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  • FIRST POST
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 8th Mar 13, 7:30 AM
    • 3,628Posts
    • 18,561Thanks
    Sun Addict
    Looking for the silver lining
    • #1
    • 8th Mar 13, 7:30 AM
    Looking for the silver lining 8th Mar 13 at 7:30 AM
    Well I'm back! After clearing my debt in 2010 and staying debt free for a couple of years I'm now back to square one. Mainly due to OH's work being so erratic (he is a sub contractor in the building trade). He has weeks at a time with no work and when he does get work the pays not great - but anything is better than nothing. My wages cover the bills and food thankfully but nothing else.

    Anyway a combination of OH not bringing much in and not budgeting properly has led to me building up credit card debt again (thankfully at 0%) of £5368.95

    I have realised that the only way to stay on top of things is to stick to a budget. What we were doing before is spending the money before we had it on a credit card and then clearing it at the end of the month. But OH can be at work one day and laid off the next so we didn't always have the money to cover what we'd spent and this is where we have been going wrong and how the debt has built up again by me having to transfer it to a 0% card.

    What's happening now is I'm trying to stay on top of things by having a "pot" of money in my monthly budget and sticking to that. Once I have cracked this then it should be easy to stay out of debt when it's paid off.

    At the end of the month whatever OH has earned is split as follows:

    50% is for petrol, OH's work expenses/mobile phone, and anything else we need that month

    25% is for holidays (I know we shouldn't be having holidays whilst in debt but they keep us smiling through the uncertainty)

    25% is for paying off the debt and when this is paid off this will become savings.

    So far I've stuck to this for two months. It's hard at times but this is the only way to do it. Should OH not bring anything in one month then I'm afraid we'll have to dip into what little savings we have in our emergency fund. BUT NO MORE ADDING TO THE DEBT!!!

    Currently the debt is split between two cards:

    Barclaycard £1800 0% until September 2013 -so this must be paid off first

    Halifax £3568.95 0% until 2015 - so a bit more breathing space on this one but still want it paid off asap.

    I'm doing the grocery challenge and the virtual sealed pot and doing well with this. The VSP will pay for Christmas.

    Decided to do a new diary as it helped so much last time - so here I go again on my second debt-free journey. Determined this will be the last time.
    Debt free date 31/01/15
    Virtual Sealed Pot £164.24
    Weight loss 1/5lbs
    March AFD 3/12 NSD 3/8
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
Page 192
    • JWPopps
    • By JWPopps 7th Mar 17, 6:15 PM
    • 142 Posts
    • 721 Thanks
    JWPopps
    Hurray for the spiral staircase AND the 17,000 steps - well done!!
    CC 1 £780 / CC 2 £0.00 /
    Overdraft £0 / Loan £7,500
    Savings: £70/£1000

    PAYDBX 2017 - #19 : 23% paid 1932.17/8280
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 7th Mar 17, 6:23 PM
    • 3,628 Posts
    • 18,561 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    Mr SA phoned me at work to inform me that it's very urgent that I buy him a petrol mower as the electric one, that I bought him less than a year ago to replace the petrol one that was too heavy for him, is too heavy for him. This sounds like going round in circles to me! I was cross with him as I was in the middle of doing something and didn't have time to discuss.

    Told him I can mow the lawn but he is adamant. However, I am also adamant I'm not throwing money away like that, it's not budgeted for and not needed. Petrol mowers are expensive.

    And breathe.

    Despite the above today has been NSD 1/8 and AFD 1/12 - finally!
    Debt free date 31/01/15
    Virtual Sealed Pot £164.24
    Weight loss 1/5lbs
    March AFD 3/12 NSD 3/8
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 7th Mar 17, 8:34 PM
    • 45,763 Posts
    • 160,443 Thanks
    beanielou
    Jeez. I dont know how you do it.
    I really dont
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • mummytogirls
    • By mummytogirls 7th Mar 17, 8:52 PM
    • 4,894 Posts
    • 13,579 Thanks
    mummytogirls
    Oh no to Mr SA calling you at work to discuss that! What a nightmare for you! Im glad you're sticking to your guns xx
    Mummytogirls x

    £23164.32 - 12/12/10
    £8453.84 - 02/02/17 - 63.50% paid off
    • Bubblesmum
    • By Bubblesmum 8th Mar 17, 10:50 AM
    • 900 Posts
    • 5,314 Thanks
    Bubblesmum
    Hooray for the 2lbs and WW

    As everyone I really feel for you, re not being able to go out for an evening of letting your hair down without Mr SA hounding you.

    I also feel for Mr SA as because of my current situation, I am often lonely and long for the OH to get home. However, I do not have a brain injury so can initiate my own solutions and perhaps have always wanted to solve my problems, i.e. I have joined social groups, I make sure I have a life as well as OH. I remember you said Mr SA was like that before his accident, wanting to socialise with you, except before the accident he had social interaction with work mates.

    I do feel as a normal human being yet alone as a carer, you need that ability to go out to WW or a night out with friends without feeling guilty or come home early.

    Equally Mr SA needs more social interaction other than yourself, and its that bit I don't know how you would resolve if he will not engage with services either one 2 one carers or groups.

    Is there anyone other than yourself who could sit down with him, and talk with him about the impact of him being at home 24 hours a day, on his and your social needs and wellbeing?

    You have mentioned you have been on specific brain injury support forums, are there others who have been in similar situations who could give advice?

    I feel so at a loss of how best to support you....and admire you tremendously
    Mrs B Debt £1876 @ 5/01/2017
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 8th Mar 17, 7:37 PM
    • 3,628 Posts
    • 18,561 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    Thanks all. BM he won't help himself, he's been pointed towards support groups and he's not interested. He's never interacted with the neighbours, although they are out at work all day anyway. He's brought all this on himself I'm afraid.

    He didn't mention the lawnmower when I got home yesterday but I think the look on my face when I walked in from work put him off. However, today I was in a meeting 10am until 1pm, got back to my desk to 5 missed calls from him. He rang again just as I was looking at phone, said he'd been trying to ring where was I!!! Pointed out I've got this thing called a job which pays for the bills and our holidays etc!! I was so angry. Anyway all he wanted was to ask if we can go in town at the weekend for a coffee. Told him I'm not up to it yet as recovering from broken ankle thanks to him.

    Got home he'd tried to mow the lawn and had backache, playing on the mower being too heavy. Reminded him we got it because the petrol one was too heavy.

    Right now I am so p@€#¥*d off with him I can't tell you. He's driving me insane!

    And today is definitely not an AFD!
    Debt free date 31/01/15
    Virtual Sealed Pot £164.24
    Weight loss 1/5lbs
    March AFD 3/12 NSD 3/8
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 8th Mar 17, 8:25 PM
    • 45,763 Posts
    • 160,443 Thanks
    beanielou
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • -taff
    • By -taff 9th Mar 17, 5:42 AM
    • 6,968 Posts
    • 4,356 Thanks
    -taff
    I've read your whole thread from beginning to end and one thing occurs to me.

    Forgive me for saying this, because I don't know how bad his brain injury was in terms of him being like he was, and being like he is, but everything you mention, the repeat demands, the inability to take responsibility, the inability or unwillingness to socialise, are these all symtpoms of the brain injury?
    I'm struggling to express exactly what I mean here. I can see you're frustrated with him, and his actions, and I have a lot of admiration for the way you cope. Sometimes it feels as if you expect him to act normally, when it seems outside of his ability to do so.
    Is there anyone around you, or any group, or carer facility where you can park him for a bit, so he gets to socialise, and you get a break?
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 9th Mar 17, 7:40 PM
    • 3,628 Posts
    • 18,561 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    Wow taff you read 4 years of my diary! To be honest he was pretty unsociable before the brain injury but the rest is since the injury. He's been offered various support groups but won't go. In his head he's normal and can't see a problem. I really wish he would go somewhere. Anyway thank you for your comments

    Anyway today has been ok thank goodness. No hassle at all
    Debt free date 31/01/15
    Virtual Sealed Pot £164.24
    Weight loss 1/5lbs
    March AFD 3/12 NSD 3/8
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
    • please-let-me-be-lucky
    • By please-let-me-be-lucky 10th Mar 17, 3:24 AM
    • 7,808 Posts
    • 42,731 Thanks
    please-let-me-be-lucky
    Sorry you are having a tough time at the moment SA. Mr Lucky is very similar re socialising post brain injury, though like Mr SA, he wasn't particularly good at it pre accident. He used to drink too much to give him confidence .
    Debts @ LBM £23,729.31. Debts @ 08/04/2016 £0

    NSDs achieved in March - 1/5
    • Bubblesmum
    • By Bubblesmum 10th Mar 17, 9:47 AM
    • 900 Posts
    • 5,314 Thanks
    Bubblesmum
    I am so sorry that Mr SA behaviour is so difficult for you at the moment. Sometimes it doesn't matter why it happens, its still a struggle to deal with, the stress bucket is full to the top and runs over....

    With my professional hat on, I can see its a mixture of his original personality, being male ( sorry I know its stereotyping but I do believe woman are more likely to self help... ) and his subsequent injury on top. As you know there is plenty of support and social activities out there for him if he decided to access it.

    As much as I have empathy for his situation, this diary is about supporting you, with our dear friend PLMBL, I can see the pressure valve relieved with the help of paramedic friend and MIL, in your diaries I don't see any support in the RL from anyone else for you.

    My wish is you can feel free to go out with work mates once in a blue moon and not feel guilty or come home early x
    Mrs B Debt £1876 @ 5/01/2017
    • please-let-me-be-lucky
    • By please-let-me-be-lucky 10th Mar 17, 11:39 AM
    • 7,808 Posts
    • 42,731 Thanks
    please-let-me-be-lucky
    As much as I have empathy for his situation, this diary is about supporting you, with our dear friend PLMBL, I can see the pressure valve relieved with the help of paramedic friend and MIL, in your diaries I don't see any support in the RL from anyone else for you.

    My wish is you can feel free to go out with work mates once in a blue moon and not feel guilty or come home early x
    Originally posted by Bubblesmum
    Couldn't agree more Xx
    Debts @ LBM £23,729.31. Debts @ 08/04/2016 £0

    NSDs achieved in March - 1/5
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 10th Mar 17, 3:28 PM
    • 3,628 Posts
    • 18,561 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    Thank you both for your very supportive comments, much appreciated xx One of the many reasons Mr SA is loathe to go to a support group is his speech. Even I can't tell what he's saying a lot of the time.

    I joined a carers group at work last year but found I didn't have much in common with the other members as they all seemed to be looking after elderly relatives with dementia. Personally I'd rather go out for a drink with my work mates.

    Finished work early today, had a mooch round the M&S sale, got a gorgeous dress for £9.50, will look fab on holiday. Plus another ankle milestone - managed the escalators. Got the bus from town to our local Aldi then walked the mile back home but ankle is playing up now - fed up with it.

    Not much planned for weekend, WW tomorrow then just housework, reading and relaxing. Less than 3 weeks to holiday
    Debt free date 31/01/15
    Virtual Sealed Pot £164.24
    Weight loss 1/5lbs
    March AFD 3/12 NSD 3/8
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 10th Mar 17, 3:55 PM
    • 45,763 Posts
    • 160,443 Thanks
    beanielou
    I am so sorry that Mr SA behaviour is so difficult for you at the moment. Sometimes it doesn't matter why it happens, its still a struggle to deal with, the stress bucket is full to the top and runs over....

    With my professional hat on, I can see its a mixture of his original personality, being male ( sorry I know its stereotyping but I do believe woman are more likely to self help... ) and his subsequent injury on top. As you know there is plenty of support and social activities out there for him if he decided to access it.

    As much as I have empathy for his situation, this diary is about supporting you, with our dear friend PLMBL, I can see the pressure valve relieved with the help of paramedic friend and MIL, in your diaries I don't see any support in the RL from anyone else for you.

    My wish is you can feel free to go out with work mates once in a blue moon and not feel guilty or come home early x
    Originally posted by Bubblesmum
    Agree 200% xx
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 11th Mar 17, 5:56 PM
    • 3,628 Posts
    • 18,561 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    Good day today - mammogram results came back clear and lost 1lb at WW

    Aside from that usual cleaning day and Mr M delivery. Gone over food budget this past 4 weeks, will calculate how much tomorrow.

    Got a gorgeous vegetable sour dough pizza from Aldi, HM wedges and salad for tonight's Saturday night fake away, not very WW but it's treat night.
    Debt free date 31/01/15
    Virtual Sealed Pot £164.24
    Weight loss 1/5lbs
    March AFD 3/12 NSD 3/8
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 11th Mar 17, 7:08 PM
    • 45,763 Posts
    • 160,443 Thanks
    beanielou
    Great news
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 12th Mar 17, 1:09 PM
    • 3,628 Posts
    • 18,561 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    Hello all - hope everyone is having a nice weekend. Can't believe it's Sunday already.

    Been quite productive so far today, have made some veg stew from the Aldi Super 6 for my work lunches, have done my finances and have finished the book I was reading (When Breath Becomes Air) which I originally bought for Mr SA to read on holiday as he's obsessed with true medical stories, can recommend it but it's very sad. I'm in the middle of doing my menu plan for the week which is taking ages as I'm counting the WW points on everything.

    Finances-wise, although I had £110 left in the spending pot, I was unable to send any of it to savings as the Tesco CC needed paying off and that is the priority to keep it clear. Hey ho. However, another £9.13 has gone to VSP. Tomorrow the new 4 week spending pot starts up again, I've made a spreadsheet to track what is spent. It will be a fairly spendy 4 weeks as I need to cover hair cut and colour a week on Saturday, plus pre-holiday manicure/pedicure/eyebrows, plus will need some cash for the airport/taxi/plane. However, I'll try to save whatever I can.

    Mr SA complaining today about us not going into town for a coffee/lunch for ages. Yet again reminded him about ankle!!!! He is terrible with regards to saving money and when I mentioned today is a NSD he was not impressed. He admitted he hates saving and loves spending - this is something that hasn't changed, he was like it before the illness. In fact in some ways we are better off now than when he was working, as he was a sub-contractor and often off due to rain/no work. He spent a fortune on diesel and tools, some weeks he spent a lot more than he earned. At least now we know what we've got coming in, it may not be a lot but it's stable - and there are no work expenses. Having said that I still wish things were back to how they were - but it's never going to happen. I do so miss my old life, it seems to me that everything keeps changing for the worse bit by bit

    Anyway got to make the best of things, onwards and upwards etc.
    Debt free date 31/01/15
    Virtual Sealed Pot £164.24
    Weight loss 1/5lbs
    March AFD 3/12 NSD 3/8
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
    • mummytogirls
    • By mummytogirls 12th Mar 17, 2:55 PM
    • 4,894 Posts
    • 13,579 Thanks
    mummytogirls
    Afternoon SA,

    Had to laugh at Mr SA's comment about loving spending!! Dont we all ha !

    How long is it until your holiday? xx
    Mummytogirls x

    £23164.32 - 12/12/10
    £8453.84 - 02/02/17 - 63.50% paid off
    • please-let-me-be-lucky
    • By please-let-me-be-lucky 12th Mar 17, 4:37 PM
    • 7,808 Posts
    • 42,731 Thanks
    please-let-me-be-lucky
    Fab news about the mammogram and WW result .

    Sorry you feel that way about your old life vs your 'new' one. I suppose that's where we differ, my old one wasn't that great either. Hard when you had what you wanted and lost it somewhat. Hugs Xx
    Debts @ LBM £23,729.31. Debts @ 08/04/2016 £0

    NSDs achieved in March - 1/5
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 12th Mar 17, 6:11 PM
    • 3,628 Posts
    • 18,561 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    Thanks both. Holiday is 2 weeks on Thursday MTG, not long now, more than ready for the break.

    Anyway a couple more positives - NSD 2/8 and I did 20 minutes on the cross trainer, was too scared to go on it last week, ankle is fine

    Must ring the builder tomorrow, not heard from him since November. He might be waiting for me to set the ball rolling.

    Only 12 more work get ups to holiday
    Debt free date 31/01/15
    Virtual Sealed Pot £164.24
    Weight loss 1/5lbs
    March AFD 3/12 NSD 3/8
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
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