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  • FIRST POST
    Glass Half Empty??
    Advice on an ex that wont sign the divorce papers please
    • #1
    • 14th Nov 09, 8:37 PM
    Advice on an ex that wont sign the divorce papers please 14th Nov 09 at 8:37 PM
    Hi, to cut a long story short my g/f has been left her ex husband for 2 years this month. He is refusing to sign the papers as he doesnt agree to the terms on there :rolleyes:
    He knows that we are due a baby in april and has started trying to cause trouble in the house and said recently to the kids not to let me touch them and not to do as I said. Luckily for me I have a great relationship with her 2 kids who are 3 and 5 and they knew what he said was wrong which is why they told their Mum. I rang him to ask him what his problem is and thought we'd sorted things out in a grown up reasonable fashion and he would sign the papers we all move on etc. Tonight he has said he wont sign the papers again and ont ever as he just doesnt want to Apparently I want him to "bang me out, outside of CO-OP" as he lives above a local co-op on his own here in Nottingham. We just want to move on with our life and he was starting to be ok till he found out she was pregnant and now it seems he is just trying to stress my g/f out as he would love for something bad to happen to the baby.
    Anyway after that short version of events what can we do now? Solicitor has suggested sending baliffs in which will cost aroun £100 but we dont know if they can force him o sign the papers. We just want to move on with our lives he has access to his kids every friday night when he chooses to have them :rolleyes: and she has threatened not to let him see them untill he has signed but I cant see this is gonna be productive to the situation.
    Any advice please people????
Page 1
  • DVardysShadow
    • #2
    • 14th Nov 09, 8:46 PM
    • #2
    • 14th Nov 09, 8:46 PM
    Bailiffs to make him sign papers? That does not sound right.
  • Glass Half Empty??
    • #3
    • 14th Nov 09, 8:50 PM
    • #3
    • 14th Nov 09, 8:50 PM
    Bailiffs to make him sign papers? That does not sound right.
    Originally posted by DVardysShadow
    Well she is gonna get a photo of him on monday and put her private detective on to him as he is claiming housing benefit while working on the side. She does not know this as we are not grasses so to speak so I am not sure why she wants to know his movements but she said the baliffs can serve the papers in person and have him sign them there and then. I am not sure about this to as I have never heard about it which is why I am looking for advice on any other way around it other then going round with mates and forcing it to be done and bringing the papers home
  • Errata
    • #4
    • 14th Nov 09, 9:20 PM
    • #4
    • 14th Nov 09, 9:20 PM
    Let the solicitor deal with it, that's what they are paid to do,
    If you go round with your mates and threaten him, you can be nicked.
    Also, as you will soon be a dad, it's best to understand that children are not bargaining chips to be used by a parent whenever they want to get their own way. Children should be valued, loved and protected not treated as property.
    .....................I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...
    • zzzLazyDaisy
    • By zzzLazyDaisy 14th Nov 09, 9:28 PM
    • 12,138 Posts
    • 18,762 Thanks
    zzzLazyDaisy
    • #5
    • 14th Nov 09, 9:28 PM
    • #5
    • 14th Nov 09, 9:28 PM
    I think you will find that it is the Acknowledgment of Service that he is refusing to sign and return.

    If a Process Server (sometimes referred to as a bailiff) serves the papers on him personally, that person can then swear an Affidavit of Service which is proof that your gf's ex has received the papers, and then her solicitor can proceed with the divorce, without the need for him to sign the Acknowledgment of Service.

    Note: I'm not a divorce lawyer, but that is my understanding.

    EDIT: sorry I meant to say - it is good advice to take a step back and let the solicitor deal with this, that's what she is being paid for.
    Last edited by zzzLazyDaisy; 14-11-2009 at 9:31 PM.
    I'm a retired employment solicitor. Hopefully some of my comments might be useful, but they are only my opinion and not intended as legal advice.
  • libbyc3
    • #6
    • 14th Nov 09, 9:31 PM
    • #6
    • 14th Nov 09, 9:31 PM
    I had this situation with my ex, he refused to sign divorce paper. My solicitor sent the baliffs round to serve the papers on him - that way it does need his signature they just need to personally give him the papers. My ex got his served on him in bed - his girlfriend had let them into the house not knowing exactly what was going on!!!! he wasn't very happy.
    If he is going to be awkward he will be awkard whether of not your gf lets him see the kids so using them doesn't end up serving any actual purpose tho.
  • Glass Half Empty??
    • #7
    • 14th Nov 09, 10:15 PM
    • #7
    • 14th Nov 09, 10:15 PM
    Thanks a lot, she was just angry in the heat of the moment although she knows they would be better off without the nob she would never stop them seeing their Dad and although it pains me when he behaves like this I also agree they have a right to be a family to.
    So what happens if the courts see the papers are served but not signed does it mean a divorce without him stopping it so to speak?
    And also I wouldnt really go round there with my mates it was just a joke, I know he is desperate for me to do it and it would be playing into his hands. If he lays a finger on me he goes to prison and he knows this which is why he tries to wind me up into hitting him and his found paranoia of me trying to get him to hit me has come from, He smokes a lot of weed so his brain doesnt function normally :rolleyes:
    Thanks for replies we are very happy tonight
  • Errata
    • #8
    • 14th Nov 09, 10:19 PM
    • #8
    • 14th Nov 09, 10:19 PM
    Is she divorcing him on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour ? If so, then then if the papers have been served on him, I think the court will expect him to defend the action.
    .....................I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...
  • Glass Half Empty??
    • #9
    • 14th Nov 09, 10:22 PM
    • #9
    • 14th Nov 09, 10:22 PM
    No it wasnt, he has no solicitor though he just comes round shouting off why he wont sign. It has been 2 years now and there is nothing he could do to get her back. The only reason he is being ike this is he was a control freak and knows he still has a certain amount of control over my g/f as she has his name and without this last thing he has nothing :rolleyes: wouldnt believe he is 42 years old he acts like a teenager most of the time.
    Oh think the grounds were conflict of interest or something like that.
    • mountainofdebt
    • By mountainofdebt 14th Nov 09, 10:29 PM
    • 7,426 Posts
    • 10,792 Thanks
    mountainofdebt
    I always thought that if there was one side who didn't want the divorce to proceed then the couple had to be separated for5 years before the side wanting the divorce could proceed without any agreement from the other side.
  • kittiej
    I think you will find Lazy daisy has given you the correct info.

    If exH doesn't have a solicitor then that's his lookout.
    Sealed pot challenge member number 18
    Karma - the consequences of ones acts.
    "It's OK to falter otherwise how will you know what success feels like?"
    1 debt v 100 days £2000
  • Errata
    In England and Wales, you can only divorce if you have been married for at least one year. There is only one basic ground for divorce: the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage. You can prove irretrievable breakdown by establishing one or more of the following 'facts' for divorce:

    Fact A. Adultery

    You must prove that, either through actual admission or through sufficient circumstantial evidence, your spouse has had sexual intercourse with another person of the opposite sex and that you find it intolerable to live with your spouse. If a sexual liaison short of sexual intercourse has taken place, it's suggested that the unreasonable behaviour ground is used.

    You can name the other person involved as a co-respondent but this isn't essential and can have serious consequences. Doing so can make the divorce proceedings more acrimonious, more complicated and more drawn out. It's, therefore, usually best to avoid naming a co-respondent. If you wish to name the other person in your divorce proceedings, you should take legal advice before doing so.

    Adultery can be used as the basis for a divorce petition, whether you and your spouse are still living together or there has been a separation, but, in either case, not more than six months must have elapsed since you became aware of the adultery before the divorce petition is sent to the court.

    Fact B. Unreasonable behaviour

    You must show that your spouse has behaved in such a way that you cannot reasonably be expected to live with them. Unreasonable behaviour is now the most common fact on which to prove the ground for divorce in England and Wales. In an unreasonable behaviour divorce petition, the petitioner sets out a number of allegations against the respondent.

    These allegations might include references to excessive drinking or financial extravagance, for example; but it's worth bearing in mind that the court doesn't insist on really severe allegations of unreasonable behaviour in order to grant a divorce. Relatively mild allegations, such as devoting too much time to a career, having no common interests or pursuing a separate social life may well suffice. Using mild allegations may also make it easier to agree a divorce petition with your spouse in advance.

    Fact C. Desertion

    Where your spouse deserted you without your consent for a continuous period of at least two years; this fact is almost never used.

    Fact D. 2-year separation

    By consent, you and your spouse have been living apart for at least two years immediately preceding the presentation of the divorce petition and you both agree to a divorce.

    Fact E. 5-year separation

    You and your spouse have been living apart for at least five years immediately preceding the presentation of the divorce petition. In this instance, your spouse doesn't have to consent to the divorce.
    .....................I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...
    • mountainofdebt
    • By mountainofdebt 14th Nov 09, 10:38 PM
    • 7,426 Posts
    • 10,792 Thanks
    mountainofdebt
    Looks like you partner might have to wait :

    http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/FamilyIssuesAndTheLaw/DG_4002976
  • DVardysShadow
    I always thought that if there was one side who didn't want the divorce to proceed then the couple had to be separated for5 years before the side wanting the divorce could proceed without any agreement from the other side.
    Originally posted by mountainofdebt
    [I am not an expert] That sounds right, but not complete.

    At 5 years either side can ask for a divorce and the other side cannot contest the request. What we are talking about here is a request for divorce which is contested - the OP's OH is asking for a hearing and her ex has the right to contest the case. He is informed of his rights by being served court papers, which he should acknowledge, so the case can go ahead and he can make his objections. Unfortunately he is playing dirty, but as LazyDaisy says, the case can go ahead if a bailiff serves papers and can testify to having done so. Given the circumstances, it looks better to get the divorce done sooner rather than waiting for the 5 years.
  • Bossyboots
    ZZZLazyDaisy is correct. Provided the court has evidence that the respondent received the petition, they will let it proceed even if no acknowledgement of service has been filed within the time allowed. Therefore, if the court bailiffs or a process server hand him the papers and swear an affidavit that they have done so, that is deemed suitable service and the time runs from the day the papers are handed over. In some circumstances the court will allow deemed service which is when the papers are delivered to an address where the respondent is known to be (with evidence provided of why it was known the respondent was there at the time) and the papers put through the door.
  • Oldernotwiser
    The only reason he is being ike this is he was a control freak and knows he still has a certain amount of control over my g/f as she has his name
    Originally posted by Glass Half Empty??
    Why would this give him control over her? There's no reason she can't use her own name, yours or anybody else's, for that matter.

    Can you explain?
  • kittiej
    There is a minor point in your original post OP and that is her ex is not exactly her exH. Just being picky sos.

    I was wondering though if she is pg what would stop the H from divorcing her for adultery?

    Just a thought
    Sealed pot challenge member number 18
    Karma - the consequences of ones acts.
    "It's OK to falter otherwise how will you know what success feels like?"
    1 debt v 100 days £2000
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