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Probationary period - failing to meet job
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# 1
Mov
Old 18-03-2010, 9:07 AM
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Default Probationary period - failing to meet job

Hi
Help!!
My OH started a new job a few months ago with a 6 month probationary period. He had been told over last few months that he needed to improve, which he felt he has been improving. Clearly not enough. Anyway at his appraisal yesterday, he got a horrendous report which picked on a huge list of things he has been doing wrong. Even going as far as to point out personality flaws like fidgeting and waffling. He has been given a month to improve but we are talking about needing a huge improvement to keep his job. Also if he is unaware of his irritating behaviour I can't see how he can change that in 1 month.
I am terrified as we have a baby and I am on maternity leave, and will be going back to work part-time. Without his wages we will not be able to pay the mortgage never mind bills etc.
I guess my questions are:
when he applies for a new job, how does he explain the last 6 months? he obviously won't be able to use them as a reference.
Do they have to give him any notice or will they just tell him to leave once this month is up?
Please help. Am really upset by this, particularly as he always seems to have problems in jobs and has moved jobs every couple of years. I know he tries hard, but think he is just pretty useless at everything he does. Am seriously considering leaving him if he loses this job as I am fed up of the stress of trying to support him through yet another failure.....
thanks
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# 2
valos_mummy
Old 18-03-2010, 9:21 AM
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Oh my goodness, please don't tell him that (the last part about leaving him). If he's messing up this job and has to try and do better he'll be a bag of nerves with the pressure of job loss and his OH leaving him!!!

There must be something he's good at, everyone usually has something they enjoy doing. Maybe the kind of jobs he's going for he isn't really suited to, but feels the need to apply for them to earn good money. Fidgeting is a strange one to put on an appraisal, unless he's meeting customers/clients and they're picking up on his behaviour and mentioning it to others?

Maybe he can ask for some additional support on where he's going wrong, make it clear to his bosses that he wants to get better and improve. If he works in a job where say, he uses a computer program that he can't seem to get around; maybe order a home edition so he can practise his skills at home. Ask him if anything is wrong, it might be he's feeling overwhelmed with a new job and new baby and he's sinking. I can understand how frustrating it must be for you, but try and give him some support before you throw in the towel and he may come through it. x
Do good deeds and you could raise the curtain, do good deeds and you could really raise your life....
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# 3
Mov
Old 18-03-2010, 9:28 AM
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Hi
thanks for that. At the moment I am being supportive, but he also knows we have been through this before and I am beyond fed up of him screwing up. I am keeping the part about considering leaving him in my head just now...
I think his job is fairly complex with lots of different aspects. According to this report he is not performing to a suitable level in ANY of the areas his job should cover. I just think one month is not enough time to completely turn things around, especially as he thought he had improved sufficiently already!!
I would love to be wrong about him not being good at anything as I am so aware that is not a nice thing to say. But he is 35 years old and just doesn't seem to be able to do anything successfully.
Fidgeting is an odd thing to write down, I thought so too. They also said he made colleagues nervous when he is on phone as they are scared what he will come out with!!! He is kind of a bumbling type of person. Maybe even a little eccentric? I can see why he would annoy people.
Thanks
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# 4
hertzyabazas
Old 18-03-2010, 9:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mov View Post
I know he tries hard, but think he is just pretty useless at everything he does. Am seriously considering leaving him if he loses this job as I am fed up of the stress of trying to support him through yet another failure.....
thanks
He can't be that useless if he got you pregnant!

You seem like the type of person who's quick to tell him that too, shattering his already fragile confidence.

You're probably better off without each other, however, the biggest loser in all this is the baby
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# 5
Mov
Old 18-03-2010, 9:34 AM
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Originally Posted by hertzyabazas View Post
He can't be that useless if he got you pregnant!

You seem like the type of person who's quick to tell him that too, shattering his already fragile confidence.

You're probably better off without each other, however, the biggest loser in all this is the baby
Wow - sweeping judgement much???
Anyone with constructive/useful advice - who doesn't feel the need to make quick assessments based on a couple of posts?
Thank you.
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# 6
Chinkle
Old 18-03-2010, 9:35 AM
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I'm sure you really don't intend to walk out of him right now, probably just pregnancy hormones talking, you both need to support each other.

Firstly, you say he has moved on from jobs every couple of years, is this of his own choice? I doubt any company would keep someone in a role for that long without him having something valuable to give. So stop thinking he is a failure.

Now for this job, did he take it knowing it would be a bit of a stretch? Has he had the support and development he needs? What kind of guidance has he been given and what expectations is he supposed to meet with the next month? There should be some kind of plan in place either with his line manager and/or in association with HR.

How much do you know about his job, can you (or anyone else familar with the job) coach him? Does he himself want to give it his all and keep this job?

If it doesn't work out, I would still put the job on the CV as six months is quite a long time. As long as he can analyse why it didn't work out, not repeat his mistakes by applying for something similar, and explain this to any future employer.

And if he is stuck unemployed for awhile, what is the possibility of switching roles, he taking on house-husband role and you going full time.

Good luck and please don't ever show him this thread!
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# 7
hertzyabazas
Old 18-03-2010, 9:45 AM
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Would you care to point out where you've mentioned any of his good points?

If my wife had this little faith in me, I'm certain I would pick up on it and it would have a negative effect on self belief, focus etc

Did he actually want to do the job in the first place or did he just apply for the sake of having a job and hoping he'd be good at it and enjoy it?
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# 8
Mov
Old 18-03-2010, 9:45 AM
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Hi
Thank you - No he will never see this thread. My username is completely random letters!
Some of the jobs were because he wasn't getting on with the boss, other jobs were because he fancied a new challenge.
I think he took this job thinking it would be fairly similar to last job but a step up. I dont think he had any clue that he would struggle to do the job. His boss is supportive with plenty of supervision, but suspect OH has buried head in sand and not really taken on board what boss has said.
He has an appraisal report which clearly outlines all the areas he has to improve and how to go about improving. Having read the report he is at such a bad level, it would be near to impossible to improve enough in 1 month. If he had longer then I would believe it to be a more possible task.
Have persuaded him to go in early to work and to take shorter period for lunch for next month and use the extra time to do research on job etc to help improve his skills.
I am trying my hardest to be practical, but without his wages we are well and truly............... :-(
oh and I have already signed paperwork to go back part-time and my other hours have already been filled
thanks
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# 9
dickydonkin
Old 18-03-2010, 9:56 AM
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The company must have seen something in your OH to have been given the job in the first place - by the same token, you must have seen something in your OH when you met him and had a child with him.

We all have our traits (good and bad) but that is what makes us individuals and I am sure you must have been aware of your OH's 'eccentricity' after being with him for some time.

As for the employment aspect, at least the company are making him aware of his apparent failings and are giving him the opportunity to rectify issues that seem to be compromising his future employment.

Quote:
Am seriously considering leaving him if he loses this job as I am fed up of the stress of trying to support him through yet another failure.....
Others could perceive that the above statement suggests there is an underlying problem with the relationship as the last thing your OH would want should he lose his job is another rejection when he will need all of the support he can get.

MOV it is a worrying time for you and I understand that, but look through all of the other sections of these forums and there are many in a similar position who are struggling but are coping and are being positive.

Hopefully your OH can rectify the issues his employer has highlighted but should the worst scenario occur, he will need your support so give him it - don't belittle him.
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# 10
Mov
Old 18-03-2010, 10:04 AM
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Thanks dpassmore
You are right I should be supporting him. But it just feels like this is happening yet again for the millionth time. After he bombed out his last job he promised me that he wouldn't get himself into this situation again. That is why I feel so utterly let down. And yes, we have certainly had more issues than just the job over the years, but I am not one for quitting and neither is he if we feel there is something worth fighting for. I just am not sure that our relationship is worth fighting for anymore. I just feel so let down and numb about it all

Is it worth him speaking to his union? Or I am presuming that they are well within their rights to demand a huge improvement in 1 month or he is out?

If he loses job will he be entitled to any benefits until he gets another job? Though I know this won't cover our mortgage. We have very limited savings. Enough to cover one month mortgage and that is it.
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# 11
dickydonkin
Old 18-03-2010, 10:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mov View Post
Thanks dpassmore
You are right I should be supporting him. But it just feels like this is happening yet again for the millionth time. After he bombed out his last job he promised me that he wouldn't get himself into this situation again. That is why I feel so utterly let down. And yes, we have certainly had more issues than just the job over the years, but I am not one for quitting and neither is he if we feel there is something worth fighting for. I just am not sure that our relationship is worth fighting for anymore. I just feel so let down and numb about it all

Is it worth him speaking to his union? Or I am presuming that they are well within their rights to demand a huge improvement in 1 month or he is out?

If he loses job will he be entitled to any benefits until he gets another job? Though I know this won't cover our mortgage. We have very limited savings. Enough to cover one month mortgage and that is it.
A new baby, threat of job loss, concerned about bills is all worrying and I bet your head is spinning. It is likely that you are hitting out at everything and anything and I can appreciate your OH is an easy target.

If your OH is in a union then I would definitely seek their advice - that is what you pay your subscriptions for. As for the probationary period, the company could always extend the period and why not ask them? (with the assistance of his union).

I am sure someone will come in and give you details of all of the benefits you would be entitled to, however, what you receive would obviously depend on your personal circumstances and I would not disclose too much on a forum. Welfare Rights or the CAB may be of assistance, but I hope you do not need to use them.

Quote:
And yes, we have certainly had more issues than just the job over the years, but I am not one for quitting and neither is he if we feel there is something worth fighting for.
The above quote from you is more encouraging than your initial post so good luck and I am sure you will get some more advice on this thread.
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# 12
paulofessex
Old 18-03-2010, 10:33 AM
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Perhaps he needs to have a indepth discussion with a total independent person about how he sees his employment future and to try and get a clear understanding of the direction he really want to move towards, would an outside job suit more. As far as l know there is no Careers service for adults as there is for youngsters.

As Valos mentioned above may be your partner is feeling overwhelmed, or could he in fact be suffering from depression? Would he talk to the GP?

I wish you both the very best
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# 13
epatolles
Old 18-03-2010, 10:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hertzyabazas View Post
He can't be that useless if he got you pregnant!
Hi, have you looked outside at all of the scum spawning? getting someone pregnant is not that hard!

no offence to the op of course but ^ they are being an idiot...

anyway it might not be very supportive but my ex was like this... an absolute waste of oxygen...
he didn't speak unless his parents told him he could and when he did speak he was also a bumbling idiot! he had no confidence whatsoever in the real world... but when he was with me and his friends he was a different person! in hindsight its probably his parents fault he was like that because his dad was a complete ogre and shouted him and the rest of his family down all the time... think i was a challenge for his dad because i NEVER back down when i know im right :-)

anyway dont feel like you NEED to be with him for the baby! give him time but remember you are your own person and if he is causing you this much upset you CAN cope by yourself!

- don't want to be all pro-single parenting or anything its just a lot of people stick at a relationship when they are unhappy because of their own fears!
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# 14
jdturk
Old 18-03-2010, 11:10 AM
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If the OP is so great why don't you go get the full time job and let your OH become a stay at home Dad?

Its hard enough getting/keeping a job when your OH is supportive but when they aren't...wow its struggle!
Always ask ACAS
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# 15
Mov
Old 18-03-2010, 11:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jdturk View Post
If the OP is so great why don't you go get the full time job and let your OH become a stay at home Dad?

Its hard enough getting/keeping a job when your OH is supportive but when they aren't...wow its struggle!
JDTURK - why don't you READ the posts before passing your stupid comments.
Idiot
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# 16
jdturk
Old 18-03-2010, 11:28 AM
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Originally Posted by Mov View Post
JDTURK - why don't you READ the posts before passing your stupid comments.
Idiot
Thanks for the sweeping statement....(see above!)

My point was here you are slating your OH for being crap, you are properly slaughtering him on a forum where he cannot defend himself and here you are not even thinking about going full time.

If you are such a good 'bread winner' you look for the full time job and let him go part time
Always ask ACAS
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# 17
strongbowgirl
Old 18-03-2010, 11:30 AM
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I think your OH may need helprather than punishment. Definately a chat with the GP as others have suggested. There are many very subtle conditions which can cause some of the problems you have described. One being aspbegers which many very intelligent people are said to have eg bill gates do a search on adult asbergers (sorry can't post a link as a newby) It can make sufferers seem like social buffoons. Haven't got enough information from your post but many people are struggling through life without realising what's wrong which can be very distressing for themselves and their families.
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# 18
Mov
Old 18-03-2010, 11:41 AM
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jdturk - Oh do shut up you idiot. I am not vaguely interested in anything you have to say so GO AWAY and annoy someone else

Strongbowgirl - thanks for your well meant advice. My husband does not have aspergers or any other mental illness. He is just bad at his job simple as that. There is no point making excuses for him
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# 19
yellowduck
Old 18-03-2010, 11:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by strongbowgirl View Post
I think your OH may need helprather than punishment. Definately a chat with the GP as others have suggested. There are many very subtle conditions which can cause some of the problems you have described. One being aspbegers which many very intelligent people are said to have eg bill gates do a search on adult asbergers (sorry can't post a link as a newby) It can make sufferers seem like social buffoons. Haven't got enough information from your post but many people are struggling through life without realising what's wrong which can be very distressing for themselves and their families.
Aspergers was going through my mind as well, think it would be worth investigating this, as it sounds as if your OH may have some of the traits, I am no expert, but have a friend with a child who has this. It has a broad range of traits and levels. As for the OP, you sound like you are having a really tough time, it can feel like the last straw when you are pregnant and wanting support for youself to be in the position of being the one who has to give it. You have practical worries too re finances and no one could blame you for being hacked off. If coming on this forum helps to off load your feelings and makes it easier to cope in the "real" world then that is a good thing. I really hope you can make some headway, good luck and take care
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# 20
Mov
Old 18-03-2010, 11:50 AM
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Thanks yellowduck - i know you mean well with the aspergers. But without giving too much away about myself, I work with people with Aspergers! So I KNOW that my OH does not come under the autistic spectrum in any way. Thank you though.
I have told all my friends what is going on as I am very much of the attitude that it is best to be open and honest (though obv am keeping the thoughts about leaving my OH secret for now). I can't really speak to them at the moment though as I am too upset. Was really just looking for practical advice on this forum......
Thanks
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