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  • FIRST POST
    • MiMi66
    • By MiMi66 6th Feb 13, 11:42 AM
    • 176Posts
    • 536Thanks
    MiMi66
    oh my life...... Light Bulb moment.
    • #1
    • 6th Feb 13, 11:42 AM
    oh my life...... Light Bulb moment. 6th Feb 13 at 11:42 AM
    Well, I am posting for the first time and starting a new thread all in one - I joined yesterday and am I so hoping that doing this will help to keep me on track with facing and resolving my debt.

    I am ashamed and embarrassed - both at the debt and at how long it has taken me to face up to being in debt and deciding to address it - I'll have to say it quickly though £21620 - to credit cards.
    God, if I can press the post this button after typing that I shall be going some.

    I oculd come up with loads of reasons about why I am in debt - all valid and real - but it doesn't take away from the reality of having to pay it back. I am a single mother with two children, I work full time in a good job, and I have spent too much, way too much.

    Oddly the children and I don't live some high flying life, no racks of clothes and shoes from designer shops or anything like that - just years of spending over my budget on food, petrol and the big one, trips away. One of these trips was due to my father dying and I needed to go overseas to deal with arrangements suddenly, and took the children - all went on the cards.

    I have tumbled recently - poor health, which gave me time to reflect (or wake up you might think), panic (still), contemplate dark things and get very depressed - and now started antidepressants. They are just starting to work and lift my mood, and I want to try and get a plan into place to deal with my awful debt and take a new attitude to it.

    I have a mortgage, and good equity (though the bank said no to me borrowing against the house last week - that added to my spiral of mood) - House is worth about £200K and my mortgage is £114K. Also turned down for a loan from Sainsburys bank, which I wanted to consolidate my debts with. Instead I am left with credit cards totalling £21600 (I owed approx £22500 in December, but managed to pay off the Christmas mad spend, but living on thin air this month.)

    So - shall I write out my debt?

    Halifax - 6830 0% til Dec
    Natwest - 2419 0% til Sept
    M&S - 5730 0% til June and another at Nov
    MBNA - 6632 5.9% for life of balance
    Nationwide - 9 (yes only 9!)

    = 21620

    Tesco - approx 423 which will be paid off on my pay day - 27/02/13

    I've rung a financial adviser who was kind but had not ideas for me as my mortgage provider and Sainsburys turned me down flat. I also spoke with National Debt Line - who were very kind and also reassured me that as I have no 'prioirty debts' my house is safe.

    I have always paid everything on time - always met minimums plus a bit more, and have never had a DMP, CCJ or any formal action against me. Mortgage is paid and essential bills all on DD's.

    My Credit rating on Experien is all Green - just lots of it. I don't really understand why I haven't been ok'd for a loan to consolidate it all - but it leaves me with having to do that credit card shuffle thing (which I have been doing for years and screwed up completely by always adding more debt to it.)

    SO my resolution is to live to a budget.
    Pay off the debt - I think it is going to take me 7 years () - I aim to pay approx £350 a month (plus that Tesco bill next month - will be another very tight one, but I can't bear the idea of not doing it).
    Keep my job and sanity and work on my mood.
    Hug my kids and get them involved in saving money.
    Find ways to live and have fun that do not cost money.

    My ex husband may be about to reduce child maintainence and also my eldest will stop getting Child Benefit soon - that plus losing the Council Tax single person rebate as my daughter hits 18 - will add up to losing about 300 per month I think. I have to somehow adjust to that change as well as keep paying off the debt.

    Does anybody know what happens with Child Benefit with two children once one leaves full time education - How much does it reduce to?

    Gosh, I fel like I have been really self indulgent writing this all out, and I guess it doesn't make for very original reading, but I am so hoping that keeping this forum diary will help me stay on track, and I would welcome any ideas from anyone.

    Wish me luck!
Page 2
    • foxgloves
    • By foxgloves 6th Feb 13, 8:14 PM
    • 3,734 Posts
    • 18,464 Thanks
    foxgloves
    You'll soon find as you get going with paying things off, that you'll become quite obsessive about it, patting yourself on the back everytime you save a little bit here & there. When we were snowballing our debts, I used to look at it as every single £ saved was an extra £ being chucked at whatever card or loan we were working on paying off at the time. You'll find you can cut spending on the boring everyday things pretty easily. For instance, it would never have occurred to me prior to the big LBM to set foot in the 99p shop! Now I use it for all sorts of things.....toiletries, toothbrushes, seeds, gardening stuff, freezer containers, it's amazing what you can save by shopping around. It becomes a bit like a game....in fact it helps to look at it like that, as debt-busting isn't something that usually happens overnight......then there's staying debt-free afterwards, by continuing to use all the useful budgeting & financial skills learned. We became debt-free in May 2011, & I budget properly every month to stop us falling back into old ways. I like to think of it as me against 'the System', refusing to be seduced into buying more crapola I don't need. It does get quite addictive. You sound really determined, so am wishing you luck. Go for it! I often say this, but there's simply no bag of tat I could come home with now that would make me feel as good as finally being in control of my money does x
    • MiMi66
    • By MiMi66 6th Feb 13, 8:16 PM
    • 176 Posts
    • 536 Thanks
    MiMi66
    Wow sistafromanothermista - you paid back £6K in less than a year - I am in awe!!

    And I must look into ebaying - god knows what I would sell - do children's clothes sell I wonder - My son has a few immaculate jackets from Fatface that he's grown out of. I shall look.

    Also a trampoline, mind you that has seen better days.....

    Thanks for all the good tips!
    Last edited by MiMi66; 06-02-2013 at 8:19 PM.
    MiMi66 01/10/17 NWCC: £4756/£4974; NW loan: £9187/£10097 - 3.4%; M&S:£5702 /£6502; VIRGIN: £6814 / £7096; Halifax: £9005 /£9485;
    =
    £35464 / £38154 Amount pd off cc £2690
    DFD 01/04/2022 52/55 payments to go!
    Mtgage1 - £74727/ £107K
    Mtgage2 - £12840/ £19K Overall M'gage £87567
    Overall Mortgage and debt - £123031/(£127451 30/08/17)
  • Willing2Learn
    Children's clothes go like hot cakes...massive demand

    And who are you calling FatFace? Who told you??? Goddammit, if I find them I'll...
    I work within the voluntary sector, supporting vulnerable people to rebuild their lives.

    I love my job

    • Jonesy88
    • By Jonesy88 6th Feb 13, 9:25 PM
    • 923 Posts
    • 3,494 Thanks
    Jonesy88
    just popped in to say good luck! (i'll go back to lurking now...)
    DF by Xmas 2017: #83 £2,000/£10,000 20%
    SPC 7: #135 | Baby Fund: £1000/£5000 | VSP 2017: #24 £61.49
    1 debt vs 100 days 25: £10/£2500 | NSDs 2/15
    • Nickyj
    • By Nickyj 6th Feb 13, 10:16 PM
    • 231 Posts
    • 653 Thanks
    Nickyj
    I sell quite a lot of kids clothes on eBay and they do sell well. I also use my local 'buy and sell' sites on Facebook. Buyers collect from you so you don't have the hassle of queuing at the post office x
    Sealed pot member #1950 - £44.79
    Debt free since Dec 2012
    • yan101
    • By yan101 7th Feb 13, 2:30 AM
    • 85 Posts
    • 31 Thanks
    yan101
    hi, regarding child benefit, you should still get it up to September this year. ring them to find out but we deal with this in my job and im 90% sure its paid up to September of the year the child turns 18
    • MiMi66
    • By MiMi66 7th Feb 13, 9:14 AM
    • 176 Posts
    • 536 Thanks
    MiMi66
    Thanks yan101 - I looked into it yesterday and you are right, Sept - so some space to consider other cuts - so glad that it still remains at £80 per month for one child - I'll have to keep my son repressed and never let him grow up!

    And Nickyj and Willing2Learn I shall have rummage today and see about tryingone or other sites to sell a few bits - I've wondered about the 50/50 shop in town as well. I live in a town, but in a very quiet rural area - not a mass of people to sell things to locally, but there must be someone.

    I woke feeling quite panicked today - early. Tried to calm myself and focus on the small steps - The big picture is just too overwhelming and feels enormous. I am looking forward to my pay day when I can make the payments that I have worked out as doable. I think it works out at something like 1.7% of my debt - am an anorak in many ways - I think it will take around 7 years to pay off that's incluidng transfer fees and a little interest. But still in March it will be 6 years and 11 months. Not wishing time to pass by though - there is a danger in that I guess.


    I am back to work tomorrow after being ill - flu, bronchitis and depression just hopped on board - I have to be grateful though - being brought to a halt has made me face up to things . My job is pretty stressful - up there as one of those ones that people say - I don't know how you do that.... but I am grateful for haivng a qualification that means I can work, and I am very grateful for my salary, particularly in todays awful economic climate - it would be a million times worse if I did not have an income. So I shall smile, try not to cough to much at everyone and get on with the job at hand to the best of my ability.
    One day at a time.
    Thanks again everyone for tips and guidance.
    MiMi66 01/10/17 NWCC: £4756/£4974; NW loan: £9187/£10097 - 3.4%; M&S:£5702 /£6502; VIRGIN: £6814 / £7096; Halifax: £9005 /£9485;
    =
    £35464 / £38154 Amount pd off cc £2690
    DFD 01/04/2022 52/55 payments to go!
    Mtgage1 - £74727/ £107K
    Mtgage2 - £12840/ £19K Overall M'gage £87567
    Overall Mortgage and debt - £123031/(£127451 30/08/17)
    • Nickyj
    • By Nickyj 7th Feb 13, 9:44 AM
    • 231 Posts
    • 653 Thanks
    Nickyj
    You will get such a good feeling when you see your debt totals going down, I thought I would never see the day when they were all zero but it did happen and I'm proud of myself for doing it (not proud that I racked up the debt in the first place but have learnt from my mistakes) you are doing so well and have got the right frame of my mind to do this.
    Have a good day and will pop back later to see how you are getting on x
    Sealed pot member #1950 - £44.79
    Debt free since Dec 2012
    • MiMi66
    • By MiMi66 7th Feb 13, 3:51 PM
    • 176 Posts
    • 536 Thanks
    MiMi66
    Well - I have just got off the phone from Orange and arranged that they take over my landline - all together I have saved just over £10 per month by having broadband and anytime calls with them - I had been paying £25.50 to BT for the calls and £5.11 to Orange for Broadband. Now am all to Orange for Anytime calls and unlimted Broadband, plus 500 minutes to mobiles and 64 countries free calls (Australia for me), for £20 all in. Not a introductory rate so it won't go up, and I am pleased.

    I know talktalk and a few others do cheaper rates, but I looked at the satisfaction surveys and they were not inspiring. Orange have been pretty good and it does save £10.61 a month Yay!!
    I thik BT might owe me some money back actually - they said on my last bill I was in credit by £26 - does that mean they owe me money or do I owe them money?? Hopefully they owe me - it can go in the pot!

    Now its pouring out there but I might head to the bank to do that account change - I am still cross about the increase in account fees. If I beg off due to rain, I will definitely do it tomorrow.
    MiMi66 01/10/17 NWCC: £4756/£4974; NW loan: £9187/£10097 - 3.4%; M&S:£5702 /£6502; VIRGIN: £6814 / £7096; Halifax: £9005 /£9485;
    =
    £35464 / £38154 Amount pd off cc £2690
    DFD 01/04/2022 52/55 payments to go!
    Mtgage1 - £74727/ £107K
    Mtgage2 - £12840/ £19K Overall M'gage £87567
    Overall Mortgage and debt - £123031/(£127451 30/08/17)
    • sistafromanothermista
    • By sistafromanothermista 7th Feb 13, 6:39 PM
    • 2,161 Posts
    • 2,600 Thanks
    sistafromanothermista
    Children's clothes go like hot cakes...massive demand

    And who are you calling FatFace? Who told you??? Goddammit, if I find them I'll...
    Originally posted by Willing2Learn

    <sista runs in>
    It was me
    <sista runs out>


    DEBT FREE AND PROUD

    'Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt'
    • sistafromanothermista
    • By sistafromanothermista 7th Feb 13, 6:55 PM
    • 2,161 Posts
    • 2,600 Thanks
    sistafromanothermista
    Wow sistafromanothermista - you paid back £6K in less than a year - I am in awe!!
    Originally posted by MiMi66


    Thanks

    It's been hard going i can tell you
    It's not just about saving money, it's about changing your mindset of spending it! That's the hardest bit.
    No nice clothes, no going out....nothing.....nada.
    I just CANNOT wait until it's all paid off so we can enjoy our lives again!
    The kids are getting older and i'd really like to spend some money treating them that at the moment is just not possible

    You're in it for the long haul the same as me, if you ever need any support or just an ear to chew i'm here. Have a dodgy hug
    ------->
    DEBT FREE AND PROUD

    'Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt'
    • MiMi66
    • By MiMi66 8th Feb 13, 8:41 AM
    • 176 Posts
    • 536 Thanks
    MiMi66
    Back to work today - about to leave the house - it feels like an age, and I am going to try and protect myself as much as I can. I think I've got a mixture of financial stress (oh yes? Really?) and depression and burnout - I've been reading alot about it the last week or so.

    So, I need to find a new way forward on many fronts.

    Antidepressants on board - tick
    Sleep better - tick
    Sanity - shaky
    Overwhelmed and Panicky - tick
    Plan to pace self and try and use mindfulness techniques for at least for 5 mins morning and afternoon (even if I have to make a prat of myself in front of everyone).

    Isn't life complicated!

    I made an appointment at the Bank for lunchtime today to sort out that account - I did go yesterday but there was no one free to help a the time.


    Thank you sistafromanothermista! Nice to know someone is reading and has been through it all too :-)
    MiMi66 01/10/17 NWCC: £4756/£4974; NW loan: £9187/£10097 - 3.4%; M&S:£5702 /£6502; VIRGIN: £6814 / £7096; Halifax: £9005 /£9485;
    =
    £35464 / £38154 Amount pd off cc £2690
    DFD 01/04/2022 52/55 payments to go!
    Mtgage1 - £74727/ £107K
    Mtgage2 - £12840/ £19K Overall M'gage £87567
    Overall Mortgage and debt - £123031/(£127451 30/08/17)
    • Jox
    • By Jox 8th Feb 13, 10:26 AM
    • 1,253 Posts
    • 2,705 Thanks
    Jox
    Being in control is bound to help a bit with the feelings MiMi66....I'm no expert but the 6 best things we can all do for ourselves are: get enough rest, eat healthily, drink water, exercise, get some sunshine (not much chance here!), spend time with good uplifting friends

    Look after yourself, if you are due any time off take it, don't wait til you're sick.....

    Happy Friday
    • Aria`s Tail
    • By Aria`s Tail 8th Feb 13, 11:18 AM
    • 380 Posts
    • 2,990 Thanks
    Aria`s Tail
    Hi Hun, thought I would chip in if you dont mind. I'm in a similar amount of debt as you and, like you kinda think why?
    Keep chipping away, it soon adds up.
    Selling the kids old clothes is a great idea. Especially decent labels. Try Facebook local selling pages first as it's free and people will give you cash or if not Ebay. Plan for a car boot sale in the summer, kids toys always sell well and its amazing what you will find going through the house.
    • MiMi66
    • By MiMi66 8th Feb 13, 5:47 PM
    • 176 Posts
    • 536 Thanks
    MiMi66
    Hi Jox,

    Yes well - sadly it took me getting sick to have light bulb moment .... But I am using this point to review so many things - finances - how I balance or don't balance elements pof my life - I am a shocker for overdoing it. But new leaf stuff now - I am at home!! I finished work on time rather than stay late...determined to get that balance right.

    And I survived the day job today..... minimal avoidance as well :-)

    Money wise - I went to the bank at lunch time and reviewed my Current Account - so I currently pay 12.99 for it poer month and it was going up to 15 per month next month. I looked over the benefits of other paid for accounts and opted for the level down which offers things that I need and curently would have to pay for - Mobile phone insurance, European holiday cover (maybe dreaming a bit there hey), Experien membership (I would be paying £8 for this currently monthly - I'd signed up for the free month last week to review my horror credit) and Love film which I pay £4.99 a month for now. So a new account covering those things is £10 a month - saving me 2.99 from current amount, and also 4.99 for Lovefilm, £8 for Experien (mind you I would have cancelled this), and gives the mobile phone cover and also some holiday cover should I be lucky enough to wraggle something VERY cheap (likely a tent I think - probably about 20 miles away but hey I am not fussy). SO I think overall I will save about £7.98 a month and that is without the Experien membership.

    With the phone and broadband deal that I sorted yesterday that becomes £18.59 which is well on the way to £210/220 over the year - school uniform and shoes is my thinking.

    Must cancel membership for Lovefilm and Experien - that's tomorrows jobs. One thing a day and I will figure it.

    I have realised that the whole MSE thing is not just about repaying debt but about viewing money in a different way. I need to see it as a limited resource rather than the never never on the card 'I can have anything I fancy' - not that I have been mad about buying obscenely indulgent things - but I realise now that thinking about the cost of the small things, the day to day, will help me overall. Might just get that camping trip with a bottleof wine, by a river in a valley in the sun. Cheese and biscuits anyone?

    Hey and Aria's Tail, I must do the children's clothes sort out - not a huge fan of car-booting, but I might try it - or ebay. I wonder how complicated it is to sell on ebay? Yes I see you are in the same boat as me - welcome aboard!! Aren't we awwful!! At least we are here though :-) I hope your repayment plans are going well. I am longing for my pay day to make some payments to mine.

    Have a good evening :-)
    MiMi66 01/10/17 NWCC: £4756/£4974; NW loan: £9187/£10097 - 3.4%; M&S:£5702 /£6502; VIRGIN: £6814 / £7096; Halifax: £9005 /£9485;
    =
    £35464 / £38154 Amount pd off cc £2690
    DFD 01/04/2022 52/55 payments to go!
    Mtgage1 - £74727/ £107K
    Mtgage2 - £12840/ £19K Overall M'gage £87567
    Overall Mortgage and debt - £123031/(£127451 30/08/17)
  • Willing2Learn
    Hi MiMi

    Good to see you are getting things sorted ('m keeping my beady little eyes on this thread)

    I think I've got a mixture of financial stress (oh yes? Really?) and depression and burnout - I've been reading alot about it the last week or so.

    So, I need to find a new way forward on many fronts.

    Antidepressants on board - tick
    Sleep better - tick
    Sanity - shaky
    Overwhelmed and Panicky - tick
    Plan to pace self and try and use mindfulness techniques for at least for 5 mins morning and afternoon (even if I have to make a prat of myself in front of everyone).
    Originally posted by MiMi66
    Hey, I hope you don't mind me looking at the above a bit closer. If you do, please let me know and I shall refrain.

    I don't know if you have read about any work done by Carl Rodgers and Abraham Maslow. They are considered the grand-daddys of Humanism (Humanistic Psychology). A shortened and simplistic explanation of this psychological perspective is that to realise ones potential 'becoming everything one is capable of becoming', any psychological/emotional difficulties must be studied from ones own subjective experiences in order to find solutions.

    According to Maslow, there are certain things one might need to realise ones potential. One of these is Love and belongingness - Receiving and giving love, affection, trust and acceptance. Affiliating, being part of a group (family, friends, work).

    I wanted to highlight this as it appears from your posts that you and your children have this in abundance. Having money for presents and treats is so unimportant and trivial in comparison and won't have any effect on what you all share. So there you have it. You already having something within your 'toolbox for change' that is so powerful and special and is something money can never buy! And it helps you to become everything you can be become then that's even better!

    Oh yeah. Got sidetracked. Never intended to say any of the above. I meant to say google 'thought diary'. It's a valuable tool used by CBT practitioners to help people keep thoughts & emotions focused, balanced and positive. You may or may not consider it useful. Let me know if you need any further info on this.

    Hope you don't consider any of this inappropriate - trying to be helpful.
    Last edited by Willing2Learn; 08-02-2013 at 6:44 PM.
    I work within the voluntary sector, supporting vulnerable people to rebuild their lives.

    I love my job

    • homelovin
    • By homelovin 8th Feb 13, 8:58 PM
    • 27 Posts
    • 98 Thanks
    homelovin
    Hi, you are making some goods steps already. Chip chip chip. I just wanted to say, look at ebaying, start with just a couple of things. Labels seem to go well, make sure you take good photos and be honest in the description. I was very sceptical but in November I put a few things on to try it and was amazed. I then added other bits as I sorted through drawers and cupboards. I received 300 quid into my pay pal in about 6 weeks and I honestly don't miss anything that was sold. I was so excited to put that money into a savings account for my emergency fund. Its the first bit of saving I've had for ages. And I'm desperate not to use it! Give it a try, but I would say start off with just a couple of things to get the hand of it, charge the right postage and put the right information in.
  • bess1234
    Willing2learn that was beautiful
    • Jox
    • By Jox 8th Feb 13, 10:09 PM
    • 1,253 Posts
    • 2,705 Thanks
    Jox
    Hi Mimi66, I know what you mean about working flat out and worrying until ill and then your body forces you to stop everything and this gives you a chance to review and make changes, I’ve done the same thing a few times over the past 10 years.

    I would get so stressed I would have nosebleeds that lasted days and had to be hospitalised 3 times.....I put my health first now and have learned to say no, though it can be difficult as my nature is to be so nice and obliging!

    I’ve joined Noddle which is a free credit report website, maybe try it instead of Experian?

    I don’t pay for my bank account...£180 a year sounds like too much? If you had a free account maybe put £15 in a separate account each month incase of lost mobiles or travel insurance needs etc?

    Yes, please cancel lovefilm....I had lovefilm and netflix, I’ve cancelled both, I get films out the library sometimes or just make do with what’s on TV or 4od, iplayer etc, I love programmes like Borgen and Revenge and have discovered Up All Night which makes me laugh!

    Sounds like things are a lot clearer for you and well done on getting home early for a change.

    Happy Friday and have a lovely weekend
    • Barbeduk
    • By Barbeduk 9th Feb 13, 9:11 AM
    • 817 Posts
    • 7,150 Thanks
    Barbeduk
    This isn't supposed to sound critical but you could put another £120 a year towards your debt if you choose a fee free bank account. Do you really need the 'extras' that the paid for account provides? Could you live without them for a while?

    Saying that I do have the s@nt@nder 123 account which is £2 a month but I receive £8 odd a month in cashback so am £6 up.

    It really is a whole mindset change, every £1 you spend is £1 you'll never have again. I can't believe how much my attitude to money has changed since going MSE, I just wish it had happened sooner! And yes, I was another who built up debt with nothing to show for it.
    June GC £288.01/£400
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