ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

HEROWHENZERO · 18 September 2017 at 1:07PM

Glad you are recovering well, it's a reminder that it's not just gambling that has to be dealt with in life, even though whilst gambling it seemed to be the only thing that was important.

jools1985 · 30 September 2017 at 4:33PM

I've had a series of major slips and feel so ashamed. I was right back to not being able to stop when winning and not being able to stop when losing either. My debt has grown alarmingly and I feel so bad

cantcope · 2 October 2017 at 12:15PM

Don't feel bad. Realise what you did wrong and put steps in place to correct it for now.

cantcope · 11 December 2017 at 12:55PM

How is everyone on the run up to Christmas.
Remember, don't put pressure on yourself to get expensive gifts you cant afford.
Christmas is a time for family. They would not want you buying things you cannot afford. Be kind to yourselves x

jools1985 · 9 January 2018 at 6:34PM

Hi CC and everyone else. I didn't overspend at Christmas and shopped using Tesco, Boots and Sainsbury points. As for the gambling..... I was back on it big style. I had a decent win on Virgin games and the money hadn't gone into my bank. I was on live chat trying to get it and the advisor asked me 3 times if I was happy with my current level of spending. I eventually replied saying I wasn't and needed to reduce it. She then came back to me saying that as I wasn't happy with my spending she had suspended my account for 6 months and had also done that on the 4 sister sites I was a member of. I was upset and angry and am ashamed to say I begged her not to do that. Too late though there was no going back. I'd been carrying this secret gambling addiction for a few years. I actually told my partner about it (e don't live together) and he was shocked but very supportive and I really felt like a weight had been lifted off me. Fast forward 6 weeks - I'm sleeping better not feeling anxious all the time and feel in control of my life again. I've run up huge debts and I reckon it will take me 5 years to pay them off but I'll get there.

I feel so much better for writing this down

Onwards and Upwards

zackyv6661 · 9 January 2018 at 6:44PM

I hope you don’t mind me posting here. I’m really looking for any advice you could give, as my brother has a gambling problem. A couple of years ago, he told my mother that he was in debt with payday loans he had taken out to fund his addiction. He didn’t want to go see someone about his problem, but he had found a very helpful forum that he had been using and said it was helping him. My mother took control of his finances (he was 25 then, 27 now), and this month he was due to pay his last payment to his debts. However, he has had a relapse and has spent over £1k in Just a week.

His girlfriend doesn’t know he has a problem. They are supposed to be saving for a home, and she thinks he has been saving towards a deposit - he hasn’t. She’s expecting them to be able to buy a home next year!

We just don’t know what to do, so any advice/suggestions would be so greatly appreciated.

jools1985 · 10 January 2018 at 12:51AM

Zacky I don;t really know what to suggest. You are in a difficult position knowing about your brother's gambling whist his girlfriend does not. He needs to get help with his problem and most people on here would point him to Gamblers Anonymous (GA), If he would go to a meeting they do have some where family/friends have their own meeting. Would he be receptive to that?

zackyv6661 · 10 January 2018 at 8:23AM

jools1985 wrote: »

Zacky I don;t really know what to suggest. You are in a difficult position knowing about your brother's gambling whist his girlfriend does not. He needs to get help with his problem and most people on here would point him to Gamblers Anonymous (GA), If he would go to a meeting they do have some where family/friends have their own meeting. Would he be receptive to that?

We had suggested GA to him before - I can’t remember why he didn’t want to go. It’s definitely something that I would suggest to him again though! He may be more receptive this time around to it. Thank you for taking the time to reply

cantcope · 10 January 2018 at 11:37AM

jools1985 wrote: »

Hi CC and everyone else. I didn't overspend at Christmas and shopped using Tesco, Boots and Sainsbury points. As for the gambling..... I was back on it big style. I had a decent win on Virgin games and the money hadn't gone into my bank. I was on live chat trying to get it and the advisor asked me 3 times if I was happy with my current level of spending. I eventually replied saying I wasn't and needed to reduce it. She then came back to me saying that as I wasn't happy with my spending she had suspended my account for 6 months and had also done that on the 4 sister sites I was a member of. I was upset and angry and am ashamed to say I begged her not to do that. Too late though there was no going back. I'd been carrying this secret gambling addiction for a few years. I actually told my partner about it (e don't live together) and he was shocked but very supportive and I really felt like a weight had been lifted off me. Fast forward 6 weeks - I'm sleeping better not feeling anxious all the time and feel in control of my life again. I've run up huge debts and I reckon it will take me 5 years to pay them off but I'll get there.

I feel so much better for writing this down Onwards and Upwards

massive steps Jools well done!!! Dont pressure yourself to pay the debt off as fast aspossible as this can make you want to take a short cut. make manageable payments x
feel free to post whenever you need. I'm happy to support. I've not gambled for over 11 years now. doesnt mean i dont sometimes want to though. i just use the support i have around me to keep me focussed.

cantcope · 10 January 2018 at 11:45AM

zackyv6661 wrote: »

We had suggested GA to him before - I can’t remember why he didn’t want to go. It’s definitely something that I would suggest to him again though! He may be more receptive this time around to it. Thank you for taking the time to reply

Hi Zacky,

I'd second the GA as without it theres no way i could stop for more than a few months. I've now not gambled for over 11 years and have a good life!

He needs to tell his partner as while she doesn't know he is under pressure to magic up money he doesn't have... And his answer is clearly to try and win it.
Having big lies like that also wont help his mental health. Life is so much easier without having to remember what lies you've told and to who!

Ga will advise him to be honest, hand over his finances, put blocks on all smart devices and computers so that he cant gamble online.
The more people that know he has a problem the easier it will be for him as not only will he get support but i found i no longer had to squirm or lie if friends invited me to bingo/dogs/casino etc.
he needs to stop ALL gambling, so no lottery, raffles, online, bookies and other establishments.

I hope he accepts your help and support. x I'm happy to send an orange book (its a book from GA, i read it most days, only short). it might help you to understand and maybe give it to him to have a read through.

this is a good place for him to start. http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/content/20-questions

i answered yes to 15....if he answers (honestly) 7 or more then GA is the place for him x
also be aware that if he does go, there is no cure, he needs to go always.... its not a quick fix and then everything will be fine. he has a problem, he'll always have a problem. There's nothing wrong with that if hes willing to do something about it.

good luck x

ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

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