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  • FIRST POST
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 8th Mar 13, 8:30 AM
    • 4,761Posts
    • 28,355Thanks
    Sun Addict
    Looking for the silver lining
    • #1
    • 8th Mar 13, 8:30 AM
    Looking for the silver lining 8th Mar 13 at 8:30 AM
    Well I'm back! After clearing my debt in 2010 and staying debt free for a couple of years I'm now back to square one. Mainly due to OH's work being so erratic (he is a sub contractor in the building trade). He has weeks at a time with no work and when he does get work the pays not great - but anything is better than nothing. My wages cover the bills and food thankfully but nothing else.

    Anyway a combination of OH not bringing much in and not budgeting properly has led to me building up credit card debt again (thankfully at 0%) of £5368.95

    I have realised that the only way to stay on top of things is to stick to a budget. What we were doing before is spending the money before we had it on a credit card and then clearing it at the end of the month. But OH can be at work one day and laid off the next so we didn't always have the money to cover what we'd spent and this is where we have been going wrong and how the debt has built up again by me having to transfer it to a 0% card.

    What's happening now is I'm trying to stay on top of things by having a "pot" of money in my monthly budget and sticking to that. Once I have cracked this then it should be easy to stay out of debt when it's paid off.

    At the end of the month whatever OH has earned is split as follows:

    50% is for petrol, OH's work expenses/mobile phone, and anything else we need that month

    25% is for holidays (I know we shouldn't be having holidays whilst in debt but they keep us smiling through the uncertainty)

    25% is for paying off the debt and when this is paid off this will become savings.

    So far I've stuck to this for two months. It's hard at times but this is the only way to do it. Should OH not bring anything in one month then I'm afraid we'll have to dip into what little savings we have in our emergency fund. BUT NO MORE ADDING TO THE DEBT!!!

    Currently the debt is split between two cards:

    Barclaycard £1800 0% until September 2013 -so this must be paid off first

    Halifax £3568.95 0% until 2015 - so a bit more breathing space on this one but still want it paid off asap.

    I'm doing the grocery challenge and the virtual sealed pot and doing well with this. The VSP will pay for Christmas.

    Decided to do a new diary as it helped so much last time - so here I go again on my second debt-free journey. Determined this will be the last time.
    Virtual Sealed Pot 2018 £20.70
    December 3 NSD
    Weight loss 2/7lbs
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
Page 247
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 28th Nov 17, 6:51 PM
    • 4,761 Posts
    • 28,355 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    Had a lovely day, didn't buy much, as predicted, but it was nice to wander around a different shopping centre. I had a lovely coffee and mince pie at Pret's and when my ankle started hurting stopped for lunch.

    Slightly stressful in that Mr SA kept ringing me and I was trying to dive into places that weren't blaring out Xmas music. One of the calls was to tell me the dog's lead was broken and could I pick another one up on my lunch break.

    My ankle is so sore unsurprisingly as my Fitbit tells me I've done just over 30,000 steps today

    Mr SA is hassling me for a new phone and bizarrely he is going on about East Midlands Trains. He's more or less saying that all I should be doing is going to work then coming home to make his dinner. He was getting me quite cross to be honest. I think he enjoyed it when my leg was in plaster last year and I was confined to barracks.

    Sometimes I wonder if he's stuck a tracking device on me.

    So back to work tomorrow, got two normal days then it's the team Christmas lunch on Friday.
    Virtual Sealed Pot 2018 £20.70
    December 3 NSD
    Weight loss 2/7lbs
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 28th Nov 17, 7:10 PM
    • 49,085 Posts
    • 182,328 Thanks
    beanielou
    Glad that you had a good day.
    Blimey, that is a LOT of steps.
    Why does Mr SA need a new phone?
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 28th Nov 17, 7:32 PM
    • 2,301 Posts
    • 11,205 Thanks
    HairyHandofDartmoor
    Wow the most steps I've ever done is 17,000

    Glad you enjoyed your shopping day. Mince pie and coffee sounds yum .

    Don't take any notice of Mr SA, you can't be a prisoner in your own home or you'll go mad . Keep away from his scooter until after Christmas .
    My Diary http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5716867
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 October 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build an Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund
    Emergency Fund 1 = £818/Emergency Fund 2 = £203.76
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 28th Nov 17, 8:00 PM
    • 4,761 Posts
    • 28,355 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    He doesn't need a new phone Beanie, the phone he's on about is far inferior to the one he's got, he's just got it on him tonight.

    For some reason he's being really argumentative tonight and is talking about going into town on his own. He doesn't want to go with me on Saturday because I'll stop him buying what he wants to buy.

    I really do wonder if he somehow knows about today. Before he got ill he used to spy on what I'd been doing on the laptop by looking at the history. I didn't like that even though I had nothing to hide.
    Virtual Sealed Pot 2018 £20.70
    December 3 NSD
    Weight loss 2/7lbs
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
    • WannabeFree
    • By WannabeFree 28th Nov 17, 8:02 PM
    • 447 Posts
    • 3,063 Thanks
    WannabeFree
    Sounds like a lovely day shopping.

    Not so lovely about Mr SA Don't let him get to you. You haven't done anything wrong x
    “Once you hit rock bottom, that's where you perfectly stand; That's your chance of restarting, but restarting the right way.”
    • pennywisepoundstupid
    • By pennywisepoundstupid 28th Nov 17, 8:22 PM
    • 4,440 Posts
    • 13,879 Thanks
    pennywisepoundstupid
    Hi sunaddict,, pleased to hear you had a nice day shopping and that's some steps you've achieved i'm not surprised your foot is hurting.

    Can I ask do you have an iPhone, if so has the tracker been activated!
    Be mindful of your self-talk. It's a conversation with the Universe."

    Debt free and saving for my future
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 28th Nov 17, 8:33 PM
    • 2,301 Posts
    • 11,205 Thanks
    HairyHandofDartmoor
    Good point penny, maybe Mr SA is tracking the iphone .

    Maybe you could block it somehow SA?
    My Diary http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5716867
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 October 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build an Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund
    Emergency Fund 1 = £818/Emergency Fund 2 = £203.76
    • pennywisepoundstupid
    • By pennywisepoundstupid 28th Nov 17, 8:39 PM
    • 4,440 Posts
    • 13,879 Thanks
    pennywisepoundstupid
    I think you can switch them off by going into your icloud settings, we have them on the kids phones . but Dh set it up i'm not very tech savvy, i'm sure if you went on the tech board they could help.

    Apparently it has come up a lot in divorce cases where people have tracked partners phones .
    Be mindful of your self-talk. It's a conversation with the Universe."

    Debt free and saving for my future
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 28th Nov 17, 8:48 PM
    • 4,761 Posts
    • 28,355 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    My Fitbits syncs with the app on my iPhone if that's what you mean Pennywise. Apparently I've just earned my Trail badge for going over 30,000 steps

    I've just reminded Mr SA that I get up at 5, leave the house at 6.15 in the cold and dark, while he is still asleep, in a nice warm house all day. I do a full day at work in a very demanding job, come back home in the dark, to clean up the mess he's made during the day and cook his dinner while he watches TV with a beer. He doesn't have to worry about money because I sort it all out and he has at least two nice holidays abroad a year. He's hard done to in his opinion.

    However, I do understand he must feel he's lost his status as breadwinner and head of the house and that it's frustrating for him.

    I refuse to let him get to me and will not be made to feel guilty about the Christmas meal on Friday.

    Sorry I've had a bit of a rant
    Virtual Sealed Pot 2018 £20.70
    December 3 NSD
    Weight loss 2/7lbs
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 28th Nov 17, 8:54 PM
    • 4,761 Posts
    • 28,355 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    Just seen the above posts re tracking. Mr SA is terrible with technology now, I doubt he would be able to do that. I'm always setting things up for him on his phone, he even struggles with texting since the brain injury. However, I'll check my settings just in case.
    Virtual Sealed Pot 2018 £20.70
    December 3 NSD
    Weight loss 2/7lbs
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
    • WannabeFree
    • By WannabeFree 28th Nov 17, 8:57 PM
    • 447 Posts
    • 3,063 Thanks
    WannabeFree

    However, I do understand he must feel he's lost his status as breadwinner and head of the house and that it's frustrating for him.

    I refuse to let him get to me and will not be made to feel guilty about the Christmas meal on Friday.
    Originally posted by Sun Addict
    It can't be easy for him and while it isn't his 'fault' he has to remember it isn't yours either! You have and still go above and beyond what many would to support and help him.

    Good. Don't let him make you feel guilty. Smile and nod. You deserve some you time sometimes too x
    “Once you hit rock bottom, that's where you perfectly stand; That's your chance of restarting, but restarting the right way.”
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 28th Nov 17, 9:09 PM
    • 2,301 Posts
    • 11,205 Thanks
    HairyHandofDartmoor
    It is hard for Mr SA but it's hard for you too and he does take you for granted sometimes.
    My Diary http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5716867
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 October 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build an Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund
    Emergency Fund 1 = £818/Emergency Fund 2 = £203.76
    • pennywisepoundstupid
    • By pennywisepoundstupid 28th Nov 17, 9:29 PM
    • 4,440 Posts
    • 13,879 Thanks
    pennywisepoundstupid
    SA I hope I havn't offended you it wasn't my intention.

    I think you cope incredible well with everthing you have to do everyday and you deserve some me time to go shopping, but I also get what your saying about Mr SA, after I had surgery I was house bound for a few weeks and I have never been so frustrated, its hard not being able to do what you once could. Do you think Mr SA could be depressed, is there any local day centres he could go to even if it was once a week where he could meet people and get out but be in a safe environment.
    Be mindful of your self-talk. It's a conversation with the Universe."

    Debt free and saving for my future
    • fay66
    • By fay66 28th Nov 17, 9:53 PM
    • 671 Posts
    • 1,609 Thanks
    fay66
    HI SA Hope your ok, enjoy reading your posts, I live on the East Midlands train route too Thanks for your help on mine
    Inland revenue £4500=
    Loan £2610
    Pay day loans - 135+600+300+300
    Credit card 1 - 5186
    CC2 -1038
    CC3 - 548 cc4 234
    • armchairexpert
    • By armchairexpert 29th Nov 17, 12:30 AM
    • 727 Posts
    • 4,723 Thanks
    armchairexpert
    The spying on your laptop thing is so very far from okay, SA, and neither of Mr SA's refusal to do even simple tasks around the house - I do understand his limitations - because they're 'women's work'. I feel like you have been living in this house with two people who think you're just there to serve their needs for so long that you've lost track of what is and isn't okay.

    Anyway, that's probably not a helpful comment, but I get very angry on your behalf, and I hope you continue standing up for your own rights to live as a full human being.
    MFW diary here. 1 Feb 2017 $229,371 - MFD Feb 2043 aiming for May 2028
    14 August 2017 - Refinanced: $220,000
    November 2017 - $216,000.00 Current MFD 31 July 2035
    • JWPopps
    • By JWPopps 29th Nov 17, 11:50 AM
    • 265 Posts
    • 1,416 Thanks
    JWPopps
    Hi SA...

    I'm back! (Ish)... Wanted to say hello, and I've just caught up with your diary. As always it's been a whirlwind! I definitely think you should be hiding hammers...

    Hope you're having a lovely day
    Credit Card Debt: £720
    Loan Debt: £6,100
    Savings: £30



    [B]PAYDBX 2017 - #19 : 80% paid 6624/8280[/
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 29th Nov 17, 8:14 PM
    • 4,761 Posts
    • 28,355 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    Thank you for all your comments - armchair expert you are so right. I also get angry about the lack of help, all rants about this fall on deaf ears but I'll keep chipping away.

    SSG - I was the same when I broke my ankle, it really got me down. Mr SA is on anti-depressants but has refused all offers of counselling/support groups.

    Got to the bottom of what happened. The receipt with my fast ticket number from East Midlands Trains was still in my bag and I'd pushed it underneath other stuff when Mr SA was hovering meaning to shred it later. When I went to bed the receipt was on top of my bag which means while I was in the bath Mr SA had obviously searched my bag. Hence the rambling about East Midlands Trains, Christmas shopping and the bad atmosphere last night. It all falls into place now.

    So angry with him

    The upside is he hasn't phoned me all day.

    Tonight he is creeping round me but I'm still cross. I wouldn't be surprised if he phoned his sister today (he phones her about everything) and she's told him off. Thankfully she's always on my side.

    I've deliberately ordered the Mr M shop tomorrow for lunchtime so he'll have to put it away. It won't hurt him to take some responsibility for once. Going to start putting some tasks on his whiteboard so he can start helping out.
    Virtual Sealed Pot 2018 £20.70
    December 3 NSD
    Weight loss 2/7lbs
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
    • mummytogirls
    • By mummytogirls 29th Nov 17, 8:21 PM
    • 5,632 Posts
    • 18,561 Thanks
    mummytogirls
    I was going to suggest had he rung work and they'd said you weren't there but looks like youve worked it out now. Little monkey , don't be letting it put you off doing this again, you need and deserve these days out xx
    Mummytogirls x

    £23164.32 - 12/12/10
    £6936.45 - 04/09/17 - 70.99% paid off
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 29th Nov 17, 8:23 PM
    • 49,085 Posts
    • 182,328 Thanks
    beanielou
    Good idea to get some tasks on Mr SA's whiteboard.
    As to the rest I am speechless.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • Little Miss Winner
    • By Little Miss Winner 29th Nov 17, 11:07 PM
    • 3,966 Posts
    • 135,920 Thanks
    Little Miss Winner
    Loving your diary - although cant possibly go back to beginning. I have just read for the past hour.

    **Subscribing**
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