

    We were going to very posh hotel for tea to celebrate our anniversary, but both shattered and decided an afternoon pottering in garden and a freezer bBQ was more what we desired so
    Mrs B Debt £1857 @ 13/06/2017, £1790 16/06/2017
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