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family arrrrrr
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# 1
moneysaver12
Old 06-04-2010, 12:30 PM
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Default family arrrrrr

Sorry might be along post. Need to get this off my chest.

Im feeling peed off with my mum. Just got a text from her, asking if me and dh had a nice weekend. Then she goes on to say did my brother's partner tell us about the themonitorer that is my nieces (brothers and partners daughter) that my dh borrowed and that they needed it because niece is poorly and it doesn't work.

I texted back saying that nothing had been said to us about it and that my dh borrowed it nearly a year ago and that brothers partner was here when he used it and took it back with her.

My dh did borrow the themonitoer last year in august and it was working fine then. It feels to me that she is trying to accuse him of breaking it. When he didnt' and it could be the batteries.

She does this all the time thou, like my brothers partner looked after our dog for us whilst we were away a bit ago, our dog for some unknown reason, weed in the house on a couple of things, now i dealt with this, apoligsed about it and we did offer to replace the items. To me this was between me, my dh and my brothers partner. Yet my mum has to stick her oar in and text me about it, going on about it, yet its nothing to do with her.

She favors my brother and sister and always has done, even when children. Its only the past couple of years that she has started to treat me a bit more equally but then its still not fully. She admitted a few years ago that my sister was favourite. Brother and sister are younger than me.

She has never really been there for me and when i had my children with me she never really bothered with us. I knew that as soon as my brother had children which he did nearly five years ago, that she would be all over them, which she is. When i had my children taken away due to problems with their dad and my mental health, i was left to deal with it on my own, neither my mum or dad bothered to support me. My sister was going to come to court with me at one point, till my mum spoke to her and then she changed her mind.

I have tried to forget and forgive, what my parents did to me as a child, how they didn't protect me from abuse and how they treated me. But i can't. I go throught periods not thinking about it, and then something like the text happens. My mum has done nuremous stuff that has favoured my brother and sister and left me out.

Yesterday i found out that she had given my brothers partner choc for easter and i think my brother and sister too, yet me and my dh got nothing. Same for my dh birthday, he got nothing, yet my brothers partner who had a birthday last week got a present, she took a cake round etc.

For me its not that i didn't get a easter egg its more that she doesn't treat us equally.

She has said that she is sorry for the past and that she loves me and is proud of me. Im at uni so now she is proud of me and i have got married and expecting a baby. So then i think that she really cares about me and start to feel that im not an outsider in the family, then she does something that says to me your brother and sister are more important.

I just don't understand how she can have favourites. I feel like she puts me down too. We have our two nieces, once a week and do things with them, they sometimes sleep over too sometimes. I feel that we do a lot with regards to our nieces to help my brother and his partner. We enjoying spending time with our nieces and this is not a problem for us. The other week we took them back an hour early as they had been playing up all day and just wouldn't do as there told. They do play up a bit for us but usually they listen to us. I had took them to toy r us and they were allowed a toy each. Whilst going round the shop, they kept touching things, trying to run away, which they are not allowed to do. I told their parents about this. Then they have told my mum about it, propabley in conversation. My mum said to me last week when i saw her that she had said that she didnt understand why i took them in toys r us as kids will ask for things. Tried explaining to her that it wasn't that they asked for things, it was the running away and touching things, which my brother had told her about.

Then there was the time we moved house last year, my brother helped me and my dh to move. I did help a lot, but struggled to pick really heavy things up and he mentioned this to me mum. And my mum said i know she is my daughter but she is lazy. This hurt as i know that i am not lazy.

I wish that i had parents that wanted me. My dh mum, feels more like a mum to me and treats me better than my own mum.


Sorry for it been so long.
Married 09/09/09

Last edited by moneysaver12; 06-04-2010 at 12:33 PM.
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# 2
Mrs Thrify
Old 06-04-2010, 1:51 PM
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Sending (huggs) thats family for you. It can be hard at times and now theres Face Book. I am glad I have not got it as things get passed around like jungle drums with pictures.

I just think... are they realy happy? nothing else to do? it can be hurtfull and language has a way of getting to us. Try not to say anything as it will give them fuel to say more.Take care.
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# 3
ailuro2
Old 06-04-2010, 2:46 PM
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With a baby on the way you know you'll need a thermometer some time, just to check little one's temperature.

Next tinme you're in Poundland, pick up a digital one for a pound, pick one up for your sister too, pass it along.

Rise above it and try not to feel left out when your mother treats you unequally, you have still got a relationship on one level with her, and are still friendly enough with the others to get your dog looked after, so all is not lost.

Try to get her to volunteer or do something with all the spare time on her hands.
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# 4
moneysaver12
Old 06-04-2010, 4:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs Thrify View Post
Sending (huggs) thats family for you. It can be hard at times and now theres Face Book. I am glad I have not got it as things get passed around like jungle drums with pictures.

I just think... are they realy happy? nothing else to do? it can be hurtfull and language has a way of getting to us. Try not to say anything as it will give them fuel to say more.Take care.
Thankyou. My mum seems happy. She does work. She doesn't take my nieces out very often, its more of an occasional thing. She is more likely to go to my brothers house and see them. She doesn't seem to be able to come and see me and my dh very often even through we only live down the road from my brothers house. When we lived about four miles from my brother, still in the same town, she came to see us maybe once or twice. We have been in our new house since last July and she has been once to see us. She seems to expect me to go up to my brothers to see her, when she feels like it. Yet she can travel to see my sister who lives in another town.

I tend not to say anything to them as i don't want to upset anyone and don't want to cause arguments. So tend to talk to my dh about it. Even he can see that im not treated the same as my brother or sister.

When my children were in care and i was in a bad way, at christmas time. My mum and her husband, now ex and my brother and his partner and my sister and her then partner got invited to mums ex husbands house for dinner. I didn't get asked, even through she knew i would be on my own and without my children and that it would be hard for me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ailuro2 View Post
With a baby on the way you know you'll need a thermometer some time, just to check little one's temperature.

Next tinme you're in Poundland, pick up a digital one for a pound, pick one up for your sister too, pass it along.

Rise above it and try not to feel left out when your mother treats you unequally, you have still got a relationship on one level with her, and are still friendly enough with the others to get your dog looked after, so all is not lost.

Try to get her to volunteer or do something with all the spare time on her hands.
Thanks. I will pop to pound shop next time im in town. I got a text from brothers partner as i had texted her, saying battery had run out.
Married 09/09/09
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