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  • nimbo
    nimbo Posts: 3,698
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    Coco114 wrote: »
    Hi All - good to know I am not the only one who is new to all this. I have noticed little changes already, like being 10 mins late for work today - I got in my car with my precious £3.00 ....... thinking its Friday and I would treat myself - then I got back out - went back and made porridge (I never normally eat breakfast) and made myself sandwiches to take with me. I am bound and determined to hang on to that £3.00 as long as I can :)
    Am going to do my budget this weekend and also work out what I owe - not going to pretty, I am guessing at about £25,000 but will see.
    One thing - what should I be realisticly allowing for a family of three and 3 cats, for groceries for a month ? i was thinking £300.00 but is that too much ?
    Many thanks all xx

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=33

    look at the top of the old style board.... each month they have a grocery challenge where you set a budget - and then try to stick to it.... (i haven't linked to this months as it'a nearly over and there is so much more to the OS bord)...

    they have all sorts of recipes and and hints nad tips about saving cash on shopping etc....

    there was at one point a thread on how to live for 50p a day per head - and the woman doing it ate better than i do!!!!!!!

    good luck. xx

    Stashbuster - 2014 98/100 - 2015 175/200 - 2016 501 / 500 2017 - 200 / 500 2018 3 / 500
    :T:T
  • Edwardia
    Edwardia Posts: 9,170 Forumite
    Don't walk out leaving ex in house, he could get locksmith round. Personally when he says tough it's my house and expects food I'd give him Pot Noodle and I definitely don't see why you should make ANY effort over debt in his name. I DO think it would be a good idea to get a proper split. You get proper rights then for you and children.
  • Coco114
    Coco114 Posts: 770
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    So its been 2/3 weeks and I am not much further forward. I have made a big list of things to do and have made a start so at least I feel I have done something :)
    Have realised that am kind of on my own now financially so its best that I work on only my money for now. Have found details, APR of 2 debts so thats a start I guess.
    Have decided that I may start a diary to keep me motivated ....... at least I will have to stop ignoring stuff then ! also, am not going to worry about my ex and how he is coping any more - its not my problem any more.
    Need to chase up Shelter and find out whats happening with the MRS - havent heard anything yet - be nice to know if its likely to happen at some point - weirdly, I would be much better off, though with no house to call my own. Ex doesnt seem to happy about it but, also not willing to help more ?!
    I stupidly commented that I had managed to save £50 last month as a RD Fund .... so he quipped that he would have to cut back what he is paying as obviously giving me too much ????!!!
    I cant put my response on here but I am sure you can all imagine :)
    Anyway, hopefully start the diary tonight - only have my phone for internet but it keeps shutting down hence can only really use work PC at lunchtimes.... anyway...
    Hope you are all well and thanking you for your support...... its nice to know am not alone.
    Coco xx
    The final chapter - £4893 to go out of £30K
  • camuk81
    camuk81 Posts: 1,559
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    Coco,

    Just as a quick note if you get the statements and they are shown in monthly apr which companies do try using below.

    http://www.stoozing.com/mon2yr.htm

    It will convert to show the apr. Separation are never great and its a shame he isn't being more supportive regarding the bills side of things. Good luck on your journey
  • Coco114
    Coco114 Posts: 770
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    3rd time lucky of trying to post this :)
    No, these things are never easy ! Couple of questions if thats ok. What is snowballing debts ?
    Also, some people refer to making extra payments over and above their monthly payment - do you do this online ?

    Thanks
    Coco xx
    The final chapter - £4893 to go out of £30K
  • vasseur
    vasseur Posts: 3,090
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    Coco114 wrote: »
    No, these things are never easy ! Couple of questions if thats ok. What is snowballing debts ?
    Also, some people refer to making extra payments over and above their monthly payment - do you do this online ?

    Snowballing is paying the minimum on all your debts apart from the the one with the highest APR which you chuck as much money as you can at. When that one's paid off you go to the next highest APR and do the same. It cuts months off your DFD. There's a snowballing calculator on the site somewhere which will tell you how long it will take you to pay off all your debts this way - sorry I can't seem to post the link.

    I pay extra off my CC aside from my monthly DD. I do it online through my bank account - just get your credit cards set up online and you can throw any extra cash at them as and when you have it.

    I do the 'Payment a Day' challenge (also on these boards) sometimes just £1 a day and it makes all the difference and you don't notice it going out of your account.
    It's not how far you fall - it's how high you bounce back.... :j
    Happiness is not a destination - it's a journey :)
  • Coco114
    Coco114 Posts: 770
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    So, a little update. I thought I hadnt really got very far with this but maybe further than I thought ! So far :
    Have draughted a letter to all My and Joint Creditors offering a token payment until I can sort something out.
    know exactly where I am with my Bank (which is a first! I dont have much but at least I know how much it is)
    Made a budget ready for April - PayDay on 30th
    Cut Weekly Grocery Budget to Approx £70 (may sound high but from someone who thought nothing of spending £150-£200 a week thats good !!)
    Finally learnt that saying "no - I cant afford it" doesnt make me a bad person !
    Am gathering all paperwork together (this weekend) to approach National Debt Line next week
    Joined a couple of Cash Back sites
    Made myself a MASSIVE to do list (not money related)
    and.... read so many diaries on this site that, if nothing else I know there are a lot of people in the same position as me !
    So, whilst I feel I have achieved nothing during March - its actually not the case - I have done quite a lot !
    Hope all is well with everyone on here...... for now, I will keep reading and learning :)

    Coco x
    The final chapter - £4893 to go out of £30K
  • Barbeduk
    Barbeduk Posts: 869
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    Gosh Coco I have just read your thread and just wanted to say, much respect to you! Your ex sounds like he is trying to use the money/home situation as a power thing and I would agree with the other poster who suggested that you do not leave him alone in what is now your home.

    A friend who went through a difficult divorce remained totally polite with her ex but didn't tell him anything about her life or finances. It has taken her a couple of years but it is all now sorted out.

    I am paying off our debt by really making as many cutbacks as I can and using the NO word. There are loads of great challenges and as mentioned above, the grocery challenge is fab, really friendly and so many great tips! I now spend about £260 for 2 adults and 2 kids. I would say that before I was spending in excess of £500. It's got to the stage now where I resent spending money (cus I lose a NSD!!).

    Every time I get a bit of spare cash, even just a few pounds, I will pay it off the CC. I check the bank statement and credit card statements online every day (ok, a bit obsessive!!).

    Massive amounts of good luck to you. :) You will be in such a great place once all this is sorted.
    Make £2020 in 2020 £178.81/£2020
    SPC 13 #51
    Feb Grocery Challenge £4.68/£200
  • Hovel_lady
    Hovel_lady Posts: 4,291 Forumite
    Well done on what you have achieved so far :T
    Look forward to hearing how you get on xx
  • Coco114
    Coco114 Posts: 770
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    Ahh thanks so much for your support - yes, I am bound and determined to be polite, decent and generally as pleasant as possible - I feel its the only way to do it when there are kids involved. But, being totally honest .... its wearing a bit thin now - just feel like I am being taken advantage of so its difficult - particularly when I am still questioned on a regular basis about what I am doing / who am I talking to etc etc, only difference now is I DONT ANSWER BECAUSE ITS MY BUSINESS NOBODY ELSES :) !!!! Mind you, took me a long time to get brave enough to say it !!!
    I know that it will all sort itself out but its bloody hard getting there and I know that, if I ever get lucky enough to meet someone else - well I am sure that that will put an end to the polite niceness but hey ho - not putting the rest of my life on hold incase I hurt someone elses feelings .... I have been doing that for far too long !

    Anyhow, I have absolutely no money left for this month so I feel a weekend of cleaning and organising my house coming on. Its "visit" afternoon tomorrow :( - though if he going to insist on spending the afternoon sat on my sofa -I may just take myself off for coffee with my friends - I have nothing left to say. And no, I dont worry he will change the locks when I am not there - that would mean he would have to deal with the endless phonecalls and letters of people wanting money oh as well as the endless round of cooking, cleaning washing etc and generally trying to keeps running ..... not a chance so no fear on that score :)

    So I will stop whining now !! but thank you all for listening - am going to post all my letters off tomorrow and wait and see how many people accept my token payments - at least for now. Well, to be honest they dont really have a choice because they cannot have what I havent got - simple as that :)
    Have a great Friday evening everyone ..... I think there may be enough dribble in the bottle to pour myself half a glass of Wine - fingers crossed !
    coco x
    The final chapter - £4893 to go out of £30K
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