Divorce proceedings

Comms69 wrote: »

I think you should pay the CMS rate and not a penny more. She's entitled to several benefits on top of everything she already gets

yep she can not expect you to sofa surf for the next 6 months.

if she wants to split and there is no turning back then you should be cutting ties financially, because you are going to HAVE to get your own place soon, and rent, council tax, bills etc are not cheap. so look into the following

work out what your child maintenance costs are going to be, nice handy online calculator for this

start looking at places you can rent, and how much that is going to cost, you will probably want a 2 bed place so your children can stay with you over night some nights, at the ages they are they can share a room.
but also bare in mind that if your wife can not afford the matrimonial house as it is and you can, it 'should' be perfectly reasonable to ask her to move out and you stay in the house, benefits will cover a lot of rent for her so could leave everyone better off. expect a fight and a lot of abuse if you suggest this!

look at your work pattern and how often you can have your children over night - aim for as many nights as possible as they will need their dad, but be prepared for a fight to get them, as women still generally get the better deal when it comes to children. and if they screw the dad around there is usually no 'punishment' for this even if there is a court order.

i will probably get some people thinking i am horrible for suggesting this as well, but if she starts being awkward, just remember it is your house as well, you have every right to carry on living in that house. so you can move back if finances are a problem, and dont worry about the kids, they are at an age where they will not remember their parents arguing etc. but having you move back in could force her to think about other arrangements that are more fair all round.



solicitors wise - some do a free 30 min session to get some basic advice, phone around some, but dont get your hopes up, a lot have significant waits for a free session, if you do get an appointment, write out your situation in simple bullet points, and work out what answers you want the most, 30 mins will fly by!

reason fro break up, no emotion if possible, just the facts as you understand it. so you/she had an affair, you cant live with each other, etc

finances - try to have some figures written up for basic income and expenditure and savings and debts for both of you, potential costs of moving/benefits available for both of you

children - what you want/can do in regards to child care and amount of time you want/can have them

housing situation - this will be linked to finances, but you will probably want to discus this in more detail, so legally what are each persons needs, chances to force the sale etc


seperatly you might want to contact the mortgage provider, explain the situation and see if they can offer anything to help, from a short term interest only mortgage to a short payment break, ok i dont expect they will offer anything since you have just signed up to a new deal, but there will be no harm asking

Has something happened to trigger this breakdown of the relationship? If there's no trigger point, it could so easily be down hormones, stress and a million other things that can happen with the arrival of a new baby.

Try and keep the lines of communication open. Discuss financial matters together, and sit down and work out what can be claimed, together; seeing it in black and white or on a screen can make a difference to expectations. Be realistic on what you need and what can afford. If you can work out a financial settlement that you're both happy with, try and do it before the solicitors get involved; it could save a lot of money in the long run.

If there is a trigger point, it could be a different story.