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Real-life MMD: Pet dog or doghouse?
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# 41
rojanich
Old 07-11-2012, 6:29 PM
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Default Commuicate

Most of these MMDs can be answered by communication......

Talk to your wife and son about the responsibility of feeding, grooming, walking, paying for vet etc. Oh, and if the dog lives for 15-20 years whose is it when it is old, smelly and creaky and even more expensive in vet's fees and son leaves home ?

Talk to your wife about the money you are salting away to take her on a holiday she hasn't so far had any knowledge of (anticipation is sometimes doubles the pleasure).

Just sit down and talk about your finances and aspirations. Be a family.

Oh and if you do get a dog please do rehome one.
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# 42
elizabethhull
Old 07-11-2012, 6:52 PM
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Quite apart from the dog issue, when were you thinking of actually telling your wife about the holiday ? In time for her to buy a new swimsuit (beach holiday), go on a pre-holiday diet (ditto), get a new outfit (somewhere with night life), go to the gym (skiing), cancel her evening class/visit to relative/night out with friends/tennis tournament ......you see where I'm going !! People need NOTICE to enjoy a holiday, and a lot of women would hate to be given insufficient time to prepare. Please TALK to your wife about the proposed holiday (as well as a family conflab about the dog).
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# 43
sgt1439hux
Old 07-11-2012, 7:55 PM
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Default Dog or Holiday.

As a child I also wanted a dog and got my first one when I was 8 years.I have had dogs all my life.I always looked after my own dog, exercising and feeding.My dog as a child was a friend, companion and confident. It taught me a great many things too many to mention and helped me make many friends. I always took the dogs on holiday with me.
However nowadays they can be expensive with the cost of vets fee,s and food but in my opinion well worth it.
Have you considered initially getting the child to exercise a neighbors or friends dog for a while, or maybe an old age pensioners dog to gain experience and responsibility.
Both parties will benefit and you could all go out as a family to see if it would work out.
The poop scooping and cold wet weather at this time of the year and the time consumption may well settle the matter once and for all either way.

Good Luck.
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# 44
kazza63
Old 07-11-2012, 8:52 PM
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why dont you to go to the local rescue centre and get a dog - alot cheaper and theres some wonderful dogs wanted a new home,so then u can have a holiday as well. merry xmas
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# 45
Boston Blues
Old 07-11-2012, 9:01 PM
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My sons then aged 8 and 10 also wanted a puppy 'because all their friends at school had school had one'. I got them a hamster to look after.
I also signed up to a dog sitting service. For four years we looked after different breeds in our home. Sometimes for 3 weeks or just a weekend whenever their owners went on holiday, short breaks, family commitments etc. The owners supplied the dogs food, bedding, toys and treats. The dog sitting service inspected my home, insured me
and arranged a license from the council. So my sons had the pleasure of looking after a dog, I didn't have the cost of food and dog insurance, distress once the dog died or the hassle of looking after it once the boys got bored of it.
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# 46
GuineaPigsRock
Old 07-11-2012, 10:01 PM
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Children should never own a pet, as only an adult can truly be responsible for them. If you got a dog it would be family pet that needs to be trained, walked twice a day, fed twice a day, played with and given mental stimulation.

I would explain to the rest of the family that you'd rather have the freedom and money to enjoy other luxuries which is what a pet is.
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# 47
marich
Old 07-11-2012, 10:08 PM
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Default Where's your head ?

It sounds to me like you are secretive and controlling . The others want a dog - yes , OK a dog is a liability BUT...

You are secretly saving for a holiday the others don't know about (either the saving or the holiday) . You are planning on pleasing yourself and not addressing what they have told you they would like . At least they have had the common courtesy to talk to you about their hopes .

How would you feel if you got home one day and SURPRISE ! there's this cute little puppy !!!!ing over your chewed-up slippers ?

You are doing much the same to their hopes . Learn to live with them - grow up and talk to your family .

Great suggestion from Boston Blue that might be a compromise on the dog (and still get you your holiday without a lot of resentment) . Maybe even save your marriage !
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# 48
mel12
Old 07-11-2012, 11:34 PM
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Talk to her. Maybe buy her a small surprise (like flowers or chocs), but rather than the big holiday being a surprise tell her you've got the money saved up, and ask what she would prefer to do with it. Preferably do this out of earshot of your son initially so the two of you can decided on a joint decision first.
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# 49
renniwano
Old 08-11-2012, 12:36 AM
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Fairly simple.... If you're having to ask, do the holiday!

I work in rescue and far too many are given up because of a whim, purchased for a child, purchased as a gift etc.

Spend the money on a holiday and sponsor a dog instead!
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# 50
JSS
Old 08-11-2012, 8:25 AM
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by marich View Post
It sounds to me like you are secretive and controlling . The others want a dog - yes , OK a dog is a liability BUT...

You are secretly saving for a holiday the others don't know about (either the saving or the holiday) . You are planning on pleasing yourself and not addressing what they have told you they would like . At least they have had the common courtesy to talk to you about their hopes .

How would you feel if you got home one day and SURPRISE ! there's this cute little puppy !!!!ing over your chewed-up slippers ?

You are doing much the same to their hopes . Learn to live with them - grow up and talk to your family .

Great suggestion from Boston Blue that might be a compromise on the dog (and still get you your holiday without a lot of resentment) . Maybe even save your marriage !
I agree - I left my first husband because he kept doing stuff like this - telling me we "couldn't afford" to do things, and then he'd turn up with a new set of furniture or some large fancy item and say "oh, it was all for you" and I'd think, well, if it was REALLY for me, we'd have discussed it and agreed to save up together.
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# 51
JRsrule
Old 08-11-2012, 8:26 AM
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Default Pet insurance

Dogs are absolutely wonderful companions, friends and members of the family. But if you can't afford good pet insurance, then please don't have one.

Our family dog, an elderly girl now who has been the centre of our lives for many years, is adored and cherished, but in the last few years the vets bills for serious illness have run well into four figures. And that is not to mention the routine stuff like boosters, worming tablets, flea prevention, nail clipping, check ups etc. Add on the regular costs of food, toys, treats etc and it all adds up to some very serious money.

So if you are struggling to save for a holiday, ask yourself if you can afford monthly pet insurance or large vets bills. If you can't, then just carry on saving for the holiday, and maybe sponsor a dog instead. Depending on his age, your son could always volunteer to do dog walking at a local rescue centre!

good luck with your decision
x
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# 52
janineo
Old 08-11-2012, 9:31 AM
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Default

This has probably been said before, but dogs can live a long time.

We got a dog when I was 10. My younger sister was the one who wanted it, and it took me about 6 months before I was comfortable with him.
He was a rescue dog, a mongrel, and became part of the family.
However, being children, we didn't want to walk him every day, and my parents set up a rota to try and avoid arguments about it.

And then we grew up and went to university or moved out of the family home and my mum ended up doing all the walking. It was something she liked doing, but it could have been a problem if she was unwilling or unable to do this.

When I was 27, he finally died after having a stroke. We were all very sad, but I hadn't lived at home for nearly 10 years at that point.

So seriously think about getting a dog, because it really isn't for Christmas. It could be for the best part of 20 years, and it might not be your son that looks after him.
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# 53
purple.sarah
Old 08-11-2012, 1:45 PM
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Don't get a dog unless you are agreed upon it as a family because it will be a family pet and responsibility. Your son won't be paying the vets bills! You do need to talk to your family about this, not strangers on the internet. Your wife is an adult and should have an equal say in the household finances, tell her you were saving for a holiday and see what she says. Look at your budget together and work out whether you can afford the regular expenses of pet ownership. Check how much responsibility she would take for walking the dog etc. Once you have come to an agreement, you can talk to your son together.
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# 54
magentalady
Old 08-11-2012, 3:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BNT View Post
They are married, so I don't think 'his' and 'her' money is relevant.
This attitude really annoys me. Why do some people think there's a rule that married couples MUST have joint finances for everything? If you both work and you both pay your share of the bills, then what's wrong with having some money of your own to spend on yourself and your partner/family as you choose?

As to the question itself, I'm noticing a trend recently with more and more of these MMDs being very personal and not really 'moral' dilemmas at all. We can give you our opinions on what it's like to have a dog and so on, but not a single person here can tell you what will work for YOUR family! So, no comment from me.
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# 55
milvusvestal
Old 08-11-2012, 4:10 PM
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Default Peg dog

A holiday is for a few days - a dog is for years and can be a tie, but responsible ownership is extremely rewarding, particularly if you do as many others and visit an animal rescue centre, where individual dogs can be matched to suitable owners. It's much less expensive than buying a pedigree, and some breeds are more prone to illness than others, leading to costly vet bills.

If I were you, I'd go along with your wife's preference, as this will make the three of you happy in the long run. Taking a holiday might, by the sound of it, make you happy and ease your conscience, but it's a very short-term solution and it will not solve the problem of making your son very happy for a long time.
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# 56
freddy27
Old 08-11-2012, 6:17 PM
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Default Dog or holiday

Go for the holiday. Dogs at the end of the day are a damn nuisance and cost a lot more than a holiday.
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# 57
BNT
Old 08-11-2012, 6:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by magentalady View Post
This attitude really annoys me. Why do some people think there's a rule that married couples MUST have joint finances for everything? If you both work and you both pay your share of the bills, then what's wrong with having some money of your own to spend on yourself and your partner/family as you choose?
There is no rule that married couple must have joint finances; if anyone has told you that he has misinformed you. The law is that assets belong to the couple, but that is not the same as having joint finances.

There is nothing wrong with having some money of one's own to spend as one chooses. However, this is not some money. In the context, this is a significant amount of money that one person is saving secretly (albeit with good intentions) and which is preventing them as a couple from discussing whether they should buy something for their son.
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# 58
johndogs
Old 09-11-2012, 11:42 AM
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A dog is a living being, not an object to consider buying as a present. This should never have been brought up for discussion. You should not be comparing a living, feeling being with a holiday or any other material possession. Don't get the dog, if you can't see this you are not worthy of having such a precious soul.
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# 59
JayD
Old 09-11-2012, 5:32 PM
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Oh Lordy! If you are going to get a dog - whether it be now or later - you can say goodbye to any holidays abroad and to staying in many places in the UK too.

Me? I value holidays over the commitments of pets.

I had years of bieng held back because I had a dog - trying to find people to look after it if I was going to be out of the house for anything more than a few hours at a time.

That was hard enough but going away - even for just an overnight stay was much worse. Going to any friend or family occasion was a nightmare and yes, then there is the never ending costs.

I say take the holiday - this year and every year!
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# 60
sandyzaphod
Old 09-11-2012, 8:18 PM
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If he has not already got a pet why not start him off with some stick insects to see if he can look after pets? They are cheap (starter kit under a tenner) and no other costs.
If successful then a dog can be considered,if not then you have the answer. Whichever way you should have had the holiday before the decision has to be made.
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