Relationship breakdown?

Newstart2017_2 · 17 May 2017 at 10:59PM

Thanks gettingtheresometime!

He is musical so the hobbies are related to this - he also teaches music so is doing these 3/4nights each week and every Saturday until 2pm.

I think the stress with these has come from the fact that when we moved to this house it was away from his day job and hobbies - he therefore stays at work on these days and doesn't get Home until 11pm.

This added to the very stressful day job I feel is causing the depression he seems to have.

I have suggested giving up hobbies, changing jobs to do music full time, moving closer to work - all of these are met with no no things are fine! Obviously they aren't - it is as if he sees it as failure to give them up. However, the job abroad is a reason he would have to so I don't think he feels as bad about that &#55357;&#56862;

I just wish he would open up! When he was leaving he said I was his soul mate and best friend and that we had amazing times together - his only negative is the sexual side and wanting a baby now. I agree this is a problem but I am waiting for an operation which will hopefully change those things. &#55357;&#56862; It is all a mess!

I agree with you I am annoyed at being wedged in between - I will have an hour max to talk &#55357;&#56854;

gettingtheresometime · 17 May 2017 at 11:40PM

If it was me then I think I'd be getting stroppy with him big time.

Despite the fact that you've got medically issues which prevent you considering starting a family now, would you really consider starting a family with someone who would be so rarely at home? Where's the family life in that?

In fact what family life do you really have now?

Did you have a conversation about the future if he got the overseas job before he was offered it?

Newstart2017_2 · 18 May 2017 at 6:04AM

You are right and before the health issue I was still putting off children as I told him he would need to be here more. It is something he says he would do but I am not sure and as you say we don't see each other much now!

I was for the job at first because I felt it would be good for both of us to get to spend more time together and him quit the extra stuff. However, a close family member has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and this started me doubting I could go. He didn't like this as I think he really sees it as some sort of escape plan. I have tried saying he can quit things without moving away but he doesn't view it like that.

I am annoyed - it is just so hard because I am so upset too! It also makes me annoyed/sad that he isn't coming home - so effectively I will end up doing everything if it goes wrong!

Thank you for the support xx

gettingtheresometime · 18 May 2017 at 8:18AM

I can't put into words what I think of your oh....i'd get banned.

But the polite version is that it sounds as if he'd wanted a single man's life with a wifey back at home and possibly a child as well to complete the image.

Make an appointment with a solicitor before today's meeting .....you can always cancel it if things turn out for the best.

paddy's_mum · 18 May 2017 at 9:39AM

I so hesitate to write this given how distraught you already are but that word "re-start" is ringing very loud alarm bells in my head.

I cannot see any logic whatsoever in being stressed out by the whole of my life and then double the burden by walking out on my spouse.

In your shoes, I'd be checking very hard indeed whether there's someone else in your marriage.

Good luck and I'm sorry for your trouble.

Mojisola · 18 May 2017 at 10:03AM

Newstart2017 wrote: »

He didn't like this as I think he really sees it as some sort of escape plan.

It can be good to have a fresh start but it rarely works if you do it to avoid dealing with problems - you just take the problems with you.

I wouldn't give up my life to go abroad with someone who refuses to discuss relationship problems or to make obvious simple changes that would make their current life less stressful.

Imagine being stuck someone with no friends or family and a partner who won't talk!

paddy's_mum · 18 May 2017 at 10:17AM

Mojisola wrote: »

Imagine being stuck someone with no friends or family and a partner who won't talk!

Sadly, the OP gives every indication that she is already in exactly this position!

It's all very sad and I am reminded of a sentence in an Elizabeth Goudge book I read long ago and which I always felt was very true.

He knew that a flow of words, like a flow of blood, can wash away poison.

gabriel1980 · 18 May 2017 at 11:01AM

are you sure there is no one else involved?

Candyapple · 18 May 2017 at 12:00PM

Are you certain that he has been offered a job abroad? Could it possibly be another woman (hence the need to break up with you so you can't come along)?

Which country is the job supposedly in?

Newstart2017 wrote: »

I just wish he would open up! When he was leaving he said I was his soul mate and best friend and that we had amazing times together - his only negative is the sexual side and wanting a baby now. I agree this is a problem but I am waiting for an operation which will hopefully change those things. �� It is all a mess!

I think you need to take the blinkers off. Your husband sounds very immature and selfish. Who says that someone is their soulmate/best friend and then walks out and cuts all communication?!

Gigervamp · 18 May 2017 at 2:03PM

I'm concerned that you've got a lot of debt, which was used for joint holidays and things for the house, when he earns more than you.

Why wasn't he paying for these things, or at least sharing the cost?

And why were you taking on debt for holidays?

Relationship breakdown?

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