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  • FIRST POST
    • JackRS
    • By JackRS 18th Apr 13, 12:32 PM
    • 1,037Posts
    • 2,163Thanks
    JackRS
    Separated, how much should I provide?
    • #1
    • 18th Apr 13, 12:32 PM
    Separated, how much should I provide? 18th Apr 13 at 12:32 PM
    Iíve been separated from my wife and 2 children for 6 months now. My children are 17 and 19 and both in full time education. My wife and Children donít have jobs so my income is the only one. Iím lodging with a friend but need to find my own place now, obviously funding the family and myself is difficult on one income. The family home has no mortgage on it now so all paid for just the bills. Obviously they need to get jobs and are trying to but Iím looking for guidelines advice on how much I should provide them each month as Iím having to survive on little so I want to set some sort of reasonable budget.

    What would be an appropriate proportion of my income should I give them?
    How is it typically calculated?
    Iíve looked on line at lots of sites but nothing gives an indication.


    MSE Insert:

    JackRS started this discussion back in 2013 to ask for help and guidance. Three years on our amazing community continues to help him and his family. Read the full thread or skip to the last page to see how things are going now.



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    Last edited by MSE Andrea; 31-08-2016 at 12:26 PM.
Page 164
    • ampersand
    • By ampersand 3rd Jan 17, 12:14 PM
    • 8,171 Posts
    • 30,743 Thanks
    ampersand
    Brilliant start, re-start, resumption Jack.

    It will all downgrade to teen blip [ 'I was SO vile', perhaps with chuckles] when, one day, you're baby-sitting, being the world's fave/best grand-dad:-)

    A VERY Happy New Year to you all.
    Last edited by ampersand; 03-01-2017 at 12:56 PM.
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    • Ames
    • By Ames 3rd Jan 17, 12:24 PM
    • 16,157 Posts
    • 28,185 Thanks
    Ames
    Fantastic news, I'm so pleased for you Jack.
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.

    Reading the alphabet in 2017. 21/100
    ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
    • justme111
    • By justme111 3rd Jan 17, 12:51 PM
    • 2,700 Posts
    • 2,597 Thanks
    justme111
    Thank you for an update. As predicted. Happy for you. Re your daughter - tricky situation as cut in support will be associated with the new woman in your life and wedding. As she is on a final year may be worse not upsetting the cart. I am sure you will find the right way , wishing you all the happiness in your life.
    • kelpie35
    • By kelpie35 3rd Jan 17, 1:28 PM
    • 1,438 Posts
    • 4,472 Thanks
    kelpie35
    That is wonderful news Jack.

    I am so happy for you.

    I always believed that there would be a breakthrough sometime.

    You have to be admired for your patience and kindness to you children.

    You are a wonderful dad.

    Happy New Year

    Take care
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 3rd Jan 17, 3:55 PM
    • 46,556 Posts
    • 165,488 Thanks
    beanielou
    So very pleased for you.
    Something is leaking from my eye.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • CruisingSaver
    • By CruisingSaver 3rd Jan 17, 7:43 PM
    • 359 Posts
    • 999 Thanks
    CruisingSaver
    I'm so pleased to read your update Jack. Here's to a fabulous 2017 for you and yours
    • supersaver2
    • By supersaver2 4th Jan 17, 1:49 PM
    • 814 Posts
    • 2,410 Thanks
    supersaver2
    Glad you've had a response but gobsmacked you've heard nothing for 3 years, never a thank you for Birthday/Christmas money?! Unbelievably rude, your a very patient man Jack.
    • twiglet98
    • By twiglet98 5th Jan 17, 11:00 PM
    • 772 Posts
    • 3,747 Thanks
    twiglet98
    It's good that at last your son - who is a man, not a child - has remembered his manners and thanked you for his gift.

    His 21st birthday is next month. He will know, from his sister if not from you, that you are planning to remarry. I hope you are not about to be a target for a timely piece of emotional manipulation.

    Your daughter and son are no longer children, they are making their own decisions and are wholly responsible for their own behaviour, and their manners. Love and respect can NEVER be bought.
    • msb5262
    • By msb5262 6th Jan 17, 9:08 AM
    • 1,576 Posts
    • 4,661 Thanks
    msb5262
    Very pleased to hear that your son has been in touch in a positive and mature way. Keep doing what you are doing - you are his dad and you love him, and he does know that ��
    • mgdavid
    • By mgdavid 6th Jan 17, 2:26 PM
    • 5,172 Posts
    • 4,343 Thanks
    mgdavid
    Happy New Year !
    Nice to start 2017 with a 'good news' story, and thanks for keeping us updated.
    A salary slave no more.....
    • Lunar Eclipse
    • By Lunar Eclipse 7th Jan 17, 3:39 PM
    • 2,950 Posts
    • 5,552 Thanks
    Lunar Eclipse
    Delighted that you have heard from your son and life seems to be treating you well. Much deserved.

    Bit surprised you are planning to remarry though. Would love to understand why. I know it's a "very normal thing to do", I'm just surprised that you still see any reason/benefit to the legal formality given your experience. I'm happily married, but still don't really know why we actually got married (I wanted it, prior to having kids and very much love my husband) and definitely think that once is at least enough, regardless of the marriage outcome ... so curious.

    Blessings for 2017 everyone!
    • foolofbeans
    • By foolofbeans 8th Jan 17, 11:00 AM
    • 299 Posts
    • 389 Thanks
    foolofbeans
    I realise this is many months ago but I would like to point out that although many people are saying the daughter is an adult, MSE Martin has regularly pointed out that parents are expected to help their student children financially as Student Finance is based on parents income.
    I haven't read all the thread but am assuming the mum doesn't work, in which case the daughter would receive full grant and loan so should be more than sufficient to pay her own way. Unless she is in London or high-rental cost area as that could cost more than received.
    Students I have known have tended to work although there are some courses that don't allow for working in term-time due to the sheer volume of work required, architecture is one of those courses but I couldn't say how demanding music is. Most students do manage to work in holidays though.
    Apparently students in the last year get less than other years as funding is only given for the 9 months of term-time. Unfortunately rent and other bills are contracted for 12 months so there is a shortfall and many students have extra costs associated with carrying out work required for their dissertation.
    My child gets some grant and loan and we contribute £10-£20 a week during term-time and this pays for all the fresh food and milk. I would love to be able to help more but we just don't have any spare money. As it turned out they managed to get a job during term-time (can only do 8 to 10 hours though due to the course requirements) and they worked throughout summer so saved money for the terms ahead. I am very proud that my child has worked out how to be very frugal with meal planning and this will stand them in good stead fro the future.
    • BrassicWoman
    • By BrassicWoman 8th Jan 17, 1:30 PM
    • 1,220 Posts
    • 4,933 Thanks
    BrassicWoman
    I realise this is many months ago but I would like to point out that although many people are saying the daughter is an adult, MSE Martin has regularly pointed out that parents are expected to help their student children financially as Student Finance is based on parents income.
    I haven't read all the thread .
    Originally posted by foolofbeans

    Read all of the thread. It's a long thread and your advice is very out of date.
    Downsized and mortgage free
    August 17 gricercy challenge 0/£100
    • JackRS
    • By JackRS 13th Jul 17, 2:49 PM
    • 1,037 Posts
    • 2,163 Thanks
    JackRS
    Delighted that you have heard from your son and life seems to be treating you well. Much deserved.

    Bit surprised you are planning to remarry though. Would love to understand why. I know it's a "very normal thing to do", I'm just surprised that you still see any reason/benefit to the legal formality given your experience. I'm happily married, but still don't really know why we actually got married (I wanted it, prior to having kids and very much love my husband) and definitely think that once is at least enough, regardless of the marriage outcome ... so curious.

    Blessings for 2017 everyone!
    Originally posted by Lunar Eclipse

    Sorry for taking so long to reply didnít realise there was a question about why wanting to get married. I can understand the question considering what Iíve been through but I donít think that is related to the concept of marriage but the people involved.I personally am not against marriage as for many it can be wonderful.Itís more about the people involved and what they want and how they wish to live their life, I donít believe there are wrongs or rights in this just what fits the individuals.


    My partner and I are planning to get married in October 2018 and weíre both very excited about the wedding and our life together. There is not just one simple reason or fact that made me want to marry my partner, sheís my best friend, the person Iíd choose to do anything with and Iím very attracted to her, she still takes my breath away every time I see her.Thankfully she feels the same about me, well similarÖ..None of that means we have to be married but ultimately sheís the person I want to be with and for her she has not been married before or had children.For her Iím the first person she has met that she wanted to be married to and have children with.You can imagine how that makes me feel to know that the lady Iím in love with feels like that about me.So yes we have a strong bond that doesnít need marriage but we both want to.


    Sorry this sounds all a bit sloppy but Iím struggling to put it into words why. Simply I want her to be my wife and I want to be her husband, maybe Iím just old fashionedÖ..
    Regards

    JackRS
    • vandanfc
    • By vandanfc 13th Jul 17, 3:19 PM
    • 1,789 Posts
    • 4,734 Thanks
    vandanfc
    Nothing wrong with either sloppy or old fashioned.

    I wish you both a very long and happy future together.

    Any progress with your children, especially your son ?
    • JackRS
    • By JackRS 13th Jul 17, 3:24 PM
    • 1,037 Posts
    • 2,163 Thanks
    JackRS
    Nothing wrong with either sloppy or old fashioned.

    I wish you both a very long and happy future together.

    Any progress with your children, especially your son ?
    Originally posted by vandanfc


    Thanks no nothing from my son on Fathers day or any word since, I know he's changed his phone number but he hasn't shared it with me.
    Regards

    JackRS
    • kelpie35
    • By kelpie35 13th Jul 17, 3:26 PM
    • 1,438 Posts
    • 4,472 Thanks
    kelpie35
    I am so happy for you Jack.

    It is lovely that you both have found one another.

    I do hope and pray that you both have a long and happy marriage.
    • JackRS
    • By JackRS 13th Jul 17, 3:56 PM
    • 1,037 Posts
    • 2,163 Thanks
    JackRS
    I am so happy for you Jack.

    It is lovely that you both have found one another.

    I do hope and pray that you both have a long and happy marriage.
    Originally posted by kelpie35


    Thank you that is so very kind of you.
    Regards

    JackRS
    • LilElvis
    • By LilElvis 13th Jul 17, 4:57 PM
    • 3,035 Posts
    • 8,335 Thanks
    LilElvis
    I'm glad that the last few years, and all of the trauma, hasn't embittered you or made you pessimistic. Fortunately for me my husband wasn't put off the idea of marriage after an acrimonious and costly divorce after 8 years with his first wife. We've now been together over 15 years, married for 11 and now blessed with a nearly 7 year old daughter.

    I hope you are as happy as we have been - you certainly sound like a couple who are very much in love and committed to spending your lives together.
    • vandanfc
    • By vandanfc 13th Jul 17, 4:57 PM
    • 1,789 Posts
    • 4,734 Thanks
    vandanfc
    Thanks no nothing from my son on Fathers day or any word since, I know he's changed his phone number but he hasn't shared it with me.
    Originally posted by JackRS
    His loss, I just hope that one day he does come to his senses, he is missing out on so much.
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