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  • FIRST POST
    • edinburgher
    • By edinburgher 2nd May 14, 3:58 PM
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    edinburgher
    Only freedom will do
    • #1
    • 2nd May 14, 3:58 PM
    Only freedom will do 2nd May 14 at 3:58 PM
    It has come to my attention that I have been here for a very long time

    I joined these forums in a dim and distant past, where money was my enemy and the weight of my student debts left me crushed and panicked, unable to picture a future where I would be able to get a debit card (never mind a mortgage).

    5 years later and the milestones of marriage, first home and first car have come and gone. Throughout it all, I have had a creeping feeling that something wasnít quite right. I donít get the world of work, and while Iíve never been unemployed in my adult life, Iíve tried too hard to try my hand at too many things and Iím left feeling like Iím an actor who recognises the play, but does not understand his motivation.

    As some of you will know, I have experienced some real heartache of late. Your messages of support and hope have been so touching and in many cases, I have got more comfort from anonymous individuals who took the time to get in touch than people I know in the Ďrealí world.

    While money would have done nothing to prevent it, the luxury of savings and our hard work over the years meant that we were in a position to make the right decisions and take our time with our next steps. Returning to work has been a real blow and without sounding even more melodramatic, I donít think Iíd realised just how damaging I find the merry-go-round of rote work, office politics and bureaucracy.

    It wonít do, I canít believe that this is as good as it gets and to quote one of my favourite singers ĎWe can always build a world better than thisí.

    From this point on, I plan to dedicate myself to achieving financial independence. Not MFW, but freedom from all the nonsense that we go through to just to pay for a pile of bricks and a few years of leisure at the end of our span.

    Hopefully you can join me for the journey
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    • edinburgher
    • By edinburgher 17th Apr 17, 3:36 PM
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    edinburgher
    A sad start to the day with a trip to the cemetery, DD is a comfort

    Things improved a bit this afternoon, with a trip to the gym and the prospect of a lovely bank holiday meal. I'm roasting a giant whoopsied pork leg joint with apples, shallots, garlic, cider and caraway seeds. Will be served with roast potatoes, HM sauerkraut and steamed something or other, with lots of gravy.
    • Karmacat
    • By Karmacat 17th Apr 17, 3:57 PM
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    Karmacat
    Sorry to hear that, Ed evolving a way of remembering that feels right for you is an important step. I'm glad you have DD there.
    Retired August 2016
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 17th Apr 17, 6:05 PM
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    AlexLK
    Re. cemetery, those places are awful but unfortunately our forefathers cannot live forever. I didn't know my grandparents but took my father to see where his parents are buried and it was very difficult for him.

    Bank holiday roast sounds delicious.
    Money saved 2017: £3330. Overpayments 2017: £500.
    Saved £11,000 in 2015, £9,800 in 2016.
    From £32,000 in debt on 2/9/2013 to debt free on 12/1/2015.
    • edinburgher
    • By edinburgher 17th Apr 17, 6:15 PM
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    edinburgher
    We were visiting the baby that didn't make it before DD, so we didn't even have the comfort of a life well lived before passing. I was thinking that it must be a lot easier to cope when you can at least consider the accomplishments of someone when visiting their grave?

    I don't go nearly as often as I should as I find it hard to bear and am always very conflicted. It's worse in a way because we weren't able to obtain a plot in our local cemetery, so her grave isn't marked formally (just a children's section).

    I cannot believe that it has only been a few years, going back there makes it feel like it was yesterday.
    • unhappy_shopper
    • By unhappy_shopper 17th Apr 17, 6:56 PM
    • 1,300 Posts
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    unhappy_shopper
    Hi Ed, I didn't want to read and run; Cherish your rainbow baby. Time is a great healer, that is all I can say. Take care.
    Mortgage: @ Feb. 2007: £133,200; Apr. 2011: £24,373; May 2011: £175,999; Jun 2013: ~£97K; Mar. 2014 £392,212.73; Dec. 2015: £327,051.77; Mar. 2016: ~£480K; Mar. 2017 £444,445.74
    • Karmacat
    • By Karmacat 17th Apr 17, 7:59 PM
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    Karmacat
    I thought it was the baby, Ed ... have you buried her in that section informally, so to speak? I hope focussing on the children's section to focus on her brings you some comfort, I can't believe you were refused a plot in this day and age.

    This might sound odd, but we buried my dad's ashes informally, in a cemetery. His brother died in 1941, and is buried in Yorkshire, and my dad wanted his ashes in his brother's grave. We checked with the cemetery authorities, and they sort of said, do it and don't tell us about it. Now we have to do the same with my mum's ashes, which were only released to us last month

    You're absolutely right that when someone's come to the end of a long, full life, there's more of a sense of roundedness and naturalness about it, it's at least somewhat comforting. And please don't think you "should" go with any particular regularity or any particular times. Your baby, your choice. Nobody else's business, except those who support you.

    Thinking of you and your wife, and both your children. Be kind to yourselves, having made that visit today will have taken it out of you.
    Retired August 2016
    • edinburgher
    • By edinburgher 17th Apr 17, 9:02 PM
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    edinburgher
    It wasn't informal KC, she was buried properly/formally, but it's a plot shared by lots of families experiencing the same sorts of tragedy, not ours alone. We weren't refused per se, just no plots available bar family plots in our local cemetery. It sounds ridiculous now, but at the time we didn't want to bury her at the other side of the city where graves were available. I am not sure that was the right decision now, I was so upset that I couldn't 'find' her today.
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 18th Apr 17, 12:02 AM
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    AlexLK
    I am so sorry, Ed. I didn't know else I would not have written what I did earlier. I cannot imagine what it must be like to lose a child but echo Karma's comments.

    Thinking of you and your family.
    Money saved 2017: £3330. Overpayments 2017: £500.
    Saved £11,000 in 2015, £9,800 in 2016.
    From £32,000 in debt on 2/9/2013 to debt free on 12/1/2015.
    • edinburgher
    • By edinburgher 18th Apr 17, 6:24 AM
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    edinburgher
    Thank you KC/Alex, feeling more chirpy this morning, chatted to Mrs E and she had some good ideas.
    • gallygirl
    • By gallygirl 18th Apr 17, 8:09 AM
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    gallygirl
    I agree with KC Ed, you ARE visiting as often as you should. It's up to you to decide what is right for you and your family. Also, you picked the place that was right for you at the time.

    Hope you all have a good day, are you off work?
    A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort
    Mortgage Balance = £0
    "Do what others won't early in life so you can do what others can't later in life"
    • edinburgher
    • By edinburgher 18th Apr 17, 9:54 AM
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    edinburgher
    Hi GG

    Nah, back to work now, we managed 5 days in a row out of the office, so no complaints. I am developing GGesque skills in maximising my days off. Working compressed hours is a great base from which to avoid going to work
    • Karmacat
    • By Karmacat 18th Apr 17, 10:07 AM
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    Karmacat
    Hi Ed, glad you feel chirpier today, and Mrs E's input has sparked something good off.

    And here's to compressed hours
    Retired August 2016
    • edinburgher
    • By edinburgher 18th Apr 17, 12:18 PM
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    edinburgher
    Mrs E pointed out that we have 2 bank holidays in May

    I have booked a cheap family night away in a nice hotel in the Borders for the Sunday night. Country scenery, a Sunday lunch and a pool for DD to enjoy, a bargain for £55 or so.
    • gallygirl
    • By gallygirl 18th Apr 17, 4:58 PM
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    gallygirl
    I am developing GGesque skills in maximising my days off. Working compressed hours is a great base from which to avoid going to work
    Originally posted by edinburgher
    What, with a spreadsheet to work out total days to days leave ratios . Or are you not that sad .

    Save
    A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort
    Mortgage Balance = £0
    "Do what others won't early in life so you can do what others can't later in life"
    • edinburgher
    • By edinburgher 18th Apr 17, 5:04 PM
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    edinburgher
    I'm not that *cool*, but it's only because my mental maths is pretty nippy and I can do the sums on the fly

    Need to get home quickly this evening, think Mrs E is taking to this gym lark as well.
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 18th Apr 17, 11:13 PM
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    AlexLK
    What, with a spreadsheet to work out total days to days leave ratios . Or are you not that sad .

    Save
    Originally posted by gallygirl
    This being you, Gally, I know this post isn't a joke.
    Money saved 2017: £3330. Overpayments 2017: £500.
    Saved £11,000 in 2015, £9,800 in 2016.
    From £32,000 in debt on 2/9/2013 to debt free on 12/1/2015.
    • gallygirl
    • By gallygirl 19th Apr 17, 8:39 AM
    • 16,414 Posts
    • 107,580 Thanks
    gallygirl
    I'm not that *cool*, but it's only because my mental maths is pretty nippy and I can do the sums on the fly

    Need to get home quickly this evening, think Mrs E is taking to this gym lark as well.
    Originally posted by edinburgher
    But Ed you need to keep a record of how cunning you were . I still remember the glory days of Prince William and Catherine's wedding - I'd already booked the flights staying over Easter to the May Bank Holiday when an extra bank holiday was announced. Along with a little flexi-leave and weekends I had 13 days off for a 'cost' of 4 days leave. Happy days .

    This being you, Gally, I know this post isn't a joke.
    Originally posted by AlexLK
    Of course not Alex, far too serious a topic to joke about . I was infamous at work for having lots of holidays - I had the same as everyone else but utilised them well. I rarely used leave for anything other than actual going away. However, I must admit in the last six months when I knew I was leaving and took the odd extra day off I did enjoy it. However, no way would I ever have been one of those people taking two weeks leave at the end of the leave year as they hadn't taken them already.
    A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort
    Mortgage Balance = £0
    "Do what others won't early in life so you can do what others can't later in life"
    • edinburgher
    • By edinburgher 19th Apr 17, 8:55 AM
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    edinburgher
    I have a colleague who I feel sad for. She took a fortnight last year for the first time in 20 years. Not because she was hacking her holidays like GG, but because she is one of these poor souls who fears that the building will collapse if she leaves (hint, it doesn't)
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 19th Apr 17, 11:22 PM
    • 5,772 Posts
    • 29,935 Thanks
    AlexLK
    Mrs. K. does something similar, GG. Not the spreadsheet but she's managed to have 10 days away from work (including weekends) for 4 days leave this Easter.
    Money saved 2017: £3330. Overpayments 2017: £500.
    Saved £11,000 in 2015, £9,800 in 2016.
    From £32,000 in debt on 2/9/2013 to debt free on 12/1/2015.
    • edinburgher
    • By edinburgher 20th Apr 17, 8:22 AM
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    edinburgher
    It is the gift of planning that office workers give themselves

    Boss has ok'ed a swap of my day off so that I can take DD to swimming lessons for a few months. My actual job may not be fun, but I have lucked into a very considerate and consistent boss
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