Real-life MMD: Secret Santa standoff

[menorah56]

Secret Santa is a useless gimmick dreamed up by people who actually believe they have 5000 friends on Facebook ! Opt out and make a heartfelt genuine donation to a charity you believe in. The office gestapo will undoubtedly make noises but a 'Real' gift is one given freely and received warmly, unlike those in this childish game of peer pressure.

[bulletproof_1979]

These forums do make me laugh. I don't think I've ever worked anywhere where the "secret" of who bought your present wasn't revealed shortly afterwards - seems more than a bit anal do to otherwise.

Also, who are any of us to say £15 is "too much" - it's all relative, isn't it - we don't know what line of work the OP is in, their income etc. so can't really pass judgement.

As for the problem - it's a ridiculous non-issue - find something nice, spending whatever you want to spend, and don't be drawn on how much it cost, or if you are for some reason, laugh it off as unimportant. Which it is.

[JayD]

Well if everyone knows what everyone else has bought for them then it is NOT a Secret Santa at all. It is a public system of present buying allocation - and obviously the 'public' element has created a bit of a status battle.

If it is really making you feel unhappy and If you can afford it, then I suggest you fall into line. But I would personally stick to the limit set. If people want to go over it, that is THEIR choice - it certainly would not be mine.

I think that £15 is more than enough to sepnd on a colleague who you would probably not buy a present for at all, if given the choice.

[John le Bon]

I think it's a tragedy that a gift in this country is not a gift but a contract. We don't give in order to receive, and if we only do that, I'd question whether we can experience meaningful relationships.

Too often people give gifts in order to buy you. That will be the primary motivation for the overspend - it's (in part) an attempt to gain control through emotional manipulation. People will feel obliged to the one who spent so much on them.

Check your own heart next time you give a gift. Why are you doing it? To get something back? To control a person? Or is it because you just want to see them happy?

And yes...this is endemic in our godless selfish culture. No judgement, but at the same time, we can aspire to something higher.

[bulletproof_1979]

Originally Posted by John le Bon

And yes...this is endemic in our godless selfish culture. No judgement, but at the same time, we can aspire to something higher.

Agreed. Perhaps you could aspire to climbing down from your high horse?

[loulous]

I'd stick with the budget and if other people have little else to do in their lives than !!!!! about other people then leave them to it!

Secret Santa is banned in our office for this reason. Instead, on Christmas Eve (a short working day - finish around 2pm) everyone is allocated an item of food or drink (sandwiches, sausage rolls, cola etc.) to bring in and we have a little lunch time buffet at noon! I usually bake the mince pies!

[silverswan]

Why don't you all just hand each other £15. That way, you can buy what you want. Better still, make it £100!

[milvusvestal]

Why don't you set an example by opting out of this, a particularly stupid and pointless waste of money?

Just because, for some, the idea of buying presents the recipient doesn't want is somehow fashionable, it doesn't mean you have to follow the trend. My office used to have sweepstakes for the major racing events, but I made it clear that I didn't want to participate; if others are content to waste their money, it's up to them, but there's no reason why they should inflict their mentality on others.

I guess maintaining one's image and popularity in the workplace is enough reason for some, but regular things like this quickly get out of hand. Make your stand.

[katecheshire]

Our limit was £10 - you filled in a form if you wanted to take part and could suggest up to 3 wishes or just put 'surprise'. A good surprise one is to just get a basket or box and fill with mini treats (3 for 2 in Boots is good!); I got a couple of lovely glasses in a sale and added a couple of small bottles of wine (asda 4 for £5) and some chocs. A small bottle of lovely mulled wine syrup, a bottle of not expensive red wine with an orange and cinnamon sticks. Posh presentation makes it look impressive even if you haven't spent that much.
.
although if you have an office full of miserable s*ds i would be tempted to opt out!

[Deano62]

You certainly should not feel guilty. What's the point of having an AGREED limit if nobody sticks to it. I shouldn't be at all embarrassed.

I suspect ypur colleagues are simply trying to best each other.

Like someone else responded it's supposed to be SECRET santa!

[littlerat]

Originally Posted by menorah56

Secret Santa is a useless gimmick dreamed up by people who actually believe they have 5000 friends on Facebook ! Opt out and make a heartfelt genuine donation to a charity you believe in. The office gestapo will undoubtedly make noises but a 'Real' gift is one given freely and received warmly, unlike those in this childish game of peer pressure.

Secret Santa started way before facebook existed.

[florere]

Do you really want to give a pressy to these unpleasant people, tell them that you are not going to join in because the Christmas spirit has been lost.