My Friend - PART 2 - Please Help Again!!

Paisley_3 · 3 March 2006 at 1:11PM

As some of you will recall I posted a week or so ago on my friend who against everyone’s better judgement (and a huge amount of debt) has decided to start an ill fated business venture. To briefly recap this guy is beyond skint (2 credit and 1 debit card to the limit, huge student loan, and owes his gf a wedge as well). He hasn’t had a job for 18 months and she pays the lot – rent, food, bills – from her job in a pet store (yes they are struggling).

Now as I posted before he has registered this business. I don’t know tons on business but I spoke to the business manager at work and asked him a few brief questions. Basically my mate has started a limited liability company and called himself ‘director’ of it. I thought a ltd liability company bore no personal debt from the failure of any company (and, I suspect from what he’s said, so does my friend), but the business manager informed me this is not so, any liability is borne by the director and secretary of the company (ie, any money owed could result in a suing company declaring them personally bankrupt).

He’s still living in a cloud of ‘if onlys’ and has admitted he doesn’t plan ahead (as he has no idea where he is going, I suspect). Another thing the business manager said was it is coming up to the end of the tax year and he will have to be audited regardless of whether the company has been trading (as it is still listed with company house and has not been dissolved). He doesn’t have an accountant and the bits of cash in hand he has earnt he hasn’t declared – ie, he’s in serious risk of them asking how he’s managed for 18months not on the dole and with no money passing through the books.

On top of this car crash waiting to happen he seems to think the key to a more successful life is to move into a flash new house. As previous readers of this saga remember myself and my partner, both full time workers, live in a very nice place in a very prosperous area (but we work very flipping hard to afford this!!) – now, I have no real problem with him moving (apart from it being a financial bomb waiting to go off and I do worry he’s end up screwing his life over)- of all the places to move WHY is he moving in NEXT DOOR to us!? To afford the 2k moving in/buying furniture fee he’s SELLING his possessions, his gf has taken on more shifts in the pet store, and he’s so convinced moving to this area will open doors for him, he HASN’T planned on how to pay his rent 4 weeks later!

Just to clarify, other than selling his possessions he will have no money incoming – and even though he’s plumping for the cheapest residence in this complex, it still means his rent and expenses will more than double.

I’ve tried talking to him and he tells more fibs (or more, he’s convincing himself rather than me and the OH) and somehow, deludedly, seems to think living in this area is cheaper!!

What do I do short of just blanking him – he’s my mate, but he’s talking more rubbish by the day and getting into serious, serious debt.

climbgirl · 3 March 2006 at 1:22PM

It sounds like he needs a serious wake-up call, but he might not actually get it until the house of cards does crumble and the auditors and bailiffs come knocking...some people just don't want to read the writing on the wall.

Maybe it's time for a bit of tough love, can you outline a few 'doomsday' scenarios that might wake him up? Tell him quite bluntly about the auditors, (if you haven't already).

There's probably not a lot you can do really - unless he wants to face it for himself, nothing's going to change. You can only keep trying to make him see it.

crystal_clear · 3 March 2006 at 1:26PM

Hi there

I read the first part and now this OMGGGGGGGG!!!!
He is living in cookcoo land and looks like you are letting him take you down with him.
If he moves in next door you lose your life and emotional stability not to mention your tea biscuits and half your weekly shopping, so in theory it will be a good move for him and much cheaper, But at your expense.

The only thing I can suggest and I dont know if it would work would be have a word with GF and tell her nicely your thoughts and try get her to see sense and if that fails I dont know maybe a big bust up telling him how you feel and to leave you alone until he comes back to planet earth as all this is causing you to much stress.

I am sorry its not that constructive but you really need to be worrying about your health home and family first and he is having a rather large draining effect on all the above.

Hope its some help to you
Crystal

chevalier · 3 March 2006 at 1:27PM

My brother is a bit like this. And he has never changed. Just don't be drawn into lending him any money. His gf must be mad. I would be telling him to go get a job fool or I'm off.
love is a splendid thing!

**purpleprincess** · 3 March 2006 at 1:28PM

There's not a lot you can do really. You've advised him and he won't listen so just let him get himself into trouble. Know it sounds harsh but it's the only way he'll learn. Happened to someone I knew, lived in cloud cuckoo land too!!!

Sorry to hear that they're moving in next door to you, what a pain in the @rse!!! All I can say is you can stay friends with them but try not to discuss anything financial, and say this to them too.

Hope it all goes ok for you. Just be responsible for yourself, you don't need to be responsible for them too!!!!

eurows · 3 March 2006 at 1:31PM

Another thing the business manager said was it is coming up to the end of the tax year and he will have to be audited regardless of whether the company has been trading (as it is still listed with company house and has not been dissolved). He doesn’t have an accountant and the bits of cash in hand he has earnt he hasn’t declared – ie, he’s in serious risk of them asking how he’s managed for 18months not on the dole and with no money passing through the books.

Rubbish. If the companies dormant you don't need an accountant. He can also prepare his own accounts

beverleyhills · 3 March 2006 at 1:39PM

You have offered advice. Withdraw. Don't take on other peoples' problems. You will have a nervous breakdown if you do.

Paisley_3 · 3 March 2006 at 1:52PM

eurows wrote:

Rubbish. If the companies dormant you don't need an accountant. He can also prepare his own accounts

I work for a very large, very well respected company and can assure you this information is not rubbish and has been backed up by an accountant and a managing director. The business is NOT dormant, he is actively seeking out contracts for a doomed business (maybe read my other post?).

He can't do his own accounts nor has he attempted to. He has so little clue on business he doesn't know that he's about to be audited and he cannot even bodge the accounts (either way he's going to get the inland revenue VERY interested in his life).

I can't even try to tell him his life is going down the pan - believe me I've tried the tough love but he's so utterly insane he's convinced himself and his girlfriend that he's on the brink of being a rich successful businessman. I rarely see her alone nor will she accept the blatant truth of the matter (and she's obsessed with having what me and the OH have, a long happy relationship and a lovely home) that she's copying everything - right down to what I wear, how I speak and now where I live! She's trying to live our lives and make her and her bf a model of us - and that's frankly scary.

I care for my friend and I don't want him to end up bankrupt,single and living with one of his parents in the middle of nowhere with no job prospects. But when he moves in next door to me kiss goodbye to half my free time and my groceries - I don't mind helping someone in need out, but they're really leaning on us and I'm so so worried about his debt (he's borrowing off his gf to pay his credit card minimum payment)...

dinkylou · 3 March 2006 at 2:08PM

I know you're not going to like this, but the behaviour of your friend and his gf is erratic and reckless.

I would strongly think about keeping away from them, at least for a while. Tell them you're busy if they come round, dont call them and keep well away from his gf!

The house of cards will come down soon enough for them and so best to be detached when it does.

You've done all you can. You can still be a friend but at a distance for a while.

crystal_clear · 3 March 2006 at 2:14PM

Paisley wrote:

I care for my friend and I don't want him to end up bankrupt,single and living with one of his parents in the middle of nowhere with no job prospects. But when he moves in next door to me kiss goodbye to half my free time and my groceries - I don't mind helping someone in need out, but they're really leaning on us and I'm so so worried about his debt (he's borrowing off his gf to pay his credit card minimum payment)...

Sorry Paisley but you really dont have any other route to go down. You are going to have to severe the friendship somehow in order to try stop him and GF from moving in next door. Hopeing that when they see the light you can repair the frienship if thats what you want... This is the worst thing that can happen them moving in ND as you say half you free time half your groceries your mental health and your relationship could all be at risk OHHHHH and not forgetting the financial strain that you will be under keeping two houses going as no doubt they will be trying to borrow or fleece in the nicest possible way you of your goods/cash.....

I know this sounds harsh but if you dont wake up and smell the roses yourself regarding the implications of such a frienship on your doorstep then you will be on this board asking for DF help yourself soon enough..

You need to really stand up to them and get them to take notice now not when they have moved in ND after all who wants bad nabors.

Good luck
Crystal

funky-footprints · 3 March 2006 at 2:17PM

god this sounds so like friends of ours, hugs op I can honestly understand how scary and invasive this is all becoming, unfortunately my dh and another friends dh did lend the cuckoo land guy money, he had his car repossesed along with a few other things, they sold thier house to her parents before it was repossessed and they did a runner. i have cut all ties with them, as have the other couple, we were finding thier persistent untruths and make believe lifestyles to stressful. They also lived pretty much next door to us, and we were finding we wernt having anight in alone, and we were trying for a baby, they spent no time in thier home, spent evenings at every ones elses home eating thier food, we paid for all taxis, and very often paid for the majority of rounds when we were out. my hubby is still in touch but mainly because we do get the odd repayment every so often, apparantly in thier new life they are pretty much the same ski-ing holiday for her, private school for thier daughter etc etc, im afraid some people like this no matter how much advise they receive remain living it up largely. I hope for your sakes you have the courage to move on, by all means you can still be a friend without bailing someone out ! but do you honestly need friends like this ? do they do anything for you ? ? (( hugs for being so caring)))

My Friend - PART 2 - Please Help Again!!

Comments

Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply

🚀 Getting Started

Categories

Is this how you want to be seen?

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free