Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • applepicker
    • By applepicker 16th Mar 17, 9:25 AM
    • 147Posts
    • 9Thanks
    applepicker
    Is this person just trying to get her hands on lady's inheritance?
    • #1
    • 16th Mar 17, 9:25 AM
    Is this person just trying to get her hands on lady's inheritance? 16th Mar 17 at 9:25 AM
    I live in a town on the South Coast and I do gardening in a rich part of the town. This old woman (90) has a bungalow and it's probably worth £500,000. I have worked there for 5 years and in that whole time this woman (mid-late 50) a school TA has been coming round and seeing her. Apparently she takes no money and looks after her. All the neighbours think she's a carer, but she doesn't get any money. They first met a few years ago when she and her husband did gardening for her. I think she just tried this when her kids grew up and she wanted a job, she's now a teaching assistant in a school. She has never been very friendly to me and was always in conflict with another lady who worked there before and did the cleaning. The cleaner said she was a stirrer and conniving. Recently she came out of hospital and I went around to collect some money for sorting out the bins. She marched up the drive didn't say hello to me which is normal and said to the carers I am the next of kin. She seems to be trying to control everything about the lady's life. The old lady thinks she's wonderful and keeps saying she's the best friend ever- goes to her bed in hospital etc She says she's teacher and ex-nurse etc etc Her husband who is also wonderful according to her does her accounts and manages her money. The ex-cleaner who got sick of it all and quit told me the old lady was always talking about who was on the will etc The old lady seems a bit nuts to me. For example, she's German and actually met Hitler. She said to me she was told in high school that Hitler killed himself when he heard about all the Jews being gassed and couldn't live with himself and that it was the men who surrounded Hitler who were responsible for it. She still absolutely believes that lol, After hearing this and other crazy things I think she's quite gullible.


    Have I got this wrong, is the lady in her 50s whole friendship based on her getting the inheritance? Will she definitely get it? Apparently, the German lady has a nephew in Germany, she also has a genuine friend (another old lady) who lives down the road. Her husband who was rich and had all the money (is dead) has lots of nephews and nieces.
    Last edited by applepicker; 16-03-2017 at 9:28 AM.
Page 1
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 16th Mar 17, 9:29 AM
    • 7,997 Posts
    • 35,683 Thanks
    tea lover
    • #2
    • 16th Mar 17, 9:29 AM
    • #2
    • 16th Mar 17, 9:29 AM
    And this is any of your business because....?
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 16th Mar 17, 9:38 AM
    • 7,997 Posts
    • 35,683 Thanks
    tea lover
    • #3
    • 16th Mar 17, 9:38 AM
    • #3
    • 16th Mar 17, 9:38 AM
    Also, a woman who is now in her 90s would have left school well before Hitler died.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 16th Mar 17, 9:46 AM
    • 16,938 Posts
    • 41,165 Thanks
    Pollycat
    • #4
    • 16th Mar 17, 9:46 AM
    • #4
    • 16th Mar 17, 9:46 AM
    I don't think anyone can answer your questions.

    You clearly think this woman is after the old lady's money but we - as random strangers on t'internet - have no idea.

    You are getting a lot of information 2nd hand:
    The ex-cleaner who got sick of it all and quit told me the old lady was always talking about who was on the will etc
    Originally posted by applepicker
    Talking to a cleaner about who you've left what in your will is not the same as actually writing a will.

    Have I got this wrong, is the lady in her 50s whole friendship based on her getting the inheritance? Will she definitely get it? Apparently, the German lady has a nephew in Germany, she also has a genuine friend (another old lady) who lives down the road. Her husband who was rich and had all the money (is dead) has lots of nephews and nieces.
    Originally posted by applepicker
    After the recent case of the deceased Mother who disinherited her daughter and left her money to animal charities, had it overturned so the daughter got £50K, then increased to £150K on appeal then just a day or so ago had it revised down to £50K (this was over a 13 year period), I don't know who can say whether - even if she is sole beneficiary - she will get it.

    It really sounds strange for someone to do this:
    Recently she came out of hospital and I went around to collect some money for sorting out the bins. She marched up the drive didn't say hello to me which is normal and said to the carers I am the next of kin.
    Originally posted by applepicker
    Do the nephews and nieces visit?

    If you think this lady is vulnerable and being taken advantage of you could report it:
    https://www.gov.uk/report-abuse-of-older-person

    but I think I'd need much more proof than you seem to have.

    I'd carry on mowing the lawn and weeding the flower beds.
    • *Robin*
    • By *Robin* 16th Mar 17, 9:49 AM
    • 3,153 Posts
    • 12,399 Thanks
    *Robin*
    • #5
    • 16th Mar 17, 9:49 AM
    • #5
    • 16th Mar 17, 9:49 AM
    And this is any of your business because....?
    Originally posted by tea lover
    Bit harsh, Tea lover. A sad reflection of society today.

    OP, contact your local authority Elder Abuse team and let them investigate - Tea lover's reaction shows how your concern is likely to be viewed if you attempt to take action yourself.
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 16th Mar 17, 9:50 AM
    • 7,997 Posts
    • 35,683 Thanks
    tea lover
    • #6
    • 16th Mar 17, 9:50 AM
    • #6
    • 16th Mar 17, 9:50 AM
    The woman has been visiting regularly for at least 5 years, including when the person is in hospital. The elderly lady seems perfectly happy with her, and there is absolutely no evidence of any wrongdoing.
    • PeacefulWaters
    • By PeacefulWaters 16th Mar 17, 9:51 AM
    • 6,226 Posts
    • 7,579 Thanks
    PeacefulWaters
    • #7
    • 16th Mar 17, 9:51 AM
    • #7
    • 16th Mar 17, 9:51 AM
    50 year old lady decides to put something back into society by being friendly to frail elderly lady.
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 16th Mar 17, 9:52 AM
    • 15,348 Posts
    • 38,523 Thanks
    FBaby
    • #8
    • 16th Mar 17, 9:52 AM
    • #8
    • 16th Mar 17, 9:52 AM
    Good on you if you genuinely care that this old lady is not being financially and emotionally abused but the reality is that unless you have clear evidence of this carer and her husband providing all their support as a mean to put pressure on this lady by blackmail so she puts their name on her will, what do you think you can do?

    In the end, maybe they do genuinely care about her and really have her best interest at heart and don't expect anything from her will.

    Or maybe they genuinely to care about her and want to be sure she is safe and well looked after, and have thought that if they are left something in the will, then they will accept it gracefully.

    Or maybe they want to care and expect something from the will, but that's still not a crime, nor even if they do all this purely for the purpose of being in her good books with a high chance to be left the house. For all you know, the lady is fully aware of this, but she actually DO want to leave them everything because she does appreciate all they are doing for her.

    If however you were to witness a conversation between the wife and husband, where the husband stated that he had diverted some funds that they will be able to use to book their summer holiday, or the wife says to the husband that she had a talk to the old lady and told her very clearly that unless she changed her will by the end of the week, she would stop coming and make sure to tell everyone that she was a close friend of Hitler so that no-one would agree to come and care for her, then you have nothing to go by to support a case for emotional/financial abuse.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 16th Mar 17, 9:56 AM
    • 16,938 Posts
    • 41,165 Thanks
    Pollycat
    • #9
    • 16th Mar 17, 9:56 AM
    • #9
    • 16th Mar 17, 9:56 AM
    Bit harsh, Tea lover. A sad reflection of society today.

    OP, contact your local authority Elder Abuse team and let them investigate - Tea lover's reaction shows how your concern is likely to be viewed if you attempt to take action yourself.
    Originally posted by *Robin*
    I don't actually see it as a case of 'not your business' but more of 'do I really have sufficient proof to open a potential can of worms when all I have is 2nd or 3rd hand 'tittle-tattle' from other people when the lady in question has this opinion:
    The old lady thinks she's wonderful and keeps saying she's the best friend ever- goes to her bed in hospital etc
    Originally posted by applepicker
    of the person I'm going to report?'
    • fairy lights
    • By fairy lights 16th Mar 17, 10:01 AM
    • 7,490 Posts
    • 24,283 Thanks
    fairy lights
    Bit harsh, Tea lover. A sad reflection of society today.

    OP, contact your local authority Elder Abuse team and let them investigate - Tea lover's reaction shows how your concern is likely to be viewed if you attempt to take action yourself.
    Originally posted by *Robin*
    But it doesn't sound like there's anything for the Elder Abuse team to investigate. The woman isn't taking any money off the elderly lady, visits her regularly and the old lady sounds pretty happy with the arrangement.
    Why is it any concern of the OP's who gets the ladies inheritance?
    • Carl31
    • By Carl31 16th Mar 17, 10:24 AM
    • 1,842 Posts
    • 3,989 Thanks
    Carl31
    it definitely doesn't hurt to investigate

    Whilst it is up to the old lady whom she gives inheritance to, if the younger lady is helping with intention of gain, its deception or maybe fraud, although it would be pretty hard to prove, and even then it needs someone to make the claim for charges to commence

    Hard one to prove, the younger lady could be genuine, but i know of someone that did something similar, so it can happen
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 16th Mar 17, 10:32 AM
    • 7,997 Posts
    • 35,683 Thanks
    tea lover
    Why would it be fraud? The elderly lady is being helped in her own home, and has been for years. She's clearly happy with the situation. The visiting person has been helping her for years, for no payment. Even if she were to inherit, why on earth shouldn't she?

    If the elderly lady were paying each time she visited would people have a problem with that? Is it just the thought of her receiving some payment after death that's the issue?
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 16th Mar 17, 10:33 AM
    • 16,938 Posts
    • 41,165 Thanks
    Pollycat
    it definitely doesn't hurt to investigate

    Whilst it is up to the old lady whom she gives inheritance to, if the younger lady is helping with intention of gain, its deception or maybe fraud, although it would be pretty hard to prove, and even then it needs someone to make the claim for charges to commence

    Hard one to prove, the younger lady could be genuine, but i know of someone that did something similar, so it can happen
    Originally posted by Carl31
    But that's a very big 'if'.

    If the circumstances were different e.g. if the OP was the old lady's niece or nephew and has serious concerns based on fact or if the old lady herself had expressed concerns to the OP (gardener) then my response would be very different.

    I think it possible can hurt to investigate.
    The OP may be maligning a perfectly decent, caring woman which may result in depriving an old lady of a good friend when she really needs it.
    • Malthusian
    • By Malthusian 16th Mar 17, 10:43 AM
    • 2,001 Posts
    • 2,863 Thanks
    Malthusian
    Also, a woman who is now in her 90s would have left school well before Hitler died.
    Originally posted by tea lover
    She said she was in high school when Hitler died. "Hochschule" translates literally as "high school" but actually means higher education in Germany, covering both university (Universitšt) and polytechnics (Fachhochschule). It's entirely plausible that a woman in her 90s would have been at Hochschule when Hitler died, when she was in her late teens or early 20s.

    The theory that Hitler wasn't responsible for the Holocaust is nonsense but I wouldn't call it crazy. We all know that Hitler authorised the genocide but the fact that he left it to Heinrich Himmler to actually instruct the Nazi leadership gives people enough room to indulge in Holocaust Denial Lite. I expect a lot of elderly Germans hold on to similar beliefs to help them sleep at night.

    The reason I say this is because I see no reason in the OP's post to believe that this old lady does not have capacity to look after her own affairs. So if she wants to leave money to her friends, instead of some nephews or in-laws (not that we have any evidence of what's actually in her Will), it's a free country. (Subject to the provisions of the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act.)

    Does the OP want to live in a world where people are afraid to befriend or help out an elderly person in case some curtain-twitcher who thinks they're after her inheritance calls Elder Abuse on them? And why shouldn't she leave them her inheritance if she wants to?
    • Malthusian
    • By Malthusian 16th Mar 17, 10:57 AM
    • 2,001 Posts
    • 2,863 Thanks
    Malthusian
    if the younger lady is helping with intention of gain, its deception or maybe fraud
    Originally posted by Carl31
    I'm afraid that's complete nonsense. If I buy someone a beer because I hope that when we finish it he'll buy me one, but I don't tell him this beforehand, it's not fraud.

    If I help an elderly person in the home because I hope that they'll leave me their inheritance, but don't tell them so, that's not fraud either.

    If I draw up a Will which names me as the sole benefactor and thrust a pen into their hand and apply intense psychological pressure to get them to sign, then get it properly witnessed... it may be morally wrong but it's probably still not fraud. The burden of proof to show that a Will was signed under duress is very high. Unless I'm holding a gun to her head, or the lady in question has lost mental capacity and has no idea what's going on (and as previously discussed there's no reason to think that is the case), the law says that she was free to refuse and the Will is valid.

    Yes, it can hurt to investigate, a lot. It could deprive the lady in question of valuable help and friendship. An investigation by the State and the threat of police action is enough to make anyone think twice about doing something charitable.
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 16th Mar 17, 11:04 AM
    • 7,997 Posts
    • 35,683 Thanks
    tea lover
    She said she was in high school when Hitler died. "Hochschule" translates literally as "high school" but actually means higher education in Germany, covering both university (Universitšt) and polytechnics (Fachhochschule). It's entirely plausible that a woman in her 90s would have been at Hochschule when Hitler died, when she was in her late teens or early 20s.
    Originally posted by Malthusian
    That's interesting, thanks for that. Yes, she could well have been at university then (I was taking it to mean high school in the sense of up to 18).

    Regardless of that though, it does read as if the OP has included it as a sign that she isn't of sound mind which doesn't seem the case at all. It's not even clear if the OP has ever actually spoken to her directly, or if all of this is coming from a disgruntled former employee (the cleaner).
    • pimento
    • By pimento 16th Mar 17, 2:28 PM
    • 5,120 Posts
    • 6,649 Thanks
    pimento
    All this reminds me of the time when I was doing my family tree and I discovered that living quite close to me was a third cousin on a branch of the tree that I was having particular trouble researching because the name is very common.
    I knew I had the right person but he was 90 and lived alone and I was worried that by writing to him to ask for information it would be mis-construed so I ummed and aahed for a few months before putting together a letter with copies of a few birth and marriage certificates and a copy of my tree asking if he could help me with my research.

    I received no reply for over a year and then a letter came:

    Dear Mrs. Pimento

    I'm sorry for taking so long to reply to your letter.
    I'm a 91 year old single man who has recently made a will totally in favour of a local animal charity. However, if you are still think I can be of assistance to you, you may call upo me this Saturday afternoon at 4pm.

    It turned out that he was immensely helpful and I still laugh when I think of his reply to me.
    "If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." -- Red Adair
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 16th Mar 17, 3:26 PM
    • 5,377 Posts
    • 24,505 Thanks
    thorsoak
    I live in a town on the South Coast and I do gardening in a rich part of the town. This old woman (90) has a bungalow and it's probably worth £500,000. I have worked there for 5 years and in that whole time this woman (mid-late 50) a school TA has been coming round and seeing her. Apparently she takes no money and looks after her. All the neighbours think she's a carer, but she doesn't get any money. They first met a few years ago when she and her husband did gardening for her. I think she just tried this when her kids grew up and she wanted a job, she's now a teaching assistant in a school. She has never been very friendly to me and was always in conflict with another lady who worked there before and did the cleaning. The cleaner said she was a stirrer and conniving. Recently she came out of hospital and I went around to collect some money for sorting out the bins. She marched up the drive didn't say hello to me which is normal and said to the carers I am the next of kin. She seems to be trying to control everything about the lady's life. The old lady thinks she's wonderful and keeps saying she's the best friend ever- goes to her bed in hospital etc She says she's teacher and ex-nurse etc etc Her husband who is also wonderful according to her does her accounts and manages her money. The ex-cleaner who got sick of it all and quit told me the old lady was always talking about who was on the will etc The old lady seems a bit nuts to me. For example, she's German and actually met Hitler. She said to me she was told in high school that Hitler killed himself when he heard about all the Jews being gassed and couldn't live with himself and that it was the men who surrounded Hitler who were responsible for it. She still absolutely believes that lol, After hearing this and other crazy things I think she's quite gullible.


    Have I got this wrong, is the lady in her 50s whole friendship based on her getting the inheritance? Will she definitely get it? Apparently, the German lady has a nephew in Germany, she also has a genuine friend (another old lady) who lives down the road. Her husband who was rich and had all the money (is dead) has lots of nephews and nieces.
    Originally posted by applepicker
    Maybe the lady in her 50s is suspicious of you - and suspects that you have designs on the money of the lady in her 90s! Suspicions work both ways.
    • pphillips
    • By pphillips 16th Mar 17, 3:49 PM
    • 172 Posts
    • 134 Thanks
    pphillips
    Not much you can do unless you suspect some kind of abuse, last time I check there was no law against having friends.
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 16th Mar 17, 6:15 PM
    • 21,497 Posts
    • 54,800 Thanks
    pollypenny
    Oh, dear. We are very friendly with our 88 year old neighbour, doing odd jobs for her etc. Yesterday we drove 15 miles to pick her up.

    I hope her gardener doesn't think we're after her money!
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

4,505Posts Today

6,430Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • Just leaving Manchester after the funeral of my beloved grandma Gladys who passed away last night. https://t.co/nuC9ry5mP6

  • The strange thing with a 4yr old is having to play & smile while inside feeling sick for those in trauma in my birth town #Manchester

  • Just a quick ta-ta for now. I'm taking the week off for family time with mini and Mrs MSE. So I won't be here much. Back after the bank hol

  • Follow Martin