Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • shaggydoo
    • By shaggydoo 8th Jan 14, 12:18 PM
    • 6,509Posts
    • 50,325Thanks
    shaggydoo
    The Giving Up/ Cutting Down alcohol support thread - number 13
    • #1
    • 8th Jan 14, 12:18 PM
    The Giving Up/ Cutting Down alcohol support thread - number 13 8th Jan 14 at 12:18 PM
    Welcome. Here we are again, time for a new thread, new starts and new challenges.

    Let's take a trip down memory lane and remind ourselves of In Search Of Me's (ISOM) original post in Part 1:

    24th February 2008

    Quote:
    In Search Of Me "There are a few of us who want to give up/cut down & I thought it would be good to widen the net to support each other along the way!
    For me alch & feeling good for the time I'm drinking & then rubbish after go hand in hand. A bit like drinking & smoking & drinking & getting the munchies! Last year I gave up alch & fags for 10 months & then "slipped" towards Christmas until by Jan I was doing both with alarming regularity. I dread to think how much both cost me financially and I know physically that I've felt rubbish. My lungs hurt, have put on weight & literally none of my clothes fit so I will have to buy more - which means a dent in my budget that I can ill afford. My skin is also yukky & much nicer when I dont drink/smoke!
    I had my last ciggies the night before last & last wine on Tues. I know I will feel 100% better when I crack it but also know it will be hard. One disadvantage here is that all too often DFW "parties" tend to involve alcohol so I'm also hoping that this can possibly be a safe haven for those of us who want, or need, to abstain, for now at least!
    Anway - I hope that this can be a place of real support for people who are sturggling. I do wonder whether there is a link between debt & drinking as from the Jan thread it was obvious that so many struggle to give up! Plus I know for me that I feel much hapier and in control when I dont drink (or drink in moderation) - which of course begs the question "why do I do it?"! Anyway, I do but will now try not t ad hope some of you wil join in. Some days I know I wil fail, just as I do with my debt free journey and I am more than happy to be given a swift (but nice!) kicking when I do! Hugs all and dare I say... but this time with water!!
    And here's what she started!!! :

    Part 12 is HERE

    Part 11 is HERE

    Part 10 is HERE

    Part 9 is HERE

    Part 8 is HERE

    Part 7 is HERE

    Part 6 is HERE

    Part 5 is HERE

    Part 4 is HERE

    Part 3 is HERE

    Part 2 is HERE

    and the original starting thread is HERE

    Here is a post from back on thread 1 or 2.

    Quote:
    Springwatch Girl Well, week 5 of no alcohol and I see a different person in the mirror. My eyes no longer look dull and vacant, they actually have a little sparkle and my skin doesn't look like uncooked pastry anymore. I feel that I have won a battle but not yet the war. Hope everyone else is at the point they want to be, I never want to be that person I was, I have been tempted but I just think back to what I had become. The sun is shining at the moment and I feel good and want to continue to have the sun in my life"


    Good Luck Everyone!

    Shaggyx
    Last edited by shaggydoo; 08-01-2014 at 12:30 PM.
    What do we do when we fall? We get up, dust ourselves off and start walking in the right direction again. Perhaps when we fall, it is easy to forget there are people along the way who help us stand and walk with us as we get back on track.
Page 737
    • Barny1979
    • By Barny1979 5th Jul 17, 8:53 PM
    • 3,691 Posts
    • 42,605 Thanks
    Barny1979
    3/20 AFDs today
    • Poor_Single_lady
    • By Poor_Single_lady 5th Jul 17, 10:48 PM
    • 907 Posts
    • 3,289 Thanks
    Poor_Single_lady
    2/25
    More of these to follow.

    I like Bridget jones Cupptea but I'm not half as posh.
    BUT I think it's very interesting all the talk of middle class drinking. We are definately fed the mantra of successful hard working people drink wine in the evening after being at work and all houses must have wine.

    I never thought about these things till recently. Also a colleague is trying to cut back/drink less and is getting enormous grief Over it. Somehow people think they have every right to tell you what you should put in your mouth and body. It is quite upsetting really. So far she has stood her ground but I just don't really get how people get so involved in pressuring people to drink. I don't think they even engage their brains. I think people automatically go into pressure mode without and rhyme or reason.
    • Wanna Bee Free
    • By Wanna Bee Free 6th Jul 17, 6:52 AM
    • 1,038 Posts
    • 9,745 Thanks
    Wanna Bee Free
    How did it go, WBF?
    Originally posted by Honey Bear
    The lure of free wine in the sunshine was too tempting so I joined in. Had a lovely evening but staggered home somewhat the worse for wear. Not a good look I'm sure.

    I went out last night but that was a planned drinking day. Two in a row wasn't ideal but drank less and ate more so all good. Time spent with a very dear old friend who I don't see often enough.

    Checking in early with tonight planned as my third AFD in July.
    Last edited by Wanna Bee Free; 06-07-2017 at 6:54 AM.
    No. 44 Save 12K in 2017 £6,100/£7,500 88%
    AFDs 47/150 14/4/10/9/7/3 31.33%
    • sukeyboo
    • By sukeyboo 6th Jul 17, 10:09 AM
    • 680 Posts
    • 5,321 Thanks
    sukeyboo
    Making sure I manage my Mon-Thurs this week by declaring early for tonight - that will take me to 4/12 please Shaggy - will be drinking Fri-Sat-Sun but will keep it to a reasonable amount
    • WJN222
    • By WJN222 6th Jul 17, 11:05 AM
    • 171 Posts
    • 1,418 Thanks
    WJN222
    morning all - well I'm sad to say I did not manage AF last night. However I am determined to draw a ine under it and not let it derail me!
    There is a lovely saying over on the SW thread about a bad day - it has stuck with me and hope it might help someone here too - You wouldn't slash all your tyres - when you have slipped up/not met today it doesn't mean its all been for nothing - after all if you went out in the morning and found that you had a slashed tyre on your car - you wouldn't slash all the ohter tyres would you
    walk 2017 miles in 2017 - 415 of 2017
    SW journey - loose 28lbs - 14lb of 28
    Clear the stash July OUT : IN = 17:2
    • Honey Bear
    • By Honey Bear 6th Jul 17, 11:59 AM
    • 4,380 Posts
    • 44,286 Thanks
    Honey Bear
    Quite right WJN222 but somehow in the heat of the moment finishing the cake / bar of chocolate / bottle of wine seems to be an almost pragmatic solution to the situation.

    I didn't think you'd be able to resist completely, WBF - the way you put it sort of suggested you really weren't looking forward to an evening of abstinence!

    Honey Bear, the odd thing is that I did that long ago, many years ago, and I'm not saying changes didn't result from it then and gradually since, but it was the more recent decision to cut the weekend bottle of wine from four weekends a month to two that resulted in no bottles of wine per month and almost no alcohol at all. Which was not the result I was expecting!
    Originally posted by cathybird
    I'm pretty sure there are two things going on with alcohol, and very few people think about them as distinct from each other which isn't actually that helpful. There's the habit, and then there's addiction. If we're drinking every day it's definitely a habit, but it would be very difficult for anyone other than the person doing the quaffing to know whether anyone else is addicted.

    Breaking a habit is much more straightforward than dealing with addiction. The earlier the habit is tackled, the better, obviously. However, like you, I knew for years and years I should do something about my drinking before I actually made any changes. Sometimes we just need that lead-in time for it to work. Brilliant of you!

    BUT I think it's very interesting all the talk of middle class drinking. We are definately fed the mantra of successful hard working people drink wine in the evening after being at work and all houses must have wine.

    I never thought about these things till recently. Also a colleague is trying to cut back/drink less and is getting enormous grief Over it. Somehow people think they have every right to tell you what you should put in your mouth and body. It is quite upsetting really. So far she has stood her ground but I just don't really get how people get so involved in pressuring people to drink. I don't think they even engage their brains. I think people automatically go into pressure mode without and rhyme or reason.
    Originally posted by Poor_Single_lady
    I've posted about that mantra several times, PSL - how we've normalised drinking alcohol as being a necessary ingredient to celebrate anything, as a reward at the end of a the working day, as the only way to enjoy ourselves with or without company. It's taken a long time, decades, but the booze companies have done it very successfully. They take the profits but they're not the ones picking up the tab for it - the police and the health service are, in other words, taxpayers - us.

    As to the way your colleague is being treated - Gggggrrrrrrrr. How disrespectful is that? I've got every sympathy for the bullying that is going on, and it is bullying, I'm afraid. Only two people I knew were tricky when I stopped drinking, all of my friends were 100% supportive and lovely. The two people who made comments weren't particularly close to me and I lost all my respect for them because it was none of their business what I drank or ate, and they were extremely rude to make any comment about it. Your colleague will either find a way of deflecting i as I did with those two people, or cave in to the pressure, which would be very sad but either way - he or she should avoid those people because they're bullies.

    6/31 please, Shaggy.
    Keeping it AF
    • maman
    • By maman 6th Jul 17, 3:17 PM
    • 16,245 Posts
    • 96,984 Thanks
    maman
    Welcome back Maman. Is full fat tonic more gassy and therefore more bloatworthy than slimmers?
    Originally posted by Honey Bear

    Not sure HB but I have to blame something!


    I'm easing myself gently back into RL after my holiday rather than go cold turkey. Out to eat yesterday and today but only moderate drinking. Monday I'm back to 'normal'.
    • ElusiveLucy
    • By ElusiveLucy 6th Jul 17, 5:02 PM
    • 541 Posts
    • 2,854 Thanks
    ElusiveLucy
    4/13 for last night please - that's 4d in a row


    Feeling better now but going to try and hold off tonight. Just found out I have a minor op next week so have to stay AF Mon-Wed at least.
    MF 03Sep2016
    • cathybird
    • By cathybird 6th Jul 17, 8:56 PM
    • 2,593 Posts
    • 8,566 Thanks
    cathybird
    Evening all, 6/21 for me please.
    No. 38 in Save 12K in 2017. £8,571.97/£12,000
    Save 12K in 2016: £20,880.11/£15,000
    Save 12K in 2015: £25,464.86/£10,000
    July AFDs: 24/21 2017 AFDs: 165/252
    • smiley_77
    • By smiley_77 6th Jul 17, 9:00 PM
    • 84 Posts
    • 854 Thanks
    smiley_77
    5/30for today. Posting to avoid a banana skin!
    • Poor_Single_lady
    • By Poor_Single_lady 6th Jul 17, 9:05 PM
    • 907 Posts
    • 3,289 Thanks
    Poor_Single_lady
    3/25

    Hoping to go straight through the weekend into next week.

    HB it is bullying. There is a lot of it where I work. But it's a very middle class office so unfortunately everyone is programmed to think this way and the office culture fuels this so it just goes round and round.
    The only acceptable reason seems to be driving. Even medication and child care will not be viewed as valid. It's actually quite terrible when I think about it.
    2017- 5 credit cards plus loan
    Overdraft And 1 credit card paid off.

    2018 plans - reduce debt
    • Barny1979
    • By Barny1979 6th Jul 17, 9:11 PM
    • 3,691 Posts
    • 42,605 Thanks
    Barny1979
    4/20 AFDs today
    • CuppaTea
    • By CuppaTea 6th Jul 17, 9:50 PM
    • 712 Posts
    • 5,385 Thanks
    CuppaTea
    4/17 for me please shaggy
    I'm dealing with stuff.
    • Wanna Bee Free
    • By Wanna Bee Free 6th Jul 17, 11:14 PM
    • 1,038 Posts
    • 9,745 Thanks
    Wanna Bee Free
    Confirming 3/17 for today. Not an easy one with lots of temptation at lunch and this evening including OH opening wine.
    I nearly caved but now I'm glad I didn't.

    Honeybear I think you are right about Tuesday. Beforehand I didn't think work drinks were worth planning a drinking day but by that morning I didn't want to lie to justify not drinking but knew I'd get pressure and some teasing if I stayed sober. Only half the team went so I can always not go next time.

    Not in the same league but I kind of feel for the girl being bullied. It adds a much harder aspect to it occasionally for me.

    So, another day banked today. Sleep well everyone,
    No. 44 Save 12K in 2017 £6,100/£7,500 88%
    AFDs 47/150 14/4/10/9/7/3 31.33%
    • Honey Bear
    • By Honey Bear 7th Jul 17, 10:10 AM
    • 4,380 Posts
    • 44,286 Thanks
    Honey Bear
    I hope the op goes smoothly Elusive Lucy and well done for the four in a row.

    HB it is bullying. There is a lot of it where I work. But it's a very middle class office so unfortunately everyone is programmed to think this way and the office culture fuels this so it just goes round and round.
    The only acceptable reason seems to be driving. Even medication and child care will not be viewed as valid. It's actually quite terrible when I think about it.
    Originally posted by Poor_Single_lady
    Honeybear I think you are right about Tuesday. Beforehand I didn't think work drinks were worth planning a drinking day but by that morning I didn't want to lie to justify not drinking but knew I'd get pressure and some teasing if I stayed sober. Only half the team went so I can always not go next time.

    Not in the same league but I kind of feel for the girl being bullied. It adds a much harder aspect to it occasionally for me.
    Originally posted by Wanna Bee Free
    It's bullying, whatever way you look at it, and bullying is always tedious - whatever the 'reason' or excuse for it and in both these cases it happens to be alcohol. It's unacceptable, whether it's at work or at what often seems to be compulsory 'team building' social events outside work. Fortunately for me I left that world a long time ago and I don't miss it even a jot but for those that have to do it, I'm afraid the only way around it is to come up with some strategies that are tailor made for you personally.

    Obviously the first thing to do is to avoid those situations but we all know that's not possible 100% of the time, and we all also know that while most businesses have fabulous anti-bullying policies, I'd expect them to be pretty toothless. Besides which, no-one likes a sneak.

    If 'driving' is the only 'reason' they'll accept - then driving it is. Lying is 100% absolutely acceptable when you're dealing with 100% solid gold bonafida tw*ts. They're not entitled to your respect or honesty over this issue.

    After that, when driving isn't possible, there are a few drugs you can't take and drink booze at the same time, so I'd find out what they are and see if you think pretending to need them is worthwhile. That one's not a good idea for so many reasons but it's always there in an emergency, obviously. Routinely in the Royal Navy, or so I understand, certain social diseases are treated as 'a boil on the bum' with antibiotics. That kind of thing.

    There is, of course, the 'dieting' excuse - 'Have you seen how many calories there are in a glass of wine?!' which works quite well because most people will very readily accept that women are on a permanent diet and certainly don't want to listen to them bang on about it. Boring them to death with talk about syns and calories for a bit should make the whole act a lot more convicing.

    I've been vaguely following the current court case with the chappie who owns Sp**ts Di**ct and a footie team in Newcastle who sounds like a real gem. His comments about binge drinking and other people not choosing or to want to enter into his extreme sport of choice (probably because they've got a few brain cells left) is an absolute distillation of everything I've always loathed about bullies around alcohol.

    Good luck with it. If you can normalise not drinking in those situations you'll be well on the way to something really important - standing up to bullies and being able to choose to go AF when you are out. That would be quite something.

    7/31 please, Shaggy.
    Keeping it AF
    • Wanna Bee Free
    • By Wanna Bee Free 7th Jul 17, 10:30 AM
    • 1,038 Posts
    • 9,745 Thanks
    Wanna Bee Free
    For the first time I'm kind of angry at them rather than angry at myself for being weak and wanting to fit in. As a central Londoner the driving excuse doesn't work. I debated using strong painkillers as an excuse. I'm only taking OTC but they probably don't know/care and some know about the cause already. I've used the calories line too.

    There is no getting around the truth that the compulsory drinking part of these team building events only lasts until 10 minutes after the boss leaves having bought a huge round. Probably 60- 90 minutes before I left at 9.30pm. If I had been more sober I'd know what time that was. That many drinks in I stay and continue as there is paid for wine to drink. And leaving two die-hards in the pub to weave home a good half an hour after the previous last person was hardly required of my by the team! Stopping once started is a bigger issue if I'm being honest. And only around half the team came, so I can definitely skip the next one or two if I choose to.

    Phew, this commitment to posting every day (which I broke in case nobody but me noticed) has unleashed a torrent of stuff here. Thanks for letting me bore the ar*ses off you all.

    Undecided about the weekend... I think we all know what that means.
    No. 44 Save 12K in 2017 £6,100/£7,500 88%
    AFDs 47/150 14/4/10/9/7/3 31.33%
    • maman
    • By maman 7th Jul 17, 11:41 AM
    • 16,245 Posts
    • 96,984 Thanks
    maman
    Thanks for raising the issue of pressure to drink WBF. I'm enjoying reading the dialogue.


    It is very common for drinking 'friends'/colleagues to put pressure on. IMO it's because they know you've made a wise choice to cut down/give up and rather than join you which would take effort and persistence they try to make you join them to excuse their own lack of willpower.


    I'm sure it will stop if you stand your ground for a few occasions and they'll just give up. I'd go for a dieting/healthy eating/fitness 'story' if it was me. So don't have sugary soft drinks instead but stick to ideally water or slimline to make the point.
    • ElusiveLucy
    • By ElusiveLucy 7th Jul 17, 12:31 PM
    • 541 Posts
    • 2,854 Thanks
    ElusiveLucy
    Posting just to make m presence known even though I didn't manage an AFD yesterday. Now into the weekend and planned drinking days through til Sunday night.


    Have a good one everyone!
    MF 03Sep2016
    • cathybird
    • By cathybird 7th Jul 17, 3:50 PM
    • 2,593 Posts
    • 8,566 Thanks
    cathybird
    hey all, not an AFD for me but from now on hoping to go more or less straight through to the end of the month.

    Honey Bear, re the chappie from SD, vomiting in the fireplace isn't really a great look for someone in authority, I would have thought? Also not sure where to start with the phrase "power drinker" (!!!!) "Powerless drinker" sounds closer to the truth.
    No. 38 in Save 12K in 2017. £8,571.97/£12,000
    Save 12K in 2016: £20,880.11/£15,000
    Save 12K in 2015: £25,464.86/£10,000
    July AFDs: 24/21 2017 AFDs: 165/252
    • Barny1979
    • By Barny1979 7th Jul 17, 5:34 PM
    • 3,691 Posts
    • 42,605 Thanks
    Barny1979
    5/20 AFDs today
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

3,679Posts Today

8,107Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • Byebye! I'm about to stop work & twitter, to instead spend glorious time with Mrs & mini MSE. Wishing u a lovely summer. See u in 10 days.

  • WARNING Did you start Uni in or after 2012? The interest's rising to 6.1%; yet it doesnt work like you think. See https://t.co/IQ8f0Vyetu RT

  • RT @JanaBeee: @MartinSLewis Boris is the anomaly (coffee), the others are versions of normal (beer). Lots of same candidates = vote share d?

  • Follow Martin