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  • FIRST POST
    Coco114
    overwhelmed new member
    • #1
    • 16th Feb 12, 8:09 PM
    overwhelmed new member 16th Feb 12 at 8:09 PM
    This is my first visit and somehow it feels like a big step !
    I am a, relatively new, single parent. Massively in debt .... I reckon I should have it all paid off by 2099 .... 
    Your stories , helpful members & tips look like they may help me to begin the long process of sorting this mess out. Emotionally , finally in a good place , financially - it's dire !
    But , I just wanted to say , your stories are all encouraging & it's given me the push I needed to start sorting this out !
    Thanks x
Page 2
  • Coco114
    Ok thanks for that yes mortgage is 50/50 - there are jt cards/loans etc though everything maxed out !
    It will take me a while to get all info but will be as accurate as poss.
    I never wanted to get into any nasty whose is what war - I would rather just deal with everything decently if I can.
    It just doesn't seem fair that ( if we ever were able ) to pay mortgage off it would split 50/50 with me having paid 80% of it !
    Bit worried about ringing up for APR as I am guessing they will all start hassling me for payment ?!
    But I know I have to !
    Thanks so much xx
  • Coco114
    Sorry I only told half story ! We are not divorced yet (can't afford legal bills !) ex hasn't lived here for 6 months - is renting own place.
    Haven't been to CSA yet as I really , really just wanted everything to be agreed between us on as friendly a basis as possible , though it's becoming apparent that that won't work long term !
    Eldest is 18 but in FTE so CSA won't count him anyway I think.
    Thanks for all the advice everyone - I guess I am going to have to take my 45 mins of free legal advice !
    Sorry for boring you all but I feel better 
    Will get busy with figures & then you guys can tell me what you think !
    Xx
  • cpjackso
    Bit worried about ringing up for APR as I am guessing they will all start hassling me for payment ?!
    Most account statements (not demand letters...) will have the APR on somewhere so you probably wont need to ring for most. If you have missed payments/demand letters - then others will be able to advise whether you should ring or not.

    Haven't been to CSA yet as I really , really just wanted everything to be agreed between us on as friendly a basis as possible , though it's becoming apparent that that won't work long term !
    Originally posted by Coco114
    Definitely keep it amicable with the ex if you can - the calculation I showed on the other page is a starting point for discussions and will let you figure out if you are getting enough or not. Also - I've heard of people getting maintenance as long as the 'child' is still in education.

    The joint debts are really your main priority to unravel - you definitely need to determine what they are and who owes what.
    Last edited by cpjackso; 19-02-2012 at 10:39 AM.
  • Coco114
    Roughly :
    My Inc 1850
    Ex money 500
    CHB 135
    Tax C 45.00. Total in 2530

    Mortgage 697 (Inc arrears Pmt agreed )
    Secured 553
    Council Tax 115
    Water 56
    G & E Inc arrears 165
    Tv & sat 60
    Phones (land line/ int & 3 mobiles tied in till yr end) 100
    Petrol & car travel to work etc 150
    Ins hse 27
    Ccj jt 86
    Ccj me 30
    Groceries approx 300
    (if I were making min pmts to all unsecured debt that would add 700 +)

    Outst mortgage 124000
    Secured loan 69000
    My debts approx 20000
    Ex debts approx 20000
    Jt approx 20000

    Currently looking at MRS which would basically reduce my housing costs to 535 for rent but a) no longer own it and b) ex already said would then reduce my payment by 200 pm
    Eldest FTE finishes in May so hope he may get a job !!
    That's it for now I think I need a cup of tea.
    Also MRS has not yet been accepted & currently paying nothing to unsecured x
    • vasseur
    • By vasseur 19th Feb 12, 11:04 AM
    • 3,059 Posts
    • 9,841 Thanks
    vasseur
    Are you getting your single person's discount on your council tax?
    It's not how far you fall - it's how high you bounce back....
    Happiness is not a destination - it's a journey
  • cpjackso
    OK - you need to use the webpage at makesenseofcards to format your SOA - it will also help you to find things you've forgotten to include. Statement of affairs calculator is here

    Also you need to split your unsecured debts into individual balances and APRs. I would ignore your EXs debts at the moment as they dont involve you.
  • amorge
    Hi, I became a single parent a year ago and have finally gotten to grips with the finances.

    Are you claiming child & working tax credit? I noticed there was an income for 45 is that it? Avoid CSA at all costs, as soon as your eldest leaves college they will inform ex he can stop paying (they don't include I'm as FTE). My ex earns 45k and the CSA website says he should pay me 495 a mth so you're doing well with the 500.

    You should look at a DIY divorce and then only pay solicitors for a clean break. I think you can get forms frm the CAB and it not costs about 300 in court fees.

    Have you contacted any solicitors to see if they do a free 1 hr consultation? Your ex may be liable to pay you spouse maintenance, this starts when the divorce is finalised and means he may have to pay your monthly sum until the day you remarry or one of you dies....I was initially dubious about claiming as I didn't want it to be all about but if you're struggling you should look into it.

    Good luck
    LBM 18/06/15 - 20,276.64
    01/07/15 - 19,897.02
  • Domino9
    Roughly :
    My Inc 1850 Any way to increase?
    Ex money 500
    CHB 135
    Tax C 45.00.
    Total in 2530 Would you be in a position to take in a lodger under the "rent a room" scheme? Info here: http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/Taxes/TaxOnPropertyAndRentalIncome/DG_4017804

    Mortgage 697 (Inc arrears Pmt agreed) How much of this is arrears, and when will the arrears be up to date so that you can revert to regular payments? And what will the regular payments be then
    Secured 553 Was any of this spent on things that can be sold?
    Council Tax 115 Are you paying over 10 or 12 months?
    Water 56
    G & E Inc arrears 165 How much of this is arrears and how much is regular payment? When will the arrears be up-to-date and what will the payment revert to then? - Use energy conservatively: switch down the thermostats on the hot water tank and central heating by a few degrees (you're unlikely to notice), switch things off don't leave them on standby, use energy saving bulbs, etc etc
    Tv & sat 60 Can you downgrade this to the lowest package until the end of the contract? And when you're at the end of the contract switch to freeview
    Phones (land line/ int & 3 mobiles tied in till yr end) 100 see if pleading with the mobile companies will allow you to downgrade a tariff before the end of the contract (if you plead hardship, they will sometimes allow this). When out of contract look at SIM only and PAYG options - I've saved a fortune since switching to GiffGaff, so I can recommend you take a look with them when the time comes
    Petrol & car travel to work etc 150 Could you manage without a car? Would public transport be sufficient
    Ins hse 27
    Ccj jt 86
    Ccj me 30
    Groceries approx 300 I think that there are savings to be had here: meal plan, batch cook, cook from scratch, drop brands, shop in lidl/aldi
    (if I were making min pmts to all unsecured debt that would add 700 +)I think that you really need to get in contact with one of the debt charaties for assistance and advice. They should be able to help you get token payments sorted here

    Outst mortgage 124000
    Secured loan 69000
    My debts approx 20000 I am assuming that these are your debts only?
    Ex debts approx 20000 I am assuming that these are your husbands debts only, and not in your name at all? Are any of these secured debts?
    Jt approx 20000

    Currently looking at MRS which would basically reduce my housing costs to 535 for rent but a) no longer own it and b) ex already said would then reduce my payment by 200 pm even if you don't want to go down the CSA route right now at least, it might be worth speaking to them informally for advice so that if your ex does start to cut his payment to you that you will know what your entitlement is
    Eldest FTE finishes in May so hope he may get a job !! Get them to start looking for work well in advance.
    That's it for now I think I need a cup of tea. you deserve a biscuit too!
    Also MRS has not yet been accepted & currently paying nothing to unsecured x
    Originally posted by Coco114
    Hi,

    I have made some comments above, I hope that at least some of them will be of use to you.

    D9
    A Mortgage wannabe! 😄
  • Coco114
    Thanks so much
    Renting a room won't work small 3 bed & 6 yrs between kids ! My work trip takes 45 mins but would take 1hr 40 mins by PT noone in my area to car share with.
    As for increase - I am thinking about poss p/t job if I can fit it in. Mortgage arrears are over 5 yrs (agreed in court @ suspended reposession hearing - but the court refused a suspended posession order thank god & was quite harsh on mortgage company !
    Secured was to add conservatory & new kit etc and sadly at the time was valued at 190 - original debt was only 50k but the 69k is a recent redemption figure they gave me (3 wks ago) Inc int & costs etc !!!
    I have just been looking at CCS website so will def speak to them ref : debt repayment.
    Any arrears on g & e etc will be cleared in about 4 months so could maybe look at switching then ?
    Also , ex does his visiting here : all day sat & 3 hours one evening as he supposedly can't afford to have them to stay .... So because I am nice , he still gets 2 meals a week from me - it just seems like decent thing to do , but I suspect its more about keeping an eye on what i am doing . I also think for kids sake - they need to spend time away from here with ex on their own.
    What a mess !! I have tried to be friendly & decent but its not very well for me !
    Xx
  • cpjackso
    The thing that jumps out to me is that your income and money from elsewhere covers your current lifestyle. The problem is paying the payments on the debts - ie. you were overliving your means in the past. (Pretty much like everyone on here).

    I would pretty much follow the advice of domino9; immediately cancel the sky tv package, reduce my phone bills as much as possible, reduce your grocery bill. Check council tax is over 12 months and you get the 25% discount.

    You really do need to split out your debts into individual companies, credit cards/loans etc, the balances and the APRs.

    Since you say you're already in arrears with the mortgage and gas+elec etc - you are almost certainly best contacting CCCS to get them to help you sort this out.

    Keep smiling - you'll get it sorted - just keep up the effort .

    PS: I would ask the ex to take the kids out (take them to his/grandparents/park anything) instead of staying at yours - it might sound 'tight' but it will save you money on all the kids food - his food and will give you some space to chill - you're separated after all.
    Last edited by cpjackso; 19-02-2012 at 6:35 PM.
  • Coco114
    You are absolutely right - I can do this with my income , I think I am just going to have to accept the fact that I will have to clear all the jt debt myself & cover 3/4 of the mortgage (but at least I am fortunate that I can just about do it, some people aren't so lucky).
    Cut backs can def be made & me and the kids have already made changes.
    I'm sorry - guess just feeling a little sorry for myself as it took 2 to get in this mess but me that's left to clear it up. Have suggested that visiting be done elsewhere but sadly " tough it's still my house" seems to be the response I get - maybe I will just have to feed kids & then just go out everytime , maybe then the penny will drop !
    Have been on cccs site & def need to make payment offers , no matter how small , at least it's a start it's just hard trying to work out who has what debts now as it seems that people that write for payments aren't the original people we borrowed from ?! Very confusing .
    Anyway, many thanks again & hopefully soon I will be able to put how much I owe to whom & cross a little off each month - a debt free date would be awesome
    Xx
  • nimbo
    Hi All - good to know I am not the only one who is new to all this. I have noticed little changes already, like being 10 mins late for work today - I got in my car with my precious 3.00 ....... thinking its Friday and I would treat myself - then I got back out - went back and made porridge (I never normally eat breakfast) and made myself sandwiches to take with me. I am bound and determined to hang on to that 3.00 as long as I can
    Am going to do my budget this weekend and also work out what I owe - not going to pretty, I am guessing at about 25,000 but will see.
    One thing - what should I be realisticly allowing for a family of three and 3 cats, for groceries for a month ? i was thinking 300.00 but is that too much ?
    Many thanks all xx
    Originally posted by Coco114
    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=33

    look at the top of the old style board.... each month they have a grocery challenge where you set a budget - and then try to stick to it.... (i haven't linked to this months as it'a nearly over and there is so much more to the OS bord)...

    they have all sorts of recipes and and hints nad tips about saving cash on shopping etc....

    there was at one point a thread on how to live for 50p a day per head - and the woman doing it ate better than i do!!!!!!!

    good luck. xx
    Third year here I come!!!!!
    Stashbuster - 2014 98/100 - 2015 115/200
    2014 - 18/14
  • Edwardia
    Don't walk out leaving ex in house, he could get locksmith round. Personally when he says tough it's my house and expects food I'd give him Pot Noodle and I definitely don't see why you should make ANY effort over debt in his name. I DO think it would be a good idea to get a proper split. You get proper rights then for you and children.
  • Coco114
    So its been 2/3 weeks and I am not much further forward. I have made a big list of things to do and have made a start so at least I feel I have done something
    Have realised that am kind of on my own now financially so its best that I work on only my money for now. Have found details, APR of 2 debts so thats a start I guess.
    Have decided that I may start a diary to keep me motivated ....... at least I will have to stop ignoring stuff then ! also, am not going to worry about my ex and how he is coping any more - its not my problem any more.
    Need to chase up Shelter and find out whats happening with the MRS - havent heard anything yet - be nice to know if its likely to happen at some point - weirdly, I would be much better off, though with no house to call my own. Ex doesnt seem to happy about it but, also not willing to help more ?!
    I stupidly commented that I had managed to save 50 last month as a RD Fund .... so he quipped that he would have to cut back what he is paying as obviously giving me too much ????!!!
    I cant put my response on here but I am sure you can all imagine
    Anyway, hopefully start the diary tonight - only have my phone for internet but it keeps shutting down hence can only really use work PC at lunchtimes.... anyway...
    Hope you are all well and thanking you for your support...... its nice to know am not alone.
    Coco xx
  • camuk81
    Coco,

    Just as a quick note if you get the statements and they are shown in monthly apr which companies do try using below.

    http://www.stoozing.com/mon2yr.htm

    It will convert to show the apr. Separation are never great and its a shame he isn't being more supportive regarding the bills side of things. Good luck on your journey
    LBM Nov 2011, Amount owed 14,258.67, 1,977.81 now owed, 12,280.86 paid off 86.13%
    No 149: Debt free for Christmas 2012 Cleared Next, Wonga, Phoneix, Family loan, Vanquis, Aqua, Everyday. Still to clear Barclaycard, Capital one, & FD loan Just under 2050 days till I'm a normal person with a normal file
  • Coco114
    3rd time lucky of trying to post this
    No, these things are never easy ! Couple of questions if thats ok. What is snowballing debts ?
    Also, some people refer to making extra payments over and above their monthly payment - do you do this online ?

    Thanks
    Coco xx
    • vasseur
    • By vasseur 7th Mar 12, 1:01 PM
    • 3,059 Posts
    • 9,841 Thanks
    vasseur
    No, these things are never easy ! Couple of questions if thats ok. What is snowballing debts ?
    Also, some people refer to making extra payments over and above their monthly payment - do you do this online ?
    Originally posted by Coco114
    Snowballing is paying the minimum on all your debts apart from the the one with the highest APR which you chuck as much money as you can at. When that one's paid off you go to the next highest APR and do the same. It cuts months off your DFD. There's a snowballing calculator on the site somewhere which will tell you how long it will take you to pay off all your debts this way - sorry I can't seem to post the link.

    I pay extra off my CC aside from my monthly DD. I do it online through my bank account - just get your credit cards set up online and you can throw any extra cash at them as and when you have it.

    I do the 'Payment a Day' challenge (also on these boards) sometimes just 1 a day and it makes all the difference and you don't notice it going out of your account.
    It's not how far you fall - it's how high you bounce back....
    Happiness is not a destination - it's a journey
  • Coco114
    So, a little update. I thought I hadnt really got very far with this but maybe further than I thought ! So far :
    Have draughted a letter to all My and Joint Creditors offering a token payment until I can sort something out.
    know exactly where I am with my Bank (which is a first! I dont have much but at least I know how much it is)
    Made a budget ready for April - PayDay on 30th
    Cut Weekly Grocery Budget to Approx 70 (may sound high but from someone who thought nothing of spending 150-200 a week thats good !!)
    Finally learnt that saying "no - I cant afford it" doesnt make me a bad person !
    Am gathering all paperwork together (this weekend) to approach National Debt Line next week
    Joined a couple of Cash Back sites
    Made myself a MASSIVE to do list (not money related)
    and.... read so many diaries on this site that, if nothing else I know there are a lot of people in the same position as me !
    So, whilst I feel I have achieved nothing during March - its actually not the case - I have done quite a lot !
    Hope all is well with everyone on here...... for now, I will keep reading and learning

    Coco x
    • Barbeduk
    • By Barbeduk 16th Mar 12, 2:32 PM
    • 823 Posts
    • 7,150 Thanks
    Barbeduk
    Gosh Coco I have just read your thread and just wanted to say, much respect to you! Your ex sounds like he is trying to use the money/home situation as a power thing and I would agree with the other poster who suggested that you do not leave him alone in what is now your home.

    A friend who went through a difficult divorce remained totally polite with her ex but didn't tell him anything about her life or finances. It has taken her a couple of years but it is all now sorted out.

    I am paying off our debt by really making as many cutbacks as I can and using the NO word. There are loads of great challenges and as mentioned above, the grocery challenge is fab, really friendly and so many great tips! I now spend about 260 for 2 adults and 2 kids. I would say that before I was spending in excess of 500. It's got to the stage now where I resent spending money (cus I lose a NSD!!).

    Every time I get a bit of spare cash, even just a few pounds, I will pay it off the CC. I check the bank statement and credit card statements online every day (ok, a bit obsessive!!).

    Massive amounts of good luck to you. You will be in such a great place once all this is sorted.
    June GC 288.01/400
  • Hovel lady
    Well done on what you have achieved so far
    Look forward to hearing how you get on xx
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