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How Did You Afford/Pay for Your/Your Daughter's Wedding?
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# 1
tesuhoha
Old 20-07-2011, 11:01 AM
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Default How Did You Afford/Pay for Your/Your Daughter's Wedding?

I'm just wondering if this is something other people think about. My daughter is 25 and although her current relationship is uncertain I am starting to think she may get married sometime in the next 5 years.

I don't have any money for this and I am just wondering if this is something other people plan for a bit like saving for college fees. I know the parents of the bride are supposed to stump up for the wedding costs.

I have decided I am going to start a wedding fund with the money she gives me for her keep. I usually spend it on extra food luxuries for her and take her out to the cinema once a month but I think we can get by without me using the money. I could then save maybe a few thousand in a few years. She won't be able to have an enormous wedding with a lot of guests and a 5,000 dress but maybe I can afford a small reception or something. Am I being naive?

I'd be interested to hear from others what you did. Also those who have recently married. Have you paid for the costs yourself? Did your parents contribute? Did you have an expensive wedding or a cheap one? Did anyone end up in a lot of debt?

I know there have been threads like this before whether people have had big weddings or not but I am interested in how people cope with paying for them.

Personally, we got married in a registry office with two witnesses, no flowers, no dress, no engagement ring, a pub lunch with chicken and chips in a basket and no honeymoon. As presents I got a chopping board from my mother in law, a dinner set from my sister in law and I can't remember what my mother got me if anything. They were a bit upset but it didn't cost anyone anything. We were not cheapskates, just broke and trying to afford our first mortgage.
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Last edited by tesuhoha; 20-07-2011 at 11:04 AM.
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# 2
getmore4less
Old 20-07-2011, 11:06 AM
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Decide how much you would like to contribute, save that and let them get on with it from there.

Make sure she marries a man that packs a big wallet in his trowsers
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# 3
pigpen
Old 20-07-2011, 11:08 AM
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I paid for mine myself.. and my daughters are fully aware if they are stupid enough to get married they can pay for it themselves!

OH's mum spent thousands on her daughters wedding which was a complete waste of money..They are now struggling to find the deposit for a house before they can start a family!!

If both are working I think they should pay for their own expenses!
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# 4
LEJC
Old 20-07-2011, 11:11 AM
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Lots of couples do indeed pay for their own weddings now....but then I guess it depends really on whether she is expecting a similar thing from you or not...I think its a lovely idea to be able to contribute something to the wedding funds and im sure when the time comes then it will be very welcome and appreciated...

Having said all that...weddings dont need to be expensive ...so please dont think that either you or she needs to take out a loan that will take years to pay back for the sake of one day..

Lots of weddings are very beautiful and on small budgets...pop across to the wedding thread...there are loads of brides planning their perfect day there on all different budgets...but very few have unlimited budgets....their pictures of their perfect days that they post afterwards are beautiful and they have the day of their dreams...a lot is about sourcing carefully and making things individual...yes you can spend thousands on a wedding but it can also be very stylish on a budget too...
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# 5
Kandboys
Old 20-07-2011, 11:14 AM
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We saved and saved and saved for our wedding. My parents paid for the reception during the day and evening but we paid for everything else. They decided to pay for our reception as they had put my sister through university. I don't think in this day and age parents should be expected to pay for their daughter's wedding!
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Last edited by Kandboys; 20-07-2011 at 11:20 AM.
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# 6
FairyShazza
Old 20-07-2011, 11:17 AM
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I think the days where tradition of the brides parents paying for her wedding are not adhered to very often now. My parents did not pay for my wedding, and wouldn't I have wanted them to anyway. My husband and I saved hard and paid for it all ourselves - albeit with a couple of very small donations from my husbands father (he paid for his suit hire and a couple of other things).

If you wish to save money to contribute towards it then I would say go ahead and set up some kind of savings account. One of the reasons I didn't want my parents to pay for our wedding was because I didn't want them to specify how it should be done and I knew if they had contributed there would be more chance of them doing that By paying for it ourselves nobody could really tell us how we should do things and we were able to make the day our own without fear of upsetting anyone if they had contributed towards it.
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# 7
CH27
Old 20-07-2011, 11:20 AM
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My mum & dad gave us 2000.
They said we could use it towards the wedding or the house deposit.
We had a very small wedding as I prefered to use the money on the house.

Decide how much you can reasonably save & tell her that is all there is.
Remember you will still have to buy your own outfit & drinks etc.
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# 8
balletshoes
Old 20-07-2011, 11:21 AM
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I think thats a great idea, setting up a wedding fund for your daughter from your existing luxuries budget.

I didn't get married in the UK, and we didn't have a reception here either, so we paid for it all, without any expectation that my parents (or his) would contribute. Both my sisters had engagements which lasted about 18 months - 2 years, and when they announced their engagements my parents started the wedding funds for them. My sisters and their finances saved half, my parents saved the other half, to cover the weddings (one was bigger than the other, but that was each sisters preference).
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# 9
tesuhoha
Old 20-07-2011, 11:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LEJC View Post
Lots of couples do indeed pay for their own weddings now....but then I guess it depends really on whether she is expecting a similar thing from you or not...I think its a lovely idea to be able to contribute something to the wedding funds and im sure when the time comes then it will be very welcome and appreciated...

Having said all that...weddings dont need to be expensive ...so please dont think that either you or she needs to take out a loan that will take years to pay back for the sake of one day..

Lots of weddings are very beautiful and on small budgets...pop across to the wedding thread...there are loads of brides planning their perfect day there on all different budgets...but very few have unlimited budgets....their pictures of their perfect days that they post afterwards are beautiful and they have the day of their dreams...a lot is about sourcing carefully and making things individual...yes you can spend thousands on a wedding but it can also be very stylish on a budget too...

Thanks. I didn't even know there was a wedding thread. I will have a look.
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# 10
Winnie in Pooh
Old 20-07-2011, 11:22 AM
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My parents contributed to my wedding by "doing" rather than "funding". We also had a small registry office do with the reception in the pub - in total cost us about 1k. My Dad drove me and did his car up with ribbons and flowers, Mum altered my dress (ebay special) and organised for a couple of student photographers to take our pictures and MIL made our cake. It helped make our day that little bit more special! Maybe if money is a bit tight you could think along these lines?
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# 11
Blue Monkey
Old 20-07-2011, 11:22 AM
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I'm newly engaged and we are presuming the wedding will be at our cost. However, my dad bumped into OH's dad the other day who told him that they were "already saving for the wedding" which made me cringe a bit... We don't expect our parents to contribute, and I'd feel more comfortable them doing things for us rather than giving us cash (ie MIL is a chef, so would probably be able to make a cake, my mum is a dabhand with the sewing machine so thinking about asking her to make my dress)... Also, if they haven't paid, I'd feel more able to tell them to stop interfering in plans or feel I'd have more of a right to say no when they start inviting their friends along!

I say go with what you feel is appropriate. Most of my friends are like us - they don't expect a contribution but would possibly welcome it. However, do it with no strings and don't skint yourself out doing it - it's not your responsibility as such as no one is going to think badly of you if you can't / don't want to.
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# 12
tesuhoha
Old 20-07-2011, 11:23 AM
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Thank you for your replies. So basically its a bit old fashioned for the parents to pay. That's a relief. I am going to start paying though to contribute something.
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# 13
LEJC
Old 20-07-2011, 11:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tesuhoha View Post
Thanks. I didn't even know there was a wedding thread. I will have a look.
Its a sub board of "special occaisions ans celebrations"....
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# 14
celyn90
Old 20-07-2011, 11:24 AM
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We paid for our wedding ourselves; we would never have expected either set of parents to contribute financially at all.

I don't like the reasons behind the tradition of the brides family paying for it all either.

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# 15
mirrorimage0
Old 20-07-2011, 11:28 AM
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we got married almost 3 yrs ago and we had every intention we were paying for things ourselves, but my parents insisted on paying for the bridal car as i wasnt bothered about having one, was gonna have a couple of friends with their black taxis done up. and hubbys parents paid towards the mens suits (becuase they wanted all the brothers etc as ushers were as we would of been quite happy with just the groom, best man and two dads in the same suits.

my dress i bought at auction, i think the original label was something just over 3000 and i paid 120, and favours, flowers, order of service etc etc i did myself and wirtht he help of mum and friends
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# 16
tesuhoha
Old 20-07-2011, 11:29 AM
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Thank you everyone. Can I just point out that she doesn't expect anything and hasn't even mentioned getting married apart from an 'I don't want to be single all my life' comment. Its just me thinking of that eventuality or of her suddenly announcing they want to get married in a couple of months! I want to plan ahead.
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# 17
tesuhoha
Old 20-07-2011, 11:34 AM
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There are some great ideas here. I remember once we were talking about it and she said big weddings were a waste of money so she won't want one.
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# 18
Kimberley82
Old 20-07-2011, 11:36 AM
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My parents paid for my wedding apart from the evening do that my inlaws paid for, they only thing we paid for was the rings.
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# 19
Magicboo
Old 20-07-2011, 11:44 AM
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my parents paid for the majority of our wedding, when we told them we didn't expect them to pay for anything, they told us they would be very upset if they didn't pay for their daughters wedding. However they did get a little offended that DH's parents didn't offer to pay for anything.
We contributed by paying for bits like the wine and anything relating to DH and Best man (as we really couldn't get our heads round my parents paying for suits for 2 chaps they're not particularly close to) etc..and I also spent ALOT of time making everything as MSE as we could.
I'd definately recommend the Wedding board on here, it gave me SO many ideas!
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# 20
floss2
Old 20-07-2011, 11:46 AM
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We paid for our own wedding last September, we are both working and wanted to make it the day we wanted, not the day anyone contributing thought we should have.

I have two sons (not DH's) and if they decide to marry we have an Isa which will be split between them and their father can also contribute. However, if we need to undertake any urgent repairs to our home, roof for example, they will come out of the emergency/wedding pot first.
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