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  • FIRST POST
    • Verbatim
    • By Verbatim 12th Aug 08, 10:19 AM
    • 4,505Posts
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    Verbatim
    ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread
    • #1
    • 12th Aug 08, 10:19 AM
    ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread 12th Aug 08 at 10:19 AM
    There seem to be a good few posts recently from people who are in debt due to gambling and I wondered if anyone else thinks a support thread or a sub-board like the bankruptcy sub-board or giving up alcohol thread would be a good idea?
    CCs @0% £24k Dec 05 £19,621.41 Au £13400 S 12600 Oct £11,981 £9481 £7500 Nov £7250 D £7100 Jan 6950 F £5800 Mar£5400 May £4830 June £4660 July £4460 Aug £3200, S £900, £0 18/9/07 DFW Nerd 042
Page 85
    • Makeachange
    • By Makeachange 5th Jan 17, 5:43 PM
    • 940 Posts
    • 1,278 Thanks
    Makeachange
    All my debt is due to gambling and i am currently at 65 days gamble free, and i have a plan to pay off debts and i just need to keep going!
    I WILL GET THERE.
    • cantcope
    • By cantcope 6th Jan 17, 1:48 PM
    • 1,662 Posts
    • 1,241 Thanks
    cantcope
    Reading this topic has really hit home. I've hit rock bottom with my gambling, become obessed by it and have taken out various loans to "try and win it all back" It's the first thing I think of in a morning and the last thing I think of at night. I'm 27 years old and still live at home, I know deep down my parents would be devasted but ultimately they would hopefully support me. I've had to take out payday loans this month just to get me through Xmas and ended up as predicted sticking them into my online betting accounts instead. I really don't think I can take anymore and have even had thoughts of the ultimate end, my main problem is im just utterly terrified to tell anyone how bad it has got and can't see a way out. Seen people mention dept repayment plans but surely pay day loan companies won't accept these??
    Originally posted by Allouttahope
    i felt like this about telling my parents too and i didnt even live with them but i think we always want their approval and never want to "disappoint". They WILL support you and they will be glad you felt able to tell them.
    text if you cant say it face to face... have your bills ready to show them. tell them everything. they cant really help if you hide some as the lies will eat away at you.

    good luck. x
    my eyes are like mirrors. They reflect whats going on around me rather than whats inside
    Original debt May 06 £16569,25th Feb 08 DEBT FREE

    Last bet : 26th October 2006
    • Allouttahope
    • By Allouttahope 6th Jan 17, 3:53 PM
    • 2 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    Allouttahope
    Still can't face telling them, my Dad is very old school and I really worry what he will do. The normal loans are manageable it is the payday loans I have stupidly taken out over Christmas that are going to destroy me at the end of the month. Feel alone and like there is no way out
    • cantcope
    • By cantcope 8th Jan 17, 4:14 PM
    • 1,662 Posts
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    cantcope
    there is a way out but its a difficult one where you have to face your fears. The loans aren't manageable if you continue to gamble.
    My dad is pretty old school too and doesnt talk much. he did however help me out and i paid him back and he put blocks on my laptop for me, helped me find a GA meeting and has supported me emotionally every since.
    he doesnt understand as he can quite happily have a fiver on a horse a few times a week without wanting to do it over and over again but what he does understand is that i didnt have that control and he understands that by me telling him it puts another barrier in place for me as if i gamble now i will face telling him i did it again no thanks.

    like i say, write a note, send a text. before it gets too much x
    my eyes are like mirrors. They reflect whats going on around me rather than whats inside
    Original debt May 06 £16569,25th Feb 08 DEBT FREE

    Last bet : 26th October 2006
    • 611
    • By 611 9th Jan 17, 9:46 AM
    • 177 Posts
    • 86 Thanks
    611
    Seen people mention dept repayment plans but surely pay day loan companies won't accept these??
    Originally posted by Allouttahope
    Yes they will absolutely accept debt repayments plans and they will freeze the interest as soon as you tell them you are struggling, so tell them immediately and then register with someone like StepChange. From their point of view they would much rather you paid it back slowly than not pay it back at all.

    There is lots of info on the Debt-Free Wannabe Board so have a look into it and plan a way to bounce back and start again.
    • HEROWHENZERO
    • By HEROWHENZERO 10th Jan 17, 1:23 PM
    • 81 Posts
    • 154 Thanks
    HEROWHENZERO
    Reading this topic has really hit home. I've hit rock bottom with my gambling, become obessed by it and have taken out various loans to "try and win it all back" It's the first thing I think of in a morning and the last thing I think of at night. I'm 27 years old and still live at home, I know deep down my parents would be devasted but ultimately they would hopefully support me. I've had to take out payday loans this month just to get me through Xmas and ended up as predicted sticking them into my online betting accounts instead. I really don't think I can take anymore and have even had thoughts of the ultimate end, my main problem is im just utterly terrified to tell anyone how bad it has got and can't see a way out. Seen people mention dept repayment plans but surely pay day loan companies won't accept these??
    Originally posted by Allouttahope
    There is help available, GA is there to help you stop gambling, and StepChange are great at helping out on the debt front. I'm now 7 months into a debt management plan and each month life is becoming more manageable. I attend GA meetings every week and by not gambling life does improve. I was horrified about telling anyone, but it was even harder telling my parents, especially as they had bailed me out a number of times. It was the best thing that I did, I now live my life honestly and my relationships are improving. I didn't realise it at the time, but whilst I was gambling and lying and ducking and diving, I'd distance myself from my loved ones. Once I told them, they knew that something wasn't quite right, but things are improving now and I owe it to GA and this forum and myself for making the changes to stop gambling.

    Hero
    Just for today I will not try to solve all my life problems at once. | DFD: April 2033 April 2029
    Original Debt: £96K Mar 2016 | Current Debt: £84031.73
    Oct 2017
    • cantcope
    • By cantcope 12th Jan 17, 12:11 PM
    • 1,662 Posts
    • 1,241 Thanks
    cantcope
    There is help available, GA is there to help you stop gambling, and StepChange are great at helping out on the debt front. I'm now 7 months into a debt management plan and each month life is becoming more manageable. I attend GA meetings every week and by not gambling life does improve. I was horrified about telling anyone, but it was even harder telling my parents, especially as they had bailed me out a number of times. It was the best thing that I did, I now live my life honestly and my relationships are improving. I didn't realise it at the time, but whilst I was gambling and lying and ducking and diving, I'd distance myself from my loved ones. Once I told them, they knew that something wasn't quite right, but things are improving now and I owe it to GA and this forum and myself for making the changes to stop gambling.

    Hero
    Originally posted by HEROWHENZERO
    always great to hear a success story. Keep up the good work, life IS worth living and if you do it with no lies there's less crap on your shoulders to remember and carry.
    my eyes are like mirrors. They reflect whats going on around me rather than whats inside
    Original debt May 06 £16569,25th Feb 08 DEBT FREE

    Last bet : 26th October 2006
    • 611
    • By 611 28th Jan 17, 9:33 AM
    • 177 Posts
    • 86 Thanks
    611
    Allen Carr's The Easy Way to Stop Gambling
    I would encourage anyone thinking about stopping gambling to read The Easy Way to Stop Gambling by Allen Carr. You can also listen to the audiobook with a free Audible trial. The aim is to make it easy to stop gambling but at the very least it will make you reflect on what you're doing and why you're doing it.
    • HEROWHENZERO
    • By HEROWHENZERO 31st Jan 17, 1:02 AM
    • 81 Posts
    • 154 Thanks
    HEROWHENZERO
    I would encourage anyone thinking about stopping gambling to read The Easy Way to Stop Gambling by Allen Carr. You can also listen to the audiobook with a free Audible trial. The aim is to make it easy to stop gambling but at the very least it will make you reflect on what you're doing and why you're doing it.
    Originally posted by 611
    I have the book, and I bought it whilst I was still gambling, but haven't yet read a page of it. Now that I'm over 10 months in recovery, attending weekly GA meetings, I'm in a much better head space and will give reading it another go.

    hero
    Just for today I will not try to solve all my life problems at once. | DFD: April 2033 April 2029
    Original Debt: £96K Mar 2016 | Current Debt: £84031.73
    Oct 2017
    • cantcope
    • By cantcope 31st Jan 17, 4:24 PM
    • 1,662 Posts
    • 1,241 Thanks
    cantcope
    I read his stop smoking book and went to one of his clinics in Wimbledon years ago. Lit a cigarette on the way home ��
    my eyes are like mirrors. They reflect whats going on around me rather than whats inside
    Original debt May 06 £16569,25th Feb 08 DEBT FREE

    Last bet : 26th October 2006
    • Jimby509
    • By Jimby509 1st Feb 17, 9:47 PM
    • 107 Posts
    • 72 Thanks
    Jimby509
    I read the 'Easy way to stop gambling' but to be honest, I did not rate it.

    Its Allen Carr's method to stop smoking only applied to gambling. But I don't think you can apply a 'one size fits all' solution to all adictions.

    If you smoke you get an itch or an irritability if you dont smoke, so must smoke more to feel 'normal'. The book goes on to state that the gambling adict must gamble to feel normal.

    The book repeats itself over again and contradicts itself eg 'a problem gambler needs to gamble each day' then 'a problem gambler may not gamble frequently'.

    It also goes on and on about how will power does not work (it can do) and how a gambler is terrified about being deprived of gambling and if they disagree with this they are in denile (nope, I am most tranquil when I know I cannot gamble).

    I like the rational the book gives on how gambling does not give the gambler anything, any benefit is an illusion. However it then goes on about how we gamble to copy the way actors and celebs do and lost me.

    I think the book is down to belief. Belive and commit that you wont smoke/gamble and you won't. However the reality of whether you will or will not kick the habit is already decided before you read this book
    • cantcope
    • By cantcope 3rd Feb 17, 10:50 AM
    • 1,662 Posts
    • 1,241 Thanks
    cantcope
    i dont think anything will work until you truly have had enough and want to never gamble again.
    the "i need to stops" and "i have to stop for my family" will always have an outside pressure. once you accept you are powerless over gambling and admit defeat and want to stop because you want control of your life then and only then will you stop for good.
    my eyes are like mirrors. They reflect whats going on around me rather than whats inside
    Original debt May 06 £16569,25th Feb 08 DEBT FREE

    Last bet : 26th October 2006
    • HEROWHENZERO
    • By HEROWHENZERO 3rd Feb 17, 9:30 PM
    • 81 Posts
    • 154 Thanks
    HEROWHENZERO
    It's a shame that it has to come to it, but most people with addictions have to hit rock bottom before they finally admit defeat and wave that white flag. I did that nearly 11 months ago and I'm finally starting to get my life back on track.

    Hero
    Just for today I will not try to solve all my life problems at once. | DFD: April 2033 April 2029
    Original Debt: £96K Mar 2016 | Current Debt: £84031.73
    Oct 2017
    • cantcope
    • By cantcope 8th Mar 17, 4:26 PM
    • 1,662 Posts
    • 1,241 Thanks
    cantcope
    How is everyone?
    my eyes are like mirrors. They reflect whats going on around me rather than whats inside
    Original debt May 06 £16569,25th Feb 08 DEBT FREE

    Last bet : 26th October 2006
    • jools1985
    • By jools1985 8th Mar 17, 7:06 PM
    • 32 Posts
    • 34 Thanks
    jools1985
    Hi cantcopeI and thanks for asking.

    'm feeling a lot more settled now. I still have the odd urge to gamble but it's not all consuming the way it was and I've resisted the temptation. I really need to sort out my large mostly gambling fuelled debt. Repaying the debt is my current obsession. I'm not in a DMP as I've transferred everything to interest free credit cards that I already had but owed nothing on. I couldn't get the very long balance transfers they offer these days as my debt is more than my annual salary. This means the debt increased last month to take into account the transfer fees but I now feel in control of my own life. I've got the debt on 20 months and 18 months interest free. It won't be paid off by then but it should be half what it is now. I'm using the snowball method and the luckily the credit card with the lowest balance also has the highest APR once the 0 per cent offer ends. That will be gone by December and I know that will bring me great satisfaction.

    I'm no longer feeling anxious and living on my nerves. I like this new calm feeling I'm experiencing. I'm sleeping better and am so much happier. The level of debt makes me feel sick but I'm in control which is a huge consolation.

    How's everyone else doing?
    Last edited by jools1985; 08-03-2017 at 9:33 PM. Reason: .
    • Hillwalker17
    • By Hillwalker17 8th Mar 17, 9:54 PM
    • 59 Posts
    • 128 Thanks
    Hillwalker17
    Hello, new person here. Part of my loans and money issues are from gambling (past and present). I find myself doing fine for months and then one day, boom I fancy a bet. Once that initial bet is made, its all downhill from there. The figures or the money don't matter, it seems that I enjoy the feeling of waiting for the decisive blow (win or loose).

    I'm on day 2 of no gambling. Joining up to this website has helped me to focus on what my priorities are in life and that I can't do the things I want to by wasting my money gambling.

    I would advise people to get professional help, I never did and I still have a problem 8 years later. I just need to keep myself busy so I don't have the time to think about it.

    Good luck to everyone.
    Ex Gambling Addict - Last bet made on 15/03/2017 - 29 Days
    Slowly building an emergency fund - £1000/£6000
    • cantcope
    • By cantcope 10th Mar 17, 12:55 PM
    • 1,662 Posts
    • 1,241 Thanks
    cantcope
    That sounds like really positive progress Jools! well done

    welcome Hillwalker. I couldnt stop on my own. i stopped with the help of GA. i cant do it without it. It's just a part of my life now as without it i wouldnt have one.
    Keeping on the road to recovery eventually brings peace, serenity and a sense of self worth that was all missing when i gambled.

    I wish these things for you too.
    my eyes are like mirrors. They reflect whats going on around me rather than whats inside
    Original debt May 06 £16569,25th Feb 08 DEBT FREE

    Last bet : 26th October 2006
    • HEROWHENZERO
    • By HEROWHENZERO 10th Mar 17, 5:17 PM
    • 81 Posts
    • 154 Thanks
    HEROWHENZERO
    I'm days away from 1 year off of gambling, and it feels great, but I couldn't have done it without being part of GA. I will be going to GA for the rest of my days, it's something that HAS to be part of my life, just 2 hours a week is all it takes, I used to waste at least 10 times that a week gambling, that's just the time aspect. As for the money, it's taken me a year to save up in the back what I would have blown in 2 days gambling. I really do not know I managed to gamble for so many years, the constant stress of moving money around and worrying about normal life with the family, having to pretend that everything was OK, when in fact it was totally screwed!

    Hillwalker, have you taken a look at the GA website, there is a forum and chat room there too, and a list of meetings. Give it a try, many say they don't know why it works but it does, and people that keep going stay off a bet.

    One day at a time

    Hero
    Just for today I will not try to solve all my life problems at once. | DFD: April 2033 April 2029
    Original Debt: £96K Mar 2016 | Current Debt: £84031.73
    Oct 2017
    • cantcope
    • By cantcope 15th Mar 17, 12:52 PM
    • 1,662 Posts
    • 1,241 Thanks
    cantcope
    great job Hero!!!!
    I think GA works because there is no judgement there and you can be totally honest about what you've done. You're in a room of people that know EXACTLY how you feel because they've been there/done it..

    i couldn't be without my extended family. And that's what the members are like. up and down the country. family.
    They've helped me stay off a bet, celebrated with me when i got married, celebrated again when i had my baby spoiling him with so much love and attention, held me as i sobbed in the chair when my marriage wasn't quite what i was expecting it to be and supported me when i decided to divorce.
    GA has been there to guide me with everything when i've been open and honest and asked for advice. How many "normal" people have that opportunity? not many i'm sure.

    I've been going almost 11 years... i didnt really want it enough at the start, i figured i could just stop gambling online for a bit.... hahaha what a fool. I'm happy to say i've been off a bet almost 10.5 years now and life is GREAT
    my eyes are like mirrors. They reflect whats going on around me rather than whats inside
    Original debt May 06 £16569,25th Feb 08 DEBT FREE

    Last bet : 26th October 2006
    • Hillwalker17
    • By Hillwalker17 15th Mar 17, 1:07 PM
    • 59 Posts
    • 128 Thanks
    Hillwalker17
    Well that's me back to day 0 again. Stupid Silly Me!!!

    I was home alone the other night and instead of putting my update on here which I was actually wanting to do, I stuck on some sort and guess what, yep you guessed it - I wasted alot of money on online gambling. Since then I've been chasing and wasting even more money (including the early hours of this morning).

    Now my debt has doubled because of a few careless days. It means i'm paying it off for another year because of a few careless decisions..

    For the next few days at least and if its ok with everyone, I'll post daily on here to get back in the zone.

    Well Done cantcope, 10 years is fantastic. You should be really proud. I cant imagine the benefits (less stress, more sleep, no worrying).

    Off to stress about money now...
    Ex Gambling Addict - Last bet made on 15/03/2017 - 29 Days
    Slowly building an emergency fund - £1000/£6000
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