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    • jtr2803
    • By jtr2803 8th Jun 11, 7:55 PM
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    Waiting for marriage (and/or a proposal!) - how did you stay sane?!
    • #1
    • 8th Jun 11, 7:55 PM
    Waiting for marriage (and/or a proposal!) - how did you stay sane?! 8th Jun 11 at 7:55 PM
    OK, don't all laugh but I would love (read as I am desperate for) my OH to propose , thought I would share my light hearted desperations with others as hopefully someone out there can sympathise!

    We have been together 3 years this month and have lived together pretty much the whole time so we know each other very well now, due to the way in which we got together (long story) I, and a number of my closest friends, thought that a proposal would be fairly swift but it seems that isn't to be the case! Oh I've hinted pretty outrageously at times , we haven't long got back from 2 weeks in the Maldives and I really thought he was going to do it there but it wasn't to be....unfortunately he also quite directly told me halfway through the holiday he wasn't going to either....he has a fantastic way with words sometimes *rolleyes*. Other than that we have a fantastic relationship and he is my very best friend, he is affectionate, loving, he cooks for me, calls me at work to sing Stevie Wonders 'I just called to say I love you', he delivers my favourite cake to work when I am having a bad day and he often brings me home flowers . Is there any surprise I want to marry him so much?

    So.....after all that waffle....did anyone else have an agonising wait before their proposal? Did anyone else just tell them it was about time they did it? How did you stay sane during the wait? I have a couple of friends who are getting married soon and they all got with their partners after us so I am doing the 'when is it my turn?' thing. Argh, I am so impatient!

    Last edited by jtr2803; 08-01-2012 at 2:10 PM.

    Very happily married on 10th April 2013
    Spero Meliora
    Trying to find a cure for Maldivesitis
Page 116
    • leslieknope
    • By leslieknope 17th Feb 17, 2:55 PM
    • 308 Posts
    • 459 Thanks
    little rant here.... i don't necessarily want to get married. i've never been someone who likes to be centre of attention. but it's disheartening that after 3 1/2 years together, my OH doesn't even seem to be considering it. it feels like everyone else has progressed so much more in their relationships than we have we don't even live together, although that is more money related than anything else. hopefully to change in the summer! and maybe he doesn't feel like that is a viable step until we are living together. but as sad as it sounds, it would still be nice to get a ring just to seal the deal that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me even if we're not bothered about having a big wedding and party.

    i'm not even that expensive! saw an engagement ring on etsy for £100 that i loved!
    CCCC #33: £42/£240
    DFW: £4355/£4405
    • heartbreak_star
    • By heartbreak_star 20th Feb 17, 9:40 AM
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    Oh I do love Etsy! The twig rings they have on there are so beautiful

    HBS x
    I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.

    • kirtsypoos
    • By kirtsypoos 20th Feb 17, 4:39 PM
    • 3,044 Posts
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    I had a conversation with OH last night about how important I feel it is to make that commitment before children, and he said if we get pregnant he would be happy to have a small wedding so we all have the same name, but that in general marriage scares him after his brothers divorce.

    I would understand that except his brother is now happier than ever with a new partner, and has a great relationship with his ex-wife and her new husband. Just feels like another excuse!
    £250/3000 OH BC(91.66% PAID)
    PAID VERY, Barclaycard x2, Vanquis, Natwest, O/D, Tesco & MBNA x2 PAID LBM 24/07/15 - Debt: £250/31010.23 (99.19% paid)
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    • heartbreak_star
    • By heartbreak_star 21st Feb 17, 11:08 AM
    • 7,611 Posts
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    Was it an expensive divorce?

    HBS x
    I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.

    • Mrs_Ryan
    • By Mrs_Ryan 26th Feb 17, 11:43 PM
    • 10,286 Posts
    • 18,920 Thanks
    My OH uses his parents' divorce as an excuse for us not to get married. However he also knows that if my Dad's health goes downhill any further anytime soon and we're not at least engaged then we're over. I've told him on many occasions that as the unmarried daughter I will be expected to look after my parents but he just says 'but you're in a loving relationship!' Yeah, but I'm not married so that doesn't count!
    My Dad unfortunately is in extremely poor health, physically and mentally and I've been quite blunt with OH about this. I don't think he quite gets that I am 100% serious about it. He knows I would like my dad to see me get married and that it breaks my dads heart that I'm not married. Me and mum are the only ones who've not been divorced but Dad is adamant that because I am not married then it is my duty to look after him and mum in their time of need because having a boyfriend is not a legal meaningful relationship. I'm a real Daddy's girl and I completely respect this viewpoint and I will go if I have to. OH has said before when I've threatened to leave that he will propose but I honestly don't believe he will. He utterly takes me for granted sometimes but he can't have his cake and eat it!
    Last edited by Mrs_Ryan; 26-02-2017 at 11:48 PM.
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    • kirtsypoos
    • By kirtsypoos 27th Feb 17, 9:35 AM
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    Was it an expensive divorce?

    HBS x
    Originally posted by heartbreak_star
    Not particularly, there is a child involved and quite high child maintenance payments but he will be responsible for child maintenance if we have a child then split up anyway so not sure I understand his thoughts on that!
    £250/3000 OH BC(91.66% PAID)
    PAID VERY, Barclaycard x2, Vanquis, Natwest, O/D, Tesco & MBNA x2 PAID LBM 24/07/15 - Debt: £250/31010.23 (99.19% paid)
    Mortgage - £161,000.00 (2017 O/P £2221.94) PAYDBX 17 #006 - £17,473.18/14,539.71
    • BeckyAP
    • By BeckyAP 25th Aug 17, 12:30 PM
    • 20 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    When my OH proposed, I was completely caught off guard!
    I'd been hinting at it for about 6 months to a year before he proposed but more recently just stopped hassling.
    I thought he'd do it whenever he was ready for it, fair enough!
    For our four year anniversary, we'd book to stay out on the Solent Forts in Portsmouth. Everything was paid for 50/50 so I didn't think there would be anything I wasn't aware of.
    Early in the morning, we go up the lighthouse to try and catch the sunrise. I get bored and want to go back to the room for a cup of tea to find him down on one knee asking if I'll be his wife!
    Turns out he'd been planning it for a few months, sourced a ring off Etsy showing the coastline with the diamond marking the fort out at sea (swoon!) and even asked my parent's permission (which I appreciated) without me even knowing!
    Now I've just got to try and motivate him into planning a wedding!!
    • heartbreak_star
    • By heartbreak_star 14th Sep 17, 4:37 PM
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    I've gone off the idea. Our relationship isn't all it could be at the moment.

    HBS x
    I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.

    • lika_86
    • By lika_86 16th Sep 17, 5:44 PM
    • 1,184 Posts
    • 4,222 Thanks
    Sorry to hear that HBS, hopefully it's just a blip.

    Congrats to those who have graduated from this thread lately!
    • Sneha01
    • By Sneha01 21st Sep 17, 8:20 AM
    • 2 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    Just wait for the right time and moment. May be he has planned something special for you!
    • allwordsnoaction
    • By allwordsnoaction 11th Oct 17, 11:07 PM
    • 1 Posts
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    7 years dating and I'm so not sane anymore
    I would say more like clinically depressed and boiling. At 3 years in I was 30 and so was he. On my bday I said why haven't u proposed yet? And he got flabbergasted. Promised we would look at rings all that hoopla. We picked out an inexpensive ring. He acted like he was going to buy it and surprise me. Well I was certainly surprised he didn't! Then he had all these excuses why he didn't. Idk some time passed and we got pregnant. I actually cried while he was ecstatic. He assured me he would propose soon. Was saving for the ring for my bday etc. No presents. Still no ring at baby shower 7 months in. By then I was debating not having him at the birth. But he got a great new job so I thought we had more money so it would happen. Wrong. Baby came, months went past and he started acting weird. Like wanting to go to the bar acting just shady idk. Started working like 6 or 7 days a week. I was getting really angry that he wouldn't stay home and help us. He admitted he wanted to get away from me. Meanwhile I was sitting there alone every wkd w a crying 3 month old. I said if we aren't getting engaged I need to move on now. I started getting depressed and went to postpartum group therapy. The therapists both said my problem is him and it wasn't postpartum desperation. I stopped going after that and I swore to him and myself verbally that I'm out by my birthday if nothing happens. My 34th bday came when the baby was 16 months. I cried alll day long in bed sobbing it was literally hours of crying while he watched in silence. He did nothing that day. He kept trying to hold me and have sex with me. It was brutal. I packed up all his belongings the next day and put them outside and took away his key. He showed up when me and baby drove in w he car and pushed his way back in our apt. I told him no it's ending and he said I don't even let him propose that I'm the problem here that all I talk about is getting engaged. At this point I just screamed 7 years over n over. I decided to wait until the end of September. I finally was like when when when what day flipping out until he actually said a specific date.

    Proposal came. Lol it gets worse. He started acting weird got his mom to come watch baby. Said we are going somewhere it's a surprise. He came home real late after work I was waiting to go on this surprise date. I was so so tired by the time he got home. It was a weeknight and I was starving. Get in the car and he said we were going to a bar! I said I don't want to go it's really late and I hate that bar. He flips a !!!! and throws a ring box at me. Started driving all crazy then jumps out of the car once it's stopped. I had to go find him on the dark roads. He gets in car and I said take me to the place and propose let's go. Said I ruin everything blah blah blah ok. Would not propose. He said he was embarassed now and everything was ruined.

    I was !!!!ed and am still !!!!ed. This was about 2 weeks ago. Now I'm dying inside. Idk what to do but I'm so angry every day like seething mad. I feel rejected and unstable. I demanded to know what was going on last night when he was home. He got mad and wouldn't speak. I can't take any more of this bs. 7 year long relationship and I feel like I don't mean anything to this guy. I said our 7 year anniversary is 0ct 27. He said maybe I'll propose then. Maybe?!

    I also took a peek in the ring box when he jumped out of the car. I had to look even tho I knew it would ruin the surprise. I've never seen such a tiny diamond or CZ before. It's about 1mm wide and ugly. I would accept the ring because that's who I am. However I can't believe he is trying to say he saved for years for a ring that looks like it cost $20. I would never pick this ring out and I'm concerned even more than ever. He doesn't know me at all or what I like. The proposal at the bar with a groupon was super non romantic to me. He had also said he was stalling because he wanted the perfect proposal. The bar?

    The ring is just wow. Idk why he bought it shut me up? Looks like no effort went into this. Please help. I feel clinically depressed at this point and worthless. Like such a loser for staying all this time. And I'm scared for me and my son. I desperately want to be with this man but I've never felt so much pain.
    • VintageHistorian
    • By VintageHistorian 16th Oct 17, 7:23 PM
    • 256 Posts
    • 1,630 Thanks
    Allwordsnoaction - Leave him. He sounds like he's stringing you along. Doesn't want to end things with you because then life will get more difficult for him, but doesn't really want you around either as he doesn't want the commitment. His proposal plan sounds half arsed, the ring sounds half arsed, do not give a large proportion of your time and energy to a person who will only give you a small fraction of theirs.
    "You won't bloom until you're planted" - Graffiti spotted in Newcastle.

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