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  • FIRST POST
    Lalaladybird
    Is this miserly or just moneysaving?
    • #1
    • 28th Aug 10, 9:37 AM
    Is this miserly or just moneysaving? 28th Aug 10 at 9:37 AM
    I called my OH a miser before he went off to work this morning...poor man

    Things I have asked for that he has said no to in the last wee while....

    A bed rail for our toddlers new bed. In her lifetime we have moved house twice and introduced a new sibling and nothing has upset her more than moving from her cot to a bed. She loves her bed but instead of falling asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow at 7pm as she has always done she is running about til 10pm in her room. Then she'll roll out of bed or just cry during the night. I wanted to get her a bed rail not only to keep her from falling out but to make her feel more secure. OH put a footstool beside her bed and said..."that works and they didn't have bed guards 50 years ago"

    A radio/cd player for the kitchen. We don't have one so I can't listen to the radio or play a cd while I am at home with the kids. Its tv or silence! He said I'll have to wait til Christmas.

    Cans of fizzy drink in the weekly big shop....he said we can get squash!

    He discourages me from driving more than a 5 mile radius from our house to save money on petrol.

    I go about in cheap clothes. I have one pair of shoes that now have holes in. I'm still wearing my maternity bras. I only get my hair cut about 3 times a year and I always try to get my friends to visit me at home to save on buying lunch/coffee out. Yet he always calls me a spender We only spend about £80 a week on groceries that includes baby milk and nappies but he moans about that.

    In his defence we are living on one income plus tax credits because I'm at home with our 2 kids under 3. He says as long as I keep spending on "silly things" we'll never get a holiday. He's a great OH and dad and I love him to bits. I just think he's really tight!

    Does he sound tight to you or just sensible with money and looking at the bigger picture????
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  • Proc
    • #2
    • 28th Aug 10, 9:44 AM
    • #2
    • 28th Aug 10, 9:44 AM
    He sounds like he's got his head screwed on to me.

    If the income is low, you've got to cut back on non-essentials. Fizzy pop, CD players and long drives aren't really essentials. If more people had this attitude towards money, we wouldn't be such a debt-heavy country. You want a holiday...he's making sure you'll get it.
  • Sambucus Nigra
    • #3
    • 28th Aug 10, 9:46 AM
    • #3
    • 28th Aug 10, 9:46 AM
    I think you need to separate out the quite important from the nice to do.

    Bedrail; what price your daughter's good night sleeps? If she falls out onto a stool, will this knock her spine out of kilter and potentially cost you some chiropractor visits?

    Radio - can you get one from freeycycle?

    Fizzy drink - squash is perfectly adequate and probably better for you

    Driving 5 mile radius - actually short journeys would be better off walked, and only use the car for longer ones if needs be.

    Clothes; a decent bra and shoes are essential, but it's up to you and your friends to go to each other's houses if you don't have the cash to waste on coffee shops - which are overpriced.

    However, it sounds to me like you need to do an SOA and get both of you aligned together on what spends the family needs and what is left over.
  • andrealm
    • #4
    • 28th Aug 10, 10:08 AM
    • #4
    • 28th Aug 10, 10:08 AM
    Does he live frugally himself, or does he ever treat himself to the things he likes?

    I think he's being very unreasonable over the bed rail and you shouldn't have to wear shoes with holes in them. What are his own shoes like?

    As for the saving on petrol, I suppose that depends where you live.
  • shelley_crow
    • #5
    • 28th Aug 10, 10:15 AM
    • #5
    • 28th Aug 10, 10:15 AM
    There are ways around the rest of the issues but decent fitting shoes, the bedrail and decent bras are essential. Asda do good bras for £4. Ask on freecycle for a bedrail.

    Haircut wise, make OH look after the kids and get yourself down your local college, the hairdressing tutors need models for the students to practice on later in the year once the students are almost quallified. I can't remember if they do charge, I think they do it free under close supervision.
  • aliasojo
    • #6
    • 28th Aug 10, 10:20 AM
    • #6
    • 28th Aug 10, 10:20 AM
    In his defence we are living on one income plus tax credits because I'm at home with our 2 kids under 3.

    Does he sound tight to you or just sensible with money and looking at the bigger picture????
    Originally posted by Lalaladybird
    I think it depends on the size of that 'one income'.

    We can't really judge if your OH is tight or sensible as we simply don't know if money is tight generally or if there may be cash there for incidentals but he personally doesn't feel they are worthy so wont spend on them.

    Bed rail, maternity bras and holey shoes are ridiculous. I'd be putting my foot down about those regardless of anything else.
    Herman - MP for all!
    • peachyprice
    • By peachyprice 28th Aug 10, 10:21 AM
    • 16,342 Posts
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    peachyprice
    • #7
    • 28th Aug 10, 10:21 AM
    • #7
    • 28th Aug 10, 10:21 AM
    Perhaps being the only earner is making him over-cautious through fear of not having enough money? But I do think he's taking it to the extreme. Shoes with no holes, a DD who feels safe in her bed and a wife who is happy with her appearance is more important than a holiday IMO. How much would those few things eat into the holiday budget? Not much.

    I have two spare bedrails I will happliy send you, PM me if you want them. They're the Ikea ones, in wood rather than white.
    http://www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/30099293
    Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear
    • minimoneysaver
    • By minimoneysaver 28th Aug 10, 10:23 AM
    • 2,183 Posts
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    minimoneysaver
    • #8
    • 28th Aug 10, 10:23 AM
    • #8
    • 28th Aug 10, 10:23 AM
    The bed rail is important. My little girl had an accident on hers and the cover wasn't washable. I made the choice to bin it, thinking she didn't need it anymore. How wrong could I have been. Just a week later she was in hospital with a broken bone. A new bed rail is now in place and it is staying there.
  • Jacks xxx
    • #9
    • 28th Aug 10, 10:25 AM
    • #9
    • 28th Aug 10, 10:25 AM
    I agree with him about the fizzy drinks my lovely - but a rail for littl'un's bed so everyone can sleep is a whole different matter. Can you try and get one on Freecycle, eBay, the local paper or one of those shops that people sell their used baby things in?

    Speaking of, can you eBay any duplicate, outgrown or no longer used baby bits to pay for a cd radio? I got mine for Crimbo, but it's really good and only about £25 in Argos. (There's probably even cheaper out there.) In the meantime can you play tunes in the computer or the dvd player to keep you going? Ooh... or use the radio stations on sky tv? What about borrowing one from friends or family? In this ipod age lots of people have unused ones lying around. Put the word out and see if somebody offers you one for free.

    What about making a deal with your OH that you'll walk everywhere humanly possible for a month so that you can have the petrol money for new shoes or new bras. (I don't know how much you usually spend on petrol but one month's worth is probably not enough for both.)

    Maybe if you had a really lean shopping month there'd be some spare cash. It's hard with nappies I know, but there's always cuts to be made if you're prepared to make them. It might not be fun for a month but it's an either / or situation when money's tight isn't it?

    I get that you're fed up hon, but your OH is being the way he is because it's necessary I suspect? Out of love for you and the little ones, and the need to take care of you all. I can empathise with him because for the two years that we were paying off debts and the 9 months that we were unemployed I was the bad guy in my house.

    A sizeable chunk of the reason that we were in such a debt mess was that my gorgeous hubby couldn't ever bear to say no - to me, the kids, his mum, his granny - or anyone that he loved.

    You know that expression "Generous to a fault"? That's my Hubby.

    Thanks to your OH being a different breed I expect you'll never find yourself in the situation we found ourselves in.

    I hope this hasn't come over as a lecture sweetie, I'm just giving you my perspective in the hope that it makes you feel a bit better about this lean time. Most of us have been there chick.
    Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. Einstein
    • mrcow
    • By mrcow 28th Aug 10, 10:28 AM
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    mrcow
    For goodness sake woman - go and buy yourself a new pair of shoes!


    The rest of it is garnish and yes, could be construed as a complete waste of money depending on your point of view.
    "One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
    Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."
    • ringo_24601
    • By ringo_24601 28th Aug 10, 10:29 AM
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    ringo_24601
    The radio/CD player.. you can get one pretty cheaply from Argos: http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/5135451/Trail/searchtext%3ECD+PLAYER.htm

    For another fiver you could get something a bit nicer looking: http://direct.tesco.com/q/R.200-8441.aspx
    • VfM4meplse
    • By VfM4meplse 28th Aug 10, 10:31 AM
    • 17,649 Posts
    • 32,954 Thanks
    VfM4meplse
    I have one pair of shoes that now have holes in. I'm still wearing my maternity bras.
    Originally posted by Lalaladybird
    This reminds me of the 1970s - less women worked and had to beg their OHs for money. It makes me very sad.

    In his defence we are living on one income plus tax credits because I'm at home with our 2 kids under 3.
    Originally posted by Lalaladybird
    Your OH is doing the best he can (ie working on a Saturday) but you have picked a man that cannot provide the lifestyle you want. I think you should consider doing something entrepeneurial with your time at home whilst looking afte the kids, maybe set up an online business, or take an evening job. Yes its will affect your tax credits but there is nothing like employment as a means of regaining financial independence and a bit of dignity.
    Last edited by VfM4meplse; 28-08-2010 at 10:33 AM.
    • Money maker
    • By Money maker 28th Aug 10, 10:39 AM
    • 4,388 Posts
    • 9,835 Thanks
    Money maker
    Why on earth do you need fizzy drinks - certainly hope your toddler has not been introduced to them.

    We need a bedrail - tried freecycle but to no avail. Has been suggested that a large rolled up bulky towel slipped under the sheet may help solve the problem although we haven't tried it yet.

    You should have new shoes and bra if yours are currently in that state - I would be tempted to wave them in front of him and demand replacements! Lots of sales on at the mo - everything 25% off in sainsburys clothing which is very good. He sounds a bit tight but not a miser, probably best to sit down when the kids are in bed and discuss it properly not when he's on his way out of the door to work. Your daughters' insecurities may well come from the atmosphere in the house and your new baby rather than the bed itself.
    Please do not quote spam as this enables it to 'live on' once the spam post is removed.

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  • aliasojo
    Your OH is doing the best he can (ie working on a Saturday) .......
    Originally posted by VfM4meplse
    Maybe assuming too much from that.

    My OH regularly works Saturdays and Sundays but has days off through the week in lieu..it's just the way his shift pattern falls. Doesn't mean it's overtime or he's working any longer or harder than the basic job requires.
    Herman - MP for all!
  • Dave101t
    if he is the bread winner, they what he says goes. but if you have your own money, why not just buy it anyway? if i had my way id never buy anything in my household unless it was absolutely necessary.
    Target Savings by end 2009: 20,000
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    new target savings by Feb 2010: 30,000
  • Lalaladybird
    Why on earth do you need fizzy drinks - certainly hope your toddler has not been introduced to them.
    Originally posted by Money maker
    I like to have a diet fizzy drink mid afternoon to help with my diet to keep the sweet cravings at bay. And no my toddler has never had any fizzy drinks.
  • Lalaladybird
    if he is the bread winner, they what he says goes. but if you have your own money, why not just buy it anyway? if i had my way id never buy anything in my household unless it was absolutely necessary.
    Originally posted by Dave101t
    He is the breadwinner, I'm a sahm so don't have any income. We think of his income as the family's.
  • aliasojo
    I like to have a diet fizzy drink mid afternoon to help with my diet to keep the sweet cravings at bay. And no my toddler has never had any fizzy drinks.
    Originally posted by Lalaladybird
    Ditto.

    Sometimes it's the only way I can get through a diet day, lol.

    Admittedly it's not the best way, but we do what we need to.
    Herman - MP for all!
    • PasturesNew
    • By PasturesNew 28th Aug 10, 11:06 AM
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    PasturesNew
    £80/week is a lot to spend.
    My shoes cost me £5 and are brilliantly comfortable, I went for a 6 mile walk in them yesterday, they're fake crocs.
    Bed rail ... take the bed apart, put the mattress on the floor
    Radios are £3-5 at the charity shop or car boot. Or even freecycle... or just ask people you know and somebody might have one kicking about.
    Lunches/meals out - they're a luxury I'd not have except one special meal per year (xmas eve I used to go out for lunch at a £7 carvery).
    Bras - well, I wouldn't want anybody to see the state of the ones I've got. I tend to buy about 4 from a shop like Matalan/wherever, every 2-3 years or so... but still keep the old ones as the new ones are 'for best'
    Haircuts - I only have mine done when it's essential, at the cheapest place I can find. I have a dry cut (not paying for it being washed/dried then), having to have it cut more often than usual at the moment due to short-notice job interviews, so I've had it cut twice this year already.

    And all the above ... is with my own hard-earned money. It's easier to spend it than to earn it. You can only spend it once, on one thing, then it's gone forever.
    • Threebabes
    • By Threebabes 28th Aug 10, 11:07 AM
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    Threebabes
    I think he sounds tight.

    I more or less buy what I want. Like you Im a SAHM and my hubby brings in the money, which we use for our family. I dont see it as his money at all, we both have the same monthly allowance but I tend to spend more, buying the kids and house things. I wouldnt even ask my dh if I could buy pop, I would buy it anyway. In asda the cheap make pop isnt much. I would go and buy the bedrail. I think you should go and buy some shoes as well.

    £80 a week for shopping isnt too bad. I budget £100 a week for a family of 5, 3 kids are 14, 10 and 6.
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